I should have been walking on cloud nine. Except any happiness I felt was steeped in uncertainty and doubt knowing that Kaiden was about to embark on the next chapter of his life… without me.
It was only temporary, but I already felt the permanence in my heart. The idea of not being in Kansas with him. Going to sleep with him at night, waking up with him in the morning.
Four years.
Four years with him at Penn State, loving and living, and now it had come to an end. I was so proud of him, of the man he’d become, but I couldn’t help but mourn the loss of our college life.
College was safe. We had a routine. We had our favorite coffee shops and bars and restaurants. We had our gorgeous apartment.
Had.
The word clanged through me, realization hitting me again.
Our life at Penn State was over.
Poppy followed me inside, catching up to me and lacing her arm through mine. “I know you didn’t want a fuss, but Mom and I thought—”
“Surprise,” the word rang out in the restaurant that I now realized was empty except for a small gathering of our friends and family.
“Look at you, babe.” Peyton was first to approach me, pulling me into her arms, her big swollen stomach getting in the way.
“But how—”
She flicked her gaze to Poppy who gave a small shrug. “We thought it would be nice to get the whole gang together.”
“Get over here, Mr. Football Hotshot,” my best friend crooked her finger at Kaiden, and he strolled toward us.
“Looking good, Peyton,” he said. “How’s she doing?” His eyes dropped to her bump.
“She?”
“It’s a girl,” I said.
“I’m not so sure. I’m carrying all in the front and my skin is completely dried out. And don’t even get me started on all the cheese and salami I want to eat. All the freaking time.”
“That’s because my boy has good taste.” Xander slid his arms around her waist and dropped his chin on her shoulder. “Congratulations.”
“Thank you. We didn’t expect to see you here,” I said.
“Actually, I knew.”
I swung my gaze around to Kaiden and gawked at him. “But you said you didn’t just now.”
“They wanted it to be a surprise.” He shrugged.
It shouldn’t have mattered. It was a sweet thing to do. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that Kaiden had broken one of our cardinal rules by keeping it from me.
You’re just feeling extra sensitive, Lily. Snap out of it.
“Thatcher, get the fuck over here,” Bryan and Gav lifted their beers as they stood back, letting my family steal our attention first.
Everyone was here. Peyton and Xander. Ashleigh and Ezra. Aaron and Poppy. Sofia and Cole. Bryan, Gav and their girlfriends, Carrie-Anne and Penelope.
My best friends. The people I loved most in the entire world, all here to celebrate with us.
With me.
“Congratulations, sweetheart.” Mom managed to wiggle in between me and Poppy, wrapping her slender arms around me. “We are so proud of you, Lil.”
“Thank you, Mom.”
She leaned in and brushed the flyaway hairs from my face, whispering, “This is the first day of the rest of your life, baby. And I can’t wait to watch you shine.”
Emotion caught in my throat, and I swallowed, trying to give myself a minute as she went off to find Dad. But then someone was pressing a champagne flute into my hand and Dad was clinking his glass, ready to make a speech.
Kaiden slipped his arm around my waist and pulled me close. I peeked up at him and he smiled. “I love you, Lily Ford.”
“I love you too.”
I did, with all my heart.
But the next few weeks were going to be impossibly hard, I already felt the claws of anxiety tightening around my chest.
“Lily, I—”
Laughter filled the air as my father no doubt said something witty. I couldn’t hear his words over the blood roaring between my ears though.
I was freaking out.
This was it. The start of the rest of our lives. And I’d never been more terrified.
Kaiden was drafted to the Kansas Wild. He’d done it—his dreams had come true. Come the fall, millions of Americans would watch him all over the country on game day.
I’d always known he was special. That his skill and determination would see him go all the way. He was ready.
But was I?
Being the girlfriend of an NFL star was… Well, it was impossible to imagine. I’d worked on myself a lot during college. Therapy, pushing my boundaries, stepping out of my comfort zone. But I was still the same girl I’d always been. Shy and deeply uncomfortable in the spotlight.
I wasn’t ready.
I’d known it the day of the draft, when I’d watched Kaiden announced as a first-round pick for the Kansas Wild. And I knew it now.
We spent so much time focusing on the future yet, now it was here, and all I could think was I hadn’t had enough time. With Kaiden. At college. Finding myself. Learning how to be independent.
“And to Kaiden.” Dad’s voice grounded me. “You did it, son. You made your dreams come true. Now go out there and show the Wild that you’ve got what it takes to wear their jersey proudly. We’re all rooting for you, son. And I know that you’re going to do great things up in Kansas.”
“Thanks, Jase.” Kaiden lifted his drink in the air, the two most important men in my life sharing a moment.
I waited for my father to add something about us, about our relationship, but the words never came. Because Kaiden was on the cusp of being a star.
And maybe that mattered more in this moment.POPPY“What are you doing all the way over here?” I asked my sister as she sat on the edge of the celebrations, nursing her drink.“Just taking a breather.”“Lily, what’s wrong?” I slid into the booth opposite her and pinned her with a knowing look.I knew my sister. I knew all her little tells, and right now, she was all up in her thoughts.“I can’t believe it’s here.”“What… Oh, Lily.” I reached over and took her hand in mine. “This is a good thing, Lil. You did it. You survived college. You got your degree. You and Kaiden are stronger than ever”—she winced at that and I frowned—“You and Kaiden are stronger than ever, right?”“Yes. I mean, I think so.” She blanched. “Oh God, Poppy. Listen to me. My boyfriend, the love of my life, is heading to the NFL. Instead of celebrating and counting down the days until he gets to live out his childhood dream, all I can think is how it’s going to affect me and our relationship.”“Lily, you have nothin
Tears threatened to fall. Gosh, I was a mess. But the last few weeks had been such a whirlwind. Finals and packing up our apartment. Now graduation was done. Over.“You don’t have to follow him to Kansas, you know. You can stay—”“No,” I said firmly.Living apart, doing the long-distance thing was not an option. But I was scared. All caught up in the fear of being in a new town with no friends or colleagues to lean on. Knowing that Kaiden had a team waiting for him. A team who would make him feel welcome and a part of something while I had to start all over again.“Life is about compromise, sweetheart. You have to work out what sacrifices you’re prepared to make for the person you love. It’s Kaiden’s time to shine right now, but that doesn’t mean you have to be eclipsed by his light.“He’s going to need you to, Lil. When practice is hard, when he’s trying to prove himself and earn his spot. There’s going to be highs and lows and it’s going to suck sometimes. He’ll need you there to gr
ASHLEIGHI laid awake, watching Ezra sleep.Uncle Jason had checked us all into the hotel down the road from the restaurant for the night.It was nice of Poppy and Felicity to try and surprise Lily like that, but she didn’t look so happy about it. Even before we left, when we’d sat crammed into a booth, reminiscing about days gone by, she’d barely managed a smile.I wasn’t surprised though. Lily was worried about what the future held, about her place in Kaiden’s new life.Part of me got it. Ezra’s football career had only gone from strength to strength at Penn State, and success at next year’s draft was a good possibility. But Lily wasn’t like me.Even after the accident, even when I had to learn to live with the fact that I had lost almost a year of my life, I soon realized that I was one of the lucky ones.Life was too short not to embrace it with both hands and enjoy every moment. And with Ezra by my side and my family and friends around me, I had so much to live for.I pressed in
Lily had been quiet last night but when we’d finally gotten back to our room, she’d pressed a kiss to my lips, curled up in my arms and fallen asleep within minutes.“You think you’re ready? Rookie training camp.” Ezra grinned.“I’m ready.”“That’s what we like to hear, Thatch,” Bryan said. “You down there and show them what you’re made of.”“That’s the plan.”There were days when I still couldn’t believe it. The Kansas Wild. The NFL.I’d dreamed of nothing since the first day I’d picked up a football and hiked it to my father.A pang of disappointment went through me, the way it did whenever his name came up. But that was one relationship I had no intention of ever fixing.Lewis Thatcher was dead to me.“The NFL, man.” Gav whistled between his teeth. “It doesn’t get much better than that. Always knew you’d go all the way.”“Thanks.”“It’s got to suck leaving Lily behind though,” he went on.“It isn’t like they’re never going to see each other,” Bryan added. “She’s moving to Kansas af
“It’s no problem, son. We have the guest room all set up—”“Dad!” I puffed out a little sigh.“He’s joking, babe. You are joking, right?”“Yeah, yeah. I’m joking. Your mom warned me that you’re adults now. But you know the deal, Kaiden, this is still my house. And if I catch the two of you—”“Dad, stop.” My cheeks flamed, and a knowing smirk spread across his face.“Nice to know I’ve still got it.” He winked, heading deeper into the house.“I’m sorry about him.” I glanced back at Kaiden.“Almost five years, babe.” He chuckled. “I think I can handle your old man. I was thinking we could go out tonight. Dinner at La Pomme? Maybe check out Riverside for old times’ sake?”“Or we could stay in,” I said. “I’m kind of beat.”“Sure.” Something flashed across his face. “Whatever you want.”I was a coward. Avoiding the difficult conversations. Pretending like everything was okay. But everything felt like it was unraveling, and I was so fixated on the countdown to Kaiden leaving that I couldn’t
Life was a bit like that since my stem cell transplant in senior year of high school. Like I was trying desperately to outrun the inevitable. Cram as much life and love and laughter into the time I had before everything went to shit again.Cole didn’t let me dwell. He didn’t let fear dictate our lives. Instead, he filled every day with the little things. Waking up to breakfast in bed. Telling me he loved me first thing every morning and last thing every night. He’d supported each and every one of my harebrained ideas over the last three years, and there had been a few. He attended every single doctor’s appointment with me. He reminded me to take my medications and vitamins.He was the perfect boyfriend.And I honestly couldn’t imagine my life without him.Cole had given up his shot at stardom for me, but I knew in my heart of hearts that he didn’t regret it for a single moment. He loved teaching. He loved working with my dad. He loved trying new things and meeting new people. And at t
Jason was the kind of father I’d always wanted. Firm but fair. Understanding and supportive.He got it.He knew what it was like to shoulder the burden of greatness. To try and balance your dreams with everything else important to you.He was one of the best men I knew, and I could only hope to be even a fraction as good as him. On and off the field.I dropped my head, rubbing the back of my neck, feeling the weight of responsibility press down on me.“You have my blessing, son.” I lifted my head slowly to meet his certain gaze. “You had it four years ago. You had it yesterday, and you’ll have it tomorrow. But you’re right, Lily doesn’t need a ring on her finger to know you love her.”“I’m so fucking scared.”“Honestly, you’d be inhuman if you weren’t. Fear is good, Kaiden. Fear reminds us that we care. That we have something to lose. Something to fight for. Now, I’ll try to stay out of your business, but you and Lily need to sit down and talk about this before you leave.”“Yeah, you’
“Lily won’t get a massage.”“No, well Carrie will. She fucking loves that shit. Drives me mad, thinking about some pretty boy douche with his hands all over her body.”“You seem awfully upset about this, man,” Gav said.“You would be too if Penny came home and told you all about Miguel with the magical fingers. The only person in our relationship with the magic, is me.”“Feeling a tad insecure there, Bry,” he teased, and I flipped him off.“Jesus, when did we grow up?” Gav raked a hand through his hair. “One minute, we’re worrying about winning our next game and who’s throwing the party, and the next we’re—”“Worrying about Thatch going off to rookie training camp?” I chuckled, but he didn’t look impressed. “You know, for a guy living his actual dream, you don’t look very happy.”“It’s complicated.”“Nah, it’s not complicated. You’ve got this. And Lily will deal because she loves you.”“Yeah.” He grimaced.“You’re really that worried?”“I don’t want to be the reason she slips back int