T H R E E

"It was stupid to have ever thought you would love me. I was the stupid one, but I never regretted it, Bash. "

I roll my eyes as I take a large spoon of the ice cream, staring at my screen which I'm getting irritated at. 

Plan one. Eat a large bowl of ice cream and drown myself in the shitty world of heart aches and heart breaks which is why I'm currently in my pajamas, tissues at my side, a large bowl of ice cream in hand as I scowl at the third heartbreaking movie I have watched on Netflix. 

I dip my spoon back into the bowl and bring out nothing, bringing me to the realization that I finished the large bowl of ice cream under five hours. 

I groan before kicking the bowl off my bed, pausing the movie and sliding off the duvet to get another bowl. I should have just brought two altogether earlier. 

I walk down the stairs with my eyes moving across the room out of habit and I walk towards the kitchen, opening the freezer and pulling out a large bowl of ice cream. I stare at the second bowl that's sitting there, ready to be devoured by me and debating whether to take both. I've been munching on this thing for hours, and I know it's going to come back at me.

Deciding that I would like to suffer a little less, I close the freezer with the one bowl in hand, only to almost trip back at the sight that welcomes me as I turn around. 

My brother and a guy that I would recognize anywhere and anytime, Sinclair Leovough AKA my brother's best friend AKA my childhood stupid crush AKA the first guy I've ever felt strong feelings towards but sadly, takes me as a little sister AKA the biggest fuck boy I've ever met. Even worse than Vince, walking down the stairs. 

He has changed and I can't decide if it's in a bad way or a good way because damn! Boy grew hotter! 

He rolls his tongue around his lip ring as he smiles to something my brother is saying, his single left side dimple showing with his muscles straining against his black t-shirt that hugs him too tight for no damn reason as he raises his right hand to tap my brother. 

I can't help but to observe that he now has full sleeve tattoos disappearing into his t-shirt and damn, if that isn't hot then I don't know what is. 

He's there, looking so hot, which leads to me staring back at myself. Oversized pajamas, a messy bun in head with a large bowl of ice cream in hand and probably dried trails of tears across my cheeks from me crying too much. 

It's the first time I'll see this man again since he went off to college and yet, this is the first impression I give; not that it matters anyway, but still. I wish I could curl into a ball and disappear right now. 

Right on cue, his head snaps to my direction and our eyes meet, his wide grin slowly disappearing as his eyes rakes over my body and I stare down at my feet, feeling my cheeks burn in embarrassment. 

"Ashley, what the hell do you think you're doing?"

Vince's voice snaps me out of my thoughts, and I gulp in as I raise my gaze to Sinclair once before meeting Vince's. 

"Sorry, I didn't know someone was around. "

You should have fucking warned me, you ass hat!

"It's fine, little Greene. Wouldn't be the first time I see you in pajamas. "

Sinclair smiles. He hasn't forgotten that silly nickname he gave me and for some weird reason; I grin back. 

"Hi, "

I breathe, cursing my voice for sounding so high pitched. "It's good to see you again. " I finally settle on the politest choice of words I could come up with and Sinclair nods. 

"Same for you, little Greene. You've grown prettier. "

His eyes take me in again, and I blush stupidly under his intense gaze. Well, it's Sinclair Leovough, you wouldn't expect less. 

"Don't fucking hit on her. "

Vince hiss and I roll my eyes. 

"I'm not. I'm just telling her the truth. You don't think your little sister grew pretty?"

Little sister. Of course. 

Vince rolls his eyes before meeting my gaze once again. "I have somewhere to go with this fucker so just tell mom when she gets back and clean yourself up please, you look like you just got ran over by a truck. "

I got ran over by Dave. 

"Fuck off. "

I spit bitterly, my gaze meeting with Sinclair's once more before I disappear out of sight. 

As soon as I got into the confinement of my room, all thoughts of Sinclair disappear for Dave's to take over and I'm once again at the brink of tears, remembering the words he had told me. 

I couldn't handle him going twice on me, which was true because that two faced cheater is so damn big that it hurts every time he moves in me. 

He said I don't know how to blow a fucking dick, which is wrong because I blew him once and he told me I did well. But maybe I didn't. I never tried again because I hated that taste. Maybe I really don't know how to blow a dick. 

Are these the reasons? They are the things wrong with me? My sexual desires and ability to give the opposite gender sexual pleasures? I'm terrible at it?

I shake my head to get rid of the negative thoughts Dave has successfully planted in my head but somehow; I pull my laptop closer as I get back under the duvet and close Netflix, going to a site I never thought I would. 

A porn site. 

I have only watched pornography once in my life and I wouldn't exactly call it watching because I just glimpsed at it while delivering a message next door to our old house. It was a very unpleasant experience. 

I know I have every right to watch this if I want to, but somehow; I feel like I'm performing a huge crime that will come back to bite me in the end. Going below everyone's perception of me and maybe even myself.