"It was stupid to have ever thought you would love me. I was the stupid one, but I never regretted it, Bash. "
I roll my eyes as I take a large spoon of the ice cream, staring at my screen which I'm getting irritated at.
Plan one. Eat a large bowl of ice cream and drown myself in the shitty world of heart aches and heart breaks which is why I'm currently in my pajamas, tissues at my side, a large bowl of ice cream in hand as I scowl at the third heartbreaking movie I have watched on Netflix.
I dip my spoon back into the bowl and bring out nothing, bringing me to the realization that I finished the large bowl of ice cream under five hours.
I groan before kicking the bowl off my bed, pausing the movie and sliding off the duvet to get another bowl. I should have just brought two altogether earlier.
I walk down the stairs with my eyes moving across the room out of habit and I walk towards the kitchen, opening the freezer and pulling out a large bowl of ice cream. I stare at the second bowl that's sitting there, ready to be devoured by me and debating whether to take both. I've been munching on this thing for hours, and I know it's going to come back at me.
Deciding that I would like to suffer a little less, I close the freezer with the one bowl in hand, only to almost trip back at the sight that welcomes me as I turn around.
My brother and a guy that I would recognize anywhere and anytime, Sinclair Leovough AKA my brother's best friend AKA my childhood stupid crush AKA the first guy I've ever felt strong feelings towards but sadly, takes me as a little sister AKA the biggest fuck boy I've ever met. Even worse than Vince, walking down the stairs.
He has changed and I can't decide if it's in a bad way or a good way because damn! Boy grew hotter!
He rolls his tongue around his lip ring as he smiles to something my brother is saying, his single left side dimple showing with his muscles straining against his black t-shirt that hugs him too tight for no damn reason as he raises his right hand to tap my brother.
I can't help but to observe that he now has full sleeve tattoos disappearing into his t-shirt and damn, if that isn't hot then I don't know what is.
He's there, looking so hot, which leads to me staring back at myself. Oversized pajamas, a messy bun in head with a large bowl of ice cream in hand and probably dried trails of tears across my cheeks from me crying too much.
It's the first time I'll see this man again since he went off to college and yet, this is the first impression I give; not that it matters anyway, but still. I wish I could curl into a ball and disappear right now.
Right on cue, his head snaps to my direction and our eyes meet, his wide grin slowly disappearing as his eyes rakes over my body and I stare down at my feet, feeling my cheeks burn in embarrassment.
"Ashley, what the hell do you think you're doing?"
Vince's voice snaps me out of my thoughts, and I gulp in as I raise my gaze to Sinclair once before meeting Vince's.
"Sorry, I didn't know someone was around. "
You should have fucking warned me, you ass hat!
"It's fine, little Greene. Wouldn't be the first time I see you in pajamas. "
Sinclair smiles. He hasn't forgotten that silly nickname he gave me and for some weird reason; I grin back.
"Hi, "
I breathe, cursing my voice for sounding so high pitched. "It's good to see you again. " I finally settle on the politest choice of words I could come up with and Sinclair nods.
"Same for you, little Greene. You've grown prettier. "
His eyes take me in again, and I blush stupidly under his intense gaze. Well, it's Sinclair Leovough, you wouldn't expect less.
"Don't fucking hit on her. "
Vince hiss and I roll my eyes.
"I'm not. I'm just telling her the truth. You don't think your little sister grew pretty?"
Little sister. Of course.
Vince rolls his eyes before meeting my gaze once again. "I have somewhere to go with this fucker so just tell mom when she gets back and clean yourself up please, you look like you just got ran over by a truck. "
I got ran over by Dave.
"Fuck off. "
I spit bitterly, my gaze meeting with Sinclair's once more before I disappear out of sight.
As soon as I got into the confinement of my room, all thoughts of Sinclair disappear for Dave's to take over and I'm once again at the brink of tears, remembering the words he had told me.
I couldn't handle him going twice on me, which was true because that two faced cheater is so damn big that it hurts every time he moves in me.
He said I don't know how to blow a fucking dick, which is wrong because I blew him once and he told me I did well. But maybe I didn't. I never tried again because I hated that taste. Maybe I really don't know how to blow a dick.
Are these the reasons? They are the things wrong with me? My sexual desires and ability to give the opposite gender sexual pleasures? I'm terrible at it?
I shake my head to get rid of the negative thoughts Dave has successfully planted in my head but somehow; I pull my laptop closer as I get back under the duvet and close Netflix, going to a site I never thought I would.
A porn site.
I have only watched pornography once in my life and I wouldn't exactly call it watching because I just glimpsed at it while delivering a message next door to our old house. It was a very unpleasant experience.
I know I have every right to watch this if I want to, but somehow; I feel like I'm performing a huge crime that will come back to bite me in the end. Going below everyone's perception of me and maybe even myself.
I let out a deep breath before clicking on the play button and the video plays.Hell, I never thought I could be the type of girl that would skip school, only to lock herself in her room and watch porn. Never in my entire life had I imagined that my Tuesday night could ever go this way, and yet, here I am.The woman lays next to a man who looks like he's currently sleeping. The blonde woman moves her hand all over her body, biting down rather harshly on her lips. And I gulp down, as I find myself rather intensely immersed in it. I watch as she swipes her legs against each other before dropping her hand down her stomach and disappearing into her pants. She throws back her head against the pillow, her feet thrashing against each other as her hand moves in her pant and I bite down on my lips, my whole body suddenly feeling hot.She moans as she buries her head deeper in the pillow, her pants now moving down her legs along with her panties, so she'
ASHLEY. "Are you nut, Little Greene?!" Sinclair pulls away from me so fast—as if a bolt of lightening had just struck him and I shrink into the bed at the expression that covers his features. He looks so damn disgusted, like the mere thought of what I suggested irritates him so fucking much. Way to fucking go, Ashley! Once again, the universe proves to you-you are not enough for anyone. You will never be enough for anyone. "I'm—I'm sorry. Forget I ever suggested that. I don't know what came over me. It must be—must be what I was watching earlier. I—please just forget I mentioned that. " I stammer stupidly, looking everywhere but at him because I don't think I can bare to see that look on him again. What the hell is wrong with me?! Why the hell would I suggest it to him? How can I expect my brother's best friend to help me explore my sexual desires? In which fucking world does that happen? And even if it does; wh
My heart doesn't stop drumming fast against my chest as I drink in the shadow that allures before me, green eyes fixed on nothing else, but me. The books I'm holding tightly to my chest seems to be losing their stance as my lips quiver in an attempt to let out a call of his name, "Sinclair?" I call, more like a question, and he lets go of my shoulders before stepping back fully into the light, his eyes moving across my stance before he settles that intense gaze back on me. "What was that shit that just happened there?" He heard that. He heard everything. Heard my pathetic little existence being mocked. Just when I thought I couldn't get more embarrassed before this man. "N—nothing. What are you doing here?" I try to divert his attention, and he seems to catch up on what I'm trying to do because he narrows his eyes at me. And I don't think I can be any more thankful when he chooses to let it go instead.
ASHLEY. "Ashley!" I jolt back in shock at the shout of my name, and Lucy shakes her head at me as our gaze meets—reminding me that there's someone present before me, and have probably been saying some things I've failed to listen to, judging by the expression that covers her face. "Sorry, what were you saying?" I clear my throat, shifting in my seat, my gaze moving to my untouched food. "I've been yelling your name for minutes now, and you're sitting right before me, Ash. What are you thinking about so much?" Sinclair. Pressing my lips into a thin line, I shake my head, "Nothing, sorry I spaced out. " A look of concern crosses over her feature at my words, and I let out a soft sign, knowing she'll start being worried over absolutely nothing again. "Whatever it is that's going on with you, please just talk to me. You know I hate it when you hide things away from me. " I'm not
ASHLEY. I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding, my palm rubbing against each other as I try to shake off the anxiety that runs through my veins. Raising my hand to the wooden door, I find myself bringing it back down; sweats covering my forehead with the echoes of my heart pounding fast, and loud against my chest si sound in my ears. What the fuck is wrong with you, Ashley? It's just Sinclair! It's just fucking Sinclair, and it's not like he's going to murder you or anything! Get your ass together, and knock on that fucking door. Shutting my eyes, I take in a deep breath to calm down the racing of my heart before settling a smile on my face, and raising my hand to the door again; ready to click it against the wooden material, only for it to be opened from the inside. I flinch slightly as Sinclair's face appears through the door, and he lifts his brows at me with a smile etched on his gorgeous face. 
ASHLEY. Sinclair has this look on his face that makes me want to drop everything, and beg for him to do something to me. Anything! As long as it's coming from him; I'm willing to take it. But knowing those are only perverted thoughts of a teenager who's over the moon for having her childhood crush speak to her; I push those thoughts back, and dig my fingers into the flesh of my thighs to control myself. "Little Greene, " Sinclair's voice pulls me out of my thoughts, and I lift my brows with a hum. He chuckles with a shake of his head before saying, "I think I'm going to need you to answer that. Do you still want us to talk about it?" He questions, his voice going lower. You bet your fucking ass I want to! I don't tell him that though. "Yes, I'll like to speak about it. " I respond, and he nods; his gaze moving to where my hands rest against my la
ASHLEY. "Where the fuck have you been all day?" Vincent questions the moment I walk through the door, and I shut the frame behind me, dragging the straps of my bag. Vincent is sprawled on the couch, watching a basketball game it seems, and I shrug. "The library. " Trying not to fuck your best friend. My stomach churns in excitement at the memories of what went down at Sinclair's house I swear to God; it took everything in me to not pull that man towards me, and have him fuck my brains out. "Talk about being a nerd, " he mutters under his breath before turning back to the television, and I roll my eyes with the middle finger. "Where's mom?" I question, my eyes moving across the room in search of my mother. "You know. The usual. She's out. " Vincent says with a wave of his hand; not seeming to be paying much atten
ASHLEY."Hi, Darren, " I greet the guy that sits behind the wheel with a smile, and he only responds from his seat; not bothering to turn around to check who it is.I know he knows who I am, but my point is that... The guy is so damn shy!"Evening, Ashley, " he responds in a voice that I barely heard, but caught it anyway, and decide not to say any further thing."Why are you beside me?" I cock my brows at Lucy who's perched beside me, and she glares at me in a way that says, 'Keep your damn voice low. 'Shifting closer to her, and leaning my head towards her, I say, "I'm pretty sure you were at front when you guys came, so why are you here now? Are you shy?" I tease her, and she rolls her eyes before shifting her gaze away from me; her arms crossed against her chest.A laugh rips through my throat as I lean against the glass; a soft s