Sydney - a city without a soul

Three days have passed since the last time I saw Hade.

He told me he'd check on Jarred first, and that was it. No goodbye, no warning—just poof.

Gone.

Ghosting at its finest. Fitting, I guess.

Maybe that’s his karma for something. Or maybe I’m just bitter. I shake the thought. It still feels wrong to think like that about someone who’s been nothing but kind.

He reminded me of Tycen. God. Was he Tycen 2.0 now? The thought made me laugh under my breath.

How is Tycen, anyway? It’s been three months. Does he think about me sometimes—or am I the only one who still circles the same memories, like an idiot? Did they get back together?

Today was Sunday. I made a rule a long time ago—no house chores on Sundays. It's my "do whatever the hell I want" day.

But my options? Pathetic.

Read books I’ve already memorized.

Write a story that’s been crawling for four years and still has no ending.

Annoy Mom or Paris, which always ends with me getting yelled at.

Great. Real healing behavior.

I walked to my notebook shelf and pulled out one of my old journals—the one I got on my 16th birthday. I flipped to the first page. Saw my handwriting. Saw his name. Closed it like it was on fire.

“YUCK!” I shouted, shaking the notebook like it had germs. Why did I even write stuff like that? That was so gross.

Apparently, half of my 2018 was dedicated to Vin. My first heartbreak. Puppy love. Waited three years for a boy who picked my friend instead.

I was practically a doormat in a cute hoodie. But hey, at least I never let my feelings rule me for too long. Once the switch flipped, it flipped for good. That’s how I ended that little circus.

Then my phone rang.

I checked the screen.

Reyleigh.

I groaned. Not again.

I answered. “Hey, Rey, what’s up?”

The second I saw her on video, she was already crying.

Don’t tell me—“He never contacted me again!” she sobbed.

Bingo.

Miller.

The walking red flag. I sighed. Loudly. I didn’t even bother to hide it.

Last month, she swore she was done with him. She even promised she’d block him and move on. Guess what? They were already talking again last week. Now he's gone—again. And she’s broken—again.

Honestly, I think the free trial expired. Taylor's gonna be pissed. Rey never listens when it comes to boys. She says she’s lonely, that we’re too busy, and that talking to guys gives her comfort. No commitment, no strings attached, she claims—But she’s the one who always gets attached.

“Okay,” I said, already half dead inside, “just tell me what you want to hear.”

I’ve given her the same advice a thousand times. It’s like I’m stuck in a loop.

“I’m not just assuming,” she sniffled. “But I know Miller likes me! It’s just— I keep pushing him away!”

Here we go.

I rolled my eyes so hard they nearly popped out. What kind of psycho blocks someone randomly and then claims he's into you?

“Rey, come on. He stopped talking to you because he knows you two won’t grow together. He’s not the one. You deserve better.”

And I meant it—mostly. But part of me also wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake some sense into her.

“It’s my fault!” she wailed again. Oh my god. I wanted to pretend my phone died.

We’ve been stuck in this Miller Saga for a whole month. And what sucks? She’s not even loyal to her own heartbreak. She’s been chatting with some guy named Zian lately. Two weeks in, and she’s already talking about mutual understanding. Meanwhile, Tycen and I spent a year talking—every day—and it still ended up with me holding empty air.

“The only issue here is Miller,” I told her. Then paused. “But yeah, it’s also your fault for letting him treat you like this twice.”

She stopped crying.

That’s the thing with Rey. She listens when she’s ready—but it takes a full breakdown to get there.

We’ve been friends since grade nine. She and Taylor go to the same school, and I’ve always been the outlier—far away, in another campus. But they never dumped me for it. Never made me feel like the odd one out.

Last year, when Mom had her stroke and everything felt like it was falling apart, it was Rey who pulled me back. She called me every single day. Asked if I ate. If I slept. If I were okay. No one else did that. Not even Tycen. Not even me, for myself.

If it weren’t for her… I don’t think I’d still be here.

So yeah. She’s a mess. But she saved me when I was worst.

And for that, I guess… I owe her all the eye-rolls in the world.

"How’s it going between you and Zian?" I asked. She suddenly smiled—that smile.

"Well, he likes me," she chuckled, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "It’s just me, your friend!" she added in a teasing tone, acting all cute. I laughed. Sometimes I still wonder why I even approached her back then and asked her to be my friend.

"Wow, the shifting, huh?" I said with a smirk. She rolled her eyes dramatically.

"Well, how about Tycen? Do you guys still talk?" she asked.

I hesitated. I barely talk about Tycen with them. It's been nine months, and I never told them we’re not even speaking anymore.

"Well... we haven’t talked since October," I said with a shy smile. Her eyes widened, and she quickly added Taylor to the video chat.

"Hey guys, what’s up?" Taylor greeted. I smiled and shrugged.

"Tycen and Sydney haven’t talked since last year—and she never bothered to tell us!" Reyleigh blurted like it was some gossip from a talk show. Taylor made a face.

"Just like how she only told me last month that she liked him," Taylor added.

Rey's eyebrows knitted. She shook her head furiously. "Hell no! I told you from the start—you like him!" she shouted.

Taylor started laughing too. I wanted to correct her—that it's supposed to be liked, past tense. But I couldn’t lie. I still think about him sometimes.

"What? Tycen’s a good man," I defended. They both smirked.

"That’s the first time you’ve ever put 'good' and 'man' in the same sentence!" Taylor burst into laughter.

"Yeah, right! You fell, hard, girl. How’s your heart?" Rey teased.

I put a hand dramatically over my chest and let out a heavy sigh. "My heart’s missing!" I said with wide eyes.

"He stole it!" I added, and the three of us burst into laughter.

Suddenly, my door swung open, and Mom walked in.

"Hi, Auntie!" Rey and Taylor said in unison.

Mom walked over to me and waved at the screen with a wide smile.

"Hello! Hello!" she replied sweetly.

"Guys, I’ll talk to you later! Gotta go!" I quickly said and ended the call. I looked at Mom—she was smiling.

"What can I do for you, Ma? Don’t tell me you’re hungry again?" I teased and gently poked her tummy.

She laughed loudly, swatting my hand playfully. Wait—what?

This… this isn’t my mom. My mom doesn’t laugh when I poke her. She scolds, lectures, or worse—whips. And she never calls me gently like that. That tone? That warmth? That’s reserved for Paris.

“Syd?”

I turned toward the voice that called me—Paris, of course. The angel of my mom. The reason she’s recovering so well.

“What the hell, Syd? Mom’s been calling you! What’s going on? Why are you dazed?” she asked, narrowing her eyes.

I closed mine, tight. Fuck off, I screamed internally. When I opened them again, I stood and gently held Mom’s left hand—the one she could still move.

I smiled.

"What do you want, Mom?" I asked softly.

I don’t care if this version of her is real or not. At least right now, I get to do the things only Paris usually gets to do.

"Ice cream!" she said like a child.

"Okay. I’ll buy you ice cream. Go watch your K-drama in the living room," I told her.

God. Why do I sound like her mom now?

I grabbed my wallet and a black cap from my table, then stepped outside.

I inhaled the air—crap, pollution. But the sky? Still blue. Too blue. It never fails to amaze me how beautiful it looks on the worst days.

I started walking when I saw Aunt Sally, Mom’s old friend.

"Good morning, Syd! Where are you headed? How’s your mom?" she asked with a warm smile.

I stopped in front of her, gave her a small smile.

"I'm going to 7/11 to buy some ice cream. Mom's craving again," I said in a joking tone. Aunt Sally touched my right shoulder and smiled warmly.

"Lianne is so lucky to have a daughter like you. I wish I had a daughter like you, too," she said.

I laughed and bowed my head a little, then walked away. It was such a drag to walk down our street—everyone always had something to say.

When I reached the intersection, I stopped and turned the other way. All of Mom’s friends were probably there, and I wouldn’t be able to do what I had to do if I stopped to entertain them all.

Inside 7/11, I went straight to the freezer and grabbed the Double Dutch. Paid. Left.

By the time I got home, Paris had already divided the ice cream. She handed me mine with a smile, and I quietly took it back to my room.

I paused when I saw Hade sitting on my swivel chair, like he never left. I pretended not to notice and sat down, not feeling a single ounce of weight or warmth, just the usual cold air. He stood up and moved to sit on the table instead, waving a hand in front of my face.

"Hello?" he said, snapping his fingers near my face. I didn’t budge and kept eating.

He pushed my pen holder off the table, sending everything clattering to the floor.

"You're looking at me now," he said flatly.

I glared at him and knelt to check on my G-techs. I tested them one by one, scribbling little lines on my hand. All good. I placed them back and glared again.

He looked pissed.

"Do you really have the right to be mad at me right now?" I asked. His expression didn’t change. "Do you think disappearing without any warning is okay?"

He grinned. "Why? Don't you do that too? You vanish on your friends—on people who care—and just pop back up whenever you feel like it."

I let out a heavy sigh and sat back, mug in hand.

"I disappear because sometimes I have to. But my friends understand. And I understand them too if they go quiet for a while. We still have ways to check on each other." I paused and looked at him. "But you, Hade? I can't contact you. I don’t even know if you’re still... there."

He looked away, dropping his arms from his hips. His shoulders loosened, and for a moment, he looked tired.

"So," he said finally, sitting on the table with his back to me. "I met Jarred. Just as we expected, he couldn’t see me. So I used violence."

There was a playful demonic laugh in his voice. I squinted at him.

He turned around, grinning. "I’ll tell you a secret only the two of us know. That’ll make him believe I’ve turned into a ghost—no doubt."

He stared at me for a moment.

"Can you please stop chewing so loudly? The sound is making me crave ice cream too!" he said.

I grinned and slowly scooped another spoonful of Double Dutch into my mouth, making a loud, exaggerated "Mmm!" sound as I did.

His jaw tensed. His eyes locked on the ice cream.

I pushed the mug toward him and leaned in, elbows on the table, face just inches from his.

"Can you do it again?" I whispered.

His brow furrowed. "Do what?"

I stared him down, jaw clenched, giving him the signal. After a moment, he shook his head and snatched the mug from the table.

"Hey!" I shot up from my seat, chasing after him. He bolted around the room, careful not to spill anything.

He couldn’t run outside—not with my mom and Paris around.

"Just one bite!" he cried while dodging me.

I stopped, and so did he.

"Let me try it. Just once!" he begged, holding the mug up like it was holy.

"What if you can eat now? Then I have to add you to our daily budget! Are you nuts?" I screeched, wide-eyed.

Hade just grinned at me and casually scooped a spoonful of ice cream into his mouth.

"Uhm!" he let out a satisfied sigh, eyes fluttering closed like he was in some dessert commercial. Then he started chewing the bits, nuts, and marshmallows. When he opened his eyes, he gave me a thumbs-up with his left hand, smiling like a kid who had just tasted joy for the first time.

"I can taste it, Sydney!" he said, voice brimming with disbelief and excitement.

What a drag.

I snatched the mug out of his hands before he could scoop more and stomped back to my swivel chair.

"So, going back," Hade started, following me, still sneaking glances at the ice cream. I ignored him and started eating it faster, just to tease him.

"We're meeting Jarred tomorrow. At our favorite coffee shop," he continued, his tone gradually shifting, a hint of mischief lacing his words. "And the unveiling of truth starts… now."

He smiled wider than usual. And creepier.