The Way You Taste

WILLOW’S POINT OF VIEW

 As I stand by the Ghost Pack territory border, I look back on everything that has led me to this decision. I take a deep breath in and let it out with a heavy sigh. My mother’s eyes are full of sympathy and understanding, but also longing. Longing for me when I’m not even gone yet. And maybe longing for this pack. The tears pooling in her eyes mirror mine.

 My father, on the other hand, looks stoic. I know he’s putting on a brave face, he would miss me almost as much as Mom would. Lachlan, my brother, couldn’t make it because he had to work.

 This was my last time driving my red Fiat 500 for the next three months, so my parents came separately in Dad’s car. Dad’s old bitterness doesn’t allow him to step foot into Ghost Pack territory. Of course, that made Mom stay behind too.

 “Be brave, hun,” Mom says, holding her sobs. “You can always call us.”

 “Don’t baby her, Nora. She should focus on her training. Don’t call us until after boot camp,” Dad says roughly.

 “Yes, Beta,” Mom and I say in unison.

 Now, Dad isn’t really a Beta. It’s complicated. He is a Beta by blood and by right, so we show him respect by addressing him as such. But he doesn’t hold that rank or title. His wolf’s eyes aren’t a Beta’s gold, they’re pink – much to Dad’s chagrin and mine and Lachlan’s amusement. And that simple fact has shaped mine and my brother’s entire lives. Dad’s unhappiness and resentment towards Alpha Michael for not choosing him as his Beta drove our family out of Ghost Pack territory and all the way to Markham, where we lived amongst humans, as lone wolves.

 That meant I didn’t get to live in a pack, didn’t get to experience the life of an average shifter. I get it that Dad is mad at Alpha Michael, but, as werewolves, we crave the pack life. If he’d stayed on pack territory, he could’ve worked as a warrior and proven his worth to Alpha Michael. Surely seeing his strength, intelligence, and work ethic would’ve made Alpha reconsider his choice of Beta. Dad would’ve had a better chance of claiming his birthright. Or he would’ve been a regular warrior. Would that be so bad?

 We would’ve grown up around other shifters and wouldn’t have to hide our strength in gym class and lie to all our friends. We would’ve been able to run free in wolf form in the forest, and maybe Lachlan wouldn’t be mateless at 22 if he’d been around other females.

 Maybe I wouldn’t be mateless at 19.

 But I can’t, I’ve officially postponed the possibility of finding my mate by joining the Cadet Program. I signed off my time and energy for the next two years to join it. And, as a condition, I agreed to take medication that will suppress whatever physiological magic makes the mate bond happen in a werewolf’s body.

Goddess, please forgive me. If she didn’t want her children to be able to suppress it, she wouldn’t have allowed werewolf scientists to develop those meds, right?

 I have to believe that is the truth. Because, as a she-wolf, I long for my mate. I long for the bond I’ve grown up hearing and reading about. I long for someone whose eyes will light up at the sight of me. I long for someone who will make me feel whole. I long for someone to run free with Jamie, my wolf.

 “Damn straight, we do,” she huffs in my mind.

 Jamie and I have argued about this so much. She wants to find her mate, mark and fuck and get pregnant as soon as possible. Like, yesterday. I do want to find my mate and mark and fuck – just no kids for a while… But, more than my mate, the one thing I long for is a pack.

 The pull is so strong. The pull to be amongst my peers, to live close to nature, and be able to shift freely. To howl at the moon with my packmates, to participate in a full moon run. I’ve never had any of that. Living in a human city, we had limited space to shift. Dad and other lone wolves had an agreement with the local Alpha in the Markham area, and we got to shift in a small area within their territory every two to three months.

 That’s it, once every two to three months. That’s why I joined the Cadet Program.

 You see, the Cadet program was created about 50 years ago to help train warriors. Ghost Pack had just ended a war and had many casualties, and many buildings were destroyed. The war showed the former Alpha that his pack members weren’t trained well enough, and weren’t prepared to defend themselves and their pack.

 So, he created the Cadet Program to train young shifters, and even though we’re no longer at war, it has continued. The idea is simple: you live a military life for two years. You train and you learn battle strategy, and you also help maintain the pack by doing “chores”. Back then, they needed people to help rebuild the pack and people to take over jobs that previously belonged to those who perished in the war. Nowadays, they – I mean we – mostly do the jobs no one wants. Cleaning. Cooking. Laundry. Lawn. Animal care. Snow removal. Trash and recycling. Washing cars. Stocking.

 Why would anyone sign up to do that, you ask?

 “Beats me…,” Jamie says in my head.

 A sense of duty: you’re serving your pack, much like a human would serve their country by joining the military. You’re learning to defend your pack. You’re serving your Alpha and other ranked wolves.

 But what sold me on it is that you get to go to college for free. At least, that’s what I told Dad. A two-year college program. The Cadet Program includes intensive physical training, chores, and education. You take courses in battle strategy and Wolfkind history, but you also work towards a normal college degree.

 I told Dad I couldn’t pass this opportunity, that he’s always told me my education matters, and that a Beta’s daughter should be able to defend herself, have a proper formal education, and know how to perform womanly tasks. Eyeroll. He wants me to be the perfect Beta daughter. And so I’ve tried. Now, I’m using it to my advantage. There’s no better way to get an education than to do it for free.

 Even though he resents Ghost Pack, Dad hasn’t officially renounced it and still has a sense of duty to it. Growing up, he told us all about it and we respect our Alpha very much. So I used the “serving my pack” excuse on him too.

 He agreed, but he asked me to keep an eye on the ranked wolves and important people in the pack to assess his chances of reclaiming his Beta position. I figured if he learns the pack’s weak points and what needs to be changed, he can better present himself as an alternative for the job. I want my pack to have the best possible Beta, and I want my dad to be happy. I’m not so sure those two things align, though… Dad wasn’t chosen for a reason.

 The real reason I’m here, though, is to be in a pack. I will work my ass off for two years and get a free college degree out of it. And I’ll get to do all the things I’ve always wanted as a kid and never could. I’ll finally belong. And Jamie will too. And that’s why she ended up agreeing with my decision. I would never make a life-changing decision without her approval. We are one, as the Goddess designed.

 Oh, right, I forgot to mention the best part. Because so many people would want to join only for the free schooling, there’s a rule that you have to stay in the pack for two whole years after finishing the Program. During those two years, you’ll have to live on territory and work either for the pack or for a business within the pack. Just so they know they aren’t wasting their money on you for two years only for you to leave right after and take what you learned to some other pack.

 Could you imagine that? Legally and morally HAVING TO live in a pack for four whole ass years? Dad would never allow me to move into Ghost Pack territory because of his issues, but he wouldn’t allow me to join another pack either. This way, I’m doing my duty as Beta(ish) daughter, serving my pack, getting an education, and getting the pack life. And, under those conditions, Dad allowed me to move.

 This Program is Goddess-given. See, that’s why she has to be okay with the mate bond-suppressing meds. To make sure Cadets are fully dedicated to their duties, they- we have the mate bond suppressed for the duration of the Program.

 It’s a high price to pay, but Jamie and I agree that it’s worth it. It’s a two-year-long sacrifice that pales in comparison to the benefits that come with it. In the two years after the program I’ll live on territory, and I’ll have a huge chance of finding my mate. If I find my mate, there’s no way Dad wouldn’t allow me to stay here to be with them.

 If I don’t find them, maybe I’ll take a chosen mate or I’ll find a really good job – something important enough that it’ll make Dad allow me to stay. If his daughter did really well in the pack, he would be proud of my accomplishments and concede, right? I’ll find a way to convince him. I am never leaving this pack. I am a shifter. This is part of who I am.

 “We’ll move if our mate lives elsewhere, though,” Jamie says.

 “Of course,” I say.

 After saying goodbye to my parents, I drive through the checkpoint and allow my tears to morph into happy ones. Sheer happiness out of taking my first breath of Ghost Pack air. This is where I belong. This is where my ancestors have lived for generations. This is where my grandfather and his father before him served as Beta. This is where I should be.

 “This is where we should always have been,” Jamie huffs.

 I take one last glance at my beloved car and approach one of the men dressed in bright orange vests, who are giving the new Cadets directions to the meeting hall, where we will report for duty.

 This is it. The beginning of the rest of my life.

 “Something’s fishy…,” Jamie murmurs.

 “Are you having cold feet now? We’ve already signed the contract!” I reply.

 “No. This is where the right thing to do. We’re destined to be here. But something feels… Odd.” She sounds unsure.

 I take a deep breath and follow the crowd towards the meeting hall.