REFLEXES

The thunder bolts strike in the black cloudy sky and the hailstorm makes the

weather worst than ever. I watch the rain drops pouring over the glass on the

window. When the lightning strikes, I saw my reflection in the glass. I close

the curtains and rest on the couch, thinking about the letters I have read. I

open them back to read once again.

“Dear Blaine, I would be gone for long when you holding

these letters in your hands. I want to share a lot of things but these papers

have limits of their own. Be strong, be rigid and stand like a rock in

front-line, my son, a new chapter in your life has started. Things will be

difficult but I have my faith in you that you will cross the ocean.”

“I always wanted to prepare you for the worst but guess

I lacked time, I hide my heart disease from everyone for years. I may sound a

bad person but I had my reasons, I never wanted to give any false hope to you

and that’s why I forced you to be better. I wish to see you successful like me but

if you don’t want to follow the legacy anymore, I understand.”

“Blaine, there is one more thing I want to reveal. You

are my adopted son, not a grandchild from my biological son as he died years

ago. I faked the existence of your parents and their death, I am sorry and I

hope that you will forgive me one day but I did that to save your future. I

don’t want anyone pointing a finger against you as you are not an Ashford. You

may not born as an Ashford but I believe that you will rule one day as an Ashford.”

“That’s all I wanted to say and feel relieved. Blaine,

don’t mourn over my death as I am always with you, I never died as a part of me

living inside your heart. Good luck, my child!”

I crumble the papers under my fist and let the tears fall out. The heaviness in

my heart lifts but cloud of regrets pour over again. The time seems to get

stuck in space as things are still, making me weak and breaking me practically,

physically and emotionally. I have never been this helpless but I hate him for

what he did.

The death is not under our control but if we know we have a short time to live, we

will try to live a happy life but he was a stubborn man who always thought of

his family’s welfare besides his own comfort. He worked hard even struggling

with a deadly disease.

Why I never noticed that before? Maybe I was occupied in my own life. He tried to

save me but it was me who let the things go of my hands. My gaze falls on the

headsets placed on the bed, which I brought with me from the club. I logo of

the club is fading on the ear piece. I grab them and throw them on the floor

with a projectile force, shattering every single piece of it.

I lie on the bed and shut my eyes forcefully but the sleep has flown with the

flow of the wind. I never noticed the extent of the night before; maybe the joy

and sadness have to do to turn the tables of emotions.

I barely took a wink of sleep and hear a soft knock on my door. I get up and open

the door to see Grandma standing on the door.

She gasps to see my condition, “Blaine! Look at yourself, what you did?”

“nothing!”I avoid reacting on her question.

“I am sorry, my child! I shouldn’t have been that strict to you, more the way I revealed

the truth to you was rude and insensible.” She apologizes.

“It makes sense now. I was your adopted son but I don’t understand the reason of

hiding it? Both you played well.” I shrug her hand away and went inside the bathroom.

I take a long shower to relax my senses but they are aggravating every time I reread

those blocks in the letters. They are haunting me now.

I wrap the towel and get back to my room to get dressed but Grandma is still

standing at the same spot she was standing earlier.

“Grandma? I thought you have gone.” I state.

“And here you are wrong; I am always with you, standing by your side. Blaine! I know

the truth hurt to your core but that does not mean you have to cutoff every

person from your life.”

“Can you consume the fact that you are not the real Ashford but trained to be one

for your whole life? I heart wrenched the whole night thinking about this. If you

wanted a puppy to rule over your heritage, you could have hired one instead of

ruining one’s life.” I yell and Grandma slaps hard on my face.

“What your Grandpa did for you was nothing to compare to your life if you had lived

in that pathetic orphanage? What do you know about his struggles? Yes, he

trained you to be an ideal Ashford heir but have you ever thought you are the

one who got this chance in thousands of orphan kids. There must be something

special in you that your Pa founded in your eyes.” She cries and left the room.

I grab my pant and shirt, and slip the shoes to head to leave the house for a

while. It’s suffocating me from the inside; the atmosphere is toxic for me and I

need to breathe fresh. I put the engine on ignition and ride to the heart of

the mountain.

My secret place is hidden from everyone’s naïve eyes. I found it accidentally when I

lost in the woods six years back, and since then I used to come here when I am

upset or happy. This place has seen my worst emotions whirling like storms.

I park my car outside the woods and cross the distance by pedal. As soon as I

gaze on the beautiful scenery in front of my blue orbs, my sense relaxes and I feel

better. The melodious chirping of birds and the silent noises of the little waterfall

hidden in the deep woods, and the smell of earth strikes my nostrils makes me

stay for here, forever.

I unbutton my shirt and remove my pant; I throw myself in the lap of Mother

Nature as I fall into the pit of waterfall. The cold water strikes to my

body’s hot surface, drowning me inside to the bottom of the pit. The cold water

calms my excruciating senses and I am able to thinking and understand clearly, precisely.

when I show them some light and found faults of my own in most of the cases. Being

young and stupid but not anymore, I have given this chance to make my life

better than anything and I will. This is the time to mend the things and put my

life back on the track.

Albert Ashford wanted an Ideal Ashford, so the challenge is accepted and I will show

him how much capable I am. I put my clothes on and ride back to home. After clearing

the gutter of my mind, I will mend the broken things first. As soon as I step inside the house,

I went straight to see Grandma and find her sighting on the bench in her favourite

blooming garden.

The fragrances of exquisite flowers linger deliberately in the corridor reaching to

the garden. I hesitate to disturb Grandma as she was already disappointed from me

since the last night and now the morning argument must have made her

furious on me.

Without taking the risk I will never know the extent of my patience, so I tap my

hand on her shoulder and she turns her face to me. I did notice a slight smile on

her lips which she conceals immediately and the mixed emotion of anger,

sadness and disappointment surfaces.

“I am sorry for my behavior, Grandma!” I apologize.

“Have you reflected on your mistakes, Blaine?” she asks without making no eye contact

with me.

I gulp down the sticky saliva to my dry throat, “yes, I did.”

“And?” she puts pressure in her voice.

“I was behaving badly and rude to you, and I am ready for the punishment you

will give.” I say while lowering my gaze.

“Good!” she looks at me gently, “I am glad that you regretted for the mistakes you did.

Let me grab you something to eat, you must be hungry.”

I chuckle and follow her to the dining table where the maids serve hot meals to us. After

the lunch, I went back to my room and pick my books to make notes for the exam.

The tutor arrives on the right time and helps me explaining the topics clearly to me.

Now I know what I have to do in my life, there is no turning back to it, no matter how

hard it will be to achieve, I will claim the victory.