Chapter 6

So, they won't take no as an answer?


Pain is just another lie created by the brain to trick us, controlling our movements, declaring boundaries without our knowledge. Making us feel weak.

"In!" Shouted the officer, kicking me inside the tiny cell. I moaned in agony, my brain shouting familiar horrors to me. "Let the darkness teach you some lesson." For the umpteenth time a foot connected on my stomach which made me spat blood on the grimy floor.

"Fuck you!" My voice came out as a squeak. I writhed on the floor like a dying dog. Electricity still lingered in my body from the many tasers that tortured me. I got no energy left to fight but my stubborn tongue would not back out. "Fuck you!" Again, my voice came out almost inaudible. Pity laugh was the only response I got from the stupid officers.

"It would be a lot smarter to follow the rules kid, rebel and you'll only get punished." The door closed and darkness immediately bit in with sharp fangs.

Another groan escaped my lips, I squinted my eyes through the pitched blackness trying to adjust them. It was no use; I couldn't even see my own hands.

I was trapped.

In theory, fifteen minutes of isolation would get a toll on your mind and after three days you would start to go crazy. Unfortunately, in my condition, it does not work that way. The craziness starts not with being alone but through the flashes of unwanted memories; in my every breathing moment. My head throbbed and I pushed them away, keeping the trespassers at bay. I tried my hardest to pull up my body to a sitting position, anchoring my arms for support. It was a drag but I made the effort and pushed my back to the nearest wall.

The smell of the room fired unwanted scenes before my eyes. The bodily fluids of the hundred occupants before me. I heaved out air, wanting to gag but my stomach was empty, offering the floor none. The moment my eyes fluttered shut, a dozen pairs stared back at me. It didn't give me any choice; I glued my sight to the unseen wall in front of me. Water rain down my face, uncontrollable tears of hidden memories broke free.

I sobbed quietly, letting all my frustrations out. I was safe; no one could see my state of vulnerability for a brief moment I would let myself be weak.

Even that first time, we planned it carefully than anyone could have ever imagined. In my mind, it was almost picture-perfect that I could see the finish line within my reach. The constant checking and rechecking of every movement, making sure no vital detail was missed out that could possibly endanger my life. Looking back on it, the reality was more overwhelming than the planning and training had ever prepared me for. Admitting the truth was never easy but no matter how much lying I made myself believe, I was never ready for anything. It would always depend on chance and pure luck.

As time passed in the tiny cell, it was also getting harder not succumbing to sleep. After weeks of not getting enough added to my condition, it was finally asking for detrimental. My lids became two heavy blocks of cement that I couldn't help but dropped down the rabbit hole.

I looked my left and right, from the people passing by the street to the one's inside the coffee shop, then to the yellow cloud-like stain at the back of the waitress' uniform who brought our orders. Trust was a great issue to me, everyone has a motive, no one is ever innocent in the world. I blinked twice maybe even more as I tried to tune down the voice of the guy in front of me, fifteen minutes on our meeting and I could not bear it. I focused on something else; the aroma of strong coffee that wafted through the air, making me feel sleepy instead of awake. I inhaled deeply, rubbed my eyes, then I diverted them back to the guy, pretending to listen.

"What do you say at our offer?" The guy, a stranger I hardly knew then asked me. Taking a sip of his black coffee, staring at me with his wild gray eyes. Tantalizing

as they may seem, I couldn't take another lie from them. I only nodded when his brows raised in impatience of asking the question the second time.

"I got nothing to do with the government. Useless piece of shit, " I said boredyawning.

"They are in grave need of your help. The last option, they believe and I do so too." He inched his head closer to mine, grabbing my hands over the table. Stopping me from standing. "Please." He almost said it as if begging me for his own life.

I snatched away my hands angrily. I slapped the table loud enough to make a point with the guy but not enough to attract unwanted attention. "What's in it for me, huh? You are all just a bunch of cowards, letting others do the dirty work for your own benefits." I gulped my hot drink in one go, burning

my tongue in the process but I didn't

flinch, avoiding the guy to see my loss of control.


government holds various documents, proofs of your many criminal activities. That could keep you away from your family for a very...very long time. You're considered as a risk to the government," he said almost unblinking-- calm, too calm for my liking.

"They would go to that extent? Really? The last time I check they were kindly offering me a good slot in

MIT." It came off sarcastically and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Yes, I know. You declined them for the love of music. Thus, giving them no other options. You have to do it." The determination was

etched in his face, he came to me for a purpose.

"So, they won't take no as an answer?" He nodded in agreement and I copied him. "So much for a free country, huh? This is such bullshit!"

"You know

very well why we are choosing you. You are one of the best we could find."

I smiled, "Let me think about it then." I stood up, pushing my seat backward, "I need time, a lot of it, I will contact you when I'm ready so don't bother reaching for me." With a final smile, I walked out. The choice was never given to me but forced upon, I may be leaving freely but an invisible leash was already put in my neck.

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