Five

Secrets are the daggers we give to others.

Two hours. It had been two grueling hours but I haven't uttered a single word to Yulian. I was still flustered from our previous endeavor if you could call it like that; I wasn't sure what had happened--to me at the very least. It was more of an impulse than anything else. I acted out of instinct that I hadn't thought of the repercussions of my undoing. I was new to all this; was I doing it wrong? I had no idea. It was easy to describe myself as an idiot and shameless. 

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

If only I could go back and warn myself from doing those unthinkable things, I would have done it already. At the same moment, realization struck me hard. But because I wasn't living inside a fairy tale, the damage would be forever imprinted in my brain and his probably. And it was outright frustrating! If only could wish to die and be buried instantly!

I sighed. My neck was getting a solid rock from being in the same position for too long. I couldn't look at him. I couldn't bear his measuring eyes, the intensity seeping out from those irises that seemingly messes with my innards were too overwhelming to take in.

He wouldn't move or change his seat. He knew what he was doing to me and he was torturing me for goodness sake! I might also think he was enjoying it, seeing a girl in a puddle because of him. It must be adding to his ego.

"Mi Eliza, do I have something in my face that you don't want to look at me?" Yulian questioned his hand crept to my right knee, too high for my liking. But I didn't budge. I tried to act as if it was nothing. "Eliza?" but he wouldn't stop. I gulped the build-up saliva in my mouth, he was intoxicatingly too close and I wanted to give in. "Look at me, I demand right now!" he shouted in my ear infuriated.

I moved my head to Yulian's face with the help of his incessant hand. I was gone the moment our eyes met. I was swept away by the slow rocking tides in my stomach. He was hypnotizing and I was charmed immediately.

"I um--" I was unable to form words; out of a sudden my vocabulary seemed empty. It was one of the many enchantments he got, turning me into a bubblehead.

"You are what Mi Eliza?"

"Nothing," I said snatching my chin away from his warm hand. I need to control myself. "Where do your parents live? In some island too, same as Crestwood?" I asked my voice shaky. I need to have a diversion, better than I could have insights about him. I hate being the topic, talking about myself when there was nothing to tell but an endless rally of lies alone.

Yulian sighed. He cocked his head to the side and his right hand combed his soft curls. "No. Yes. I mean, they own a few estates but this one is situated in the city; the beautiful city of Florence to be exact. You’ll love it there."

At the mention of the city's name, the curtains on the plane parted, giving way to the magnificent view. "Wow." My hands palmed the glass window, tracing the million blinking lights. "It's beautiful." I was almost out of breath, seeing the city above the sky was utterly magnificent.

"It is; I spent a rather colorful childhood here."

I shifted my eyes to Yulian, they were looking at a certain past and a sad smile curved on his lips. "You grew up here?" I was surprised he was opening up.

He nodded, "Yes, partly. I spent my childhood in different cities, different countries towing behind my parents."

"That must be great, being at your liberty...meeting lots of people and just being with your parents all the time. They must love you; they wouldn't leave you behind." I said tracing the outline of the city with my fingers.

"Love what is love?" Yulian said his gaze flew somewhere; somewhere I didn't have a reach, deep within his boundaries. “No one is capable of love in my family.”

Anyone could distinguish sadness when they had known it when they had experienced it firsthand-- the sadness that covers people's souls with a dark blanket of sorrow and false hopes.

"Does anyone really know what love means? It was after all a fragment of someone's vocabulary; one of the many inventions of mortals... At least you get to be free." I countered. My whole childhood I was searching for that thing but couldn't find it, as I grew up, I realized that I might never find it. I could demand love, but love given to me unconditionally was a just myth on fairytales I used to read at bedtime.

"Nothing is free in this world my dear." He stood from his seat, "I guess I need some drink before we land." Without another word, Yulian disappeared through the pantry.

I sighed once more. The tension that circled us dissipated into thin air. We are both, Yulian and I, lost souls of the world created by our families for us. And wondered what kind of parents he has. What kind of upbringing he had undergone? Would it somehow relate with mine? There was no way I would ask him, there was too much at stake; his more than mine. In some predilections we are the same, we could all be the same—prisoners of cultures and customs.

The world was never fair to anyone, especially to the weak.

My stomach somersaulted as plane descent. There was some inclining in my innards, a feeling that exuded excitement with an equivalent amount of terror. I was scared. I was scared of everything that would happen, of the future awaiting me.

"I'm set," I said, plastered with a smile. I tied the cloth behind my head with ease; one of the things well engraved in my being, one of the things I was very good at. "I--can't see. Where do I hold?" I stepped forward in the dark.

A hand grabbed my wrist.

I would still know it was him and not James even if he didn't talk. He, the only one who could send tiny rivulets of electricity through my skin; he handheld me primly whilst his knuckle brushed the side of my breast as we walked. In return, I couldn't stop my body from getting chilled. I was shaky. I was a mess.

I wasn't one who gets intimidated, it was long erased in my system, and yet I was wreaking havoc in his presence.

"Steady, I don't want to scratch those smooth legs," Yulian crooned in my ears but instead I tripped like the low-minded person I had become.

My body slapped on Yulian's chest as he saved me from the incoming floor. My arms draped on his shoulders; my body arched in an awkward position. My face immediately heated, burning red with pure humiliation. The incident we had back at his mansion played in a fast-forward motion inside my head. The kisses. touches. moans... My heart started hyperventilating. It felt like goddamn torture! A cold breeze swept through my skin. I couldn't take it! Enough!

I snatched my body away from Yulian, I blindly fixed my composure. "I'm sorry," I mumbled.

"Come here, don't be such a baby."

"No! I can handle myself."

A low chuckle was his only response-- though he stubbornly pulled me to his side, grabbing my wrists on each hand.

You're such an idiot, Anja! I scolded myself silently. He having an extreme effect on my body was too foreign to me; I haven't felt like it my entire life. Though I had been in the presence of a hundred guys with the same godlike appearance, yet Yulian was an exemption. He was a catalyst for my hidden desires.

I was doomed to fail my task and the training I had undergone was slowly being thrown in the trash.

We walked quietly beside the loud trumpeting of my heart. It was a drag walking that way. I was a ticking bomb beside him; I would have exploded if he pressed those buttons. It took us a million years to reach his car and James.

"What took you two so long?" James inquired, the moment we were seated.

"I enjoyed my time," Yulian answered with a mischievous tone. He removed the cloth in my eyes and a set of pearly white teeth greeted me. "Right, Mi Eliza?"

I didn't answer him; instead, I stared in the grey of his eyes and sighed before turning my head to the darkened window.

I was tired; one too many things had happened in a haze. I need time to breathe.

My eyes closed. A silent song played and I lulled myself to sleep.

"Mi Eliza, we are here..." A soft nudging woke me up.

I raised my head from a hard surface. Still sleepy, I was disoriented until Yulian's minty alcohol breath hit my nostrils; it acted as pheromones making my senses fully awake. I gulped air and smiled wryly. "Your parents' house?" I leaned closer to the glass window but it was heavily tinted that I couldn't see anything.

"Welcome to the Sunny Hills Miss Eliza," James opened the door giving way to the most majestic garden I had ever seen, more beautiful than of Yulian.

Highlighted with the overhead lights, the assortment of flowers was splendid but more particularly were the presence of Snowdrops, Algerian Irises, the beautiful Jelenas, and more winter flowers. The flowers wouldn't have survived the summer heat but they were in full bloom. It was magical, a real-life garden of Eden. It was fascinating.

A big "O" escaped my mouth. "How come they are in full bloom? They are amazing..." I exclaimed, going near the Jelenas and inhaling its sweet smell.

"They are all hybrids, my dear, my lovely sister especially made for this garden. No one wanted to waste a great piece of land to nothing, you got to have flowers in them." A lady walked in. She was wearing a red velvet satin gown with lace sleeves and a 'super' low neckline that showed her hefty breast. Her legs were on display from the long slit that came to her knees. The gown had a flowing skirt but hugged her body nicely exposing every right curve. The lady looked sultry and polished that I was intimidated just by looking at her. She was the kind of girl, the society branded as "beautiful"—every little girl dreams of becoming. Though as every cliché movies and books say, those kinds of beauty bite you back. They are deceitful; anyone could have sensed that.

Though, there was one thing I was so sure about. She has to be related to him. Those eyes might not be in the same shade but the piercing looks were stunningly the same and the freaking smile that makes anyone drop to their knees was a carbon copy of his.

She looked young but most rich women do. I couldn't tell her age but she didn't look that old to be his mom, maybe a sister or an aunt.

"Mom." A gust of wind passed my side, Yulian walked to the lady she called mom.

I guess I was wrong. However, there was a shift in Yulian’s tone, it was different from the one he used on the plane when talking about his mom. But then I could bet to the devil that they are bloody related.

Yulian took her hand and kissed her cheeks. "Mom," he repeated but her attention wasn't on his.

"Would you like to introduce me to your companion, son?" Her mom rose a hand to push him away and instead walked to where I stood. "What is her name?" she asked, taking my chin in her right hand while angled her face to Yulian. "She's a pretty little thing, where did you get her?" There was malice in her voice, like how a cat would have sounded after seeing a mouse to play with.

"Mom!" Yulian's voice hitched. "Stop it. She's Eliza, my fiancée. So... please don't embarrass her." He went to my side, snatched me away from his mother. He hid me behind his back. "Not now, okay?"

"Why? I just want to befriend her. What is wrong with that, son?" His mother whined.

"I said no. She's mine," Yulian demanded. They were like two little kids fighting over a toy.

"Wait till your father hears about this. She's just a girl, an outsider!" Yulian's mom stomped away and disappeared through the garden. “You will soon be sorry!” she called out.

"And that was your mom?" I wasn't meaning to ask the question, it just slipped out of my tongue without my knowledge. "I--I'm sorry to pry—I um."

Yulian's hold on to my hand tightly, "No she isn't. My family is one big disaster, Mi Eliza."

"What do you mean?" I inquired innocently.

"She's my aunt, my mom's youngest sister. My mom died when I was in college." Yulian breathed deeply. He fixed his tuxedo before reaching out a hand in my direction.

"She married your dad?" I couldn't stop myself from asking. I had to know.

"Yes. They had an affair when my mother died my father married my aunt. That's the story. No more questions Mi Eliza. Let's get inside."

"I'm sorry..." I mumbled again.

Yulian, was he just like me? I wanted to know. I wanted to unfold every nook of his being. I wanted to know him more.