Author: Joshua A. Akor


"Stupid being, I regret the day I gave birth to you, you are such a waste! I thought I gave birth to a child like everyone else would, I never knew I birthed a disgrace, a waste, a nonentity. I suffered, wore tattered clothes, slept hungry and had to do menial jobs only on a wasted investment I call a son. His usual custom is to tie wrapper, eat my food and sit idle all day and cause reckless havocs in people’s lives .AKOSIBERO!! (This is a Yoruba word that means a person who puts other people in trouble). You deserve to be called a just-came-to-earth individual. You’ve got no good history; neither does it seems like you have a future, charlatan!"

These words from mama hit me hard. My saliva was too hard for me to swallow. I was downgraded and had no bit of self-worth and as mama said, I had nothing to do anymore on earth. I thought of the best thing to do, the best option for someone who had given up....find out!


Yea! You guessed right. Suicide!

The tears from my face became unbearable, man like me..Imagine. My heart was already broken like that emoji on Whatsapp.I allowed mama to go back to the cottage so as to hide my hideous plan from her. I went to the backyard, untied the drying rope we spread clothes on and set out for the bush.

As expected Shagbo area is the quietest area in the village. Hardly can you find a living soul in Shagbo bush. I had nothing to offer in this life. I regretted what I was about to do but couldn't bear the pain of continuing my life in such agony and shame. At that spot, I could remember clearly what Pastor Ray said during Sunday school. "Suicide is a sin and anyone who commits it will go to hell fire because he committed murder" Save me of all that talk please! was life not a living hell already? Let me even take this adventure to hellfire maybe the devil and his angels may show the love and care my relatives never showed me. Even though hell is horrible, at least I can find a place where my emotions and feelings will not be degraded, insulted and treated with so low value. "Father forgive me" I finally said. I threw the thick rope on the branch of the big baobab tree and tied up my neck. I was doing this crying, I couldn’t feel my heart any longer. Suddenly, I started hearing some faint footsteps from the woods behind. 

"That could be someone is coming” I said to myself. “Oh, why should it be today when I decided to carry out this plan secretly someone would decide to pass this deserted place?"

I quickly untied my neck and pretended all was well by throwing some stones at the tree faking that I was trying to pluck some fruits.. What annoyed me was that it was a very young girl of about three on just pants that came running on the paths. I kept looking at the poor girl growling in annoyance, I wished she could vanish away so I could carry out my plan once and for all. Anyone coming next would just see my lifeless body hanging cold-bloodedly, maybe.. “This time, regardless of whosoever passes by or walks past, tonight I’m going to see my ancestors.” But that was like placing a bet on soccer, it’s a 50-50. Either a yes or no, heaven or hell but the clearest picture I saw was hell.

In few minutes, I was already hanging and strangling. I was struggling with my spirit which has stubbornly refused to leave me. 

'So suicide is this painful and tough?'

I wished I had a gun or maybe something toxic like rat poison which could make it a faster death but I knew I was way too broke to afford them. Even though I hung six feet above the earth, death wasn't coming. I thought I’ve read I books that the paws of death lurk around them that wants it. I began to doubt that...


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