Chapter 5

"Jet!"

Papalabas ako ng El Vino ng marinig ko ang boses ni Belle na tinatawag ang pangalan ko. Napalingon ako. Tumatakbo siya papalapit at nang maabutan ako ay inabot niya ang balikat ko at napayoko sa hingal. Mukhang papuntang training si Belle na naka-table tennis attire.

Humingang malalim, "Nakita mo si uncle?" bakas sa mga mukha niya ang pag-aalala.

"Hindi." sagot ko

The last time I saw Ben was last two days ago in the coffee shop. I never saw him around in El Viño since the last time we got home together which was last week.

Luminga-linga sa paligid si Belle.

"San kaya siya nagpunta?" pabulong natanong sa sarili

"You tried to knock his door?"

"I did, before going down here. Walang sumasagot."

"May kailangan ka ba sa kaniya?" muling tanong ko

"Wala naman, medyo nag-aalala lang ako. I never saw him since last week." sagot niya

I shrugged.

"Maybe his just around. Sa liit ba naman ng Sta. Isabel, makikita't makikita mo rin yun." I tried to sound not worrying

"Sabagay." she sounded calm now, "O pano? una na'ko" and now smiling.

Belle is a ball of emotions.

Girls always be like sad-happy-hungry-angry and so on in just a short span of time. I can't understand how can they change emotions real quick. Can't understand girls as a whole.

I raised my hand, "sige ingat."

She smiled bigger in return.

She jogged away. 

For a moment, I stand still from where I am and stared on her.

She's wearing a white sweat shirt and a super short black running shorts.

Nakaakasilaw ang kutis ng mga binti niya

I hate myself for somehow objectifying Belle, but how could I resist? Binaling ko ang tingin at naglakad. 

Now my thoughts is on Benjamin.

How can he say, 'See you around'? and hid himself?

He lied.

Im thinking of possible places he might have been. 

He might be gone hiking, I thought.

But when I gazed at the mountains around, enthralled, I realized how difficult it could be for someone like Benjamin who's new here. He need proper hiking equipment and a local tour guide who knows the trail for him to safely hike. 

Who would it be then? Or maybe he's just out there doing his usual, business.

So i junk the idea of him hiking.

"His likes is not into hiking." I murmured to myself.

The day is nice. The sky is painted blue, bluer than any other past days this week. The cold breeze felt good on my skin, the cold my skin can handle.

I slowed down.

Im on my way to the Park and Im enjoying the walk. I need this. After a long tiring school and work week, my body and mind definately need this.

Pines Park is my fortress. Pakiramdam ko ay kilala ako ng parkeng ito higit kanino man, maging kay Sister Cynthia o kahit kay Belle. This park knew me more than anyone else, I felt safe and vulnerable at the same time when Im in the park. This sets the Park apart from any place here in town or anyone. 

My eyes are surveying around. 

I passed the Lucky Grocery store. Ito ang isa sa pinakaabalang establisyemento sa bayan. Halos di maubusan ng tao ang grocery store maliban nalang ngayong araw. Paubos na ang stacks ng tindahan tuwing linggo kaya ito ang araw na pinaka kaunti ang tao sa grocery store.

I usually buy something I'll bring to the park. This time I didnt.

Nalilibang ako sa paglalakad at di namalayang naroon na ako sa parke.

I entered the park. Napabuntong hininga ako pag-apak na pag-apak ko sa parke. I released all my worries and stress. I felt vulnerable. Minasdan ko ang paligid. Kakaunti ang mga taong madalas na pumasyal sa parke. Siguro para sa kanila ay hindi gaanong ka-espesyal ang parke dahil maliban sa Century pine ay puros puno at lagoon na halos di na masilayan ang tubig dahil sa makakapal na lumot. Siguro nga ay halos puno at isang malumot na lagoon lang ang laman ng parke pero para sa akin, higit sa lahat ng spot sa bayan, sa parkeng ito lang ako nakakaramdam ng kapayapaan sa sarili.

Nagpatuloy ako sa paglalakad-lakad. Ang mga linyang lupa na gumuguhit sa damuhan na pumapasikot-sikot sa pagitan ng mga pines ang nagsisilbing paths ng parke. 

I can feel the moist grass brushing on both sides of my feet. I just walk not minding whether Im taking the left or right turn when there is a separating paths. I just walk 'til my feet gets tired. 

May mangilan-ngilang mga tao sa parke. Kadalasan ay isang pamilya o dikayay magkasintahan na lumalatag ng picnic blanket lilim ng pines. Siguro ay ako lang ang mag isang walang kasama sa parke. I dont mind, I like being alone, Im used to it.

I walked for almost an hour. Pagkatapos maglibot libot ay nakaramdam na ng pagod ang mga paa ko.

Yumuko ako at idinampi ang palad sa mga damo. "Tuyo na." I whispered.

Tumungo ako sa isang pine. Bago umupo ay nilibot ko ang puno.

Felipe.

Hinawakan ko ang mga naka ukit na letra sa puno. Napansin kong hindi capitalized ang unang letra ng pangalan. I scanned the ground for something sharp. Nakakita ako ng batong halos kalahati ang laki sa palad ko. Hindi ito ganoon ka tulis. Sinubukan kong baguhin ang unag letra gamit ang bato. It didnt work. Nagasagas lang ang balat ng puno sa paligid ng pangalan. Binitawan ko ang bato. Pagpinagpatuloy ko ay baka tuluyang masira ang naka ukit na pangalan. 

Sinubukan kong alalahanin kung ano ang ginamit kung pang ukit sa pangalan. Sa lalim ng pagkakasulat, hindi basta bato lang ang ginamit dito.

I searched on the ground again. Napansin ko ang pakurbang piraso ng bote sa mismong gilid ng isang malaking ugat. Dinampot ko ang bubog at ibinaon ang pinaka matulis na parte sa puno at inayos ang pangalan.

Felipe.

Ibinalik ko ang bubog sa pwesto. Pagbitaw ko sa bubog ay napansin ko ang maliit na bahid ng dugo sa gilid nito. Sa higpit ng pagkakahawak ko ay di ko napansing nasugat ang gilid ng aking hintuturo. Maliit na sugat lang na bahagyang dumudugo. I pressed the wound.

I was about to sit when I saw someone not from a far, at nine o'clock, sitting under the pine. The broad shoulders looks familiar. I squinted hoping to clearly see the face.

Ben?

"Anong ginagawa niya dito?" I mumbled

Naglakad ako papalapit kahit di siguradong si Ben ang naka upo. I walked straightway toward him. I didn't follow the paths, I crossed the grass. I like the the crisp breaking sound of healthy grasses everytime I stepped on them.

I drew nearer and confirmed it was Ben. 

The corner of his eye caught me. He glanced at me with his semi smile. Overthinking caught me again. I was about to say, 'Goodmorning!' but the words choked in my throat. Lousy opening I thought.

"Kumusta?" will do

"Doing good." he replied

I sat beside him. Isang metro ang layo sa pagitan namin.

"Ikaw kumusta ka?" his turn

"Ito nagrerelax. Kanina kapa dito?" 

"Magdadalawang oras na," Tumingin siya sa malayo, "Palagi ako nandito...tahimik dito."

His words are clear and his tone is deep and vague. Sounds like he's inbetween doing good and not okay at all.

"Ito ang pinakatahimik na lugar sa bayan. Nakakapagtaka nga kung bakit kakaunti ang pumapasyal dito." 

"Mukha palagi ka din nandito."

"Ito ang lugar ko. Kapag wala ako sa university o sa coffee shop, dito ako naglalagi." sagot ko.

"Hindi ka umuuwi sa inyo?" patuloy na pagtatanong niya

Mukhang hindi pa ako naiku-kwento ni Belle sa kaniya.

I looked down the ground. Im not trying to search for something on it but saw a brown small coin halfly buried on the ground. Tinanggal ko sa pagkakabaon ang coin. 

A five cent coin. Halos mapuno ng kalawamg at lupa ang butas ng limang sentimo. Dumampot ako ng maliit na stick sa lupa at ginamit panlinis sa sentimo. After doing so, I raised the cent trying to block the ray of morning sun from entering my eye while the other was closed.

What am I trying to do? To look like a sniper?

Wala lang.

"Im sorry for asking. Di mo kailangang sumagot. Naiintindihan ko namang di maiiwasan ang problema sa pamilya."

Benjamin misunderstood my dismissing silence. 

"No. Di mo kailangang mag sorry. El Viño is my home" I sounded steady.

Ben looked puzzled. Now Im obliged to tell him about me.

"Galing ako sa isang foundation. Bahay ng mga abused at abandoned children."

Hindi niya ibinaling ang tingin. Para bang gusto niyang sabihing 'tuloy mo lang makikinig ako'

"The foundation have been supporting all of us. Wala nakong mahihiling pa, sila ang pamilya ko, ang malaking pamilya ko" I said smiling

"Kaya pala magkakilala't malapit kayo ni Belle sa isat isa."

"Malaki ang pasasalamat ng foundation sa pamilya nila sa patuloy na tulong na ibinibigay nila." patuloy ko

Ben nodded. He couldnt agree more.

He grabbed my shoulder. 

His wide hand on my shoulder and I can feel him squeezing it. I felt the warmth of his palm. The warmth starts spreading from my shoulder, to torso and all over my body. I felt like my stomach constricted my guts and I stopped breathing for a while.

I dont know what that meant.

Is he sorry? Does he want to comfort me?

I dont know. The last thing I want is Ben being sorry for my situation. I dont even need a comfort.

But strangely, I liked it. I like how his heavy palm squezzes my shoulder. Strange but I liked it.

Walang sinuman ang gumawa sa'kin nun.

I can see him looking at me at the corner of my eye. Sumulyap ako sa kaniya. Sandaling nagkatagpo ang mga mata namin at ibinaling ko agad ang tingin sa malayo. Dahan dahan niyang binitawan ang balikat ko.

"Belle didnt tell me about the foundation but she told me that you're a good friend"

Napangiti ako sa narinig. I looked up at the branches of the pine. The chirping bird flew away when I looked up.

she dont want to be stared.

"H a n n a h." i blurted the word slowly.

Ben heard it.

"Hannah?" he asked

"Pangalan ng pine na'to."

Tumayo ako at nagpagpag.

"It has a name?"

"She has a name." I corrected

Ben smirked in confusion.

"Tingnan mo to." Alok ko

Tumayo siya at lumapit. Ipinakita ko sa kaniya ang pangalang naka-ukit. He drew closer. 

Its the closest we've been together. I caught a wiff of his smell. Smells like citrus, which came probably from his shirt. I used the same detergent in mine. Aside, is the distinct smell of after shave and sweat. 

"May apelyido siya?" tanong niya.

"Wala"

"Divinagracia. That's her surname." he imposed.

I cant believe I get comfortable this instant to someone I just knew for a week.

"Can I?" he asked.

"hmmm sige." I agreed.

He slid his hand inside his pocket and brought the keychain out. He used the smallest key to write the surname. 

I cant believe you're doing this Ben. The first time I saw you, you looked like a serious businessman. Someone you cant talk to easily. But now as I look at your face, focused in giving the surname of the pine, you're just like me, vulnerable.

Bago pa man matapos isulat ang apelyido ay tinanong niya ako.

"Why do you give them names?"

Why do I give them names? I echoed the question to myself.

Bakit nga ba?

I dont want him to wait long for an answer to just a simple question.

"Wala lang." sagot ko.