Chapter 7: I'm A Coward

~KIERA, at present~

I don't know why but there is a sperm who just helped me up to get to this round. And that sperm is just beside me, swimming together. 

I felt like I had a bodyguard. I'm sure this is a player too but why would he or she help me? I could be the first one to die in this race. 

However, with this shiny sperm's help, I survived back there. 

When we reached the 2nd round, something weird is going on.

The sperm count abruptly dropped...

[SPERM COUNT: 3M/107M]

[PLAYERS: 45/45]

I and the sperm beside me swim slowly and being wary of our surroundings. This place is horrifying.

There are tons of sperm getting trap in the ground by some squishy reddish lollipop thingy! And it suffocates them!

How can a sperm suffocate? I don't understand but if they can't get out there soon they'll be vaporized into bubbles. After all, there's no telling how long can they last.

Me and the sperm beside, swim a little higher so the ground won't reach us. I already died a lot of times by suffocation, I don't wanna feel the same when I'm now dead.

As we are being wary of our surroundings, we didn't notice the other notification.

[ROUND COOLDOWN: 01:47:34]

I was swimming around then the sperm beside me suddenly missing. I panicked. I may not be nice but I still know the word grateful.

I looked around and found a shiny head down there... Trying to unstuck two sperms. I stopped.

Is he being a hero? Doesn't he know he can get stuck too?

I stared at him as he struggles to help the two sperms that got stuck together by some disgusting white sticky something. 

Looking at it, it reminds me of a raw white egg that is long. Is that mucus? Then, those lollipops look-like down there wasn't all the mucus?

I was busy staring at him when another sperm bumped into me and made me its shield!

I was stunned as it hides behind me instantly and a mucus was following it! 

I saw the mucus coming near us, no... me!

Disgusting! I don't want a mucus! It's like a booger!

I couldn't react fast as it happened so fast. I could only see my life past at me.

Wait, I'm already dead...

And, do I even have a life of my own?

.......

~KIERA, at ten years old when she is still alive~

"Kiera, give the teddy bear to him. I can buy you another one when we move again." 

I stared at my mom asking me, no, it felt like an order, to give away my precious teddy bear. 

She gave me this before, last Christmas, last year when we are at our previous home.

I remembered that day just like yesterday. 

Something went wrong with her work, her friends betrayed her and even took mom's car as compensation for the money mom loaned at that friend of hers. 

Mom stayed for like three months inside the house and painting our house like a garden. It was the only thing that kept her sane from what I've seen.

I couldn't do anything.

At first, I didn't know anything and thought she just wanted to hang out with me as she felt sorry I was left behind at home.

However, I accidentally heard every problem she has when she talked to her another friend using her phone. 

I know I'm just a kid but that doesn't mean I am a fool. 

I'm just slow to understand things.

Then, Christmas came and I was so happy despite only have noodles for our feast. 

I kept staring at the Christmas lights and every night that's the only lights we have as I begged mom to. 

I truly wanted to feel Christmas like that. I am happy because my mom was with me at that time. Even without much food nor presents, I'm happy enough in that situation.

I don't know though if my mom felt the same.

She told me my presents would be late as Santa is probably late due to having a lot of kids given gifts this year.

Of course, I know she was Santa and it was because we don't have money. But I understand. The presence of Christmas is enough for me.

One time, when she was painting the walls again, I heard her crying so I checked it out. Only to find out about her problems and this person was trying to help but her pride doesn't allow it until she gave in as we don't have money.

After that, 3 days after Christmas, my gift was finally here! 

And this was it, the teddy bear mom asking me right now to give it to a child next door.

We moved out just a few months ago for a certain reason but now we are having a garage sale to sell what we have as we are moving out again but this time, to a different place where we need to ride in the airplane. Hence, we have to sell our things as we can't bring them there.

However, my teddy shouldn't be one of them.

It was that kid's fault.

Ever since we move out, there is a toddler so naughty that peeks at our window checking us. 

My mom was great at handling kids so naturally, that naughty child became closer to her. I don't mind as I've seen my mom with a lot of kids before.

So I befriended that kid and sometimes play with him. Though, I would rather be with myself. So most of the time, I do my stuff alone. 

Sometimes, mom is in the house next door so we also ate dinner there if ever.

However, as closely as my mom and that kid are,  it was hard for that child to part ways with my mom.

Now, she asked me to give my teddy bear to him so he wouldn't be that sad.

But I would...

When she asked me that, I don't know what happened but in a split second, I had thought a lot of ways how to kill--- I mean deal with that child.

But I'm a coward, I couldn't do it as I know mom would be disappointed in me. So coward that I had to agree with her with a smile. "Okay, mom."

I gave my teddy bear to her and let her handle that child. 

I didn't cry nor complain. Instead, I helped out fixing my clothes ready to depart for tomorrow.

Mom went next door and gave it. I could hear it from here. I felt numb. She was great with kids but not with her own.

I shook my head. "No! I can't blame her! I'm just the unwanted child! I should be grateful she's still showing me 'love'." I said in my mind.

The next day came, we departed and move to another town... 

Where my step-father was waiting for our arrival.

Yes... Mom has now had a family of her own... Just like my father...

After New Year, from last year's Christmas, she let me meet this guy. The one who helped her... Her boyfriend for two months at that time. So now, they're probably one year and more.

After moving out to a different city and be a neighbor of that child, we found out that mom was pregnant.

However, her boyfriend was stationed in a province. Now we had no choice to move out too. So that he can take care of her.

As for me, I was happy to meet him of course! After all, my mom wasn't alone anymore. And at that time, I didn't expect she would be pregnant. 

Everything happened so fast...

So fast it changes everything...

I was happy at first as I didn't know it would affect me...

I didn't realize what would happen next until it came...

Still, I accepted everything with open arms and a missing heart...

As I didn't ask nor thought about myself... Until it was too late.

My younger sister was born months later, as usual, I rarely come to school as I also take care of my mom who was pregnant at that time, and handles her emotional and physical needs such as helping her change clothes.

And now she gave birth, she needs more assistance than ever.

I'm fine not going to school for days as I am smart enough to catch up with my school works...

But I guess I am not smart enough to handle the people I meet.

I got bullied by others because I am different from the people here as I came from the city.

I got accused of something I didn't do and all the eyes of those kids at school are at me. I couldn't handle that, no matter what I said, nobody believes me. Even my favorite teacher made me embarrassed in front of everyone.

Not all that, I also couldn't find my supposed best friend in that school. I felt alone and no one to depend on.

From time to time, I also could hear their gossiping, the thing I hate. My favorite teacher shouted at me and then being sarcastic every time she was telling our lesson for the day.

The bad news is, most of our subject for the day was her subject to teach. I couldn't eat at lunch as I have no appetite, so I stayed in the classroom and read the book that I must catch up to. It's been two weeks since I last came as my mom was having a hard time giving birth.

Now I came back to hear this.

A whole day passed and I didn't know how did I survive their accusations, from their fingers pointing at me, and from deliberately shaming me in front of the class while doing a lesson.

I came home and tried to suppress my tears as I don't mom to be worried.

However, the moment I came home, my tears betrayed me.

She went mad and called my teacher! And I don't feel guilty and wanted more to hear about how mad she is. I wanted that teacher who betrayed me would feel desperation. I would never forgive her. She and my best friend caused this.

I'm just a student and powerless, hence, nobody would believe me. However, parents are different. They are the one who pays them after all.

But I knew thinking like this is mean, so I told myself not to think anymore. Though my heart lies.

I didn't know this time that I have weird thoughts and mean inner feelings. I thought I was being normal. And perfectly imperfect.

 I tried to suppress those dangerous thoughts while I still can. Until it blows in the future that breaks my sanity...

After getting mad on the call, mom suggested that I should take care of my sister instead of going to school.

At that time, I was broken. I was traumatized enough not to want to go back to school. So I accepted it. I nodded.

'I could also help my mom lessen her work too. She would be proud of me.'

So why was it I would ask myself in the future, 'What would happen if I said no?' 

~END of CHAPTER SEVEN~