Forty four

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  Within two weeks, I relapsed and now I am back in the hospital. Doing chemotherapy and having a therapist come to deal with my anxiety. I know for a fact that if I am not careful this period I would end up with an anxiety disorder. Alyssa would certainly not want that for me. I can see it clearly in my head, if Alyssa was alive and something like this is happening, she would have hit me at the back of my head and order me to get my shit cleaned up. That is my girlfriend for you.... That was my girlfriend for you.  I still can't believe that she is gone. It is too unsettling to discover that she is not by my side or that she didn't go to get something and that is to reason for her not being able to be with me physically. I cannot believe it that she is gone, sure I know that she is gone but my mind can't wrap around the fact that I will never see her face smiling or pouting or giving me that look that is sp