I give in to my wolf, who is begging me to accept the offer, to give Holden--our mate--what he wants.
"I want you." He whispers into my mouth. "Do you want me?"
I nod. "Yes I do, but please don't mark me." Holden's eyes shoot with pain. "Not yet. I want to wait. I'm not ready for that just yet."
Holden pulls back and looks at me. "You don't want me? Are you rejecting me?"
I sigh and pull out of his grip. "Come sit, Holden. I need to explain some stuff to you."
I walk over to the bed, and pull the cover over me, sitting cross legged.
Holden reluctantly follows, and sits at the end of the bed, watching me with confusion.
"I... err..." I stutter. Holden's eyes light up in realisation. "You have a boyfriend? That guy! That hot shot dude?"
I sigh and bow my head. "It's more complicated than that. Can you listen while I talk? Don't say anything yet. Just let me get this out."
Holden nods and takes my hands in his. "I will stay quiet and listen." He promises.
Taking a deep breath, I start.
"Holden, I guess I should start at the beginning. I never had a great relationship with my parents. We weren't close, and when they died in a road accident a few years ago, I wasn't exactly upset about it."
"I spent my teen years pushing myself on guys for a little bit of attention. I hoped somebody would love me as much as the way my parents didn't. I ended up getting heartbroken again and again. This was after letting myself fall for guys too quickly, and too hard."
"So when I met Dean, he introduced me to a whole new world. An easy world of no emotions, no love, no pain other than physical. It was wonderful."
"What I'm trying to say is... Dean... Mr Law. He is my master. My Dom. I am a submissive."
"I gladly take pain and pretty much all kinds of abuse to please him. I be what he wants me to be."
"It's easy, and I never got emotionally attached."
"Dean taught me how to make love without emotion."
"Only, recently... well... since I met you, Dean has confessed he loves me and wants more than a dom/ sub relationship with me. He is scared of losing me."
"What I have decided to do--and I'm sorry for putting you in this situation--is see how things go with both of you. I am not going to lie or intentionally cheat on either of you. I just can't let either of you go right now."
"Dean is my best friend, my support, my confidant and my lover. You're my mate. The one person destined for me, and I can't bring myself to reject either of you."
"I don't love either of you right now. I hardly know you, and I only know Dean as my Dom, my master."
"Now all of this new information has been shoved in my head, I'm going insane!"
"I am not intentionally trying to hurt you Holden. I do want you. I promise I do, but Dean... God, there's so much history with him and I think I have feelings for him."
"He is NOT trying to take me away from you, he wants me to be happy and if I am happiest with my mate, he will step back and let me be happy. Please, please, please can you give me some time? Time to wrap my head around this. Time to get to know you and Dean. Time to find out what I want and how I feel." I come to the end of my speech and sigh out a deep much needed breath.
Holden just looks at me, his jaw dropped, his eyes wide and full of pain.
It would be a comical moment if it wasn't such an important situation.
"Holden? Please, say something." I whisper, squeezing his hands.
"Oh Lizzie!! I can't believe you've... you went through so much and I wasn't there for you. If I had found you sooner, you wouldn't have resorted to BDSM or that man!"
"I love you unconditionally, and will be patient and wait for you."
"I will help you get to know me the best I can. It hurts that you can't accept me fully straight away, but I can understand why you need time."
"We can still spend time together right? I can still be around you?" Holden rants and raves, his hands swiping through the air.
I smile, knowing both of these incredible men are able to wait and let me see this through. Thank God!!
"Yes Holden! Of course. I will have to split my time between you, Dean and work though, but I will do it as fairly as I can, I promise!"
Holden bounds across the bed and wraps his arms around me, kissing my face, my hair and my nose.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
I giggle at his persistent kisses, surrounding me with love and care.
"That is the most beautiful sound I have ever heard." Holden murmurs, holding my face carefully in his big hands. "I promise I will hear it again!"
I smile at his promises, his vows and his need for me.
I feel cherished.
"Lizzie? Baby, can I kiss you? Please?" Holden begs gently.
My heart heats and swells, and I nod, finally getting my first kiss with my mate.
As he leans in, I start quivering in anticipation. Come on Holden!
As his lips touch mine, I lose all sense of time, purpose and control.
It's like all my senses come alive. A bolt of electricity hums through my body, sending sparks and tingles down to the pit of my stomach and to my private place!
Holden licks my bottom lip gently, as though begging for entrance,which I happily give, parting my lip. I am taken aback when he plunges his tongue into my mouth, curling it around my own, as though tasting it.
I hear a low groan rise from his throat, which pushes me further.
I push myself onto his warm muscular frame, straddling him roughly.
Oh hell! I've already slept with one guy and I'm on the verge of sleeping with another all in the same night!
'Whore!' My wolf laughs at me, voicing what I'm already thinking.
I chose to ignore her and let my body lead me.
I marvel at his well defined torso, his tanned pecks covered in a light sprinkling of hair. His stomach is shaped in a well defined eight pack, toned to the point where it's sexy, but not over the top.
A body made by the gods!
I run my hand through the hair placed there on his chest, my mouth watering at the sight.
"See something you like?" Holden asks with a cocky tone.
I blush at him noticing my perving, and nod with honesty.
"Don't be ashamed. I'm your mate, you can perve. It's my turn!"
I raise my arms just as I do in Dean's playroom, and Holden slips off my oversized t-shirt.
I watch as his eyes widen, taking in my form.
"What is... did he... Lizzie?" He whispers, appalled.
I look down at my half naked body to see bite marks and cane marks over my body from the weekend's activities.
I cover myself up with my hands, feeling ashamed of the marks. Not because I didn't like it, but because my mate didn't deserve to see me like this. Dean loved seeing the marks he made on my body, and in turn I loved making him happy.
"I'm sorry." I whisper. "You shouldn't have seen those."
Holden clears his throat and sighs, shaking his head. "Was this punishment or pleasure?"
I look up into his eyes. "Pleasure. I rarely get hurt for punishment. I try to be as good as I can. Usually Dean's form of punishment is withholding pleasure. I can't... well... you know..." I blush, unable to form the words."Come?" Holden asks, smirking.I nod. "Yeah."He chuckles. "That's one of my favourite pastimes! Orgasm denial is rather enjoyable for the man."I gawp at him. "You... you enjoy that stuff too?" I ask.Holden shrugs. "Not the whipping and caning, but the fun stuff like handcuffs, toys and well... orgasm denial. Are you into the pain?"I bite my lip and nod. "It's a fetish I guess. There's a fine line between pleasure and pain. If you find that middle line, it's incredible!"He kissed me and I knew what would happen next!After close to two hours, we were both lying exhaustedly on the bed.Holden grins, his head on my shoulder, I drift off into an exhausted slumber.I fall asleep trying to determine whe
A week off work was quite relaxing! I got to rest, recuperate, sleep in and have baths and naps whenever I felt it warranted.My depo appointment was boring. Just the usual. Bend over and get a needle.Easy work.Thursday evening I went to the local salon and had my waxing done. Legs, underarms and pubic area.Being hair free makes me feel sexy, I have no idea why.The guys had left me alone to rest and recover for the entire week. I felt lonely for the first time in ages. I have no female friends as I got hurt so much by bitching and lies when I was a teenager, so I took comfort in men and their weapons between their legs.Once I was out of school, women saw me as a threat, thinking I'd steal their boyfriends or whatnot because of my reputation. That's not who I am. I always made sure my sexual partners were single first!!Now, Saturday night, I am sat in front of the television with a large pepperoni pizza, popcorn, a bottle of diet coke a
When you're alone inside your head, and unable to pull yourself out of the funk, you end up going crazy!!So far, I've been alone for a total of 2 weeks and 4 days.I've pushed away Dean and Holden, not letting them near me. I'm not doing anything apart from going to work, acting like a zombie, just about handling my duties and jobs. When I go home, I stay in my room and huddle up in the duvet.I'm just about managing a bunch of grapes or a satsuma a day. I've already lost 9lb!As a wolf, I should be eating a lot more, and as I haven't been keeping up my usual diet, my wolf has gone into hibernation.Like me, really.I don't know why I've turned into this emotionless soul, I just can't get over how a human could get inside my flat without me--a shifter--knowing, and was able to freak me out and scare me like he did.I've dealt with the threats and blackmails from other Doms, but this was one step too far. Making somebody come to my home for
"Try, Dean! Please try!" I whimper.I need him right now.I am burning up beyond anything I have ever felt before, it's as though Dean has brought this on!It only started when he put his arms around me.He caused this!!"Dean! NOW!" I scream, my back arching as the pain spikes furiously.A loud sexual moan emanates from Dean's parted lips, and his self control waivers as he crashes his lips to mine again.All I can feel and think of is him.The way his hands touch me, the way his lips move against mine, his weight on top of me, his musky sweet breath, the feel of shirt and tailored trousers against my over sensitive bare skin.It's like the most intense feeling I have ever had the pleasure of experiencing. I just don't want it to end.Not only the pleasure from Dean's incredible loving, but the feeling of intense love and emotion for this man makes this act of fornication a whole lot more incredible.My lips start to
Back at work, finally out of my funk. I feel more positive. Still confused, but positive.I'm sat there at my desk typing out a letter for my boss, Mr Fray.Mind numbingly boring but it keeps my brain busy.Just as I press print, the office phone rings. I clear my throat and take my professional mode."Good morning, Mr Fray's office. How can I help you?" I speak politely."Lizzie? It's Holden!"I grin, hearing his bright voice."Hiya!! What's up?" I ask."I err... was err... calling to err..." He hesitates, stumbling over his words.It's cute!Adorable.I smile."Just say it, Holden." I murmur gently, trying to encourage him.I hear him down the line taking a deep breath. "I wanted to ask you on a date." He rushes out.I blush at the request."Ask me properly and you might get an answer." I tease.Holden chuckles slightly. "Sorry, I'm just a little nervous.""I was wondering if you'
I was awoken by my phone ringing with a high pitched shrill.I rolled over and grabbed it drowsily."Mmm?" I answer."Lizzie Knight?" A powerful voice questioned down the line."Yeah? Who's this?" I ask, trying to sit up.I hear a chuckle. "Frank Paulson, you left a message about your... predicament?"My eyes widen, and I leap off the bed, bounding around."Hello! Oh, thank you! Thank you for calling back so quickly!" I rush out, begging for answers."Right, Lizzie. I would prefer to discuss this matter in person? Are you free at some point today? From my records, you are located in Nottinghamshire?"God, he's formal!"Yes, yes I am. I live just outside of Newark."Our conversation ends after we decide on a cafe in town at 4pm.I am on edge all day!I have a half day at work today as Mr Fray leaves for a business trip to Vancouver at 11.30am.Just another bonus.I rush off to the bathroom, show
"It's a very unconventional solution though and can end up with the mates fighting for attention."I swallow back bile at the idea of Dean and Holden fighting each other for my attention. I couldn't handle losing either of them. I couldn't imagine it!"Right... so, how would it work? One of my mates is an Alpha? How could I be a Luna if I'm another wolf's mate as well?" I ask with a shaky voice.My heart is pounding out of my chest, I feel beads of sweat trickle down my back, and my heart aches painfully.I am so confused!"It just would. His pack would accept you as Luna because that's your right as his mate.""The only problem I can see presenting itself, is your mates not accepting the situation you're in and making you choose."I shake my head, not wanting to picture the scenario in my fragile mind."I'm still confused. How can Holden AND Dean both be my mates if my wolf hasn't stated Dean is? She feels pleasure and excitement by h
Six long weeks since that fateful night.To my dismay, I am still alive.I haven't seen Dean nor Holden since I gave them the soul destroying news.I go to work, do my job, return home and huddle up on the sofa until I fall into abyss.Sleep is my only friend. It blocks out the pain.Why can't the wolf spirits let me die?Today, it's just another boring day. I arrive at work to start dealing with meetings and clients, making calls and typing up letters like always.I sip on a strong black coffee while typing an email reply, when my stomach churns.Eurgh!I leap up from my seat, sprinting full pelt to the ladies bathroom, throwing myself at the toilet. I vomit violently, so bad that my eyes stream with pain.That's how the rest of the day continues; working and throwing up.I have no idea what's going on.Wolves don't get sick!We have an unusually high immune system, so no human bugs or viruses effect us.<