CHAPTER 7 (ALONE BUT NOT ALONE?)

When you're alone inside your head, and unable to pull yourself out of the funk, you end up going crazy!!

So far, I've been alone for a total of 2 weeks and 4 days.

I've pushed away Dean and Holden, not letting them near me. I'm not doing anything apart from going to work, acting like a zombie, just about handling my duties and jobs. When I go home, I stay in my room and huddle up in the duvet.

I'm just about managing a bunch of grapes or a satsuma a day. I've already lost 9lb!

As a wolf, I should be eating a lot more, and as I haven't been keeping up my usual diet, my wolf has gone into hibernation.

Like me, really.

I don't know why I've turned into this emotionless soul, I just can't get over how a human could get inside my flat without me--a shifter--knowing, and was able to freak me out and scare me like he did.

I've dealt with the threats and blackmails from other Doms, but this was one step too far. Making somebody come to my home for force me into changing my Dom. It's quite frightening.

What am I supposed to do?

Which way am I supposed to turn?

I feel so lost, and out of control.

I'm all alone.

"Someone, help me." I whisper, as I curl the duvet around me tighter. "I don't know what I'm doing anymore!"

Tears streak down my face, my heart in my mouth, my deserted stomach churning painfully.

"I'm so lost!" I whimper, and close my eyes, attempting to halt the tears, failing miserably.

I'm vulnerable, broken, and for the first time in 3 years, I miss my parents. I need their words of advice, their knowledge and wisdom.

Despite our distant relationship, they were always there when I needed them. I took them for granted and I regret not trying to build on our lacking family unit.

I can never go back and change things!

How can I move on without this undeniable guilt? How can I be happy again?

How can I chose between my mate and my Dom?

What do I want more?

Who do I want more?

Dean, an incredible, strong, supportive, charming and generous man who wants for me to be happy... and he loves me!

Or

Holden, my mate, the man made to be with me. The person who is supposed to accept me despite my many flaws. He is loving, caring, supportive, and oh so patient! He also understands me!

Why do I feel such a strong connection with both of them?

Somehow, I have the same incredible tingles and sparks when I'm with them both, they just call to a different part of my brain. Dean calls to my desire, my passion and my pleasure, whereas Holden calls to my heart, my wolf and my sense of longing.

How am I supposed to choose?

~*~

"Right! Get out of bed... now! You need to shower, eat and get out of this god forsaken flat!"

I jump up in my bed, startled awake by a loud, booming and commanding voice.

As my eyes adjust to the light, I see Dean stood there, his hands on his hips, looking at me with displeasure and impatience.

"Noooo! I don't wanna." I moan, shoving a pillow over my head.

"Nope!" Dean snaps, yanking the pillow and duvet off of me and the bed, throwing them to the floor.

I whimper, curling my half naked body up in a ball, trying to hide away.

Dean sighs, and climbs onto the bed, wrapping his arms around me and comforting me.

"Lizzie, baby. Please? I can't keep seeing you like this. You're lifeless! You're an emotionless zombie and I can't handle it anymore!"

I look up into his pained eyes, glazed over with tears as he strokes my cheek tenderly.

I don't know how, but seeing Dean in pain upsets me. I want to help him, to take his pain away.

"Dean! Please don't feel pain for me. I don't deserve your pain or sympathy." I whisper, my voice breaking.

Just seeing him like this produces an overwhelming, uncontrollable, aching pain spear through my heart.

"I can't keep seeing you so fragile and vulnerable Lizzie! I love you and it hurts me deeply to see you so pained. I don't know why it cuts me so deep. It hurts not only me, but my wolf too!" Dean whimpers, for the first time showing his weaker side.

My wolf howls in my head, making me cringe.

'We have to help him.' She whimpers. 'We love him, Lizzie! Make him happy again! I can't see him hurting like this!'

This confuses me. How could my wolf be hurt by Dean hurting?

What does he have to do with my wolf?

I push that question to the back of my mind, and I decide to listen to my wolf. Heal him!

Now!

I uncurl my body, slipping my legs in between his. I grab his face with my hands, pulling it down so I can kiss him.

As his lips crash against mine, my insides melt in ecstasy.

I dive my tongue inside his warm, sweet mouth, massaging it against his.

Dean always tastes divine!

My core is heating painfully, every nerve ending a live wire. My wolf is whimpering with need.

It hurts! It actually hurts!

"Holy shit, you're in heat baby! That's what that scent is!"

"I... err... I don't know if I can make that pain go away! Only your mate can ease the pain." Dean breathes. I see shock, need and passion in his eyes as he tries to restrain himself.

Swallowing hard, I let his words sink in. I'm in heat?

I've only had one heat before, and it was a fortnight after I first shifted at 15. It was excruciating and I had to stay in my room for 2 long painful weeks, before it finally passed.