Chapter 5


I am afraid of opening up. I am afraid of opening up because I have been through enough heartache; heartbreak , hurt and pain. Dexter wasn't good for me and I am thankful that he cheated on me with my cousin. They deserve each other. I am in love with MJ and if the circumstances were different I wouldn't be scared. I am scared because he makes me feel something I haven't felt since he broke up with me . To be honest I never really got over him. There was no one who came close to making me feel alive. He is the antidote to a part of me that had been dying. I wasn't really in love with Dexter because I couldn't love him the way I loved and still love Maxwell. I didn't want to leave but I had to. I had club night with Maria and he had practically begged me not to go but he did that knowing that there wasn't any other way to get me to stay. I told him that I was going to be with Julius , Sam ,and Maria. He had to go to the Sports center to go check on a couple of things for a meeting and he said he would be done with everything before I return. By the time we woke up from an afternoon of fun I had an hour to get ready and leave. I had left Max sleeping, and I had left a note for him by the fridge telling him; what time I will be coming back .

When I walked into the Club; Maria and the guys were already at a table arguing. The party hadn't started and they had ordered dinner . It was a Halloween party and there were all sorts of "scary" things up. I sat down and ordered a mocktail. I didn't want to get drunk and wake up feeling horrible the next morning . I had a meeting anyway, and I was still recovering from the Bill and Blake's birthday party. I was a bit quiet and Julius noticed . I was staring outside the window looking at the lake running. My mind was on Max.

" Ell ?"


"Talk to me."

Maria had gone to the ladies and Sam went to go get us refills.

"Jules I am in love with Blackwell."

Julius took a deep breath and gave me a concerned look

" Are sure this time?"

"I have never stopped loving him."

" Betty just left with half of everything ."

" I know. They both had a contract. The only thing he has left is the city apartment and a couple of cars."

" Are you sure you want to go to next weeks' weeding?"

" I don't want to go..."

" Have you said I love you back to Max; because you struggle a lot to express how you feel?"

"Sort of..."


" We are having amazing sex okay and he did say it ."

"What did you say?"

" I love him."

"Good ; because he went as far as getting a gig that will allow you to spend time with him ."

"What are you talking about?"

"He is your nine o'clock meeting tomorrow morning . The whole team is here anyway and we have a match with the kids at the orphanage planned. "

"That's good ."

" Max got into a fight with Garry. He has been given time off. He practically begged the media team to be on your project ."

I was a bit thrown off

" When was this?"

" Heritage day. "

"What time ?"

" You and time... "

" dude?"

" In the evening. Sam was surprised . "

It all started to make sense ... he wasn't angst .He logged into my notebook and saw the plan. The rest of the night went by smoothly and loudly . Sam and Jules had to leave early and Maria and I were left alone and at some point while we were dancing Garry cut in with his friend Matt. I remember seeing their faces in a book I was given . Garry was going out with Betty and I didn't want to get involved in something messy. I signaled to Maria that I was off and that we would talk later .

She nodded and I started making my way out using the back exit. I called MJ and left him a message. I had seen his six missed calls and three texts. As soon as I made it outside I felt a hand grab my arm and to my surprise when I looked up it was Dexter. I don't know what he was doing but I didn't want to speak to him. I tried to rebuff him but he slammed me against the concrete wall with one hand around my neck choking me . In a panicked state of mind , I slapped him and kicked him in the nuts. Thank goodness I had high heels on . I went with the minimalistic look black skinny jeans with stiletto heels and a white t-shirt. My hair was naturally curly so I tied it up into a pony tail. I was running away from Dexter because he smelt of alcohol and I knew the monster that resided in him. He was going to hurt me if I didn't run.

He came at me running and I flashed back to the night he threw me down the staircase. He blamed me for his strained relationship with his parents . My hair was shorter then and the fall had resulted in a concussion. I woke up in hospital the next morning and Dexter swore up and down that he had no control and he was sorry he did what he did. It turned out he wasn't taking his pills. He had a condition he didn't want to tell me about ,but he told me if I leave him he might as well not be living .The parking lot wasn't that far from the backdoor exit. I snapped back into reality when I heard screeching wheels , , smelt burning rubber, and saw bright blinding lights. The last feeling I felt was regret. I should have just taken a rain check on Club night with Maria and the guys. The feeling after that was pain and then darkness .


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