CHAPTER 3

'Please don't worry,' I said, shooting him my most reassuring smile and doing my best to look completely genuine. 'I know I went too far the other night. I did too much. I knew it before I even went out I think. But you know what it was like. We were all so hyped up, all ready for a top night and when the gear's there on tap, sometimes you just lose your head and go a bit crazy with it. I shouldn't even have gone, but I didn't want to let Davey down. Turns out I did that anyway, like the fucking idiot I am, but honestly, I'm fine now. I'm alright, Ads.'

God, if I ever needed a hit of something, I needed it then. I felt naked under his scrutiny, not literally, but the kind I hated. The kind that made feel like it had all been stripped away, all the bravado, all the fuck-everyone-and-everything show that kept it all at bay. A little something now would help. Just one line or one pill that I could wear like a fucking Wonder Woman cape, and then I'd do the twirl and look him in the eye and everything would be okay again.

He stared hard at me and everything he was thinking, everything he wanted to say hung in the air between us and I knew he was going to say it, knew he was going to finally ask.

'Did you mean to do it, Case? Did you mean to go too far?'

I knew those questions rolled around his head every time I crossed the line. Like I said, sometimes I think he saw more than Davey ever did. Way more. Too much really, and I sort of hated him and adored him for it at the same time. I didn't want him to see. I didn't want him to know, because Addi knowing forced me to feel something other than the numbness that I usually felt and that pissed me off, because if being casual was Davey's thing, then feeling numb was mine.

Another pill, Case? Sure, whatever. Another drink, Case? Sure, whatever. Okay if I shag another girl, Case? Whatever. Whatever. Whatever.

Not that Davey ever asked me that, mind you. He probably didn't feel he needed to. It was just a given. Just like the drugs, just like the booze. All part and parcel of being in this world, of being his girl - the one that stood head and shoulders above the rest, the important one, the one who shared his bed, the one he said he loved and I suppose he did in his own fucked-up Davey way.

And I took it. Accepted it, because I didn't give a shit. Never had. Never would.

Addi was right though. I should have cared. Somewhere inside, I knew I should have given a toss that despite somehow managing to get through another overdose, I was now listening to Davey bang some other girl upstairs just because he wanted to twist the knife. But instead of letting it bother me, I just held my hand over his and helped him twist it a little more, helped him bury it deeper and deeper. It was easier that way, I'd always thought. Easier than acknowledging. Easier than feeling the rot. Easier than looking in the mirror and seeing it there; spore upon spore of black, noxious poison.

I smiled at Addi again and brushed my fingers gently against his cheek, because I knew it would work. Distraction was the best form of defence with him. His dark eyes widened at my touch, his lips parted slightly and I saw everything that I knew he would never say.

After all, it was easy for him to ask me if I really was trying to kill myself, not so easy to tell me that he loved me.

'Fucking lunatic,' I whispered. 'As if you'll ever get rid of me so easy. I'm Casey Brogan, remember? Life and soul of the bloody party.'

'Ha!' he said, grabbing my hand and kissing my knuckles playfully. 'Baby girl, you are the fucking party!'

'She is when she stays on her feet,' said a voice.

I hadn't realised the bed springs had stopped singing.

Davey stood in the doorway, tugging his hair back into a bun, jeans low on his hips and his chest still slightly glistening with perspiration. Only Davey could still look hot after he'd shagged another girl right under my nose.

I pulled away from Addi immediately and returned to the sink, sipping at the water and fixed Davey with my best couldn't-give-a-shit smile.

'Alright, babe?' he said, acting like he hadn't just fucked the girl I hated, even though his eyes were daring me to bite. 'Feeling better?'

'On top of the world,' I said with a grin.

'Glad to hear it,' he sniffed as he walked over to the sofa and grabbed a t-shirt that lay draped over the arm, pulling it over his head. 'Because I need you to go to Oscar's for me.'

Oscar Turnbull . Scum of the fucking earth and maybe even the universe. Big time drug dealer, strip club owner and God knows what else. He was also Davey's source. The head honcho. The spider whose web everyone else was caught in. He distributed to Davey, Davey distributed to his crew, his crew dealt on Davey's club scene. Everyone got paid. Everyone was happy.

Except me. Because Oscar Turnbull, afore mentioned scum of the earth and all-round nasty bastard didn't like dealing with Davey anymore, he liked dealing with me. I put a smile on his face apparently and Oscar didn't smile at just anybody. In fact, Oscar rarely smiled at all unless he was watching someone getting their legs broken and thrown in the river.

Goosebumps rose on my skin. 'For fuck's sake, Davey. Can't you go?'

'No, I can't. He wants you.'

Of course he did.

'I'm not up to it, not today, please babe.'

'I thought you said you felt on top of the world?' He raised a brow and smirked. Fucker.

'Yeah, but come on ...' I groaned.

'You owe me, remember?'

Star appeared in the doorway, doing her best to look out of breath, and still buttoning up her shirt over her ample boobs, even though she'd had plenty of time to do that upstairs. Giggling, she reached out and run one gel-nailed hand along Davey's neck, but he shrugged her off and didn't even look at her. She'd served her purpose and served it well, and now he couldn't give a toss whether she was there or not. Pouting, she glared daggers at me from under her fake eyelashes.

Walking over to where I stood, Davey snaked a hand around the back of my neck and pulled me towards him, kissing me on the lips. I tried hard not to grimace, thinking about how he'd been kissing her just moments before.

'You're going,' he said firmly. 'Oh, and make sure you wear that dress he likes, yeah? The one that shows off how good your arse looks.'

As if to emphasise the point, he reached down and squeezed a handful, before walking away and leaving me standing there with the nausea returning in full-force.

I was sure that if I looked in the mirror now I'd see the rot.

And from the look on Addi'sface, he could see it too.