Jacob sat alone in the darkness.
What did he just do? He could hear his heartbeat in his ears as realization began to spread through his brain. He had admitted he liked Seth. He was still dating Sarah. Did that mean he was cheating on Sarah with Seth? Or was he cheating on Seth with Sarah? Seth knew about Sarah, so he supposed it must be Sarah getting the shittiest end of the stick here.
They were using her. Guilt ripped through his chest at the thought. He wasn’t lying when he told her he liked her. He did. She was kind. She didn’t deserve this, but what else could they do? He would have to tell her eventually, but he knew he wouldn’t have the guts to do it yet.
Seth liked him. As much dread as he felt thinking about what all this meant, he had an equal amount of butterflies in his stomach at the thought that Seth actually liked him. Why hadn’t he realized he liked Seth? He had realized it, he just didn’t want to admit it to himself. If he admitted it, then he was admitting his failure. He didn’t care about that so much anymore. Liking Seth felt too good. If all of this could just remain their secret, everything would be fine.
Were they dating? He was dating Sarah. Was he dating Seth too? A wave of dread rippled through him as he realized they hadn’t actually said that. Would Seth still be seeing other people? Jacob’s stomach did a summersault at the thought. Jealousy. That was a new feeling. He hadn’t recognized it when he was watching Seth talk to that other guy, but Jacob realized that’s what it must have been, and the thought of Seth with anyone else now turned Jacob’s intestines into knots.
He couldn’t do anything about any of that at the moment.
The music downstairs stopped. Jacob wasn’t sure how long he had been sitting in the dark room, but it couldn’t be that late yet. He pulled his phone out to check the time. 11:45 PM. Fuck, how did it get that late already? It was almost curfew.
Jacob headed down the stairs. Sarah came around the corner and saw him coming.
“Jacob, I’ve been looking for you.” She looked concerned. “Where have you been?”
Kissing Seth, Jacob thought guiltily. There was no way around it, he was cheating on her. What could he do, though? “I’m not much of a party person. I just needed to go somewhere quiet,” he said, at least half-truthfully.
“Okay,” Sarah said. She didn’t seem fully convinced. “Can you walk me home?”
“Of course,” said Jacob. He owed her far more than that.
----
Jacob got up early the next morning to prepare for church. He had skipped last weekend so there was no way he would be able to skip this Sunday. There were three services every Sunday. Usually, they went to the second service, but to Jacob’s great relief they were going to the third service today. After the night before, he hadn’t slept well, and he savored the extra time to prepare in the morning. He dressed in blue slacks and a grey button-down. He hated ties, but he couldn’t get out of wearing them to church. As the son of the Pastor, he had to represent the family.
His father, being the Pastor, was already at the chapel, so Jacob rode to church with his mother and Alice.
The white building was already packed when they arrived, but they were given choice seats near the front of the small chapel anyway. There were perks to being the family of the pastor. Jacob didn’t really care, but he liked not having to fight the crowds for a seat.
The chapel was small and had white walls and vertical blinds behind the pulpit. One large cross hung above the pulpit, but other than that there was very little decoration. Shortly before the service began Seth felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned to find Sarah there in a lavender dress with a white collar.
“You came to the third service,” she said excitedly, smiling broadly.
“Yeah. We usually go to the second service, though.” Jacob hadn’t questioned why they were going to third service this time. He had just been glad for the extra time.
Jacob’s mother leaned over the pew. “Why don’t you come and sit with us, Sarah?”
“May I?” Sarah asked. In response, everyone in the pew scooted down a person’s width to give Sarah room to sit next to Jacob. They must have known. There was no way they didn’t know.
When Sarah sat down she leaned in and said quietly to Jacob, “I may have told Deacon Perry at youth group about you.”
That was that, then. The whole church knew about them dating. Jacob wondered if that was the whole reason for attending the third service instead of the second. Jacob looked over at his mother, who subtly winked at him. Yep. That was the reason. He wondered why neither of his parents had mentioned it yet. They were probably waiting for him to tell them himself. He had been kind of distracted by other things.
Sarah laced her fingers through Jacob’s. One of the church members Jacob didn’t know began to play guitar and sing one of the hymns, signaling the beginning of the service.
Jacob didn’t pay much attention to his father’s service. Usually, his mind was on basketball; coming up with new plays and thinking through how to improve his aim and technique. Today, he was thinking about Seth and Sarah. Okay, he was mostly thinking about Seth, but he couldn’t ignore the soft, dainty fingers currently twined through his.
Mercifully, the service ended and the majority of the crowd dispersed to their homes. Jacob’s father came to meet his family, and arrived in time to reach out and shake the hand of a man who came to stand beside Sarah. He had the same dark auburn hair, and Jacob realized with a sudden sinking feeling that this must have been Sarah’s father. A meek, brown-haired woman herding a small ginger-haired boy was also coming over to join the group.
“Pastor Foster, excellent sermon as always,” said the man as he shook Jacob’s father’s hand.
“Please, call me Miles,” said Jacob’s father. “We’re practically family now, right Jacob?”
Jacob could feel his face turning bright fuchsia. He wasn’t the only one. Sarah’s face had turned a splotchy shade of tomato.
“It’s not that serious yet, dad,” Jacob hedged, trying not to appear too embarrassed.
The adults chatted for a little while discussing the possible future as if Jacob and Sarah weren’t even there. Jacob was trying to find a reasonable escape when he heard his dad address him.
“How does Tuesday sound, Jacob?”
“Uh, Tuesday?”
“For dinner.”
“Oh dear, they were so lost in each other’s company he didn’t even hear,” joked Jacob’s mother. “We’re inviting the Williams’ to dinner sometime this week, honey. Can you get permission to be absent from practice?”
Jacob felt steamrolled. He wasn’t ready for this. His parents were taking this way too seriously.
“Sure,” he said, defeated. Tuesday it was, then.
Monday morning practice brought relief to Jacob's nerves. He always felt better on the court. This was his place, his purpose. The familiar feel of the bumpy rubber texture in his hands before a free-throw was comforting. He extended his arm and released the ball from his fingertips. It flew through the air and he felt at peace. The ball swished through the net of the basket, not even close to the rim. That was bliss.Practice ended and brought Jacob back to the present. For the first time since he joined, Jacob ended with the rest of the team. He didn't even notice their presence. They were just other guys; it's not like they were Seth. They were different now. The world was segregated into Seth and Not-Seth.Bret noticed Jacob was with them. "Look at you! Not doing overtime today? Finally giving the rest of us a chance to catch up?" It was no secret tha
Jacob followed Seth up the cement walkway to his door. On his last visit to this house, he had been angry, apprehensive, and a bit guilty. He hadn’t been aware of anything but the possibility someone would soon out him if he didn’t get ahead of the situation. How things had changed in just over a week. He was still apprehensive, but this time it was an exciting, arousing apprehension that brought a blush to his face and amplified his senses.He noticed the boxwood bushes that lined the yard between Seth’s townhouse and the next, and the overgrown rose bushes in the small garden along the front of the house. The yard was otherwise completely empty. The house was pale grey with bare windows curtained on the inside with heavy drapes. The houses on either side were freshly painted, with pale yellow on one side and sky blue on the other. Seth’s house looked worn, with knicks and de
The bottom dropped out of Jacob’s stomach. The aroused excitement he had been lost in moments before had been transmuted into terror. He was done. This was it. He had gotten greedy and now his life would be ruined. He struggled back into his shirt. He was ready to bolt out the door and all the way back home. He fumbled with his belt, too stressed to handle the small buckle.Seth reached out and stopped his hands, then guided them out of the way so he could buckle Jacob’s belt for him. “It’s gonna be fine,” he said, more confidently than he looked. “We’ll explain.”“Explain how his son was just about to be screwed by another dude?”“I was about to be screwed, huh?” chuckled Seth. “My dad knows about me. He’s just… h
Tuesday.Jacob changed in his room after school. He was used to his dad hosting dinners and social functions with church people; it had been happening for most of his life. He dressed in his nice clothes, put on his Church Son persona, and prepared for an evening of small talk. He was used to it.These dinners had never been about him before. Sarah would be there. The Williams’ would actually want to know something about this guy who was dating their daughter. What had Sarah told them? Surely she wouldn’t have said anything about his reputation at school. What would they talk about? He still barely knew Sarah. He hadn’t spent much time with her outside of school yet. One dinner with a partner's parents was enough for one week. He didn’t think thi
Jacob pulled on his home game jersey over his head. It did not seem fair that Forge would have to play Middleton first. Middleton High School’s Vikings had taken the state title two years in a row and took the consolation the year before that. Forge had only had a high school basketball team for the last two years. This was the first year there had been seniors on the varsity team.Jacob was apprehensive but the rest of his team seemed overly confident after their triumph over Columbia without his help. They had never beat Middleton. The Middleton Vikings were generally unbeaten. Preston beat Middleton the year they got the consolation trophy, but Preston hadn’t been able to beat them since.The Middleton team had rock-solid plays, but they had lost all their strongest offensive players to graduation last year, which could give other tea
Brett passed the ball to Jacob, who went up for a three point. Jacob’s new guard backed into him, a legal move, causing him to step back on his right foot. His ankle screamed under him. As the ball left his hands he knew it was over. They hadn’t made a single basket since Middleton called the time out.After the ball hit the rim, Middleton caught the rebound and took off to the other end of the court. Jacob did his best to not limp as he hurried to catch up to guard his man. They scored eighteen points in the last fifteen minutes. Forge was just too tired to mount a strong defense anymore, and Jacob was struggling to not trip over his own feet, let alone get any more baskets. Middleton did not end the game with a strong lead, but they didn’t need it. They won. The whole team crowded together to celebrate before lining up for the post-game handshake.
The locker room was already deserted, but the air still smelled of sweat, and steam from the showers clung warm and heavy to Jacob’s skin.“They sure get out of here quick,” Seth commented. “Do they even wash up?”Jacob laughed. “Sort of.” He winced as Seth helped him to sit on a bench. “It’s more of a rinse.”Seth kneeled down and began unlacing Jacob’s shoes.“You don’t have to do that,” Jacob argued as he put a hand out to stop Seth.“I said I would help.” Seth removed the ice pack from Jacob’s ankle and set it on the bench.Jacob glanced down at his boyfriend, curious what Seth was thinking, but a curtain of curls hid Seth’s face as he worked. His boyfriend. Was Seth his boyfriend, though? They hadn’t yet had that conversation.Jacob peeled his jersey off. He was still swe
Jacob had never been so grateful for an injury. Seth’s arm held tight around his waist as he limped along to meet Sarah, who waited at her two-door hatchback at the curb. Sarah wouldn’t be able to tell that both his legs were weak for a different reason. He barely noticed the injured foot now, as long as he didn’t put too much weight on it. He wasn’t sure if that was because of the ice or because it was already getting better; most likely, he was just too distracted to feel the pain.Sarah hurried over to help. She lifted Jacob’s other arm over her shoulders, and she and Seth almost levitated him the rest of the way to the car. Jacob felt silly needing so much help, especially since he didn’t, actually. He could have walked on it if he had to.“It’s really not that bad,” he complained. He had been doing just