02

"Dani, papasok ako ah."

I heard Lili's voice outside. She knocked before entering and I can tell she was shocked with the state of my room.

It was messy. There are tons of fabrics and used papers on the floor. Ilang araw na ring hindi natitiklop ang bedsheet ko. Punong-puno na yung trash bin ng mga junk food wrappers kaya hindi na ito nakasara. 

"Here's your food." I saw Lili place the lunch Nay Fellie cooked on my desk. Kinuha na rin niya yung mga basurang nagkalat sa lapag.

"Kung may kailangan ka, tawagan mo lang ako ah." 

I didn't answer her and continued drawing on my sketchpad. Naramdaman ko na siyang lumabas ng kwarto ko pagkatapos non. 

This has been my situation ever since mommy died. It's been a month since that happened. Hindi ako lumalabas ng kwarto at dinadalhan nalang ako ng pagkain ni Nay Fellie at Lili. I only go out of my room whenever I play the piano in the living room. Babalik ako agad sa kwarto pagkatapos. Minsan nga nakikita kong pinagtitinginan ako nung mag-ina but I just shrug it off. 

When it comes to work, I just ask my secretary to call or email me when there are important things I need to do like paperworks. I also rely on Mrs. Evangelista when it comes to the atelier and our other branches. I'm sure she understands my current situation.  

All I ever do is sketch some designs, eat, watch netflix, and sleep. Sometimes, I'd even play the piano until my wrists wear out. Sobrang unhealthy na ng ginagawa ko but I guess it's my way of coping up with my mom's death.  

Dinadalaw rin ako minsan nila Anais and Kai pero di rin sila nagtatagal dahil hindi naman nila ako makausap ng maayos. But I'm still so thankful for them kasi ang tiyaga nila sa akin. They'd even message me giving updates about their day kahit na alam nilang di naman ako magrereply. And now that I don't have a family left, my friends being around me is more than enough.

I saw my phone lit up. It's Kai again. He's been calling me since yesterday but I haven't answered his calls. I'm a bad friend aren't I? 

At dahil nakokonsensiya na rin ako, I just answered it. 

["D-dani, you picked up."]

 I think he got caught off guard dahil hindi niya inaasahang sasagutin ko ang tawag niya. 

"Yes Kai. Thank you for checking up on me."

["Well, it's the least I could do. Alam mo namang medyo busy na rin ako with school kaya hindi na ako nakakabisita sa inyo."] 

"Yes, I know. But thank you dahil naiisip niyo padin ako."

["You should try to go out you know para naman ma relax mind mo. Malapit na party ni Anais. Pupunta ka diba?"]

"Siyempre naman. Matagal na naming pinagplanuhan yang party niya eh. I don't want to be a killjoy." 

["Ok. Alright. Kailangan ko nang ibaba toh. May klase pa ako eh. If you need anything, I'm always here."]

I smiled at his thoughtfulness. Kai has always been the quiet guy. He's not too vocal when it comes to expressing his feelings but when he does, makikita mo talaga yung sincerity niya. Pero siyempre, madaldal siya kapag kami ang kasama niya. Ipagsama mo lang silang dalawa ni Anais na walang preno din ang bibig at parang nasa palengke na kami. 

"Yes po, boss. Hahaha sige na. Good luck sa class."

He ended the call after that. I felt relieved just by talking to him. He's right. I should really go out more. Wala naman akong mapapala pag magmukmok nalang ako dito sa kwarto ko buong araw. 

I suddenly remembered his gift to me nung graduation ko. I haven't had the chance to open it yet. I stood up and got the gift bag on my drawer. Inside was a small black box. I opened it and saw a gold necklace with a music note pendant. I wore it on myself, took a photo, and posted it on my stories. I captioned it with "To better days.”

The following week, I finally got up and went to work. I have a meeting with a VIP client which is also a close friend of my mom. Maliit palang ako ay naging kliyente na siya ni mommy. Today is their first fitting of the gowns she asked us to make for her daughter Berniece's 18th birthday. I also know Berniece kasi parehas kami ng pinag-aralan nung high school. Mamayang hapon naman, my friends and I will meet sa venue ng birthday party ni Anais for an ocular inspection.

I wore a white tank top and mom jeans. I paired it with my black Chanel tweed jacket and nude Valentino heels. 

Pagkapasok ko palang ng House of Suarez, sinalubong na ako kaagad ni Faye, ang sekretarya ko. 

"Ma'am, you're back." She greeted me while giving me a warm smile.

"It's nice to see you again, Faye. Give me an overview of what our agenda is for today," I said while heading towards my office. I sat down on my pink fur swivel chair. 

"Wala naman pong masyadong gagawin ngayon. First fitting lang po nila Ms. Berniece Beltran and Mrs. Josie Beltran. May mga paperworks and queries rin po regarding the launch of your ready to wear collection." 

"Ok. Thank you Faye. Just call me when the Beltrans arrive." 

While waiting, I just signed some papers for the ready to wear collection that will be launched next month. May construction din ngayon na ginagawa sa tabi ng House of Suarez and a new branch sa Greenbelt to be opened for walk-in customers. Before my mother died, ibinilin niya sa akin itong project na ito. I worked on this when I was locked up in my room for the past weeks. 

*knock knock*

"Ma'am Chanel, andito na po sila Mrs. Beltran."

Tumayo ako at pumunta sa may entrance para batiin sila.

"Dani, it's so good to see you." Bineso-beso niya ako. 

"Hello po Tita Jo. Hi Berniece!" I said while giving them a hug.

"Hi Ate Dani!"

"Please have a seat,” I said while leading them to the receiving area.

"Dani, how are you feeling? I know it's been hard on you these days,” tanong ni Tita Jo. 

"Eto po Tita, kinakayang makabangon muli. I've been working to distract myself and I think it's helping me little by little."

"That's good, hija. We are always here if you need anything." 

"Thank you for the concern, Tita." We both smiled at each other. 

"Ikaw, Berniece. How's school?" tanong ko sa kaniya.

"I'm doing fine, Ate. I'm still adjusting with the new environment."

Berniece just started college in Ateneo. She's currently studying Political Science and from what I know, she wants to take law. 

Nagkwentuhan pa kami ng kaunti before I sent them to the fitting room para masukat na ang kanilang mga gowns. Berniece has three outfits in total. The first gown for the main entrance is a light blue off-shoulder fully embellished ball gown with a long trail. The second one is a performance outfit. It is a white fully beaded top and matching skirt which will go perfectly with her sparkly white boots. The last one is a plain baby pink tulle high-low gown with a beaded belt. Tita Jo's gown is a straight cut old rose colored gown with sleeves and beading on top. 

Since first fitting pa lang naman, hindi pa totally tapos ang mga gowns at may mga certain adjustments din na gagawin kaya hindi pa nila ito nakuha. 

Pagkatapos ng fitting, I ordered food and ate lunch with the other employees. May konting aberya lang nung kinahapunan dahil nagkaroon ng misunderstanding sa iba kong mga clients about their fittings. Good thing naayos naman kaagad.

After work, pumunta ako sa XYLO at The Palace sa BGC. Dun kasi gaganapin yung birthday ni Anais at may ocular visit kami today. Medyo nag pa-late ako para naman hindi ako yung unang-una na andun. Pagdating ko sa venue, nandun na si Kai. Nakasandal siya sa kotse niya habang hawak ang kaniyang phone. He was wearing a black shirt and denim jeans paired with his signature white shoes. I parked my car beside his. 

"Hey, Kai." I gave him a hug.

"Oh, buhay ka pa pala?" he said while laughing. I gave him a glare.

Napatingin siya sa leeg ko and saw the necklace he gave me. "Oh hey, you're wearing it. Bagay sayo," he said. 

"Thanks Kai," I said while smiling at him. "By the way, kakarating mo lang ba?"

"Actually, kanina pa ako andito. Hinatid ko si mama somewhere malapit dito kaya dumiretso na ako. Buti nalang half day lang ako ngayon sa school."

A few minutes later, dumating na si Lili. 

"Hi. Sorry, late ako. May inasikaso lang saglit," she said while giving Kai and I a hug. 

"Kung late ka, pano naman yung nagpatawag sa atin? 4 ang usapan eh anong oras na?" sabi ko.

Anais really sticks with Filipino time. Mga 1 to 2 hours siyang late palagi. That's probably the trait she has na pinaka-inaayawan ko. Mga ilang minuto pa ang hinintay naming tatlo bago dumating si Anais. 

"Bakit andito pa kayo sa labas? Ang init dito oh," tanong ni Anais.

"Malamang hinihintay ka. Hindi naman kami yung may party eh baka palabasin lang kami diyan," sambit ni Kai. 

Anais gave him a puppy eyes look na parang nagmamakaawa. 

"Aaww edi sorry po," pang-aasar ni Anais. 

We finally went inside the venue and met the manager. Anais rented the whole club for her birthday. Andami niyang mga connections dahil na rin yung mga kaklase niya sa La Salle ay mga anak ng business partners ng dad niya. That’s why her party is big. Although, it's not a grand one unlike her debut two years ago. 

After the ocular, we went to a nearby cafe and started catching up with each other. 

"You know what I'm thinking? My party will serve as a bridge for you guys to get a love life na," sabi ni Anais.

"Kami pa talaga naisip mo? Eh kung hanapan mo muna kaya sarili mo ng boyfriend? Hindi yung pag nagkajowa kami, ikaw naman yung magseselos," bwelta ni Kai kay Anais. 

"Alam mo. Panira ka talaga sa lahat ng sinasabi ko. Ako na nga itong nagmamagandang loob eh." 

Pabirong kinurot ni Anais si Kai sa tagiliran. Napaiwas si Kai kaya naman medyo natapon ang iniinom niyang kape. 

"Tigilan niyo na nga yan. Para talaga kayong mga bata pag nag-aaway," suway ko sa kanilang dalawa.

Ito namang katabi kong si Lili halos walang pakialam sa nangyayari. She's just there sipping on her coffee while reading a thick ass book.  Walang isang beses na lumabas kami na wala siyang dalang libro. Buhay med tech nga naman. 

"How about our Lili? Are you interested in finding your one true love?" tanong ni Anais.

Lili adjusted her glasses and looked at Anais. 

"Sa tingin mo ba may time ako?" 

"Ay, attitude ka ghorl?" 

"Unless, pareho kaming med tech para naman may study buddy ako."

"Ay iba ka rin. Stubu ang gusto, hindi fubu HAHAHAHA."

Muntik na akong mabulunan sa sinabi ni Anais. Ito namang si Kai, tawa ng tawa. Halos pinagtitinginan na kami dito ng ibang mga customers. Si Lili naman medyo gumilid sa may pader at pinagpatuloy ang pagbabasa. Parang ikinakahiya niyang kami ang kasama niya. 

I missed being with them. They always make me forget about my problems and worries. They're always the reason why waking up each day is worth it. I am such a lucky person to be blessed to have them in my life. 

Nagpaalam na kami sa isa't isa pagkatapos ng aming mini get together. Sabay kaming umuwi ni Lili. Medyo na traffic pa kami kaya inabot na kami ng dilim. Pagkarating sa bahay ay sinalubong kami ni Nay Fellie. 

"Anak, kumain na ba kayo?" 

"Kakakain lang po ng meryenda, nay. Mag-aaral po muna ako," sabi ni Lili bago dumiretso sa kaniyang kwarto. 

"Dani, magluluto ako ng hapunan ah. Tawagin mo nalang si Lili kapag kakain na." 

"Sige po, nay."

These days, sa dining table na ako kumakain at hindi na ako nagkukulong sa kwarto. Mas tambay ako ngayon dito sa sala dahil nandito yung piano ko. 

I sat on my piano seat and started playing Clair de Lune again. Ramdam kong sawang-sawa na ang mga kasama ko dito sa bahay dahil palaging ito ang pinapatugtog ko. But playing this piece makes me feel like my mom is here with me and so, I will never get tired of it.

I stopped playing and looked at my mom's picture on top of the piano. I got it and went outside to get some fresh air. I hugged her picture frame and sat on the bench my mom used to sit at at night while looking at the sky. It's currently a full moon. 

"Mommy, s-sana n-naririnig mo ako ngayon." My voice cracked a little.

"If you were still alive, siguro sabay tayong pupunta sa atelier every morning. And people would see how good we are as a team." 

I paused.

" I didn't even get the chance to work with the one and only Caroline Suarez. That would be such an honor." I smiled at that thought.

"Oh how I wish, mommy. How I wish I could turn back time and relive the times I spent with you. But now that you're not here anymore, at least be with me in spirit. Now that you've left me such a big responsibility, guide me to make the right decisions. Kasi mommy p-parang hindi ko ata k-kaya." 

Hindi ko na napigilan pa ang mga luha ko. 

"Please be my guardian angel, mommy. Guide me always from up there. I'll meet you again when the time comes."