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I HATE LOVING YOU!
A few hours later... I have no contact with Hiroki, nor with Naoki, it was so uncomfortable to have to see them that I just avoided them. It would be more tense to have to sleep with him, in the same room?
What should I do; I practically performed a tantrum giving him to understand that I like him when it dawned on me that he liked Kyoto. "But how stupid."
I sit in the meadow with Hiroki's bow next to me... and I really don't want it in my sight, but now it's the only thing that can protect myself. Suddenly I feel a very penetrating look next to me, I turn my face and it's.... Hiroki, he is staring at me and seems to want to get closer.
The truth is that I feel so comfortable here that I feel lazy to leave, but... I don't want to see him, I don't want to talk to him and I don't pretend to apologize either, I watch him for a couple of minutes, I get up from the grass a little wet from yesterday's rain. He opens his mouth a little, wanting to say somethin
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That night was not difficult to master. I fall asleep smoothly from the horrible psychological exhaustion, I begin to dream of a memory, the memory of the firefly garden. I was with my mother, Satoshi and Soshi when we were children and we watched the stars and some fireflies lighting up the dark sky...."Mom, look!" my smiling little girl pointed before my mother died, a week before she passed away. The star I pointed to was a shooting star."Make a wish, dear" she said so lovingly, her image will never fade from my mind. I closed my eyes making that inner wish."What did you wish for?" asks little Satoshi."I'm not going to tell you, it's se-cret" I stuck out my tongue amused "it's secret...""Come on! Tell me" he insisted."I wished... That we'll always be together" I smiled at him. Remembering this, I could fee
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After spending a few hours that I did not move from my bed all day reflecting, so much so that Hiroki came to imagine that I was sick. All I could think about was everything that was going on and the last thing I wanted was to disappear. Everything comes out so fast, it was like being in a dream, a nightmare that I want to wake up from. "Naomi... I brought you food" interrupts the voice that was the only way to give me strength. "Thank you Hiroki" I give a half smile "but I'm not hungry." "Still, you have to eat or you'll get sicker" he insists so kindly. I nodded offering the food. He sits next to me to give me teriyaki as a little girl. "What did you talk to Satoshi about?" she suddenly asks which threw me out of place. With difficulty I swallow the food without answering her anything about it. "h-how do you know..." "Soshi your little friend confess
WITH STRENGTH IN THE HEART TAKING CARE OF ME...
The next morning, Satoshi was gone; I woke up and he left without saying goodbye. I guess it was normal for him to be upset with me; I hurt him and even we all hurt each other, I also insulted Hiroki last night; and for a change ending up in a mess with Satoshi, this is getting out of hand; every day there are problems, there is always an argument to deal with, confusions come, fear.... And say "I don't know what to do anymore".In my head everything is spinning, my thoughts are tangled, things are going from bad to worse, but somehow, I need a solution from the smallest to the one that is affecting me the most. I give a long sigh of stress, get out of bed, put on some slippers and leave the mansion to clear my mind.I try to breathe in the fresh air and see the quietness of the morning, it was the only thing that brought me peace. I start to think: "if I'm not the woman Hiroki really loves... I think I have to accept it even though I deny it, who would re
WITH STRENGTH IN THE HEART I WILL ALWAYS BE WITH YOU
My conscience is clear, my emotions altered. Satoshi has to know, that I can no longer feel the same, that I can no longer continue to punish us for something that can no longer be repaired. Maybe it wasn't his fault and it wasn't his intention, it's hard to feel something again without hurting or fracturing us.To think that we could be something in the future, to rule as a couple is? Hard, difficult and more when you assimilate that it is perfect when it is not. Things changed and if they changed it was because of something, "cause of destiny" as my mother would say.Soshi listens to me attentively sitting next to me eating a little, I find it curious that Hiroki doesn't feel any kind of jealousy towards Soshi? because he knows that we are like two drops of water, we are like brothers, so to speak.Soshi helps me to eat since my right arm was the one that got hurt and now it will be very difficult to try to do some physical activity. It st
WITH STRENGTH IN THE HEART I HATE YOU!
When I was a child, my mother used to tell me that I had to be wise in choosing a husband. She was always very fond of Satoshi, it was likely that she would have liked to have chosen him, I wondered if she would think the same of Hiroki, would she have the same affection? Would she accept him? My father wanted this for my welfare, both mine and that of the kingdom. Even though I had refused, it's ironic isn't it? From going from refusing to be compulsorily married to Hiroki, loving Satoshi, I ended up doing the opposite. I love Hiroki and I no longer want to marry Satoshi, I ended that relationship, something I didn't want to happen before, what would my mother think about it? Probably my father would have told me "I told you so" with a mocking smile as he used to do when I was little and I was very stubborn, in that aspect I haven't changed... I'm still a very stubborn girl, I'm changing but I'm still the same... I look at the sky nostalgic watching
WITH STRENGTH IN THE HEART YOU LIE SO WELL...
That night was hard to master, I was so tense and so full of anger that I didn't sleep very well. I only thought about how I gave my heart in this way, and then crushed it in the same way.It's ugly to think that things have already gotten so complicated that I can't forgive anymore. I don't know how I'm going to look that traitor in the eyes, should I be considerate, should he have to explain something to me; it's just that in his eyes you can see the depth of wanting to explain to me? My mother once told me that, in tragedies, I would always have to ask the moon to accompany me, so that when I have been stabbed in the back before, at least I would have a companion who would never do it....The next day I go to practice far away from the village and the mansion, I feel like a traitor hiding lies from Hiroki, I feel unfaithful, I feel dishonest. But in part I am also upset with Satoshi, he did it to separate us too and he thinks I will return to his arms and he is very
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I had a dream, a very strange dream, a dream where I was in the palace, in the courtyard where the fountain was and admired the crystal clear water dripping and the darkness of the cold night that sheltered the nostalgic atmosphere. I had my princess and high class clothes, I felt strange to have to wear this again, I got used to have comfortable clothes, I feel free and at ease.I hear my father calling me from the throne room, I just followed the sound of his voice. I enter the palace confused, a shiver runs down my back and I do not find my father. On the king's throne there was only a shadow, the figure of a woman, tall, the palace dark and gloomy; there were no lanterns, I did not recognize her face, she was just sitting there, then everything was on fire and the woman disappeared, she suddenly scared me and I jumped.It was already daylight, I remembered that I had stayed in Soshi's room for two days to sleep, since Hiroki and I didn't talk again since the fight in the forest an
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This spring is so warm in the palace! The cherry blossoms are blooming in pastel pink petals, the sky is clear and the sun is shining brightly; I guess it wants to touch me with its rays to make me cheer up; out of such a beautiful day I am the only one who can't be happy. The fountain spurts the crystalline water where my reflection is denoted as a mirror; my tender tears fall very often surrounding my cheek until they fall and join the water; but the surprise of a person makes me give a tremendous jump. "SOSHI!" I exclaim furiously. Soshi is my best friend, my greatest advisor since I was 8 years old: he came to the castle with his parents to work, until an incident in the outskirts of the kingdom took his parents' lives; we always supported each other and my father let me proclaim him as my royal advisor and my best friend. When my mother died he was by my side always. "I'm sorry princes
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- WITH STRENGTH IN THE HEART I HATE LOVING YOU!
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