Chapter 4

The sunlight invaded my entire room and I was forced to open my eyes. My routine as a college student was starting to bother me. Thank goodness I only had one more year to go to finish and get my degree so I needed to push myself a little harder. In a perfect world Fernando would withdraw from university and I could be calm, but it was obvious that this was not going to happen.

I crawled out of bed and started to get ready, my mood was on the floor. I went down the stairs with a slow step, I wanted to go to the kitchen to make breakfast, but when I got to the living room I was struck by an envelope that was under the front door. Had someone left us a message? It must have been a mistake, my parents' clients never addressed them in such an informal way and no friend of mine would send me a note ignoring W******p. I went over to investigate and opened the envelope, it was a typewritten letter and had my name written in capital letters on the back of the paper. I started reading and I felt chills:

“Dear Kim, I have to admit that I have loved you from the first moment I met you, you are intelligent, cautious and passionate, there cannot be a more perfect woman in the world than you. I know you reciprocate too, but you are afraid to accept your love for me, surely you feel that you are not going to be reciprocated and that is why you act like that, nothing is further from reality. I just want you to open your eyes and see that we are meant to be together.”

I couldn't believe what she was reading. Was this a bad joke? I looked for a name, signature or pseudonym, but there was no information about the person who had sent it to me. Apparently I had a secret admirer. Why so much mystery if he could tell me everything up front?

I finished getting ready and walked outside my house to take a taxi, some black clouds began to fill the sky and darkened the whole environment. I thought it was going to rain, but nothing happened. I looked everywhere, there was not a single car in sight, I could see some people walking, but the road looked deserted.

I waited patiently by the road, but didn't really feel like going anywhere. I turned to look and saw Ezra coming out of his house. He was looking at his phone and had not seen me yet, he was dressed in casual clothes and wearing sunglasses. He looked fresh as a lettuce even though he hadn't slept all night and I looked horrible even though I had slept all night. As usual he looked very elegant, he always looked like that no matter what he was wearing, and we all wanted to have that gift, but not all of us had it. Ezra raised his head and saw me, I waved at him and he approached me with a smile.

“Hi Kim, I guess you're going to college,” he concluded as he turned his phone.

“Yes. How was your work?”

“It was pretty quiet, I can't complain.”

“I thought you would be resting, but you seem to have all the energy in the world.”

“First I want to do some paperwork and then I will return home to rest without interruptions. How is your hand going?”

I opened my palm and showed him my wound.

“I didn't even remember that. At the moment it looks good.”

Ezra took my hand and examined it very delicately.

“So you haven't felt much pain?”

I shook my head and he released me.

“I am very happy to see your progress, on Sunday I am going to remove your points, what do you think?” He affirmed with his particular charming smile.

“I would love to get rid of them, thanks for helping me.”

“I'm afraid of your dad, but I'm still going to come.”

I started to laugh, it was already something typical, everyone was intimidated by my dad just by seeing him.

“You shouldn't be afraid of him, he's very calm,” I explained.

“You're right,” Ezra put his hand in his pants pocket, “I was very worried about you, I wanted to call you and I remembered that I don't have your number. I thought about coming to visit you this afternoon, but I wasn't sure you were home.”

I smiled nervously. I spent every afternoon in my pajamas and with my hair tousled, if he had come to see me without warning it would have been quite a show.

“We are neighbors, you can come whenever you want,” I clarified.

Ezra looked back and took a look at my house.

“I will keep it in mind, can you give me your number?”

“Of course.” Saying that I took out my phone and we both exchanged numbers.

“If you need anything, you just have to write to me.”

His chivalry continued to amaze me day after day.

“I appreciate it a lot. You don't have to bother.”

“It's not a bother.” Saying that, he winked at me.

Was he flirting with me? I pretended to be crazy and turned to look the other way.

“Are you waiting for a taxi?” He asked as he looked at the deserted road.

“Yes, but I always have bad luck.”

“Well, then let's hope I can serve you as a lucky charm.”

“By the way … Didn't you see something weird this morning?”

Ezra frowned.

“Something weird? Like what?”

The wind blew my hair towards my face, I tried to put it in place while I thought of the best way to explain myself.

“What happens is that I received an anonymous note, someone pushed it under my door and I have no idea who it could have been.”

“I haven't seen anything today. Did they threaten you? He asked thoughtfully.”

“Not at all. Don't worry, it's just a romantic note.”

“How interesting, someone has a secret admirer,” he said while giving me a little nudge.

“It actually sounds more like a joke, maybe someone is being funny.”

“From now on I will be aware of your input and I will inform you if I see someone suspicious.”

“Sounds perfect to me,” I replied with a smile.

At that moment a taxi came up and Ezra stopped it for me.

“I'll call you at night to ask how you keep on,” saying that, he opened the door for me and let me in.

* * * * *

The boys and I really wanted to get together to see a movie, so we went to Paola's house when our classes finished. The three of us started cooking, and we made French fries and fried chicken. Neither of our parents were home because they spent all day at work, the three of us used to get very bored from being alone in our houses, so from time to time we preferred to spend the afternoon together.

Paola was not aware of everything that happened with Fernando so I mentioned everything to her while we ate and she couldn't believe it.

“I'm very sorry for everything that happened, Kim, I wish I could have avoided it in some way,” Paola answered worriedly, but I already felt better.

“It was necessary for all that to happen so I no longer care. I just wanted to tell you that I am so sorry I did not hear all of your warnings, believe me I am so sorry.”

“Don't worry Kim, you will always count on us” Isaac said tenderly.

“We all make mistakes, but we are here to support each other,” Paola said.

I smiled at them and was relieved.

“I don't know what I'd do without you,” I admitted.

“We should take revenge on Fernando,” Paola commented maliciously.

I should have guessed she would say something like that.

“It is not necessary, he will pay for his bad decisions and he will soon realize the mistake he made,” Isaac said.

“Isaac is right, from now on I just want to forget that I met him.”

Paola realized that I did not want to continue talking about Fernando and changed the subject, while she spoke I remembered the events of that morning and I took the anonymous note from my bag, I read it a thousand times but could not reach any conclusion. Maybe the boys could think of something.

Just when I was trying to bring up the subject, Isaac's phone started ringing.

“It's my mom, I'll be back.” Saying that, he got up and went to the living room to answer his call.

I rested my elbow on the table and turned to see Paola, she took the opportunity to give me a flirtatious look.

“I think it's great that you are single because you can give yourself another chance in love.”

“I don't even want to hear about it,” I replied reluctantly.

Paola made sure Isaac wasn't around and moved closer to me.

“Would you not be willing to give Isaac a chance? He asked mischievously.”

I frowned

“What are you trying to say?”

“You can pretend front of everyone, but you don't fool me. I know you have feelings for Isaac.”

My cheeks began to blush, but whatever happened I would deny it to death.

“Of course not.”

“Of course, you do!”

“I don't know what you're talking about.” I played dumb and put the note back in my bag.

“Anyway, you can't deny that he loves you.”

My eyes widened and a sudden wave of nerves washed over me.

“Why do you say that? He only sees me as a friend,” I asked in a whisper.

“It's so obvious, only a blind woman like you wouldn't notice. It shows in the way he looks at you Kim and you also look at him like that when you think no one is looking at you.”

Had she somehow noticed my feelings for Isaac? For heaven's sake, if she found out on her own, others may have noticed as well.

“Since the day you introduced him to me, I felt that there was a spark between you, he is very protective of you and I don't think you will ever find another man like him in this life. I've been waiting to see you together for years and I think the time has come,” she added.

My heart sank just imagining it. Being with Isaac would be like a dream come true, but I couldn't get my hopes up because it was only Paola's opinion, nothing more. He just saw me as a friend.

“Don't be ridiculous,” I replied, looking away.

“I'm not being ridiculous. Even your face changed color,” Paola teased as she laughed at me.

I glared at her. She was always like the sister I never had, but sometimes I wanted to strangle her.

“Get it right, that could never happen. It is impossible…”

“Why is it impossible?” Isaac's voice startled me, I turned and saw him leaning against the door frame. I felt like I had a heart attack when I saw him, but he looked very calm and looked at us with an amused expression.

“Isaac… How long have you been standing there?” I asked in a nervous voice.

I was about to confess to Paola that indeed I was attracted to Isaac and he was about to hear me.

“Long enough to hear the debate,” he replied.

"In that case, please tell Paola that none of that is true." I pressured him to get out of my discomfort. Serious mistake on my part.

Isaac was silent for a moment that seemed like an eternity and stared at me. What was he thinking? If I didn't say something soon I was going to lose my mind because I was feeling too nervous. Part of me wanted him to deny everything to be calm, but the other part was waiting to hear another answer.

Isaac had a funny expression on his face.

“It's not impossible,” he finally stated.

My jaw dropped and I felt like I was going to pass out. If I hadn't been sitting I probably would have fallen. It had to be a joke, I searched his face for some hint of amusement, but there was only seriousness. Maybe I was getting it wrong.

“What do you mean by that?” I asked with a small voice.

“Paola is right, I think the time has come for us to talk,” he announced decidedly.

He knew what I was feeling and wanted to talk about it! I wanted to run away not to face him, but I had nowhere to go because he was blocking my only exit and breaking the window to escape was not an option.

“I'll leave you alone for a moment,” saying that Paola was trying to leave, but I stopped her by grabbing her hand.

“You don't have to, stay.” It was more of a plea than anything else because I felt like a coward, but Paola broke free of my grip and left me.

She was a traitor, she knew I had trouble expressing my feelings and she wanted to make me do it. Isaac and I were alone in the kitchen, and we exchanged a look, at first there was an awkward silence. I started to feel too nervous, my knees seemed to have a life of their own under the table, I was about to lose control of my emotions and as if that were not enough, Isaac grabbed the handle and closed the door. He took a step forward and that was enough to give me a nervous breakdown.

“Stay away,” I said as I jumped out of the chair.

My reaction surprised him a lot.

“Calm down Kim, I just want you to listen to me,” he said as he raised both hands, his voice remained calm, how could he stay calm so easily?

Isaac started to come around the table, but I walked away from the opposite direction. I was feeling too nervous and did not realize what I was doing.

“Why are you running? What's wrong?” His voice was too familiar to me and it made me understand that I was acting silly. I had to calm down.

“Nothing's wrong with me,” I replied, feigning serenity.

“Don't be ridiculous, come closer.”

Isaac waited for me, but I didn't move a muscle so he had to extend his hand.

“Trust me.” He spoke to me with infinite tenderness, but even so I was hesitating.

I saw his hand for a moment and thought about running away. No one could stop me and I would have a clear path, but we would end up having this conversation anyway so I decided not to put it off. I closed the distance between us and grabbed his hand. Isaac sat in the dining room and I did the same.

“Kim...”

“Don't tell me that you and Paola planned everything,” I interrupted.

“We didn't plan anything, you can be sure of that.”

I sighed and tried to control my nervousness, but I wasn't doing a good job because my hand was shaking. I tried to hide it by putting my hands between my knees, but all my attempts were in vain because Isaac knew me too well. I couldn't stop repeating in my mind that he had discovered me and that he felt sorry for me. I wasn't ready for that conversation.

“For a long time I wanted to have this conversation with you, but I didn't have the courage to do it. I made up my mind recently and planned to prepare a special moment to tell you, but the only thing that matters is to speak honestly so I don't think there could be a better moment than this,” he explained with infinite calm.

I keep quiet and listened to you carefully.

“Our friendship has left us very good memories, but not a day goes by without my regret not having confessed my feelings to you from the beginning,” he continued.

"Wait…what?"

“I wasted a lot of time trying to convince myself that I was confused, but I couldn't keep denying my feelings for you. I was a coward, there is no other word to describe it, I let doubts take hold of me and I kept silent because I was sure that you only saw me as a friend. I made a serious mistake and got my well deserved punishment, when I received the news of your relationship with Fernando was a real torture for me, but it was all my fault.”

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I nervously played with my fingers. Was he in love with me from the beginning? Why was he telling me this now? If I had known that he loved me too, maybe I would have had the courage to be honest with him.

Isaac reached out his hand and grabbed mine. My hand was too cold compared to his.

“Surely you are wondering why I am telling you all this now?”

Sometimes I felt like he could read my mind.

“The answer is simple,” he continued, “Your relationship with Fernando made me understand many things and now I can be more aware of my idiocy. I can't keep being silent, I need to be honest with you. I had to tell you everything.”

I tried to think of an answer, but my brain stopped working just when I needed it most.

“Isaac… I… I don't know what to say. All of this took me by surprise.”

“I don't want you to feel pressured and you don't have to answer me now, I just wanted you to know.”

“Why did you think I would not accept you?” The question escaped my mouth before I knew it.

His lack of confidence didn't make sense to me because he had everything a girl could want in a man, and I wasn't referring to his physical appearance, but his personality and way of being.

“I don't know, I assumed you were only able to see me as a friend, but it is not a valid excuse because I had no basis for my fears.”

If he had spoken before I would never have gotten involved with Fernando. There was no comparison between the two of them.

“It's just what I was going to tell you, you had no basis to think that.”

I was actually thinking out loud. I wanted to retract, but could no longer. Isaac arched an eyebrow.

“What do you mean by that Kim?”

He didn't seem to have the slightest idea of ​​my attraction to him and in a way it was better that way because I was unable to explain my feelings to him. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat and tried to find the right words.

“All I want is for you to give me time to think about all this. I just got out of a very stormy relationship and I need to get over the whole issue of Fernando in order to open my heart again, what do you think?”

“You can have all the time you need, don't worry about it.” Isaac stroked my hand, "No matter what decision you make, I'll never regret having told you."

I felt a tingle in my stomach and I wanted to tell him that I loved him, there couldn't be a better time to tell him, but the words just weren't coming out of my mouth so I just managed a smile. The decision was in my hands.

Isaac and I were soon leaving Paola's house, but we never touched on the subject again and we just said goodbye.

That night I couldn't get Isaac out of my head. I wanted to call or text him, but I had no idea what to say to him so I didn't. Ezra was true to his word and called me several times, but I didn't want to answer him because I wasn't in the mood to talk.

 I always had trouble expressing my feelings and that brought many complications to my life. Isaac had always struck me as an attractive man, but at first I felt nothing more than that. Time passed and as I got to know him I began to fall in love with his way of being, I loved his sense of humor and I felt that I would never find anyone like him, but I was afraid to tell him what I felt because I believed that he would never reciprocate so I made a great effort to hide it. My fear was so great that I didn't even tell Paola. Hiding my feelings was too difficult because I saw Isaac daily and I knew there were a lot of girls interested in him, so I psychologically prepared myself to see him with someone else, but that never happened, and now I understood why. How could I be so blind? For a while I thought I had already overcome it and that is why I agreed to be with Fernando, but the feelings that I had wanted so much to bury came to the fore again and this time with more force.

Hearing Isaac's declaration of love I realized how wrong I was, he had always reciprocated me, but we both had the same fear. How could that happen to us? I wanted to confess to him at Paola's house how much I loved him, but I didn't have the courage to do it, why didn't I? That was the best time to do it. Got damn.

 I grabbed a book from my nightstand and hit my head on it. From now on I had to strive to be a more open person with my feelings. I wanted to be honest with Isaac, I really wanted to, but just thinking about it made me speechless. Now what I was going to tell him?

In that moment I remembered the message I had received that morning and frowned. The content of the note closely resembled Isaac's confession. I opened my bag and read the page for the thousandth time, every time I studied it, it made no sense, but in light of recent events I was able to find a relationship of the message with my real life. A theory crossed my brain, was Isaac the author of that romantic note?

It was obvious to me that he was, because there were things pointing to him, but if the note was a prelude to his statement he should have mentioned it. All I had to do was ask him the next day, but my nerves might well get the better of me. Never in this life would I be able to see it without getting nervous. I was very foolish to think I was over it.