Hold it together, they said. Be strong. Be strong for you and… the little soul. The words of encouragement and strength became a daily diet I invested myself in the more I failed to keep anything down due to the nausea. But maybe I shouldn't blame the new changes beginning inside me for my poor ability to keep anything down when I should address the bigger issue – Nicky was in prison. The second he was arrested Sonny, Eva, Joseph and Aunt Elle were there. The men were throwing a fit because there was no way that Nicholas was guilty. But the sight of his gun bearing his initials near a cop's body found at the place the shoot-out happened between him and Lucien's men told a different version of events. Eva was out of sorts pacing back and forth whilst I was stuck absolutely speechless. Although I appreciated Aunt Elle's attempt to soothe me by rubbing gentle circles into my back that wouldn't bring him back. "He shouldn't have gone and you're an idiot for backing the kid up," Sonny
I'm convinced the weather purposefully decided to match my mood. The little light that could escape past the grey clouds hardly had an effect on every surface it touched. It had been raining hard the night before and the leaves usually spilling morning dew had water droplets covering them. Walking into that prison, head held high I wasn't willing to allow the guards to sniff the fear off me. I kept my expressions controlled as I was led to a separate area away from the visitation room. Eva had been unable to get herself out of the car when we arrived and insisted I go see him. She wasn't yet willing to see her child like that so I decided to go after having come so far and left her with Daniel and Leo. I soon found myself in an empty room with nothing but three chairs and a table. Taking a seat on the hard surface I vividly remember having to ball my hands into fists to get the shaking under control. The last thing I wanted to do was fall apart especially when the door opened to reve
The city had grown into a melting pot that had its residents groaning and growing antsy. I had begun to grow more conscious of the evils lurking on my radar and I had no real grasp on where to begin. The things that mattered had begun to change by then and my priorities mostly revolved around the child growing inside me that I found myself speaking to. After going for my first doctor's appointment with Eva the first real sign, the first real flicker of life on the screen had me bursting into tears especially when I heard the heartbeat. The occasion till now is marked as one of glee but sheer sadness at Nicholas' absence. But I had a stable support system. By then sleep was returning to me bit by bit. I still found myself waking up sporadically in the course of the night. Instead of wandering around the quiet house I forced myself to grab a warm glass of milk to usher my soul to rest. I couldn't waste the chances to get a full nights sleep with an infant about to arrive to steal that
The most notorious activities occur at night. There's something about the veil darkness offers that allows most to step out of the lines drawn by law and religion. I once read a quote by Mark Twain who claimed we were all moons with a dark side to us which we never show which I once doubted. But maybe on that particular night where there was hardly a soul in sight I believe that I truly tapped into the dark side that had been dormant. Stepping out of the vehicle, the distinct clicking of my heels on the cement dancing in the atmosphere along with the soles of the men's shoes drew the attention of the demons lurking in the air. But even they were wise enough not to interfere with us and slinked away or chose to remain hidden in the shadows just watching us. Keeping a file tucked under my arm with my pistol concealed in my dress I took slow steady breaths when the door to the old abandoned building swung open. The smell of rotting wood and stale piss nearly made me gag at the place th
Promises had been broken, feelings still alive with two lovers determined above the turbulent waters to survive. There was a clearing in the skyline, a flower springing forth from the ground that made the fighting and strain worth it. Nicky and I had been through a lot more than most but we held on. I had made a vow to him that I'll stay when he gave me the chance to leave. And he had made a vow to me that he not only meant but kept. The gates of the prison flung open and ignoring the temptation to break out into a full sprint proved challenging. I fought the urge and opted to bounce on the balls of my feet whilst holding Eva's hand squeezing it tightly. He walked towards us and though there were bags around his eyes they did nothing to chase away the light in them that influenced the tears to form in mine. Eva flung her arms around him, though she was a short woman he bent down meeting his mother halfway. Aunt Elle followed slapping his cheek in an affectionate manner that made him
As much as I loved my parents I respected their views. In all I did, in the manner I carried myself I aimed to implement the lessons they taught me. They were the kind of people who believed that being genuine was best over blindly following the ways of the world. My mother in particular planted the idea in my head never to just spread my legs for just anyone. She took care of the flowers budding in my mind by telling me within my skin was gold and that I give parts of who I was to those who earned it. I had been apprehensive from the time I stepped on Nicky's plane already trying to conjure up excuses to avoid leaving. Truth was I was afraid my parents would be disappointed. However, I had to do it, I owed them that much to tell them they'd be grandparents. Though I knew they'd be there for my child I feared they'd handle me differently. However, when I caught sight of my father waiting for me once I landed I was excited to be back to the very place my life began. As we caught up in
Nothing could have prepared us for the words splattered across each page detailing a life that once existed. It's tragic how fragile our souls are despite being encased by flesh that has vulnerabilities of its own. There is truly nothing we can do to control how we die. As I watched the little innocence left in Nicky reduce further in size as he read that file I knew he wished he could have controlled what happened to his father. He withdrew himself as a way to cope to the discoveries of the boogeyman hiding in plain sight. What to do or where to go were the questions seeping into every space of our home that turned cold. It wasn't easy watching him in a state of unease; it seemed nothing would pacify him. Leo and Daniel told me to give him time, to allow him a moment to process the massive change in his life. Stuck in a grey state I opted to stay busy with my book. I would be there opted to be there whenever he needed to speak. And that state had lasted for days such that I was app
The scenarios we often conjure up in our heads deeming them impossible can be thrown into our paths transforming them into a reality. When I imagined Nicholas in the same room as Lucien when a feud between them began I expected bullets to be flying, screams, yelling and blood. Nothing could have prepared me for the sight of the gang leader lounging in a seat of the living-room looking completely relaxed despite being in enemy territory. No one had said a word; I was too anxious to go quietly into the night so I took a seat and watched him. Equally taking him in as much as he had been. The piercing look he directed my way would've made me squirm in discomfort but the last thing I wanted was to ever let him see how much of my feathers he ruffled. "Does she have to be here?" he frowned not bothered in the least to voice out his issue with me being there but I didn't care. After all the troubles we had overcome due to his insistence on ridding us I can't stress this enough even now how