LMH-1

Jareth threw himself across his king sized bed and cursed silently. He rubbed his temples that were aching due to his drinking spree last night. His phone wouldn't stop ringing and if he could just fling it across the room, that would be really great. But no, that would be the third one he'd wreck this week and although he could afford another phone, it would be nonsense to displace his anger on the poor thing. 

    Groaning, he got up to grab his phone off the night stand. Mabilis na sinulyapan niya ang telepono at nang makita ang pangalan na nag-flash sa screen ay muli siyang napamura. 

    His brother had to choose that time to call. What a perfect timing. "JD," he groaned. 

    "I'll be sending your itinerary, check your email after five minutes." he said curtly on the other line. 

    Jareth rolled his eyes and rolled over his bed to bury his face in his pillow. "I'm not coming back, Jayd."

    "What are you saying?" he probably didn't hear him right or he just wanted to piss him the fuck off. He's getting better at doing it and he had to hand it to him.

    "Sinabi ko, hindi ako babalik ng pinas!" napilitan siyang bumangon sa kama sa labis na inis. He raked his fingers across his thick hair--longer than its ever been--while pacing around his dark room. He needed to chill. 

    He pinched the bridge of his nose. ”My life is here in San Diego." he said in a more calmly manner. He knew it was useless shouting at Jayden. Mas halo lamang siya nitong pipikunin.

    Nagtawa ang kapatid niya. "What life?" he could imagine his little brother sneering. "Night life, you mean?" 

    He pursed his lips. Trying not to lash out at his brother for aggravating his splitting headache. 

    "Akala mo ba hindi namin alam ni Mommy ang mga ginagawa mo diyan? Hindi lang namin pinapaalam kay Dad dahil siguradong aatakihin siya ng alta presyon niya."

    He wanted to laugh at that. His mom already knew what a mess her son had become. Matagal na, simula't sapul ay tanggap na nitong hindi siya magbabago. It's not without the lack of trying, though. Sinubukan naman niya. At the time when he wanted to win his best friend’s heart? Sinubukan niyang magtino, gawin ang gusto ng mga magulang, hawakan ang negosyo nila at magpanggap na gusto niya rin ang ginagawa. Lahat ng iyon ay para lamangan o pantayan man lamang si Aramis Sobrevega, ang race car driver na dati niyang iniidolo bago nito agawin si Charlie sa kanya.

    Pero hindi pala niya kaya magpanggap. Isang bagay na pikit matang tinanggap ng kanyang ina. Tanging ang ama lang niya ang hanggang ngayon hindi parin maka-move on. 

    "You really don't care?" untag ng kapatid niya. "Are you really that heartless, kuya?" 

    He laughed sarcastically. "Now that you've called me 'kuya', it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. So, maybe not, hmm?" 

    "Our father's sick!" he shouted at him. 

    "He's been sick for over a decade and I remember him telling me to get lost because he doesn't want to see me again!" he countered. He couldn't believe he's being this touchy over that memory. Apparently, lacking the ability to move on runs in the family. 

    Jareth took a long deep breath before speaking. "So, tell me brother, what changed?" 

    Hindi na kumibo si Jayden. He took that as an opportunity to end the conversation and turn off his phone. 

    He's done. He's so fucking done with those people. Ano pa bang babalikan niya sa pilipinas? Ang tatay niyang walang ginawa kundi kumbinsihin siya na patakbuhin ang negosyong simula't sapul naman ay hindi niya pinaginteresan at kasabay noon ay ang patuloy na pagpapaalala nito sa kanya kung gaano siya kalaking kahihiyan sa pamilya para dito? Who else? JD? He hated his guts eversince they were young. His mother? As far as he's concerned kuntento na ito sa bunsong anak nito. 

    Charlie? 

    He sighed. Naikuyom niya ang kamay niya at pilit na nililimot ang kaibigan. Masaya na ito ngayon. Nabuo na nito ang pamilyang matagal na nitong gustong buoin. He should be happy for her. Parati niyang sinasabi dito na masaya siya dahil masaya ito pero sa loob loob niya? Parang unti unti siyang nadudurog. Nauupos. Sa tagal niyang itinago ng sakit, namanhid na lang siya. He'd learn to live with the pain it was almost too familiar. Hindi na niya alam kung paano mabuhay nang hindi nasasaktan. 

    Matapos manganak ni Charlie noong nakaraang buwan ay ipinangako niya sa sarili na hindi na babalik sa Pilipinas. Tama na. It's enough that he's feeling alone and empty all the time. He doesn't need to remind himself how much it still hurts.

    He needed to fucking get a grip and move on. Halos sampung taon. Sampung taon na ang alam lang niya ay mahalin si Charlie. It's about time that he try to escape his hell and live not for the sake of just living. Determinado na siyang kalimutan ang kaibigan. Natawa siya nang pagak. Ilang beses na ba niyang sinabi sa sarili ang bagay na iyon? Maraming marami na. To the point that it was hard to even believe himself. But this time, he’ll mean it.

    Ngunit ito nanaman at mukhang sinusubok nanaman ng tadhana ang tibay niya. 

    Nagawa niyang umalis ng bansa nang hindi nagpapaalam kay Charlie. Once she gave birth to Charlotte, umeskapo na siya. He couldn't bear to watch how she's so fucking happy and how he's not a part of that happiness anymore. Noon, oo. Noon akala niya parte siya ng kaligayahan ng kaibigan. But he was a fool back then. Not anymore.

    He cursed out loud. Napatayo siyang muli sa higaan at tumuloy sa kitchen. He smiled bitterly to himself as he opened his fridge and found it empty except for some leftover pizza and chilled brandy. 

    He took out the bottle and drank the alcohol straight from it. Naupo siya sa isang stool at ipinatong ang bote sa ibabaw ng counter top. Pinagmasdan niya ang kabuuan ng bahay. It was the same apartment from more than a decade ago. Ang bahay na tinirhan nilang dalawa ni Charlie noong bago pa lamang silang magkakilala dito sa San Diego. 

    The first time he saw her there was something different going on inside his chest. Something warm but exciting at the same time. He found a piece of him with her. Para niyang nakita ang babaeng version niya. It was fascinating as it was terrifying. Meeting someone who is so like you in many ways and yet very much different. 

    She was the Yin to his Yang. His female counterpart. She understood a great deal about himself that even him couldn't accept at times. And it was fucking hard letting go of something so beautiful just because it wasn't meant for you to own. 

    Muli siyang tumungga ng alak. Hindi niya alam kung bakit nagtatyaga siyang tumira sa bahay na ito. He looked around and all he could see is vast emptiness. One black couch in the center of the living roon, a flat screen he rarely turn on. A glass center table. A counter top and two stools in the kitchen. A gas stove with oven and a few cupboards. It was nothing like it had been before when Charlie was here. The contrast is almost comical because it matches the difference of his life back then and now. 

    He once again raked his eyes around every corner of the small apartment. Living here had been such a bad idea. It only made him feel worse. 

    He needs to get out of this trance, or more like a fucking shithole. 

    Right then and there, he decided to sold the apartment. There's nothing left for him here. Maaalala lang niya si Charlie, and it is so not healthy. Kagaya ng hawak niyang bote ng alak. 

    Later that night, he went out with his usual crowd. Kinakapatid niya sina Lorcan at Legend. And they are actually Lavinia's older brothers. Lavinia, his ex-something. Thankfully, they weren't holding any grudge against him for breaking their sister's heart. 

    In fact, neither of them ever mentioned what transpired between him and their sister. Lavinia was the woman he thought he was head over heels with before he realized it was Charlie he truly loved. She was the kind of girl you would easily get infatuated with. Beautiful face, beautiful body, typical IT girl. But her beauty was just skin deep. Because eventhough he remained friends with her brothers, he couldn’t forget all sorts of things Lav made him do. 

    Siguro iyon ang dahilan kung bakit hindi nagwork. Eversince bumalik silang dalawa dito sa San Diego ay nagiba narin ang pakikitungo nila sa isa't isa. It wasn’t for the lack of trying. He tried. God knows he did for one solid year. He just couldn't bring back his old feelings for her. He secretly hoped she would understand but Lav being Lav, she went berserk at him. Even went as far as breaking things in his apartment and hitting his car's windshield with a baseball bat. 

    "You should just stay here, man." payo ni Legend na nakaupo sa harapan niya sa isang lounge. Nasa isa sa mga pinakaprestihiyosong club sila sa San Diego. It was a chilly night, perfect for drinking and scoring some chicks. But Jareth wasn’t up for a short term solution for his problems, which more often than not, results in long term consequences. So he opted for the former. Maigi pang magkahang over, at least iyon, after twelve hours lumilipas na. 

    Inabutan siya nito ng inumin. ”I mean, ano pang dahilan mo sa pagbalik sa pinas? Your life's here."

    Halos matawa siya dahil iyon na iyon din ang sinabi niya sa kapatid niya kanina. 

    "Stay here, bro." sabad ni Lorcan. "Malay mo, nandito pala yung forever mo?" 

    Sa pagkakataong iyon ay hindi na napigilan ni Jareth ang matawa. "Tangina? Ang tanda tanda na natin pare, may forever ka pang nalalaman diyan?" 

    "Speak for yourself!" nakabusangot ang mukha na nagsalin itong muli ng shots bago inabot sa kanilang dalawa ni Gen. “Sa totoo namang umeedad ka na, hindi ka ba natatakot tumandang binata?”

    “Si Jareth? matatakot tumandang binata? Eh pabor pa nga sa kanya ‘yon!” susog ni Gen.

    Umiling iling si Lorcan habang si Jareth naman ay tahimik na sumimsim ng alak. “You are gonna grow old and gray and alone. With a wrinkling dick. If that doesn’t scare you, I don’t know what does!”

    Binalikat ni Legend ang kapatid. “Eh baka naman ikaw ang takot na mangyari sa sarili mo yan?” panunudyo nito.

    He rolled his eyes. “Why? Ako ba dito yung hanggang ngayon may hang ups pa sa married best friend niya?”

    Napatigil si Jareth sa pag inom at tinitigan ng masama ang kaibigan.

    “Oh, suntukan na oh!” patuloy na pangbubuyo ni Legend.    

    “All I’m saying is—“ 

    Nagtawa si Jareth. “Save your breath, bro. I ain’t even mad.”

    ”Let's just get drunk and forget about growing old!" itinaas ni Legend ang shot glass nito.

    Jareth clinked his glass with his friends. He needed to get drunk but not to forget about growing old, but to forget about everything in this world.