4: Greeting the Goddess

 I walk down the pathway running along the football fields. On the other side of the path is the Church stonewall. And I notice how everything is luscious green and ready to bloom. Wild daisies make a beautiful contrast to the grey stones and it is like everything gives off a soft humming sound.

 I breathe in the scent of flowers from the cemetery and smile happily. Here everything else is gone. There are no guys with alluring hazel eyes, best friends wearing too much black or anything else to mess with me. There is just spring, beautiful green and yellow colours. Before continuing I throw out my arms, twirling around myself feeling so very free, sucking in everything like it is the first time I see it.

 Out of the corner of my eye I notice that a breeze is playing with the treetops, looking almost like they are dancing around me. I stop to enjoy the sight of the wave-like motion it would create through the trees down along the path, but it didn't happen. It seemed like the wind stayed beside me and when I started walking it continues the soft play in time to my steps.

 I start running down the path and the wind speeds up, staying beside me. It makes me happy for some reason, feeling quite elated I start laughing. At the end of the path I stop, breathing hard, looking back towards the church. The wind is gone, the trees are still. I look towards the school, not a single branch moving there either. I suddenly feel a bit scared, what just happened ? It has to be something I imagined.

 When I get home I have managed to convince myself that there is an explanation to what I just experienced. If it is a rational one or a supernatural one, well the internet should be able to tell me that.

 "Remember, if it's not on the internet, it doesn't exist". I mumble to myself, turning my laptop on. It is something Davina always says.

When it has finally started up I go on the net, opening g****e. So what to search for ? Wind ? I push in the word fast, waiting to get enlightened.

 'Win a Caribbean holiday' and 'Big prizes in free competitions' show up, damn I have written so fast I forgot the d. Maybe wind isn't the best word.

 I think back to what happened down by the church, but how to describe it in words ? I push in ‘wind’ and look down over the results. I spot an online encyclopedia about wind. I click on the link, finding a lot of explanations but nothing about wind following a person.

 The word mythology seems to jump at me and I read: "In Greek mythology the northern wind is named Boreas, the southern wind is Notos, the western wind is called Zephyros and the eastern wind is named Euros". Boreas is marked with a link and I click on that.

 When that doesn't give me anything usable I click back and search for 'wind greek mythology'. Because someone out there has to have experienced the same right ? Up came a lot about weather, poetry and a lot of other stuff, nothing related to my experience. I throw myself on the bed.

 Well what did it matter anyways ? It had been a coincidence and nothing more. And by the way, it is my turn to cook, so I better go see what my mother Estelle has taken out of the fridge.

 Just when I am about to close the computer down a sentence catches my eyes. 'Air is one of the four cardinal elements'. Four elements ? What does cardinal mean ? I quickly search for 'Four cardinal elements' and when I hit enter a lot of links about nature religions, paganism and something called wicca pops up.

 "Wind, fire, water and air. The Four elements that flow through us all is the pillow in practising witchcraft". I read out loud. Witchcraft ? Well I can't be turning into a witch. I open the link, feeling curious. Looking down the page, several things seem to draw me in. I nervously bite my lip before pushing the link saying 'magic and spells'.

 Some elaborate site opens and words seem to pop at me: 'love potions, fortune amulets, rituel tools'. The words pull me in and for each link I click I feel more and more elated. It's like I can't get enough, like it is written for me personally. It had just been Waiting here online for me to find it. It hadn't been a coincidence on the path. The wind was a Big part of witchcraft, it was possible for a witch to conjure it.

 There was a knock on the door and my mom's head poke in. "Uhh Sol, are we not having any dinner today ?"

 I turn my laptop discreetly, so my mom can't see the screen, then look at the clock. Whoops a quarter to six. Have I really been sitting here reading for more than two hours ?

 "Sorry mom, I will get going right away. I was doing a school assignment and totally forgot time". I say feeling bad about lying.

 "It's okay sweetie, homework always comes first. We can just grab a sandwich today". My mom says with a smile.

 "Thanks mom, and I am really sorry about forgetting dinner". I say, closing the laptop, following my mom out into the kitchen.

 Fifteen minutes later I'm back, after wolfing down a sandwich and telling my mom I had to get back to my homework. This time I have a pencil and writing pad beside me.

 Wicca was kind of a religion. A belief in Nature and witchcraft as old as maskine itself. Today it was called Wicca to avoid stupid questions, prejudice and being seen as devil worshippers. They were white witches or light magicians as some called themself and it had nothing to do with black magic.

 I rub my forehead feeling tired. There is so much information, a lot of them contradicting one another. I don't really know which to believe. All pages agree on one thing. There was a Goddess and a God above all others. A feminine and a masculine energy, connected like yin and yang. The Goddess is the moon and the God the sun and all things living are connected by a shared energy.

 It has gotten dark outside, and I go to sit on the window sill looking at the moon. After everything I have read and learned, it is no longer just a shining or. The moon, the Goddess, was the symbol of a power, something that pulled at me from deep inside. I put my hand on the cool glass. 

 "So you are the Goddess". I whisper, feeling a calm fold around my heart.

 The weird humming from the path is back and my eyes move from the moon to the bushes outside. They are rustling like in a hurricane and a sudden gust of wind against the window makes me jump slightly. Seconds later the wind is all but gone, everything quiet again.

 I feel weird and a bit floored. The idea that I should be able to control the wind scares me and I hug myself as a cold flash runs down my spine. The room suddenly seems small and dark, so I hurry into the living room and my mother.

 "It is so sad about that girl". My mom says, still looking at the tv screen.

 "Which girl ?" I sit down, and look at the screen, the news is on.

 The journalist is standing in front of a police station looking very solemn. "The young woman Marlene Thompson, who disappeared last thursday in the London city centre has been found dead tonight, the police is sure it was a murder". There is a picture of the young woman on the screen.

 "It is horrible, poor parents". My mom says. Looking at me like only mothers can. I know it means she is happy that I am safe.

 I nod, poor girl and poor parents. "Mom, do we have plans for the weekend ?" I ask when the news is over. I kind of hope she will say yes, giving me a reason not to go with Davina to the grotto.

 "No, not anything I can think of. Why ?" My mom says.

 "Well Davina has invited me out to a club tomorrow. Would that be okay with you ?" I say, not knowing what I hope for.

 "Davina ?" My mom says with surprise. "One of those.. uhm goth places, is that what it is ?"

 "Yeah". I make a face.

 My mom laughs softly. "Are you sure that is Your scene ?"

 "Well I have to try it to find out, right ?" I shrug.

 "Is this the time for me to tell you not to go home with any boys and never drink anything that you are unsure of what is ?" She asks.

 I shake my head. "Not necessary, I am still not even sure I even dare go there at all".

 "Sol darling, you can't stay at home forever. You are almost 18". She reaches out to squeeze my shoulders softly. "It will probably be healthy for you to get out a bit. Please just don't change all Your clothes for black okay ?"

"So you don't think pitch black hair would be rad on me ?" I say teasingly. "No, don't worry. I have to survive tomorrow first". Then I get up, kissing my mom on the cheek. "Night mom".

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 I am in a forest and even though I know it is a dream everything seems so real. I Can feel the ground beneath my bare feet and I can smell the earth and sap from the trees. Above me I can glimpse the sky between the pine trees, it is getting dark. The surroundings are unknown to me, but somehow I feel like I belong and the trees lead me to where I need to be.

 I step into a clearing, the trees surrounding it standing so close it is almost a wall. In the middle is a stone circle on a small hill. I walk into the circle sitting down. I sit there listening to the sounds of the forest and even though it is dark here, I feel safe in the circle. 

 Slowly I realise that the forest is singing. It feels like it is singing to me; I close my eyes trying to sense it and I realise that I have started singing back to the forest. I feel in total harmony, enjoying how the wind is playing with my hair and gently kisses my cheek. I lift my hands towards the sky, laughing with joy, singing out my happiness to the forest.

 In the underbrush small unclear beings start dancing to my song. I can hardly see them because of the thick fog drifting in, wrapping around everything, but I can feel them and I hear their laughter and soft singing. Their songs are so beautiful and I sing back to them.

 I stand up, whirling around. Never have I felt a connection like this, or this ecstatic happiness. Never has a dream felt this real.