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Chapter Eleven
It’s unsettling to watch Sam’s demeanour change completely. From confident and tender to stiff and withdrawn. His eyes immediately focus on the floor, on the sofa behind me, they roam the room looking anywhere but me. It instantly reminds me of an older version of myself, one where I hid behind a glass closet whenever my father was looking my way. It’s heartbreaking, but I understand why it has to be this way.
I wait for him to say something, but he stays looking down at the floor. It’s awkward, and for a second, I consider darting out without a word, but that’d be a recipe for disaster. Not that whatever this is won’t be messy, but still.
“Certainly, I-“ I try.
He ignores me, “Son, what are you doing here?”
He nods obediently, “I was talking to Theo about a piece, Um, that I heard tonight. That’s all, yeah.”
Oh. My. God. Is he being purposefully obtuse?&n
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a drink we call loneliness Chapter Twelve
Chapter twelve Sam Theo is coming over. Theo Oblinger, Economics professor and classically trained pianist is coming over to my dingy flat for dinner, and then God knows what else we’ll get up to after. I didn’t think he would accept, and he went ahead and surprised me by saying yes. It’s only noon, and I’ve just gotten back from London but I’m already planning what I’m going to make for him. The whole train ride I dozed off and then started thinking about what I could make for him. One of the things I like about me is that I’m ace at cooking. When I was a student, I couldn’t really afford to eat out except for the occasional cheap takeout, and my curiosity to try good food pushed me to learn to cook. Of course, I’m not a pro and my knowledge comes mostly from internet recipes, but I’ve been told I make a good meal. Andrea used to love my cooking, and she’d often volunteer to buy groceries so
a drink we call loneliness Chapter Thirteen
TheoI absolutely hate myself for being on my way to Brighton, instead of going home like I said I was going to. I’ve got no reason to be following through with this date, yet I still can’t help but go for it. Worst case scenario, we make out and never see each other again.I’m hopeless. It took me almost an hour to decide what to wear, and I still went back and changed one last time before leaving the house. The wine on my passenger seat is screaming “date” and although I don’t want to think of it that way, it’s pretty clear that for Sam, that’s what it is.I haven’t gone on a date for years now. Probably since I was still at uni. I was always more of an obsession for the guys that I was into than something worth knowing. Kevin took me to watch a film that he clearly wasn’t into, as all he did was yawn and caress my leg. Once it was over, we went straight
a drink we call loneliness Chapter Fourteen
TheoDinner was stellar. There’s an old, antiquate saying that goes something like “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”, and I couldn’t agree more at this moment. Throughout my life, I’ve had my fair share of posh dinners, even tried many different cuisines, yet the way the food was prepared with so much care beat them for me.He outdid every roast beef I’ve ever eaten, except my Nanny’s.The meal was rich and paired with the wine, has made our stomachs feel full and heavy. Not to mention that Sam is fun to chat with. He tells stories from everything from his patient's sweet stories to how he learned to cook. I don’t think he can tell how much I admire him, but he’s pretty much my favourite person to talk to now. When I went on about every mundane detail of my day, like telling him about how packed the petrol station was, he laughed with me and aske
a drink we call loneliness Chapter Fifteen
Theo The sea is calm, unwavering in front of us. It’s not an impressive sunset since it’s the middle of the winter, but it’s still hypnotizing to watch the waves come and roll away. I wonder if he’d like to take me on one of his famous walks…He startles me by reaching between us and grabbing my free hand from where it’s hanging off the armrest. I let him, because what else am I supposed to do? Not let myself indulge in his affection for a little while? “Did you like dinner?” he asks softly. I look at him. His eyes are lovely in the light of the setting sun, and his hair shines golden. It takes my breath away. How can someone be so beautiful and good and genuinely like me? I can’t stop the smile that spreads across my lips, “Yes. It almost beat my Nanny’s. So good.” He rolls his eyes, “Of course. So posh. It’s okay. I’m not a sore loser.” I feel myself grinning. He lifts our joined hands and kisses the back of my hand. It’s somewhere be
a drink we call loneliness Chapter Sixteen
TheoI break apart first and press my forehead against his. I feel a bit like I just saw myself kiss this beautiful man from a distance. His kisses are soft, gentle and unrushed, yet he took my breath away. As expected, he’s a terrific kisser, which only makes me want to stay even more. Here, with his arms holding me in place against his body, I feel safe.“Let’s go inside,” I say after taking a deep breath. Jesus. I’m panting. Like a dog. He’s flushed, and his hair is a mess (I did that.) I can’t stop staring at his pink lips. I give him a peck and he smiles against my mouth.“You sure?” he asks, the ever gentleman.I nod, and silently plead that he doesn’t make me say I want to go in for a snog before I leave. It’s getting too cold for me out here, and although his warmth is seeping through my skin, I’d rather be inside and comfortable. Somewhere in the back of m
a drink we call loneliness Chapter Seventeen
Chapter seventeenDecember 24th-TheoIt’s not until I’m halfway to my parent’s house that I notice I’m still wearing Sam’s sweatshirt, and it’s keeping me insanely warm. I don’t even know if it’s the thick material or just the memories from tonight that’s keeping my stomach warm and my cheeks flushed as I drive and drive in the quiet night and think about him.In a way, it feels right to finally know exactly how he feels about me, but on the other side, it’s terrifying to know that I have someone to share my life with. I never intended for this to happen, yet here I am, dating Sam. Beautiful, kind, courageous, righteous Sam.I’m walking a tightrope, tossing a coin in the air for him. It might just be the greatest thing in the world, or it could destroy me. The spontaneity of it all makes me ask myself whether it’s meant to last forever or if it’s somet
a drink we call loneliness Chapter Eighteen
Sam After dinner is served for the patrons, I head to the break room to send Theo a quick text. We have been texting a little during the day, not teenager style, because although I’d love that, we both have been busy all day. It doesn’t feel that way though, I don’t feel the need to be where he is at all times. As long as I know he’s safe, I’m happy. Sam (9:55 p.m): Hey the violin dude replacing you sucks Sam (9:55 p.m): wish you and your piano hands were here Sam (9:55 p.m): he’s good, but he’s not you I bite my lip and glance at my screen, waiting for his response. I know that once the third course needs to be served, I’ll have to dash out, but for now, I’ve got some time. The blue dots that indicate he’s typing show up after a beat, and then disappear before reappearing. I’m dying to know what he’s writing and rewriting. Theo (21:58): Don’t you dare insult a classical musician ever again in my presence Theo (21:58): But I wi
a drink we call loneliness Chapter Nineteen
SamDinner runs late. It’s about four in the morning when guests have finally gone home. The decoration was beautiful, and the menu looked delicious although I didn’t get to try anything because George forgot to set a plate aside for me. All in all, I can safely say it was a success. My feet are heavy, and my arms are tired, so I head into the staff room and plop down into one of the small sofas. The very same Theo sat in a few days ago when he thought I was here on a date.Once I explained the whole thing to him on the phone, he relaxed. We talked it out and laughed about it, and I could feel a weight being lifted off my chest. I’ve had my fair experience with jealous exes, and that I can handle. The screaming, the checking my phone when I’m asleep…not so much. Theo doesn’t seem like he’s into that, though. He didn’t even want to know her name. What a relief.I take my black bow tie off, and then I curse myself f
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