"I'm not going to sugarcoat things for you, Miss Mendez. You only have at least eight months to live based on your test results" My heart skipped a beat. My mom, who was trying hard not to cry, held my hand.
The doctor looked at me straightly but I can see her worries too.
I smiled at them both, telling them that it's okay.
"It's okay mum. Im fine, you don't need to be worried"
I am prepared.
I already knew this would happen to me. I know I won't live any longer in this chaotic but beautiful world.
I have cancer, some sort of malignant neoplasm of blood-forming tissues. It was discovered just last year because I noticed that I was getting a lot of bruises and I was paler as well. So I decided to have a check up, but it was a little too late.
"I am sorry to inform you that you're not getting any better. You have stage 4 acute lymphoblastic leukemia so you have to expect the worst"
The first time I heard that news, I was baffled. I felt so lost, I did not know what to do. I was feeling empty and low. Days and days passed by, all the people that I know came to support me but I shut them down. I don't want them to see me in this situation, wrecked and a mess. I don't want them to pity me, that's why I kept my distance. I ignored them.
"Vey, sweetheart let's go" I stared at my mom for a second then smiled at her again. She's really beautiful, she looks so young for her age too.
I stood up then bowed at the doctor. I also thanked her for taking care of me and guiding me in handling my condition cautiously.
The doctor then led our way out of her clinic.
As I've told you earlier, since I ignored all of them. When I left the house, I wandered off the mountains and let out all of my feelings, I screamed and I questioned the Creator. I asked Him what was the reason why he gave me this, and of all people why do I have to suffer like this. I stayed in the mountain tops for three days, I was cold, hungry and tired but I still did not get an answer.
Then all of a sudden my body felt so numb, I felt so woozy as if the world was turning around and all went black. I did not know what happened during the time I fainted.
"Are you sure you want to go there, dear?"
I nodded and smiled with assurance.
To continue my story about me wandering around the mountains, I woke up in a place. A quiet, peaceful and calming place after I fainted. It was peculiar as to how and why I got in here, a man then came inside. He told me everything that happened after I fainted. He was a pastor. I stayed in the guest room of the church for a week, and I shared my problems.
His only answer was "God has a plan ahead for you". At first, I didn't get him but in just a week of joining such church activities, sharing your feelings and views to the others, praying and putting more faith in Him and His words. I realized that his answer was right, my mind was clear and calm.
"Sweetheart we're here" I looked at her with excitement.
Staying in the church for a week made me realize that I don't need to be afraid because God has much better plans for me in heaven. I should not be afraid, rather I should be grateful because He gave me a situation that He knows I could handle it well and also excited because I could finally see Him up there.
"Hey, what are you thinking? Are you nervous?" She holds my hand tightly
"Nothing, and I am just a bit nervous" I answered
Today was my first day in college. It was never my parents' plan to let me continue my studies because they plan to make me go into chemotherapy but I insisted on going to college. I really wanted to pursue my dream, so in the end they agreed
And here I am now, entering the campus.
"Thanks mum" She replied with a smile and then we went straight to the dean's office for guidance
"Welcome Mrs. Mendez and Veronika, welcome to our campus" The dean greeted us warmly and let us sat down the chairs
So mum and the dean started talking about some things that I did not understand, then all of a sudden mum's phone rang.
"I'm sorry Dean, an emergency came. Please take care of my Veronika" The dean nodded and smiled with assurance to my mom
"Vey, will you be alright on your own?" She wore her worried face when she said that and for some weird reason, I find it cute.
"Yeah mum, It's alright don't worry" So all three of us stood up to go outside the office.
Mum hugged me and waved goodbye then she rushed outside the campus. When me and the dean were the only one left, she escorted me to my room.
Some of the students were currently looking at me. They're probably wondering why I entered class in the middle half of the semester. I've got to admit, walking here and seeing lively people makes me feel happy.
"And here we are, let's go inside your room and meet your blockmates Veronika" I just smiled at her. She lead the way in and I followed her
Everyone was looking at me, some smiled and some were not really happy to see me so I am kinda nervous right now.
The Dean is actually talking to the professor in class right now. I guess she is also the adviser.
This is kinda cool, I met a lot of lady professionals in just a day.
"Class, she will be your new blockmate. Take care of her, I'll be leaving now" Said the dean
Which leaves me alone standing in front of these people that I don't really know. I'm feeling butterflies in my stomach right now.
What should I do? I'm not used to this. I didn't do introductions even when I was a kid. I grew up being timid and shy.
"Why don't you introduce yourself to the whole class" The teacher smiled at me after saying that. Oh good, she's not a strict teacher. Well hey, I don't know her yet but they say that first impressions are right.
To be honest, I am shaking. I really hate things like this. Why do I have to introduce myself? I mean, what's the purpose? The teacher already knows my name so why cant she just tell the others? Right? Am I right or what?
Right. I'm wrong.
Geez.
"I-im Veronika Race Mendez. Im 18 turning 19 this coming October. My supposed real name is actually Veronica with a C and Grace, not Race but I guess the typewriter made a mistake well anyways, personally I think my name is kinda cool and I like it. I hope you guys are gonna be good to me and make friends with me. Thank you"
And didn't I say I'm not nervous at all? Hah. I did it. I survived and conquered my fear.
Yeah, the fear of talking in front of many people.
Since I was young, I've been really shy. I seldom talk to other people but that changed a bit when I met my adorable, lively and talkative best friend. We're the total opposites but we clicked, it's like we're really fated to be friends.
"Go find a seat now" I nodded and headed straight towards the vacant chair in the mid right corner near the windows.
As I sat down, the professor started her lessons already so I listened and yawned, just kidding. I dont yawn in public, it's too contagious and I might get caught.
Listening.
It has been ten minutes and I noticed that my seatmate at the back was poking me so I turned to face him. He smiled at me like we've known each other for so long but I didn't smile back because I felt weird.
"I'm reminding you about your bucket list journal. Submit it next week, okay? Oh for Ms. Mendez, it is by pair. Class dismiss" She headed straight towards the door.
What? By pair? How am I supposed to find a pair right now? I don't even know these people.
"Hey, the name's Killian. I don't have a pair so I guess you're my partner" I faced him then looked at him with a weird expression. He is feeling a bit close.
I didn't really have any guy friends in my entire life because most of them bullied me. Especially when we're kids, they bully me because I was so pale and skinny. So I kinda hated the idea of having guys as friends.
"Don't worry, I don't bite" He laughed softly at his own joke while I'm just staring at him straight. He is really weird. Weirder than I am.
Am I really stuck with this guy? No other girl that has no pair?
Looking.
Dang it. No one. They are all busy talking about their plans and applying makeup on their faces. I guess I'm stuck.
I just need to act normal. If I want to get through this semester, I have to get along with others without them knowing I have cancer. So I guess, I'm starting with this guy. I'll change my views and attitude starting now.
Changing.
"Okay. Let's be partners, call me Vey." I smiled at him gracefully. He just stared at me for a moment and it's already making me conscious. Is there something wrong with my face? Is there dirt? Or some kind of germs?
Why was he staring at me like that? His stares were really making me feel awkward and the other feeling that I could not explain.
I have never felt this before. I always knew what I'm feeling. I could always tell but right now it's just unexplainable. Like my whole blood is coming up to my cheeks making me so hot.
"You're cute when you blush. I'm going to call you Race so call me Killian, everyone here calls me Heiro" Was I blushing? Is he playing around with me?
Ugh. Why am I feeling so strange right now? Him calling me Race makes me a bit happy. He's the first one calling me that.
Aish. I can't take this anymore. I need to go home. The class is already over so I think I could go outside. I have to figure out this feeling.
I could not possibly like him. No. That's impossible. I'm already set. I don't need to have a boyfriend or a special someone that's going to get hurt more than me when I leave. And besides, I only met this guy today. Who knows what kind of man he really is.
Since we don't have a class scheduled every Friday. I also did not have any plans. I forgot to make a plan because I was so hung up on figuring out what I felt yesterday. Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I better check my SNS first. Same old news, same old viral videos, same old messages, same old faces, same ol-wait, a new friend request and a message request. Who could it be? Click. Killian Je with captain hooks profile picture. Eh? Killian, my block mate? Should I accept him? Wait, I better read his message first. Maybe it's important. You know, I always get 'How are you' , 'Are you doing fine' , 'You okay' messages. I know they're all concerned but I hate it, it's like they really pity me so mom explained why they sent me those and now I kind of am trying to understand them. Opening. Killian Je: [Can I come over to your house? We need to make our bucket list] Well at least that's a refreshing new message to read but what will I re
"Can any of you give me the definition of Probability?" The teacher asked the whole class. Probability. What is the probability of me having a longer life here on earth? I guess 1 out 10 chances. I'm not really worried about that. If my probability to live is less than the others, then I might as well live my life to the fullest and enjoy the little things that come my way. Now what would be the first thing that I would do? Should I follow my bucket list? I know there is also a least probability that I will finish all that was written on the list in just eight months but nevertheless I will do all of it, or at least I will try my best to. "Miss Mendez, do you mind if you share your daydream with us?" I was surprised because everyone was looking at me and the teacher was right in front of me. That happened real quick. What should I do? This is embarrassing. I wanna slap myself right now. Ugh. "I-i was thinking about it's
It had been three days since that awkward confession happened and guess what?I told Mal about it and it seemed like she was more excited than me. Well of course, I felt a little excited because it was my first time being courted but I could not forget the fact that I'm not here to stay any longer. I'm a time ticking bomb, I could explode any moment.I am currently at school because it's Wednesday and we have a class schedule for certain subjects."Race, what are you thinking?" Killian asked, I faced him. We're here at the cafeteria eating lunch together. It was kinda awkward because most of the students eating were looking at us.Especially his ex-girlfriend along with her squad. If looks can kill then I probably would not last in eight months, I would be lying right now in my customized coffin."Nothing. It's just that everybody is staring at us" I simply told him.He told me the other day that h
"How did you do all of this?" I asked them. Killian held my hand and faced me. Mal just smiled behind him."You want to cover songs in a recording studio right?" He softly asked me. I smiled and nodded. Since I was a kid I wanna do this."Heiro and I made this. It was supposed to be a vacant room but I asked mom if it's alright if I make a recording studio and she agreed. Do you like it, Vey?" Mal excitedly said.I looked at the designs, the piano, the sound systems, all there is in a real recording studio. I can't believe it's really here.Although, I always wanted to record in a real studio with music producers and directors but their efforts are really...I can't explain it. It's unexplainable."We know it's not the exact studio with directors and producers..." Killian said but I did not let him finish his speech."Are you kidding me? I-I love it. This is really incredible you guys, I mean no words can e
Time flies so fast that I did not even notice it's the last week of August. I've been very busy also because Killian and I were assigned to sing an original country song in honor of the Language Month celebration this Friday.We've been practicing but most of the time having fun on the things that we're doing.Oh I have crazy news, our video having a duet went viral. Crazy right? I never thought it would be a hit and the cover of songs Mal gave to her step dad was a hit as well.Everytime I turn on the radio, I hear a lot of listeners texting the DJ to play my cover songs. How cool is that?"Race we need to do our last practice now in the theatre hall" Since then Killian and I have been inseparable. It's like our bodies are glued together. Everytime we have an activity that is done by a pair, we instantly stare at each other giving a signal.And now we are heading to the theatre hall together for practice. Mom and Dad
"Y-you don't know what happened." That was the only phrase she could say.Please, I thought this was a scary fight. Now I think I'm the bad girl here. Somebody give me a lioness, not a kitty cat."Maybe, but I do know that you're being desperate. He's never coming back to you so just move on. Go find another toy to play with. That's what you're good at right?" After I said that she slapped me again. Is that all she can do? No pulling of hair? Tearing of clothes? Throwing of high heels like I always see in the movies?"She's all yours. Do whatever you want with her" My heart skipped a beat. W-what? Is she going to leave me with these pervert looking guys?No. Please no."Go get the camera ready Gabe. This is going to be fun" He put on his evil smile. God help me. I don't want to die right now.Just close your eyes Veronika. This is all just a dream. A nightmare to be exact. Close your eyes and everything wi
Killian took me home safely yesterday. He told my parents what happened and that he was gonna take care of it. He also said that it would be best if I would be absent the whole day today but I insisted on going. I don't want to be absent because if I do, they would probably think that I'm scared of them and I will never give them that satisfaction until my last breath. I changed my clothes and got out of the house after eating my breakfast. I'm now riding a taxi on my way to the campus. After twenty minutes with a traffic delay I finally arrived at campus. I paid the driver my fare and got outside of his taxi. Walking alone, I always put my earphones on so I dont have to hear their nonsense gossip everyday. I mean why talk about something that isnt true or if it is true why waste your time on that? Time is too precious to waste. At least for me it is. I am still walking but I sensed something strange
Two weeks have passed since that fiasco. Everything went smoothly, after that talk we had with the Dean. She then met with the faculty about the case, and they decided to expel Sasha and her minions due to the embarrassment they had caused on campus.That exact night, the Dean, I mean, auntie, visited me at home, then she told us about their final decision. Fortunately for those three, I begged my auntie to change their decision because if they expelled them, no other campus would accept them. Their future will be ruined, and I don't want that to happen to them. I know they also have future plans in life that they want to achieve.She hesitated at first, but I didn't give up on as