Chapter 4- Amara

Banging on the door wakes me from my sleep. I fell asleep naked on the bathroom floor. My neck has a crick in it and I’m freezing. Damn it. I need a shower I smell like dried blood and sex, oh right my asshole mate claimed and marked me last night. Let’s not forget the part where said asshole mate doesn't want to have pups with me because he hates me. Did he really think I would buy the whole ‘it’s not a good time thing’? I mean seriously who the fuck says that.  

“Open the fucking door, Amara. I’m not in the mood I have to get Lana up and ready for the day. I don’t have time for your shit right now.” Matteo yells through the door as he bangs on it. “Open it now, Amara. I can hear your fucking heart picking up. You made your point. I get it you're pissed about the pup thing, but I’m not doing this right now with you.” 

Rolling my eyes I unlock the door and open it. “I’ll get Lana up, I know her morning routine. I’ll bring her to you for breakfast like normal.” 

His angry expression changes. “Uh, thanks, but Lana hasn’t exactly been herself. It might be better if I’m there to help in case she tries clawing at your face.” 

“I’m not afraid of her, Alpha. I can handle her. I just need to shower real quick. I also need clothes.” I inform him as he walks past me. 

“I had someone go and buy some clothes for you last night. I'll let you shop for the rest.” He says picking up his tooth brush. If I wasn't mad at him I’d admire his sexy bed head look, but I’m pissed. 

“Where are my things?” 

He clears his throat. “I uh tossed everything that was in your room after Cheryl's funeral.” 

“What? You threw everything away, everything?” My voice hitches. 

“Well I think most of it got donated at least what could be donated the rest got trashed, sorry.” I don’t buy his sorry. He really doesn’t give a shit about me. 

I feel tears burn my eyes. “What about a baby book? Please, it was the only thing my father gave me before he died six weeks after my brith.” I plead, hoping the book will just appear. 

Matteo’s face turns guilty. “I’m sorry, Amara, I don’t know what happened. Something like that probably got thrown out.” 

“That’s all I had of him. How could you just toss my things like that without thinking? I get you hate me and you're pissed, but that was mine. My money and things you just tossed because you were upset. That book meant everything to me. It had the only pictures I have of him and I together, the only memories I’ll ever have, and his only note to me.” The tears spill out my eyes. I don’t even know where to go or what to do. I stormed out of the bathroom. 

I make way for the bed. Forget about everything. I’m too upset right now. I feel like I lost my dad, for once I feel true loss for him. I have nothing left of him. Nothing. Then I see the stupid pills and pamflets on the night sand with the bottle of water. Anger burns in my veins. I knew Matteo hated me, I know he blames me for Cheryl's death, but seriously I didn’t think he’d be so cruel to me. He’s just taken from me at every turn. 

I’m so intently staring at the nightstand willing the pills to burst into flames that I never heard Matteo come up behind me. “I’m sorry, Amara I didn’t know.” 

“You didn’t know because you didn’t ask. Just like you never asked how I felt about never having pups.” I spin on my heels to face him. “Looks like your fucking me in the ass because I refuse to take birth control. You don’t want pups, either fuck me in the ass or put a condom on because it’s not my choice, it’s yours so if you want that to be the finale choice then you have your options from me. Oh, and I’m not taking those pills, so if you want me to you’ll have to shove them down my throat, or use your alpha aura because I’m not doing it. Now, if you’ll excuse me I have to get ready for my day.” I shove past him leaving everything behind me. 

I storm into the bathroom and turn on the shower. I’m so angry at him. I didn’t realize I was entering a dictatorship, I should have known I was though. I guess second chance mates really are cursed. I don't know what the hell I did to piss the moon goddess off, but I’m clearly paying for it now. 

Matteo walks in, he's changed for the day and looks all sexy. He sets the pills with the bottle of water down on the sink counter. “Take them, Amara. I will make you if you don’t do it on your own. Take it before I leave.” 

“No.” I state, entering the shower. I hear him growl. 

He opens the shower door. “Take them now, or so help me Amara I will make you.” 

“No, not unless you tell me you will at least consider pups in the future.” 

“Amara, I’m not promising you that. My mate is dead, Lana mother is dead, you just entered our lives, there is just too much change. It’s not a good time. Lana isn’t stable for so much change.” 

“Excuses, Alpha. I know you hate and blame me, but it wasn’t my fault! I saved your daughter. I did the right thing. The fact that you think I don’t care enough about Lana’s condition shows you don’t even know the relationship I have with your daughter. I’m not asking to have a pup right now, but I want it to be an option for the future. It’s not fair for you to decide that just like it wasn’t fair that you threw everything I owned away. Either make me take the pill or tell me there's a chance for pups in the future.” I stand my ground. 

“I won’t make promises I don’t know if I can keep. It’s not just about Lana, I don’t know if I want more pups. You’re asking me to make a promise to you that I will probably break.” He pleads with me. 

More tears burn my eyes. “Then do it, make me take them. Prove that you hate me so much you’d force this choice on me without taking my feelings into consideration.” 

Matteo growls. “Take the fucking pills, Amara.” He commands his alpha aura hitting me hard. 

My heart twists in my chest. I’m nothing to him. I resist his command even though it’s physically killing me, but I don’t care. I’d rather die than be stuck living some cursed life. Doomed to never have a family. I know I have Lana and I will love her like my own, but I always wanted children of my own. I wanted to experience pregnancy and birth. If Matteo hates me so badly to force this fate on me then he will never care about me. He will always blame me. He will make my life hell. 

“Take the pills.” He yells at me making his aura even stronger and I fall down in the shower crying out. 

My body feels like thousands of nails are being forced into my skin. My wolf is howling in my head pissed that I’m defying our alpha. I don't care. Right now I’m finding it hard to fight to live. “I wish the rogue killed me because then I would have died not ever knowing my mate, now I’ll die by the hands of my mate.” I bite out as it becomes hard to breathe. 

“Fuck!” Matteo screams as he drops his aura. He glares at me. “Don’t take the pills, but if you get pregnant from this I will cast you and our pup out of our pack. I’m not fucking playing games with you, Amara. Don’t take birth control, I’ll fuck you in the ass because it’s still better than my fucking hand. I’m getting Lana up and ready. Finish your shower and get fucking ready for the day. Meet us downstairs for breakfast.” He snarls at me. 

Matteo leaves as my breathing begins to even out. After several moments I stand up and finish my shower. With shaky legs I step out and find towels. When I get into the bedroom there are several bags of new clothes. I’m still upset about my stuff being tossed out, but I’m devastated about my baby book. Everything else was replaceable, but not that. I hold back fresh tears as my reality crashes around me. Right now I feel the loss of my father and I wish I was surrounded by my mother and sisters. I wish I had comfort in memories like they have. Some things just aren’t fair I remind myself gently as I look through the bags of clothes. 

I settle on a cream colored bohemian skirt, a pretty lace lavender long sleeve shirt, gold flats, and nude panties and bra. Getting dressed I dread coming back here tonight. Matteo almost killed me with his damn demand for those pills. I’m not taking them. If I get pregnant and he kicks me and our pup out of the pack I’ll go live with my mom and sister or my other sister. Fuck Matteo and his unfair demands. For now I’m going to focus on helping Lana. She needs me and I think in some way I need her too. 

On my way down to breakfast I decide I’m going to try sleeping in Lana’s room tonight. I can put her to bed and just fall asleep with her. Matteo won’t wake me and make me come back with him because he won’t risk waking Lana. He’s also shit at moving people in their sleep. I’ve seen him with Lana before. He always insisted he could get her out of the carseat and not wake her up, or move from the couch to her bed, it never worked. The man is a giant brute who enjoys fighting, killing, and beating the shit out of others. There is no way he could raise Lana on his own. 

Last night I saw it in his eyes when he told me about Lana. His frustration etched in face like he’s been struggling for the last three months on his own. He has no idea how to comfort her while he’s dealing with his own grief. I’ve already mourned Cheryl. She was nice to me and we were involved with each other's lives, but we weren’t friends. Cheryl always thought herself a bit higher than others, that stereotypical Alpha blood attitude that they are better than everyone. Matteo and Lana are still mourning though and they are struggling on their own. I’d help Matteo if he’d fucking let me instead of hating me, blaming me, and make major life choices for me. You can’t help those who don’t want to be helped, so I will help little Lana because I know she is someone I can help. Lana is someone who has no problem asking for help from the right person. 

Lana might be Matteo’s world and daddy’s little girl, but Lana has a level of fear when it comes to her father. He’s an alpha, a scary alpha, and he’s not always the softest person to be around. Matteo, like most alpha males, has sharp edges and very little smooth ones. It’s how they are bred and raised. Matteo intimidates many people including his daughter. Matteo is intimidating, but I’m not a woman who’s going to go down without a fight. I might not play dirty, or rough, but I will fucking fight if someone threatens me. I’m good with words and I know how to use them as weapons. I’ve made people cry on a few occasions. I didn’t mean to say I was just so hurt and angry it snapped. 

It’s funny you think that when a werewolf snaps it would be something violent like tearing someone to shreds and that’s how it is for many, but not me. I’m not a fighter. I like to mind my own business, do what good I can, help who I can, and live my life how I want. I’m all for following rules and respecting those above us, but I don't like having my life be dictated for me which is what Matteo is trying to do. It rubs me the wrong way causing this rebellious side to come out of. My words are what stopped Matteo earlier, I know that. I wasn’t even trying to stop him I was just trying to get one last fuck you in before he killed me. My words affected him and he dropped his aura. Maybe he really doesn't hate me that much after all because that was the perfect time to kill me, if he hated me like he acts like he does my words would have made him finish me, not save me. Maybe I can reach him, or maybe I’m just cursed as a second chance mate. 

Entering the dining room I notice the table is all set and the food is ready to be served, but Lana and Matteo aren’t here. DId I miss them? I didn’t take that long knowing it would piss Matteo off and I’m not trying to piss him off anymore than I already have. Did he decide to be a dick and have breakfast with Lana out or somewhere else in the house? Just as I’m about to ask one of the workers where the alpha is I hear the patter of footsteps that skid to a halt as they enter the room. 

“Slow down, Lana.” I hear Matteo boom through the halls. 

I turn around and there is Lana staring at me in the doorway. “Hey stinker.” I say with a smile. 

“Lana!” She screams as she runs into my arms. I pick her up in my arms and spin her around once before we stop facing Matteo. “Daddy, you brought Amara back to me!” She squeals as she squeezes me. 

“I sure did, sweetie.” He responds, taking a seat looking worn the hell out already. Damn how hard of a time did Lana give him because he didn’t look that tired when he left me on the shower floor. I glare at him for trying to take credit for bringing me back to Lana. 

“Actually, I believe it was the moon goddess as she made us mates.” I say with a bubbly attitude setting Lana down. “If it was up to your daddy I’d still be in a dungeon or dead.” I say the last part through the mind link to Matteo that earns a growl from him. 

Lana spins to him. “Daddy no growling at the table.” She corrects him with a hand on her hips. “You said no growling at the table to me when I did it so you can’t do it either.” 

I press my lips in a thin line trying to stuffle the laugh trying to escape. Well that went way better than I planned. I was trying to be a bit of bitch since I’m pissed at him for many reasons that are far too long to list at the present moment. Note to self make a list of all the reasons I’m pissed at my mate who hates me. Lana correcting Matteo for his growling at the table, princessless. 

Smirking at Matteo, I help Lana sit in her chair. Matteo glares at me. “Don’t fucking start, Amara. I had a bad morning thanks to you and my daughter.” He growls through the mind link. 

“Well, I didn’t have a good morning either, or did you forget when you forced your alpha aura on me, almost killing me I might add. All because I won’t accept the fact that you are taking my only chance at having my own pups, alpha. I love Lana and I will love her like my own, but I want to carry a pup in my belly, to experience it. You are taking that from me.” I snap back at him through the link. I don’t think I’ve actually argued with someone through the mind link before. 

“Not now, Amara, just drop it for now, for fucks sake.” He growls back through the mind link. The two of us glaring daggers at one another while the workers serve us breakfast. Lana is happily eating her breakfast unaware of the death glare showdown between her father and I. 

Thanking the workers for breakfast I dig into my poached eggs and hashbrowns with bacon. I enjoy my breakfast till Lana screams. I look over to her and she’s pissed about something. I hear Matteo sigh. “Where is my purple cup?” She demands. 

“It was probably dirty, sweetie. What’s wrong with the pink cup?” Matteo asks, trying to reason with her while trying to figure out while she is having a mental breakdown over a cup. 

“I don’t like the pink cup.” Lana pouts. 

“You liked it before so what’s the damn problem with it now?” Matteo asks, frustrated. Oh no, wrong question and wrong attitude for the situation. I can see Lana about to explode with either tears or rage as she holds her breath as she prepares for her outburst, neither is going to end well. Good job, dad, I think sarcastically to myself. 

“Lana, why does the pink cup upset you?” I quickly ask. Lana looks at me and lets out a long breath. She looks sad. 

“It’s the cup I had at breakfast with mom before she died that day.” Lana confesses. I look at Matteo who I expected to look pissed at me, but instead guilt is what I see. He was about to flip out on Lana before he realized why she was even upset. 

“I’m sorry, stinker, I can understand why it upsets you. Hey, tell me a fun memory about the cup before mommy died.” I distract her. 

“Mommy and I used to take it to the park when we would go. We called it the park cup.” She beams a missing tooth smile. 

“Well, how about you think about those happy memories when you see the cup and not the sad one. Can you do that for me, stinker?” I ask with a sweet smile. 

“I can do anything for you, Amara, you're my favorite person ever!” She exclaims, picking up the pink cup filled with milk and drinks from it. 

“Thank you, my little stinker, you’re my favorite person too.” I kiss her on the head. 

Looking over at Matteo he looks dumbfounded and still a bit guilty. I clear my throat to get Matteo to pick his jaw up off the ground at his clear shock of my defusion of the situation. Kids just want adults to take them seriously and not always think they are overreacting especially after something sad, tragic, or traumatizing. Lana might have not seen that rouge tear her mother apart, but she heard it. That day changed her life forever and now she struggles to adjust to her new reality. Lana needs help processing her grief, she needs someone to make her feel like she is seen. Matteo is an alpha of the most respected  and wealthiest pack there is, he is extremely busy and he’s also struggling to accept his new reality. He can’t help Lana the way he wishes he could, so I will help her for him and because I love that girl. Lana is partly my responsibility as Matteo’s mate and if anything that is what will make this whole damn second mate bullshit worth it.