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chapter forty two
"Sometimes I wonder what's the point of this, everything after her but then I see you smile, listen to your laughter and let u kiss me. That's when, for a brief moment, I see. I see the point. The rain settles deep into my bones, I ache for things I do not know, things I did not know I could want.
The door to my studio is open, you sit with your laptop spread out in front of you and I stare. I stare and find meaning in life once again. How much longer do I have to pretend that I do not love her?"
"Oh god Young Jae, all of this is so beautiful," She huffed a little. "You need to put it out in the world. I had no idea of the extent of pain you were going through. I just- God, I am so sorry."
"You know, Noona, People say they want their lovers or more precisely, their loved ones to never hurt but when you were in Paris I used to wish that you did. I wished that the ache I have in my chest bounced off yours a
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ENIGMA chapter forty three
//If someone was to ask me why I write so much about you, or about love in general I would have no answer. What must I say? That you consume all over? Or does my love for you do that? How do I tell them that I had been so far banished from intimacy in all stages of my life that the mere sight of it feels like an opportunity to be grabbed? How do I tell a stranger that there is so much pain, so much suffering I've witnessed, been a part of, that I can't let out of my chest? It's like a dragon, chased and locked up in a cage so small it has compressed itself. How do I tell them that if I were to twist the cage's lock open, I'm afraid I'll never be able to close it again? That it'll chase away all that is left of me? All that I want to have and to be? I wonder if you'd be able to look past it, look past the green moss over my mind, past the rusting on my heart and finally see what I've been hiding? The little boy that had been far too afraid of what they said was 'love'.&nb
ENIGMA chapter one
More often than not, people think they have nothing but pain to offer to their lover. Maya thought the same for me but all I saw was how complex and giving one must be to think that they're nothing but pain to others. We're all made of a thousand different things and emotions, some show, some don't. Neither of us are better than the other. You just need to look for the person who thinks the pain you give is beautiful. - Young-Jae always found life to be unpredictable. He could never guess something coming his way, it was as if on any coming day a life-changing surprise could be knocking at his front door in the morn
ENIGMA chapter two
Young-Jae's hands furiously worked on the keyboard of his laptop, a cigarette clasped between his teeth, and his brows furrowed together into a frown. He was ordering a few accessories for himself, more specifically for his next Livestream. He pulled the cigarette out to blow the smoke out of his mouth as he leaned back in his chair putting it off on the ashtray kept by his side.It was a never-tiring cycle for him, excitedly scrolling through so many products and imagining what he would look like wearing them or how it'd feel to have so much leather or metal on his skin. Would he like it? Would he not? Nevertheless, it was pretty much the only happy time he had.He looked through almost every item available on the website currently, only two getting his attention. One a black leather choker and the other one being a matte black hand harness which he would completely body. After placing his order, Young-Jae closed his laptop and got up f
ENIGMA chapter three
I feel your hands on me hours after you're gone, my fingertips feel like I had them dipped into your cologne when in actuality, everything I touch turns into you. You might not be here right now but I flush like your eyes are still above mine, full of mischief and mirth. And when I turn over in bed, all I feel is the unstable beating of your heart. Tell me now, was it just lies or were your brown eyes lying when they told me how beautiful I looked? My muscles ache, my body writhes; only because even when you're away, you're close enough. - Young Jae had just finished his food when his phone's screen lit up and the music toned down slightly telling him that he just got a notification. He grabbed it only to find someone had followed his personal Twitter account. He frowned opening the notification since he never really used that account, he just used the NSFW one. 'Ja
ENIGMA chapter four
'No, how could he- Was it really her?'Young-Jae was fucked in bold capital letters that were stamped across his forehead.He had to be a fool to not know his own boss' name or even face. Minjae's face was literally the least he could've known about his boss considering that he had been working here for over a whole month. The easiest shift of one to six at first since it mostly had a few customers who wanted a simple order of Iced Americano and some random dessert while they sat in the expensive cafe with their laptops and glasses out.Two weeks later, Seok-Min told him that the rest of the time was too busy and he needed help considering he worked full time so there Jae had stood, wearing his work shirt and apron as he placed orders on different tables, sweating profusely."Where'd you go, Min? Too flustered to clap back now?", Minjae laughed loud and obnoxious, obviously amused by his shocked st
ENIGMA chapter five
Your hands itch to hold onto my hips, I wait for you to do it while I button your shirt back up. There is a smile, soft and hesitant as you whisper my name thrice under your breath. Once into the air, twice into my hair. A kiss to my forehead and handprints imprinted on my skin, once again I feel like I'm floating, walking on thin ice as I thank God for not letting you say it for the fourth time. Please break my heart, please love me, please want me, please hurt me. Do whatever you want w me, just let it be me. Right now, before, after let it be me and not him. - His phone dinged again when he was just about to turn the damn recorder again. He sighed annoyingly but opened her messages again. JAEMINMIN:How old are you? MINYOUNG-JAE:i'm 26 MINYOUNG-JAE:and u JAEMINMIN:
ENIGMA chapter six
With a curt nod, Young-Jae scurried behind the counter to make the chamomile tea again while she fished her phone out, deciding to toy with him a little more. Young-Jae's phone dinged and he flinched very slightly but clicked on the notification thinking it was another comment on his cam account.JAEMINMIN:Hey :)MINYOUNG-JAE:hiJAEMINMIN: How are you? I just got a break at work.MINYOUNG-JAE:okMINYOUNG-JAE:hbuJAEMINMIN:I am good too.JAEMINMIN: Hey, your pictures are very nice!MINYOUNG-JAE:thanksJAEMINMIN: wanna see mine?The man ran a hand through his hair, thinking if he wanted to get rid of the mullet for a second but then again he thought it gave him a rich look so
ENIGMA chapter seven
Even the changing landscapes weren't enough to drown out how much I missed you. It is wrong, I know. It is not supposed to happen, I know but I still want to keep you close to me whenever and however possible. I know it might be for just a second but I would still choose a second in your arms over millions in somebody else's. The sun sets, lights drown out and that is when you come to me. You come to me when the ache from another 'her' returns and I welcome you with arms wide open. It could be days, weeks, months, years from now and I'd still welcome you with arms aching from being held up in the air because I know it is wrong, I know it is not supposed to happen but I will forever choose a second with you than millions with others. - Young-Jae had sent 'jaeminmin' a double text over two hours ago but she hadn't replied yet. He sighed finishing up after uploading his video on
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