The smile that spreads across my face is genuine for the first time in a long while.
" Hey man!" Stan bellows " wanna spill some paint?"
" Let's do it." Adrenaline is pumping through my veins. I can already feel the pleasure of holding a paint brush in my hand.
The smell of a long-lasting friendship hangs thickly in the air.
*. *. *
I am tied to one of the dining chairs in the room. Randy is sitting on an empty beer crate before me, a can of beer in hand. The ropes cut deep into my wrists and I cry out in pain. Randy's face is a contorted mask of delight. Saliva pools besides his mouth. I am scared of his bloodshot eyes; those eyes have been my tormentor for as long as I can remember. Mama isn't here to rescue me.
" Papa please let me go." I cry out in pain.
" You are a bastard son without a father. I am not your papa." Randy says, spit sprays unto my face.
" Your Mama is a whore and you are the cursed child nobody wants." Randy is at his favorite game of cursing again.
Suddenly his face changes to that of Lucifer's, with horns. Fire smokes out of his eyes, his eyes, his nose. There is fire everywhere. I wet myself before I scream.
I wake with fright. The tee shirt I wore to bed is soaked in sweat. My hands are shaking as usual. I have been having another nightmare, the same kind that haunted my childhood.
I get out of bed and take some aspirin to relieve my head of the pressure. Suddenly I feel the need to drain my mind of the noise that has become my curse. My sketchbook occupies its usual position besides my bed. I pick it up and begin to sketch, letting the pain and anger flow through my fingers onto the paper. My strokes are deft and shaky so the paper gets crumpled along the way. Finally, I am done and can feel the weight loosening in my head. I do not bother to look at what I had drawn on the paper.
" Silence. " I say as I lay down again on my bed. I pull the blanket up to my chin and listening to Dolly Parton singing her ' Coats of Many Colors', I slowly sink into a dreamless sleep.
* * *
JOSIE
" They say he killed the man... Little boy that he was, killed a man " Dad is telling me about the young man who moved into Mr. Jeremy's home.
"He is Mr. Jeremy's nephew too. Patty told me Jeremy's nephew was in town " I reply.
" Kid has the curse on him. Poor child. "
New residents are often easily noticed in a small town such as ours. His arrival has become news that sparked mixed reaction. While some are determined to have nothing to do with him, a few such as myself and dad think it couldn't be that bad if the law had let him go.
" New teacher showed up in Mr. Jeremy' s place " I tell dad
"So soon, well what do you think about him? "
" Young. " I simply say while wiping dishes Dad has washed.
"Tomorrow I am going to speak about the Navajo to my class. " I tell Dad. I think he senses the anxiety in my voice.
" You are great, you know that right? Just like your momma, you gonna do great, My Culutiwa"
Mom used to call me Culutiwa. It is the name of the traditional bird of our people believed to be the bringer of happiness. I am glad Dad stills calls me same name and I believe I would do well because he says so.
It is with shaky legs that I mount the podium in front of my mates. I am not the type that talks a lot among peers. I am sure Mr. Winchester is staring at me from across the room.
"Hello peeps. " I am nervous and I know it's obvious.
" So as most of y'all know, I am Navajo from Utah. I was brought up on folklores. So I guess studying American history helps me know more about my people and maybe one day, I can let the world know more about us. " My confidence continues to rise as I speak.
" We are the original owners of this land yet we have the lowest standard of living. It ain't right. To control the present and correct the future, we must understand the past. "
The applause that greets my little speech is deafening. This is the first time I have spoken in a crowd of more than three since a long time now.
* * *
DANIEL
My pretty student from the other day is also smart. I am getting more attracted to her. Maybe it isn't right but it's a good feeling. I imagine running my fingers through that dark hair. How can a girl look this pretty in faded tees and jeans?
I sit through the rest of my period without really focusing on the rest of it. My mind is caught up in a place it has no business with.
The class is soon over and I sight her leaving alone, backpack slung across her left shoulder. She is without the hippie friend.
" Hey Josie" I hear myself calling. She stops a second in her track before turning, a perplexed look on her face.
" Nice presentation there "
" Really? Thank you sir " The smile on her face is priceless. I say nothing and she turns to leave.
" Say, do you know a place where I could grab lunch? " I ask on impulse for lack of what to say.
" I do. I work there afternoons."
" Oh great. So, mind hitching a ride or you driving? ". I hold my breath fearing she would decline.
" I am good. I don't drive " I let out a sigh of relief.
" Good. Let's go then. "
"... Jeremy's nephew is in town too, heard the kid is a demon though. Young man killed his father. Such a bad child! ".
The words of the African woman who owns the kitchen echoes in my head as I drive home. Lunch is ruined for me.
Josie had just introduced me to the talkative old lady when she began to talk about Jeremy's nephew being in town. Obviously Riverside isn't aware of who I am. I don't think they know who my Mama was either. The papers, its the only way they must have known.I am blinded with rage by the time I pull up in my driveway. I had left the kitchen in a hurry leaving Josie and Patty confused. I haven't been this mad since I left Florida." I would only be the ruin of her. " I tell myself about Josie. She's young and pretty and would soon be leaving high school. Bringing my cursed self into her life would cause her nothing but pain. I am determined not to see Josie again to save her the pain and to stop myself from wanting her, only this would be near impossible to achieve.
Thinking about her makes me want to see her. I push away the thought." I don't need the girl. I don't worth her. " I say silently." What girl? " Trace asks. I must have said that aloud.My face goes red with embarrassment and I laugh nervously to hide it."Aww, Trace, nobody. There is no girl. "Trace looks at me with that cynical look of hers. I am convinced the lady is a mind reader. She laughs mockingly at me and sluggishly push her pregnant body away from the studio. I am left alone with Stan." I painted that during the one week I spent in Florida some years back" Stan says pointing to a watercolor hanging on the wall." It's be
Prom Night"Ann, Ann is that you? " Dad asked playfully upon seeing me in my mother's prom dress."No dad. It's Josie" I reply smiling" You look so much like her on that blessed night. " Dad walks up the short flight of stairs to me." Princessa, you know she's proud of you wherever she is right? " he asks taking my slender wrist in his large hand."I know. "" Good girl. So, what are you gonna do? "" Make her proud, Dad. " I reply. This has been our thing since mom died: Dad reminding me of how great I was and how mom expects me to make her proud from the great beyond. I know Dad wants me to be the perfect daughter, he's so scared o
JOSIESitting out here with Daniel is cool. I shock myself by using his first name. I feel like I have known him forever. While we talk, I can't see the clouds anymore in his eyes. His brown eyes are warm and friendly. They make me think about puppies."Josie" He calls. His voice is very small, yet deep. I look up to see him fidgety."Done the couple dance thing before? "" Uhm, no why? " I ask, genuinely surprised."Come. " He says, standing up to his feet. He stretches his hand towards mine. I think it's the timbre in his voice that does it. It calls me to him, it's beyond the simple command. It reaches out to my soul. I stand to my feet." Do you like the Judds? " he asks, wrap
Saturday morningIt is the buzzing of my cell phone that wakes me up. I had fallen asleep with the paper on which I sketched Josie plastered to my chest. The sweat on my body made the paper stay stuck. The events of the previous evening come rushing back. I smile, I can still smell her on me."Hello," I say picking up my phone"Hello Dan" It's Trace screaming at the top of her voice, she sounded traumatized."Trace, is that you? " Tension begins to rise in my chest."Where's Stan?" I ask apprehensively. How can he leave the woman alone at this time? She's near her due date for Chris sakes."Stan's not here, he has some businesses up in Detroit to handle."
JOSIEDaniel Winchester is Mr. Jeremy's nephew, the one who moved down here from Florida. The guy whom they say killed his father. This is so much information for me to process at the same time. I have been moving around the house like a shell-shocked person since breakfast. Stacey had left to an errand for her father. Dad does not seem to understand the sudden change in my mood. I have never been one for hiding my emotions."Hey Hijita, " Dad calls from the doorway, I turn towards him eyes blank and revealing nothing."Are you okay? ""I am, Dad. " I answer and nod my head."You look like one who has seen a ghost, are you sure you are okay? ""I am. "
JOSIEI stand starring fixedly at Daniel. It is hard to believe I just confessed my feelings to him, yet he is sending me away like an errant child."What? " I ask, I cannot believe my ears."You should leave Josie." He replies, not looking at me."Did I do something wrong?" My confusion is so real.This man is like a winter sky, his mood changes so swiftly like a clear sky suddenly turning into dark clouds. He turns to me. The look in his eyes makes me recoil in fear. The brown of his pupils has grown so dark within the last minutes they could be mistaken to be proper black. The look in Daniel's eyes are suddenly a chilly cold. They look like Death itself to me. When he speaks to me, it was in a voice
DANIELLittle Josh Devin is two weeks old today. The birth of the baby seems to bring on an extra shine in Stan's home."You look awkward in that. " I say to Stan, half joking. He is putting on the apron Trace wears to feed the baby. My friend says nothing but grins at me. Stan, he looks out of place in all of this. He's that sort of guy who belongs to a gym room or a tattoo parlor. He's clearly not suited for daddy duties, but I do not think he cares.Today makes it two weeks since I asked Josie to leave my home. I do not like to remember it. I can still see her face wearing that hurt look and it makes me to realize how much of a monster I am."You can take Daniel out of Florida but you can't get Florida out of Daniel. "It's Randy's voice i