Josie had just introduced me to the talkative old lady when she began to talk about Jeremy's nephew being in town. Obviously Riverside isn't aware of who I am. I don't think they know who my Mama was either. The papers, its the only way they must have known.
I am blinded with rage by the time I pull up in my driveway. I had left the kitchen in a hurry leaving Josie and Patty confused. I haven't been this mad since I left Florida.
" I would only be the ruin of her. " I tell myself about Josie. She's young and pretty and would soon be leaving high school. Bringing my cursed self into her life would cause her nothing but pain. I am determined not to see Josie again to save her the pain and to stop myself from wanting her, only this would be near impossible to achieve.
* * *
JOSIE
" Why did he leave like that? " Stacey asks me after I explained what happened earlier to her.
" I dunno girl, I don't live in his head. " I am irritated by her constant questioning. I am hurt by the way Mr. Winchester walked away from me at the restaurant. I am not in the mood for girl chatter.
" There is something weird about him you know. " Stacey obviously does not mind my mood.
" How so? " I ask
" I dunno. He seems odd. " Hearing her say this further spark my curiosity about finding out the reason behind the clouds in Daniel Winchester's eyes. I can't help but feel there is a depth to which his soul goes.
"But boy, what won't I give to kiss those lips... "
"Ewww, girl you are pathetic. " I say and throw a pillow at her.
" What? True. The man is fine. " she says while biting her lower lip. How on earth did I become friends with this pervert?
She is right though. The man is handsome and I am attracted. At nineteen and almost done with High school, I am still without a boyfriend unlike my mates.
" I can't understand the reason behind the reaction he put up to what Patty said though. "
I am at a sleepover with my friend, Dad is out of town tonight. We can't spend the night talking about one guy where Stacey is so the conversation soon takes another direction when Stacey begins to talk about her latest conquest with the boys.
* * *
DANIEL
"Mama, why can't we leave? Let's leave, Mama "
"No baby, now shush and go to bed "
" I don't wanna Mama. I don't wanna stay here anymore. "
" Baby, Mama and Pop love you, you know that right? "
" Pop says he ain't my dad. "
" He's your dad baby. "
" Then why does he say that to me whenever he's upset? "
" 'cos he's upset. Now Daniel say goodnight. "
" Goodnight Mama. "
"Sleep pretty my baby boy. "
I jerk awake. My eyes are swollen from my long nap. I had fallen asleep in my work clothes.
The image of my five-year-old self talking with my mama in my bedroom back in Florida felt so real. It has been twenty years since I first questioned Randy's attitude towards me. It's also the year I discovered my passion for working with colors.
Living in Uncle Jeremy's home makes me feel closer to mom than ever since he killed her. I walk up the creaky stairs to her bedroom. I push the wooden door open a crack. It is my first time stepping in here since I came.
Photographs of my mother in her younger days line the wall.
" Mama used to live here " I hear myself say as I glance around the room. A photograph of a Mama holding a brown-haired baby stood closest to that of a man in an army uniform. I can recognize the baby as myself but I can't recall ever seeing the face of the man in the picture. I know Randy wasn't my birth father, I discovered that quite late though, I never really got to know who my father was. I am more confused than I left Florida. I came to Kansas to escape the demons living in my head. I came here to find silence from the constant raging. I don't know if I am anywhere close to that silence now, except of course whenever I am with Josie.
" Stan! What in hell's name happened to the yoghurt in the fridge? " That's Trace. She's nearer her term and is growing quite irritable by the day. It's my third month in Kansas already, also three months since I ran away from Josie Geronimo. I reckon things are easier for me that way. Apart from the High school, I spend a lot of time at Stan's.
" What do I not do for this woman? " Stan says quietly to prevent more tantrums. He raises his bulk and strolls towards the kitchen to meet his wife. Stan doesn't seem like the kind of man who would have such patience with women, yet now he does. "Say Dan, ever think you can handle times like this? " Stan asks from the doorway.
" Man, I dunno. You are doing a great job " I reply quietly.
" These women, they have a thing for changing us you know" Stan says with a smirk on his face.
" How do you mean? " I ask out of genuine curiosity.
" Find one, then you would get it " Trace chimes in from the kitchen, sarcastic as ever, she blames it on pregnancy hormones but I am sure it has nothing to do with that.
" Yeah babe, tell 'im" Her husband supports her.
These two, so alike. I wonder if they are right though. Maybe finding my woman can make me better. The only one I want, I can't have.
" I am a sick man, she deserves better. " I say to myself. Maybe if I can say it often enough, I would believe it and stop dreaming about her.
Thinking about her makes me want to see her. I push away the thought." I don't need the girl. I don't worth her. " I say silently." What girl? " Trace asks. I must have said that aloud.My face goes red with embarrassment and I laugh nervously to hide it."Aww, Trace, nobody. There is no girl. "Trace looks at me with that cynical look of hers. I am convinced the lady is a mind reader. She laughs mockingly at me and sluggishly push her pregnant body away from the studio. I am left alone with Stan." I painted that during the one week I spent in Florida some years back" Stan says pointing to a watercolor hanging on the wall." It's be
Prom Night"Ann, Ann is that you? " Dad asked playfully upon seeing me in my mother's prom dress."No dad. It's Josie" I reply smiling" You look so much like her on that blessed night. " Dad walks up the short flight of stairs to me." Princessa, you know she's proud of you wherever she is right? " he asks taking my slender wrist in his large hand."I know. "" Good girl. So, what are you gonna do? "" Make her proud, Dad. " I reply. This has been our thing since mom died: Dad reminding me of how great I was and how mom expects me to make her proud from the great beyond. I know Dad wants me to be the perfect daughter, he's so scared o
JOSIESitting out here with Daniel is cool. I shock myself by using his first name. I feel like I have known him forever. While we talk, I can't see the clouds anymore in his eyes. His brown eyes are warm and friendly. They make me think about puppies."Josie" He calls. His voice is very small, yet deep. I look up to see him fidgety."Done the couple dance thing before? "" Uhm, no why? " I ask, genuinely surprised."Come. " He says, standing up to his feet. He stretches his hand towards mine. I think it's the timbre in his voice that does it. It calls me to him, it's beyond the simple command. It reaches out to my soul. I stand to my feet." Do you like the Judds? " he asks, wrap
Saturday morningIt is the buzzing of my cell phone that wakes me up. I had fallen asleep with the paper on which I sketched Josie plastered to my chest. The sweat on my body made the paper stay stuck. The events of the previous evening come rushing back. I smile, I can still smell her on me."Hello," I say picking up my phone"Hello Dan" It's Trace screaming at the top of her voice, she sounded traumatized."Trace, is that you? " Tension begins to rise in my chest."Where's Stan?" I ask apprehensively. How can he leave the woman alone at this time? She's near her due date for Chris sakes."Stan's not here, he has some businesses up in Detroit to handle."
JOSIEDaniel Winchester is Mr. Jeremy's nephew, the one who moved down here from Florida. The guy whom they say killed his father. This is so much information for me to process at the same time. I have been moving around the house like a shell-shocked person since breakfast. Stacey had left to an errand for her father. Dad does not seem to understand the sudden change in my mood. I have never been one for hiding my emotions."Hey Hijita, " Dad calls from the doorway, I turn towards him eyes blank and revealing nothing."Are you okay? ""I am, Dad. " I answer and nod my head."You look like one who has seen a ghost, are you sure you are okay? ""I am. "
JOSIEI stand starring fixedly at Daniel. It is hard to believe I just confessed my feelings to him, yet he is sending me away like an errant child."What? " I ask, I cannot believe my ears."You should leave Josie." He replies, not looking at me."Did I do something wrong?" My confusion is so real.This man is like a winter sky, his mood changes so swiftly like a clear sky suddenly turning into dark clouds. He turns to me. The look in his eyes makes me recoil in fear. The brown of his pupils has grown so dark within the last minutes they could be mistaken to be proper black. The look in Daniel's eyes are suddenly a chilly cold. They look like Death itself to me. When he speaks to me, it was in a voice
DANIELLittle Josh Devin is two weeks old today. The birth of the baby seems to bring on an extra shine in Stan's home."You look awkward in that. " I say to Stan, half joking. He is putting on the apron Trace wears to feed the baby. My friend says nothing but grins at me. Stan, he looks out of place in all of this. He's that sort of guy who belongs to a gym room or a tattoo parlor. He's clearly not suited for daddy duties, but I do not think he cares.Today makes it two weeks since I asked Josie to leave my home. I do not like to remember it. I can still see her face wearing that hurt look and it makes me to realize how much of a monster I am."You can take Daniel out of Florida but you can't get Florida out of Daniel. "It's Randy's voice i
DANIEL"Young man, I need you to work with me, talk to me. You must open up if you want us to help you. "Silence."You have been diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. If we must help you overcome this challenge, we have to know what we are dealing with here. You are not helping by keeping quiet. "More silence.The silver haired doctor in his dazzling coat lets out an exasperated sigh at my continued silence."Honey, I know how hard having to do this is, but you need to talk to him, let him help you. “Mom tries to coax me into speaking but I don't budge."Your record says you are often getting int