PRESENT DAY....
"Could this day life get any better" I muttered to myself waiting for slumber to take me.
I sat up. Huffing I looked around. I needed something that could distract my mind. The emotions I was going through were too heavy on me. I wanted to curl up and die, a day just so I forget. Instead, my mind went on a race of its own.
I’m troubled.
Can you tell?
I hide it so well,
I smile my mind run miles,
I speak no words my energy’s thought…
I’m troubled.
Can you see?
My eyes wonder every path,
My mind has wondered about, I wonder……’
‘No, no, no. I cannot do this to myself. The moment I allow this thoughts, this poem conversion of mine to go on, I will go deeper. I need to stop thinking’
So I had this problem, this tendency of seeing everything and anything analytically, and I tend to put it in a poem manner. It was a habit I couldn’t stop. Every time I was faced with something I would start analyzing it up until it becomes a poem. The moment it becomes a poem, I start understanding the situation better, then I become overwhelmed.
Growing up alone, well not alone, but growing up with no one to talk to, turn to with my problems, it caused me to stay more in my mind than I could wish.
Every time I was always analyzing things, especially how people thought. I mean I wanted to understand what I did wrong to them. To Michael and my mother.
My mother’s emotional absence caused such void that made me wonder what was on her mind, what was her next move, for everything she did or decided, because I mean, we never talked about anything pertaining my life or hers for that matter. She was just this shell that expected I do right all the time. The emotions, what internal battles I was going through, well let’s just say it didn’t even click to her that it was important to talk about them. I don’t even think she thought I had them.
I’m sure she thought I was this child that wanted to rebel and do what I wanted. Yes she was fighting her battles but I was young, I needed her. I needed to be groomed.
It wasn’t my fault nor hers thought because with the way she grew up, during her time, what I understood was that they never talked about their feelings with their parents. It was either you do right or when you do wrong you get beaten, that was their way of communication. So her and I not talking about feelings, I kind of understood, but I still believed she could have taken a different path. I mean she saw how much I was suffering, or so I thought; she could have just looked at what went wrong when they groomed because I mean she wasn’t perfect nor was she a parent to me; she should have seen that and try to fix but instead she ignored the fact that we had no communication at all and went on with her life. She just expected I do right and when I did wrong, well you know what followed. Feelings didn’t matter, thus causing me to become the person I am today. Always, or should I say almost, I’m mostly quiet. Ninety percent of the time I’m in my head. I felt it worked better, I was better. I felt I had someone to talk to, someone who understood what I was going through.
Thinking about life and people well that got to me good. I did it even when I didn’t want to. I would start examining people around me just for the sake of making sure I act accordingly around them. I guess the fear of not having anyone was still in me. In as much as I loved being alone most of the time I did not mind being amongst people. I guess I wanted to feel something, love, needed, well I will say at first it was exhausting but since I had grown to an environment where I couldn’t talk and thinking was all I did well it got to me and it got easier. I would think about their actions, feel their emotions, but it would take a toll on me. Switching emotions was hard but that got easier too, I ended up learning to ignore other’s emotions although sometimes I would get lost in their feelings in a way that it would end up changing my whole day. I was one who wanted to understand what I did wrong that caused them to act the way they acted around me.
It got to a point where I started monitoring emotions in general. I would watch and learn what causes them to act the way they act. I guess I didn’t know how to feel certain emotions. I guess I was just depicting so I could blend in and not appear like a weirdo.
‘So you understand why I am tired right now, I mean I have been trying to sleep for I don’t know how long now! And the moment I start thinking about life and well, people because life is people I am ready to hit that sack. Talk about a hypocritical mind' I thought to myself as I drifted off.
Tiredly, I was soon engulfed by slumber that came with confusion.
I slept in no more than five minutes after; though I had been having sleeping problems from when I was eleven. At that time, it was understandable, it had been hard for me to sleep, with all the things I was going through at home and at school.
Oh yeah, school life gradually changed. I mean my favorite teacher was gone, and I found out that all those kids that had befriended me were only friends because I was liked by our teacher, and well they reaped benefits from knowing me at that time. Benefits like candy and good reputation of course with a little bit of attention. I mean who could have known at that time kids noticed all that.
'Dump kids'
I seriously hated Miss Johnson for leaving.
My father on the other hand, that was a long closed chapter I did not want to read into it anymore.
Whilst I was asleep my mind wasn't. I was dreaming of happy moments, yes I would have bad moments but it wasn’t like before. I had finally found peace, well half peace so to say. My body drifted off to fairyland, a dream I wouldn't want to remember but had to for it was the day of my accomplishment, a day my tormenters got their payment. It was a day of victory, yet another trouble rose up after. Trouble unknown I called it. I never understood that after part and I guess that is why I had to have that dream.
ONE YEAR AGO: THE DREAM...I came back home from school and found that my mother had gone to work for a night shift. I found myself left with Michael again. It was unpleasant but I had to deal with it. I got inside the house late that day. It was a known too well routine for me but Michael didn't find it soothing at all, actually he got enraged when he didn't see me around."Where have you been?" he asked clearly agitated the moment I got inside the house like he had been waiting for me.'Talk about a typical pedophile creep' I rolled my eyes as I dismissed his outrage.I had found peace in knowing that I will be better and strong one day. I mean I was used to ignoring him and him getting furious and ending up doing nothing. Of course he could have done something but I wouldn't let him. As soon as I reached
I punched him on his stomach again and his side face so fast he didn't get the chance to fathom what was happening. All the time when I was hitting him I didn't say anything; it was like everything stood still. It was like I was doing a task I was supposed to do with no time left but with care and deadline. I was calm but fierce, and it scared Michael to the core but he was still fighting to get a chance to pounce on me back. Sadly, it didn't happen. And yes I still had him held up like and dangling mice. He showed loathing that it seemed like nothing was hurting me anymore, I could sense his agitation. He tried hitting me but it was like he was hitting a punching bag, like literary I couldn’t feel a thing, I just saw him wincing at his hand it might have broken or something. I looked at him dead in the eyes, I felt his soul being threatened like he was scared of death, he shivered. Unaware and unsatisfied I tossed him like an exercise book across the
A Year Ago: Redland Palace "Maya Angelo Johnson, your father expects you continue his legacy. And how are you going do that if you do not undergo our tradition and marry?" her mother commanded in a high queen's voice. "Mother, I mean high queen I shall and will not marry without my heart’s desire" she exclaimed tensely hating every minute of being around her family. I mean all, even the people of Redland demanded she marry. From that point on she saw that she couldn’t have a life of her own. She left her mother on the throne and demanded Jessica to watch over her mother as she packed her things to leave. As she was leaving her sister followed her with her own bag of clothes. "I am not staying behind this time alone, I mean they will practical
I rushed into the shower, took a bath and was out in ten minutes. I gave myself one last look in the mirror, and was pleased with myself.'Well my panic of school must have calmed me down' I looked at my eyes that were back to normal.‘Call it whatever you want Maya’ my inner self chimed out of nowhere.‘Shut up!’ I demanded a bit harshly."Oh my.... did you bath?" Andrea startled me whistle leaning on my bed."Jesus! Andy!......what are you doing here" jumping with hysteria I questioned. Deciding to ignore her presence I moved about dressing up like a crazy child ready for a day out at the fun fair, whiles pacing around the room gathering my things for school. I ignored her presence and finished all I needed to do.My sister looked at me like I was crazy.'What is up with her?' she pondered as she studied me, and checking the time on her phone.‘You know we are tied together right!’&
"I'm sorry sis" I muttered with a soft voice deciding to apologize but with detachment, I was still taken by that somebody.I turned my gaze back to where I was looking, Andrea noticing my reactions and detachment followed my gaze troubled as to what had drawn my mind into hurting her."Who is that?" and she was suddenly drawn too. My sister spoke softly into my ear, which caused me to jump and cause a little bit of a squeal and commotion.I regained my composure realizing a lot of students were looking at us now."Shit....... don't do that!" although I returned my gaze to where I had been looking.I don’t know why but I just had to look at him. There was something about him I couldn’t put a finger on."I don’t like boys but damn him......." I head Andrea cry out in want. Realizing I probably looked creepy looking at him this much I tried regaining my strength and posture.Although after registering what she just sai
Andrea's P.O.VI maneuvered through the students making my way to the secretary after being left by my sister with my head faced down."Bang""Damn, shit! shit! shit!" I swore as my head met something strong, giving a slight dizzy head."Fuck! Can you watch where you are going? Oh! It’s you. Does any of you guys have a problem of bumping into people!" a husky yet soft voice said agitatedly with sarcasm chuckling at me.I looked up and my eyes couldn't believe it.'It's him'.'My word is he hot'I gawked eye fucking him. The boy in front of me shifted his gaze nervously, hating being analyzed I’m sure. He cleared his throat distracting me from my thoughts. He studied my gaze and chuckled as he realized I wasn't just analyzing but eye fucking him too, well I could tell by his reactions but other than that I couldn’t read him clearly. He was a closed case, so reserved and calm, too calm. I chuckl
Mayas P.O.V "Miss Johnson I presume?" "Umm yes and you're?" I asked a little agitated by the sudden halt. "The name is Pierre Hudson mam" he formally extended his hand. 'Such formality, it reminds me of my home days, I hate it!' I looked at his hand and decided to shake it, although I hated shaking people's hands. I mean who knows where they had been. "Hi! How can I help you?" I tried to get rid of him. I hated small talks, especially old small talks; it made me sound like an old loner with thousand cats. "Forgive me but I just wanted to introduce myself, I couldn't help but realize how good looking you’re" he showed confidence and hope. 'Did he just stop me because I’m beautiful, seriously it’s my first day and this happens? Such an idiotic idea and first impression.' "Pardon me I'm late for my first class, although I will say thank you for the complement, you’re very kind and it's even my first day" I
Maxine’s P.O.V "Yo! What class you got?" Cie maneuvering with me through the students getting out of the showers after our P.E class. We had our own showers. 'Ok! Not to sound weird but we never shared a shower, we just had two showers at the long end nobody used but us'. "I’m not sure but lemme check. Why you asking anyways, we on the same classes?' I asked suddenly confused. "Broh! You know I aren't gonna be in classes you aren't, its ride or die bitch" Cie exclaimed happily enjoying using me. I looked at her dead in the eyes 'I swear I can never get rest from her, I mean I love her to death and she's probably the only thing I love in this world, well except for my.......no! no! I am not gone think about that person not now, not ever!' Cie, realizing I had been lost in my own thoughts nudged me. "Man you know you love me; you can't get enough of this" she said as matter of fact pointing at her whole b