Chapter 4: It Hurts More

~ Helena ~

“Admit it.” Ethan’s smile showed on his lips. “Do you realize you’re like an open book? Your eyes tell everything inside your head.”

“B-but ….”

“You like my body and want to touch it. No need to be shy.” A statement, not a question.

“Are you a mind reader?” I worried he could read my mind. But, oh, what did I think before? Did he know I admired his handsome face and fantastic body? I blushed again. It would be embarrassing if he knew that.

He stared at me, then tried to avoid answering my question. “It’s so obvious. You want me.”

Again, a statement, not a question. It was another bold one, like the previous statement. I was speechless. What could I say? What Ethan said was the truth after all. Yet I was too shy to admit it. “Ethan?”

“Repeat it.”

“Ethan?” I repeated his name. “Why?”

Ethan smiled. “Nothing. I love hearing you say my name. It sounds so good to hear it from your mouth.”

“Oh! You’re teasing me!” I pouted. “You’re mean. You know I’m in a weak state, but you take advantage of my situation and tease me.”

“Helena Starr.”

I stopped when he mentioned my full name. “Yes?”

“Your name is appropriate since your blue eyes shine brightly like stars.”

It was unexpected, so I bent my head and blushed again. “Oh, thank you.” If he kept saying sweet things like that, how could I survive? My heart, oh, my heart, I was in danger!

“Your hair is beautiful too, long and soft.” Then he whispered, “I can imagine your hair is unraveled on my pillow, then curled on my fingers. It will be like golden silk.” He bent forward to kiss my hair. “Sweet fragrance. Rose?”

“Yes ….” I was sure my cheeks, ears, and neck were now red. My heartbeat was racing. Ethan’s boldness in saying seductive words provoked me more than I could think possible. I could imagine what he said, and suddenly, my curiosity increased. What did it feel like to lay beside him?

Then Ethan held my body with an arm. He raised his hand to my lips, touched my lips slowly, and stared at the lips. “Such delicate and beautiful lips, like a tender pink rose.” His voice was hoarse. Then he touched my lips with his thumb. “Waiting to be touched and kissed.” 

As if he couldn’t hold himself, his face was closer and captured my lips with his. Finally, he kissed me tenderly, and I closed my eyes. 

“Such sweet lips. I can taste them until the day I die,” he murmured.

“Don’t talk about death.”

“Why not?”

“Since we just met. We have a lot of days in front of us.”

Then Ethan’s stare was suddenly cold as if a bucket of icy water were thrown at his head. “No, we don’t. After you recover, we won’t meet again.”

I gasped upon hearing those words. I thought Ethan had accepted me, considering how he praised my hair and lips, touched my lips, and then kissed me. My lips were trembling, and I bit my lower lip so I wouldn’t cry. “B-but why?”

“Don’t ask about it.” Ethan sighed. He looked away and kept walking away from me. 

I couldn’t help myself not to cry. I shed tears because of the hurt I felt in my heart. I had put my hope high, only to be dropped again. When I sniffed, Ethan glanced at me.

“Hey, don’t cry. I’m sorry, okay?”

“Why are you so mean to me?” I sobbed. “You praised me, then kissed me. You gave me hope, and then you smashed it again. I thought you had realized there was something between us.”

“Stop it!” Ethan said abruptly. “You don’t know what you said.”

I shook my head. “What?! I only tell you what I feel inside.”

“Don’t! You don’t know that you’ll get hurt because of that!”

I gaped and stared at Ethan. “What did you say?”

“Forget it!” 

“No, I can’t forget it. You said that I’d get hurt. Why?”

Ethan growled. “Don’t force me to do a harsh thing to you.”

“Like what? You have done it anyway.”

“What do you mean?” he frowned while staring at me. 

“You made me have a high hope, then crushed it instantly. What else can you do to hurt me?”

Ethan groaned. “You don’t know what you’re dealing with. I’m trying to protect you!”

“From what?!”

“I can’t tell you!”

I let out a sigh and shook my head again. It didn’t make sense. “You’re only trying to toy with me. Just like my ex.” I looked down and wanted to weep again.

“Your ex? The scumbag who only looked when you drowned?”

I nodded. 

“It’s good you broke up with him. You’ll be better without him.” Ethan stared at me with a tender look. Later, he smiled and tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. Ethan looked so handsome when smiling like that. Well, he was handsome, smiling or not. “You’ll find a better man.”

“Kenneth was my first love, my first boyfriend. I thought he loved me.” I snuggled my head on Ethan’s shoulder and neck then sighed again. “I have found him, a man I want, yet he doesn’t want me,” I whispered, wishing he would understand he was the one I meant.

Ethan said nothing, yet his breath was faster. After a while, we finally arrived at his villa. He carried me inside. 

“Oh, it’s yours?”

“Yes.”

“It’s beautiful.” 

Ethan nodded. “Thank you.” He brought me to a room and laid me on the bed. “I’ll pick a bandage and balm for your feet and waist first.”

I lay down on the bed alone while thinking about the situation. Then I wept again. It hurt that Kenneth broke up with me after cheating on me. Then meeting Ethan, I felt something strong with him, but he also rejected me. It was like pouring acid on my open wound. 

Ethan entered the room and saw me cry. “Hey, do your feet and waist hurt badly? Don’t worry. I’ll tend to them.”

I sobbed. “It hurts, but here—” I placed my hand on my chest “—it hurts more.”