CHAPTER 1

Harley's POV

"I…I...am.. going to London", Jim stutters, squeezing his eyes shut. 

My mouth hangs open as shock courses through me. I can't process what he means by going to London. 

Is he talking about us? If that is it, then it's good news, even though I am going to miss my job.

"London? What's happening there?" I close my open mouth and question him, ignoring the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and the loud pounding of my heart.

"I got a job offer there." He informs me.

"That's great news. When are we going?" I watch him intensely, studying his countenance.

I am facing him squarely outside his apartment, watching the rainbows after a heavy downpour when he announced the news to me.

Jim has been my boyfriend for 5 years and he has been searching for a job since he lost the former one, all to no avail. He has no qualifications and that has made the search so difficult.

"I'm going alone, Harley", he says and I raise my head instantly, glaring at him. 

"But I'll be back for you, I promise." He is breathing heavily and I can see how hard he is trying to stop himself from crying. He must have been finding it hard to tell me about it all along.

"How long have you been harboring this thought without letting me know?"

"Since last week", he replies with guilt and looks down.

Anger fill me up instantly and I yell at him. "Last week? Are you crazy or something? After all these years? I got a job in Boston but you didn't allow me to go because of your fu**ing insecurities and now you want to leave me. Are you insane?"

He is silent and it is pissing me off. I try to control the urge to cry. I am used to having him around. He is my sleeping pill. 

I barely sleep at night but with Jim beside me, I find sleep just by placing my head on his chest. He is all I have ever wanted. He is the only one who cares about me, apart from my grandmother. He is my first and true love. 

Where will I start from? I ask myself inwardly, swallowing the lump of dread stuck in my throat.

"Jim, please don't go", I finally swallow my pride and beg but it is obvious that his mind is made up. He shakes his head sadly and I burst into uncontrollable tears. 

"Harley", he stands up to hug me and I move away. 

"I'm sorry", he apologizes, without looking at me.

My heart irks. 

I wipe my tears as I sob. "So you won't change your mind?"

"I'm doing this for us."

"Fuck you! I hate you", I yell at the top of my voice. "You're doing this for yourself, not for us." I run into his room.

He follows me. 

I place my face in my hands and fall to the ground, beside the bed, crying.

"I'm sorry. I promise to be back, Harley. Believe me." I hear him utter with a hint of pain.

I cry for a while before asking. "How do you want me to sleep at night without you?"

He can't answer that. He knows what I am going through and how hard I find sleeping at night difficult. But he doesn't want to be stopped. He has made a decision already and he needs to stick to that one decision that can change our lives forever. 

But am I ready to adapt to the new lifestyle of not having him around to help out with my nightmares?

"I'm sorry, Harley", he says and moves away from me. He sits on the bed with his head bent. He is controlling himself from tearing up in front of me.

I am stunned that he isn't ready to compromise. Jim won't go back on his words. He is going to London and that is final. There is nothing else to say to convince him.

I stand up and made for the door.

"Harley", he calls when he raises his head and sees me walking to the door. I stop in my tracks, hoping he will change his mind at the last minute. 

Hot tears trickled down my eyes. I can't get a grip on myself. This is the man I love with every fiber in me. My life is circled around his. My dreams, my aspirations, my fears, but now he is also leaving me.....just like the rest of them did. 

The people who loved me always end up leaving. My parents left, my brother, and everyone. Jim is my closest friend. But here he is, talking about leaving me too. 

Can life be any better?

"Take care of yourself. Remember that I love you and I'll always do." He tells me.

This isn't what I am expecting to hear from him. I feel the remaining pieces of my heart shattering into shreds because of how my chest is hurting so badly. 

I almost burst into tears again as I look back at his cute face. I can see the worry etch on his face. And the sadness. He is finding it hard to let go. But I hate him for doing this to me.

"Go well," I say and run out, without any further persuasion or argument.

****

Harley's POV

I am scribbling Jim's name in my diary as I lay curled up on my bed. I miss him badly and can't wait for the 2 years he said he would be away. I want to be back in his arms again and feel his lips on mine. 

Jim has been away for three days. There are bags below my eyes, showing how I have been unable to sleep for the past three days. 

As I try to write the name Jim and I planned to name our last-child, my phone rings. 

Thinking of Jim, I quickly get up to take the phone. I am disappointed to see Anita's name flashing across my phone screen. Anita is my colleague at the hospital and I wonder why she is calling as a frown touches my lips.

I pick up the call lazily.

"Harley", Anita's high-pitch voice booms into my ears, and I roll my eyes, wishing she can see me. Anita is neither a close friend nor is she my enemy. I will categorize her as just a colleague. The only friend I have is Chelsea.

"How are you?" She asks with a tone of concern.

"I am fine", my voice is laced with frustration.

"Hmm. I need a favor..", she stops mid-way and I wonder what it is she wants from me this time.

"What is it?" I demand with disinterest as I lay back on my belly, closing my eyes and seeing the image of Jim. I wish he is the one calling me instead of Anita.

"Can you please cover up for me at the hospital? I won't be available tonight", there is a hint of doubt in her voice.

Even though I want to tell her no, the tone won't let me. This will be the second time I will be covering up for her. I am not supposed to be at work till tomorrow night.

I sigh heavily and look at the clock. It is past 6 pm already. I know it won't hurt to help her out. My anger towards Jim has not dissipated at all. I know tonight I won't be able to sleep also, so I should make good use of tonight by helping someone in need.

"Harley, please I promise this will be the last time I will ask you…."

"It's fine", I said in irritation. "I'm coming."

"Really?"! She squeals in excitement and I exhale deeply. "Thank you."

"My pleasure. I will be there in a jiffy", I declare.

"See you", she yells and hangs up. I look around my room to see how untidy it is. 

Instead of standing up to clean it, I walk slowly to the bathroom to take a shower, with the intention of cleaning my room up tomorrow morning after covering up tonight's duty for Anita.