Chapter Five-The Present Day

Chapter Five - Jane

Rain soaked my clothes to the bone. I'd never been one to be afraid of a little water, but this was pure Hell. Not only did the rain leave me with a shiver but the wind left my teeth chattering.

Sarah curled into me, what extra clothing we found swallowed her tiny frame. It hurt my soul to do it, but I let Remy wrap his big arm around my waist and hold me close. His warm breath on the back of my neck felt like a little drop of water to the driest desert.

I hated hating him. I hated myself for fighting with him because I knew he was right. I took out my frustration on him when really I was mad at this entire situation and myself.

Since I couldn't sleep, my mind reeled with every guilty thought and past mistake possible. All the times I could have let Lucas go, and maybe he wouldn't have come on the trip—and lived. 

Lucas would have made another girl happy, and I stole that from him because I was too chicken shit to admit I loved his best friend.

Instead, I was selfish. Like Remy said. My need to release my guilt outweighed my rational thinking.

The rain picked up mid-night, and Remy pulled me closer to him. His hard body pressed into mine, bringing to life the night it happened. The night he kissed me senseless and knocked me out of my safe zone with Lucas.

Seven o clock hit on that Saturday night. I'd finished my algebra II homework just in time to go out with Lucas. Ash had a study group at the library, so I was alone in our apartment.

My blue jean skirt hit mid-thigh, my self-image had never been better than that year in college. With the way Lucas looked at me, I felt like flying.

I did notice someone else that looked when he thought I wasn't. It soared my self-esteem higher with each glance, and the way he bit the corner of his lip in a subtle way that made me feel hot on the inside.

However, it didn't matter what he thought because I wasn't with him, and I needed to leave my fantasy in the gutter where it belonged. I hadn't always felt the pull toward Remy, it happened a couple of semesters before. I'd noticed his stares too much, and the way he sucked his teeth when about to smile.

The heavy way he breathed when concentrating on his schoolwork. The list went on for hours of things I loved about him.

I squirted some perfume onto my neck and grabbed my wallet when someone knocked on the door. I checked my phone to see if Lucas changed his mind about meeting me at the bar, but I had no new messages.

Since Ash wasn't there, I checked out of the peephole before I opened it due to nerves about campus rapes. Remy stood with both palms against the door and his head hanging down.

Startled, I opened the door to him backing up with both palms interlaced against the back of his neck. My front door light casted a glow over the lines of his jaw and cheeks, giving him a harder edge than in the sunlight.

"Are you okay?" I asked after a few seconds of staring.

"Can I come inside, Dove?" His heavy voice sounded foreign, as if he may drank a couple of beers, but not enough to seem wasted.

I could count on one hand how many times we'd been in the same room alone together, and never for long. I swallowed my nerves, but opened the door so he could come inside.

I checked the stairwell of our apartment before shutting the door and locking it. Remy stood rigid in the middle of my living room when I turned to face him.

"Did something happen to Ash or Lucas?" I asked, dumbfounded.

Remy let out a frustrated sigh and shut his eyes. I took a moment to look at him. His gray t-shirt hugged him in places I didn't need to look, his low-slung jeans looked worn at the knees from his garage job after school, and his boots were dirty with mud.

With tousled hair, I could only imagine what led him to push his fingers through it so much. However, by the look on his face, I figured I was about to find out.

"You're scaring me," I said, pushing the toe of my shoe against a scuffmark.

Remy dropped his palms against his thighs. "Jane, I'm here for the wrong reasons, I know that, but I can't stand another minute of not telling you the truth."

His full mouth opened a few times, and he slid his tongue out against his bottom lip before continuing. "I'm fucking in love with you."

My face must have said it all, I didn't know because I grew numb. It didn't last long though. Remy waited on me to speak, his chest heaving and fingers twitching, set me on fire.

Say something, Jane.

Remy groaned and wiped a palm down his face. "I drew that note first semester. I memorized the way you acted before answering a question in class. I know your schedule. I absolutely adore that you feed that homeless man that sits across from the coffee shop on Grand. You're special Jane and," he stepped closer, "gorgeous. I want you so bad it hurts most days."

Remy took one more step toward me, his body heat detectible through my thin tank top. 

Warmth attacked my insides and threatened to turn me into a puddle if I didn't put it out somehow.

The only way I could think to do it was touch him. Kiss him.

Remy glared down at me with dark eyes. "Please, say something, Janey."

My mind raced, my body ached for him. My phone buzzed on the small table next to the door where I left it. I knew who it was, and so did Remy, but we didn't look away from one another.

"It doesn't matter if you tell me to leave," he whispered, reaching out to rest the pad of his thumb against my bottom lip. "Just say something."

This undid me. Remy never touched me. He looked but he never touched, and it was my undoing. I grabbed his t-shirt in my palms, and pulled him down to quench my thirsty mouth.

One big hand sank to the wall behind me while the other captured the back of my neck, lifting my mouth to get a better angle. The soft taste of liquor and minty gum drown me. I knew he'd drank a beer or two, but I couldn't blame this on alcohol for myself.

I wanted this because I'd hid it deep inside for too long.

Remy took control of our kiss, deepening it until tears built in the corners of my eyes from want. 

He backed me up further, and my palms lifted from his t-shirt and ran over his strong chest to his neck, where he holstered me up to his hips, never abandoning my mouth.

My head spun when his tongue danced over mine, one hand rested on my ass and he squeezed my sensitive skin into his palm. My mouth opened on its own and moans tumbled out into the silent apartment.

Remy steadied my head, pulling back to stare into my eyes. Lust dwelled in the depths. "I've been dying to do that," he whispered, tugging on my bottom lip with his teeth. He kept eye contact as he carried me from the wall and tossed me down on our hand-me-down couch from Ash's parents.

Remy stood over me, and I wondered what I looked like to him. Lying on the couch, taking heaving breaths with trembling legs. "Tell me to stop and I'll stop."

I couldn't speak much less tell him anything. I slowly shook my head; rational thought flew out of the window when he crawled above me, settling between my legs.

Remy's aggression vanished and he kissed me deep and slow. My body began to ache when he pressed into my spread thighs, driving me further into a void of bliss.

He gripped my waist and dragged me toward his thrust. He killed any other man's chance at pleasing me ever again. It felt like a slice of Heaven, and I couldn't get enough.

When he kissed down my jaw and sucked the delicate skin of my neck into this mouth, I cried out. His chuckle hit me low and deep, when he pulled back to look at me a small grin curled at the edge of his mouth.

"Jane—I'll never forget this."

I knew the feeling. "Don't stop," I mouthed.

Realization raced over his face and he hesitated, which was the last thing I wanted.

Someone knocked on the door.

"Jane, are you okay?" Lucas called out.

"Oh shit," Remy said, hurrying to stand up.

I sat up straight, all my lust and hormones died inside of me. This was messed up. With shaking hands, I straightened my t-shirt and jean skirt Remy handled as if he wanted it off.

Remy glanced down at me.

"Jane, open up!"

"I'll hide," he said. "Don't tell him yet."

Like I would—ever. I waited until Remy disappeared into Ash's room, before opening the door, feeling like a piece of shit.

This wasn't me.

But God did Remy make me feel alive.

Sarah's moan brought me out of reliving the night that started everything. I stroked her hair and whispered everything would be okay, but I didn't know that for sure.

I hated to be a liar, but it seemed that was going around a lot lately. "You're breathing hard," Remy whispered into my ear. "Are you okay?"

"Fine."

The night turned into morning, and the rain turned to a sprinkle. My shivers eased once the sun rose, which relieved my anxiety and gave me the strength to get up.

Sarah sat with Taborie when I finally crawled out the next day to examine the damage. Trees, brush and leaves scattered around the riverbed, and our camp. Half of the hut sank lower on the left, which meant we needed to make a new one.

Taborie stood up. "Remy found these quail eggs this morning," he said, offering me some in a makeshift bowl out of a carved out rock. "We've already had ours."

I took them greedily and devoured them. "Thank you. Where is he?" I asked.

"Checking his trap," Taborie said, tying his hair back with a hair band I'd noticed on his wrist. 

"The suitcase saved some of our clothes if you want to rinse off in the river and put something dry on."

I took the clothes and started down the bank. The remains of the storm scattered along in the water and underneath my feet. I found the spot I used to rinse off the day before with Sarah, and stripped out of my clothes.

It felt surreal getting naked in the wilderness, but who was I to be fussy considering my circumstances. The cold water felt good against the rising heat. With no soap, it didn't take long to rinse off, and dry off with my dirty clothes. Pointless but it did wake me up since coffee was a thing of the past.

I slipped into a pair of pajamas shorts and went for my shirt when I realized Remy stood at the tree line behind me. He held a rabbit in his left hand, and his body looked tensed.

I covered my breasts with my arm, knowing he'd never seen them unclothed. Part of me was mad at him for staring, and the other relished in the memory of that night. It would have went there if Lucas hadn't come over to check on me.

Swallowing the guilt, I turned my back to him and slid a t-shirt on that landed around mid-thigh. 

When I turned back, Remy wasn't there. The path back to camp looked better since the water carried most of the debris from the bank away with the current.

Our own personal housekeeper.

Halfway toward the camp, I stepped on something pointy, and leaned against a tree to get it out. When I went to put my foot back down I heard, "Don't move."

I froze.

Remy approached me from the left where I hadn't noticed him, his eyes zeroed in on something beneath my foot. When I glanced down a snake sat there ready to strike.

"Oh, God," I whispered.

Remy eased toward me. He looked darker from the sun, his shirt long gone, and almost like someone out of The Lord of the Flies. Only older and more demi-god like holding a large rock.

"Don't move," he whispered again.

I didn't. I closed my eyes, and prayed this thing didn't kill me. I didn't survive a plane crash to die of a snakebite.

I heard a plop and then Remy gently took my elbow and led me away. The snake's head hung out from the rock, still hissing when Remy put it out of its misery with his boot.

He glanced down at me with dark eyes, sweat and grim on his face. "That was close."

"Thank you," I said. "Is it venomous?"

"Yeah, it's some kind of viper," he said, picking up the rock to retrieve the snake. "He's huge though."

"Can we eat a venomous snake?"

He grinned. "I can tell someone didn't pay attention in Intro to Herpetology last year."

I grinned. "Who pays attention in that class, anyway? I was forced to take it by my advisor." Remy lifted a brow at me. "I guess Dr. Matthews wasn't too looney, huh? Here we are, needing that information."

"So, can we eat him?"

"Yeah. Venom can only hurt you if injected not eaten. Plus, we'll cook him good."

The thought of a snake sounded good, but not as good as the rabbit he held earlier, which brought back the thought of him staring at me.

"You caught a rabbit?" I asked.

Remy grinned. "Yeah, I did. Taborie is cooking him now. Now we'll have enough for supper tonight and breakfast."

"I saw you staring at me," I blurted out, now knowing why I said it. Remy looked down at my mouth for the quickest of moments. "Yeah, I'd say I'm sorry but I'm not."

I lifted both brows. "Feeling froggy since you killed those animals?"

Remy smirked. "I've been feeling a lot more than that," he chuckled. "And I'd say you have too."

I crossed my arms feeling vulnerable underneath his hard stare. "What does that mean?"

Remy studied my face, making me squirm. "Spit it out," I said.

"What were you thinking about last night, Dove?" he asked.

I picked at my nailbed. "Can you be more specific?"

"I know your breathing, and you were excited. There were no tears, and you weren't asleep, but you were squirming. And I remember that squirm religiously."

I gave him a sarcastic look. "You're fishing."

"So you say," he said, starting back toward the camp.

"And you know I'm still mad at you. We were fighting, don't you remember?"

Remy ignored me.

How in the hell would he know that? Although, Remy always paid attention. Whether it was in class, or to my movements, my likes and dislikes, he knew how to read me better than myself.

I followed him toward the camp where I found a smiling Taborie carrying Sarah on top of his shoulders. She looked happy. She smiled and waved at me when I approached.

It almost seemed like the storm brought in happiness and washed away our tears. Taborie tossed Sarah into the air when I arrived. I noticed a hat on her head when she raced toward me.

"Borie found me a hat!" she said, pointing at it.

I laughed, noticing Remy standing at the fire pit. His smile disappeared and I didn't understand why until Sarah launched herself at my legs, and I saw the hat.

It was Lucas'.

Sarah grinned up at me while guilt and sadness attacked me inside. Remy snapped a loud branch in half, and went over to whisper something to Taborie. His face fell flat. "Hey, Sarah, why don't we put the hat in the hut so that it doesn't get dirty?"

She thought about it before she said, "Okay."

I watched her run in the sand toward the hut in baggy clothes and flop down inside.

I wished I could cry my eyes out.

Would the guilt ever go away?

Would I hurt every time someone said his name or I saw a picture of him?

Taborie broke my silent trance and handed me the hat after several minutes. "I'm sorry, I had no idea. Do you want this?"

"Yes," I whispered. "Thank you."

I caught Remy staring at me again from the pit. His eyes told me he hurt the same as I did.

"I'm sorry," he mouthed from the distance.

Me too.