FIVE-- GROUCHY DAD

Still in her pink pajamas, Juana hopped down her tall bed and made for the door. She wanted to see why her dad hadn't come knocking on her door that morning to say happy birthday. "Or could I have missed his knock?" Juana asked herself. "No I was awake most of the night" she said to herself again. Everywhere except the floor and the wall in her room was pink. 

Her pajamas, teddy bears, bedspread, blankets&duvet, bathrobe, pillow, hangers, wardrobe, laptop, phone, toothbrush, hair gel, and about eighty five percent of her clothes. Even the paintings on the wall were all in pink frames. She looked around her room and smiled to herself. "I'm thirteen now but I won't ever stop loving pink". As soon as she stepped out of her room, the pink world vanished. Everywhere was milk-coloured. 

The hallway was as quiet as a graveyard. Her parents'room door was slightly open. She peeped in and saw that the lights were off.

'Where's Dad?" She wondered. She walked farther in and switched on the lights. 'Dad?' She called. The bed was empty. The bathroom door opened as soon as she called the second time. And Baron came out of it and embraced her tightly for split seconds, patted her hair and whispered 'I love you so much girl'. He didn't even say happy birthday.

What's wrong dad? I suspect something. Juana wanted to say to him for it was so obvious in his voice that something was amiss. He smelt like her mom's rose fragrance hair gel.

His body was warm. Juana didn't see his face as he buried it again on her back, but his voice sure sounded like he had been crying. Or screaming for a long time. His voice was long and strained as if a heavy metal were placed on his voice box and so couldn't come out louder. 

'I love you so much girl', he said again, still wrapping his daughter in his arms. That didn't give Juana the happy feeling she usually got, but it made a knot in her stomach and terror built up from there up to her throat, so when she replied 'I know dad, I love you too' , she sounded funny as if she had been pleading.

Juana tried to curb the terror from adding more bricks to the building in her throat and fought hard to make her chest pound less.

After a minute or two, Baron moved over to the bed and sat on it, more like fell on it. That left Juana feeling confused. She sat by her dad's side and touched his forehead. It was hot but Baron let her touch it. She said nothing and he said nothing too. The silence hovering around them was menacing. She waited for him to say happy birthday and when he had faced her to talk, Juana heard something else, something like 'It is well with you' or so she thought. 

What is this? Have you forgotten my birthday? She thought. She wrapped her palm in her father's hand and began to speak "Today is my birthday," and paused to hear his response, but he didn't talk so she continued, "but you didn't come to my room like you usually do. Why?"

"I'm sorry" he muttered under his breath and rubbed her hair

"Sorry because?"

"Something went wrong. I got a news and err..I kind of had an heart attack but I err..stopped it in time"

"Oh my goodness! What is it daddy?" Juana yelled and her right hand flew to Baron's chest. It was pounding real hard. It wasn't pounding when he embraced her but now it was.

"I'm err..better?" He said it like he was asking a question. "My heart flew out of my chest, it is only now that you touched it I can breathe" he said.

"Dad will you tell me now? What happened?" Juana pestered him but he only drew a dry laugh from his throat and sighed and placed his head on the pillow. Then he asked her to leave the room.

"Please" , he begged, "I need to clear my head. I'll come by later". His fever had gone high. Whatever it was that had happened, it sure was frightening. Juana had never seen her dad in such state. 

Confused and clueless, Juana stood up and stated at Baron's legs. It was hard to stare at his face because she was almost sure she would find tears there.

"Will you tell me later?" It came out more like a plea than an urgent question that needed an urgent reply that it actually was. Baron nodded immediately.

"If I ever get the nerve to" Thirty little pins dropped from her throat and fell into her heart and pierced it slowly but mercilessly. She looked at his face. It looked like the face of a man who was carrying a heavy burden in his heart, a burden too much for one man but needed to be carried alone. 

That throaty feeling Juana got when she was about to burst in emotional fits came again.

"What do you mean dad? Is it something that concerns us? Is something wrong with..." She couldn't bring herself to say 'mom'. She didn't think she could survive it if anything happened to her mom.

"Please Juana, I'm burning up" and he was right. His temperature right now could boil a rock.

Please dad I'm burning inside. Has something happened to mom? Did the ranch catch fire? Is granny sick? What the hell is wrong? Today's my birthday for Pete's sake! Juana wanted to scream those words but she curbed herself. She wasn't leaving until she got an answer. She'd lose it if she screamed. So she spoke softly

"Daddy, at least give me a clue. I was in my room innocently waiting for you. I had no idea you were dying. What news came? What stupid news and why today of all days? Daddy?" Baron was not answering. She tapped him and repeated her words but he only rolled on his back and faced the other side.

"Don't get all panicky. I need to rest" he said softly.

But Juana couldn't help being panicky. Her dad had an attack, so he said. He could have died without any help and she could have been stupidly waiting for him to come. 

It's not gonna be fine if it's something that concerns mom. It's not going to be okay with me. Never gonna be. It'd better not be about mom. Or granny or about anyone dying. Juana thought. Her blood was boiling as the memory of the horrific call she had the night before came again. 

"Are you gon' stand there forever?" Baron said and it meant 'Get out'. It was completely strange to her. Someone who had just embraced her like his whole world was revolved around her presence was now asking her to go out and not so politely.

"I was thinking is there anything I can do to help? Like get you a bottle of water and pills or something? Maybe you need to go to the hospital. Should I call the doc? Or..."

"No I want to be alone" 

Those words stung her like a black ant. Her dad had turned a monster in less than an hour and she wasn't ready for this shit. Strange and baffling.

"Okay" Juana said and made for the door, her hands clasped around her bosom.

"Switch off the lights please" he muttered. He hadn't even wished her a happy birthday! Well that didn't matter anymore. What mattered was if mom was okay. Before she switched off the lights, she asked "Mom? Has she called?" She forced those words out although her mind instructed her not to. Not that she was stubborn but she didn't care about any damn thing now. 

Nothing, except mom. 

Baron didn't reply. He might as well have drifted off to sleep.

"Dad?" Juana reminded him that she had just asked a question begging for an immediate answer. But he was as quiet as ever. She heard the snores; he had fallen asleep, or so she thought. She switched off the lights and walked out of the room with a sullen look. The drama that just happened would live with her for the rest of her life. After shutting the door, she heard Baron let out a short groan. As if the strange call and her awful period cramps were not enough, now she had to battle with her father's condition. She didn't go to her room straightaway, she didn't go to the kitchen either. She sat on the couch by the hallway and stared at nothing. What other nightmare could be worse? She tried to let her mind dwell on positives. 

"Today's my birthday and I'm a lucky girl. I have the best parents and the sweetest granny in the whole wide world. I have the cutest pet dog. I've got everything I need, except friends whom i've learnt to see in dad and mom. I am healthy. Well yeah, I have asthma but it hasn't killed me. Dad is healthy and has a permanent business. Mom is a personal assistant to one of the most popular merchants in the country. I think one of Dad's horses has just died and he's sad about it. Mom's most probably on her way home from the airport. Today I'm a year older". She forced a smile out of her lips and walked to her pink world. It's half past 8.

As if on cue, her cramps began again. 'I'm just beginning with you' it seemed to say to her. She let it hurt her. She preferred it to emotional pain. What nightmare could be worse? Heavy period. Angry friends. Absent mom. Grouchy Dad. 

Tears welled up in her eyes and silence enveloped the whole house except for the sobs coming from her lips. She picked up her phone and found sixteen missed calls and six texts. They were all from her grandmother. She dialled her number. She picked at the first ring.

'Hello Granny'

'Sweetie! Where have you been? "

"I was with dad, I'm sorry"

"Okay. Did you get my texts? I sent some presents through my delivery man. Happy birthday sweetie!"

"Thanks granny"

"Are you okay?" Her granny had sensed the dullness in her voice. Juana didn't want to lie. She's never lied to her granny

"No"

"What?"

"Dad is not talking to me, and mom's not back from Australia and I have awful cramps"

"So sorry. About your mom, err..your father called six hours ago to tell me she was in the airport already, I'm thinking she should be back by now"

"No she's not"

"Just you wait. Don't worry too much and what's wrong with your father?"

"He's got an headache and he wants to be alone. I don't understand all of it" Juana sighed.

"I'll call him after I drop this call"

"His phone is off. He wants to be alone" Juana repeated

"Oh well... Do you want me to come get you?"

"No granny. I am just waiting for mom. I'm fine"

"Okay sweetie. Call me if you change your mind"

"Thanks granny"

"I love you girl and I hope you have a happy birthday!"

"Thank you. I love you too"

"Love you three. Bye" Juana smiled. Her granny was very lively. Juana read her texts carefully and giggled at them. Then she remembered that she hadn't replied her mom's text. She checked the time it was sent. So she sat before her computer and started to reply her. 

"Dear mom,

I couldn't reply you earlier than this. I got cramps and you know how bad they are. I need you to get me hot pink fluffy dresses, pink and white Barbie dolls and teddy bears, chocolate ice cream and YOU! I miss you badly"

Lots of love,

Your 'honey'

Email sent:23/08. 8:55am

After sending it, she shutdown her system and played music from her phone. It was a birthday song and Juana danced to it. It made her a bit optimistic about everything.