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25 || Just hair
He deleted his BC account, deactivated his email and his number is still unreachable. I don’t know if to laugh at myself or curl into a ball and cry. I don’t know how to feel. I tug the cover over my head, curling into a foetal position. Everything seems to be in shambles. Amelia doesn’t pick my calls. Ashley doesn’t want me at their house. I’m still pitifully clueless.
Jason.
Jason might know. I yank the cover off me and dial his number. I haven’t seen him since that night. I didn’t get to see him perform. Mace sneezes. I push a hand into his crib and he accepts it. He has no idea what I’ve done. That I saw his father.
Will he forgive me? If we are to apportion blame, Dad will take the highest share, then me. Pushing myself closer to the edge of the bed, I peer into my son’s crib.
“Uncle Jason isn’t picking,” I tell Mace. He pushes himself to his knees, and his hand locks around the
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To Tempt My Stepbrother 26 || Bestest friend
I pace in front of Amelia’s parents house. I lied. Ten days is too long to wait. Did she really expect me to stay away for that long?The sound of a hiccup draws my attention to my son sleeping in the baby carrier slung to my chest. Even his hiccups sound cute. Still asleep, he suckles the air. I brush the tip of his nose with my pinky finger, and he pouts. I might have brought him as a peace offering. Amelia can’t be mad if she sees her godson.That thought lends me courage to knock for the first time. I’ve been here for ten minutes. But when the door opens, I plaster a fake smile and act like I just got here.“Hey, Cathy.” Ashley steps out. Her face is tired, and she has aged since the last time I saw her. She sizes me up. “You look weird.”“It’s the makeup,” I exclaim. It’s not only the makeup. It’s my entire appearance. I’m also not used to it. She hums in
To Tempt My Stepbrother 27 || Heartbreak sucks
CALUMThe thick smell of smoke clogs the air. I pull out the joint between my teeth and puffs of smoke escape my lips and nose. My eyes water as the choking smell of weed invades the studio. It will take a while for me to get used to smoking this much. Not like it helps, it only dulls the pain for a few hours.Heartbreak sucks.A door opens somewhere behind me. It has to be one of my nosy bandmates, and I’m proved right when someone snatches the blunt from my hand and stomps it on the floor. I glare at their foot, my gaze trailing up to the face of a very unimpressed Sam.“You can’t smoke in here,” Sam says.“Who says?”“I do. It’s my fucking house,” he mutters.I almost roll my eyes. He shouldn’t invite me over then if he will police my behaviour.Stopping behind me, he places a hand on my shoulder. The door opens, but I don’t bother to check the
To Tempt My Stepbrother 28 || Will you sing?
I arrived at Wells a day earlier. Excitement and nervousness lance through me. My steps falter as I rush up the front of Amelia’s house with my bundle of joy. Mace’s pacifier keeps him from making a sound. So far, he has been compliant, but I know he will go on his knees the first chance he gets. Now that he can crawl, no one or nothing can stop him from exploring.The door opens, and Ashley smiles. The rat nest on her head is a testament of the toll this journey has taken on all of us involved. Lucky me never have to worry about hair. All it takes is a brush through it and I’m good.“At this point, you deserve a key,” she says.I laugh it off. Pushing my way in without an invitation, my eyes scan the dim place. The living room is empty. Jason must be in Amelia’s room. Ashley pads in after me. She makes a funny face at Mace, and my son giggles around his pacifier. I turn around to face her.“Do you want to c
To Tempt My Stepbrother 29 || Music
CALUMMusic explodes in my ears. My foot bounces on the same spot and my knuckles drum against my knee. I cross my forearms on my forehead, immersed in the sound of my voice. The sound I share with the world. My music. Music. It’s the only thing that matters right now, and maybe weed. The boys would love for me to try and mingle, but I haven’t been able to get far. Kissing or trying to be intimate with another woman feels like cheating on Cathy, which doesn’t make sense since she moved on. I should do the same. Maybe after this tour. A nudge on my knee causes my forearms to separate. Sam. Lucas. Scott. I straighten up.The boys wave. Their frowns rub me off the wrong way, and my annoyance is a tad evident in the way I say, “What’s up?”This had better not be another intervention to stop staying indoors or quit the weed. I have reduced my intake. Now, I only smoke when I’m mostly nervous or bored or trying to stay alive. Lucas throws himself on a couch. His lips move but I don’t he
To Tempt My Stepbrother 30 || Gone forever
The burial was quiet and private. I don’t recall most of it. Maybe I do. But I don’t want to be flooded with images of my best friend being lowered to the ground. Losing Mr Dissick hurts but it’s nothing compared to this. He’s alive and she isn’t. I may see him again but Amelia is gone forever. A cry from somewhere in the house breaks through my thoughts. The pillow in my hands drops. We used to play with this pillow, sleep in this room. I wipe my nose that’s red from excess crying. We buried her today. Taylor and Rose are downstairs entertaining the guests. I hate this idea of the bereaved family serving visitors. They just lost their child, they should be given a break. I hurry to the bathroom and splash water on my face before heading out to check on Mace. Mace is with his grandpa. I may or may not have been the best mother to him. I make sure my face has no evidence of crying as I near the bottom of the stairs. Staying in Amelia’s room gives me courage to go an extra day. It’s
To Tempt My Stepbrother 31 || Prettier but sad
CALUM“Mr Dissick,” Cathy breathes out.I shove my hands into my pockets to stop myself from drawing her into a hug. Our last encounter is still fresh in my memory. I look around for her protective bodyguard. I’ve imagined this moment too many times to count but it was nothing like this.“Really?” I tease. “Why so formal?”The scowl on Cathy’s lips wipes the smile lingering on mine. My mouth shapes into an O. She cut her hair. Why? Since when? Cathy crosses her arms under her boobs. The white gown she’s wearing hugs her upper body, tightens around her midriff, then flows downward to her knees. She’s as pretty as ever, maybe prettier with age.Prettier but sad.I want to pull her into a hug, if only this one time to remind her she’s not alone. But we are not the same Calum and Cathy anymore.“Very funny.” Cathy wedges herself
To Tempt My Stepbrother 32 || Happiness is overrated
“Your father is an asshole,” I tell Mace. He giggles. “No, don’t laugh, Macey. Let’s hate him together.”Someone clears their throat behind me. I jump and hide Mace from their view. It’s Dad. Walking around Mace’s crib, I try to smile at my father. He leans on the door, watching me like I would watch Mace.“I didn’t mean that,” I state to diffuse the tension. “Well, maybe. Only a little bit.”“Are you okay?” he asks from the door of the guest room in his London house. He might not have understood why I asked us to leave Wells but he drove us back to his house. I suspect Calum will check mine.“Why wouldn’t I be?” I reply.“Cathy.”“I’m fine,” I whisper. I just buried my best friend, and my baby daddy walked back into my life. Of course I’m okay, I’m cool. “I&
To Tempt My Stepbrother 33 || Get out
CALUMNerves. I’m a bundle of nerves and anger. Anger that hasn’t fully manifested. I ring the door again but it’s the same response. Silence. I look over my shoulder to the car waiting out front. Jason dropped me off. He insisted on waiting till I was safely inside.I may have treated him like shit but he’s exactly how Amelia described him in her letter. Plus, he took care of my babies.My babies. I have a son. Saying that to myself has no effect on me. Maybe it will when I see the blue eyed miniature of me.The knob twists as I’m about to knock again and the door opens. Unfortunately, it’s not the woman I want to see. I step back.“Pete.”“Calum,” he responds.It’s an awkward family reunion. I rock on my heels, feeling like the twenty-one year old kid he took into his home. What should I say?“Hi.”&ldq
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- To Tempt My Stepbrother Epilogue
- To Tempt My Stepbrother 59 || Use me
- To Tempt My Stepbrother 58 || Marry this man
- To Tempt My Stepbrother 57 || You came
- To Tempt My Stepbrother 56 || Surprise
- To Tempt My Stepbrother 55 || I love you forever
- To Tempt My Stepbrother 54 || Are you scared?
- To Tempt My Stepbrother 53 || Number one happy place
- To Tempt My Stepbrother 52 || Whatever you want to be
