01— After three dreadful months.

01— After three dreadful months.

“Life is never hard under the protective shades of our parents. The struggle starts when we decide to move out from that shade.”

— Saumya Tripathi

“If only you were here,” staring at the clear sky with little stars twinkling almost brightly, I muttered. “There is nothing the same with you both leaving us,” the welled-up tears in my eyes felt too heavy to carry. “Life has been so hard without you both.”

It happened inexplicably. 

One movement we were fervently emitting family: just the four of us: no worries, no stress, no pain, no grief. Nothing. Just pure elation and extreme euphoria skirting around our household. Patently, yet another plausible pronounced merry family.

LIFE- it gives you chances, a lot of them of that sort, to amend your mistakes. Mistakes that you would have made in the past whether you did them purposely or unintentionally. But at some point, it did happen. Whatever, they are a part of life without them we learn nothing. We can never become wise without it. Mistakes need to be made for people to grow emotionally, maturely and psychologically. 

But, did life also give you a chance to bring back a dead mortal human to life? 

The result will certainly be a no. NO, of course not. It could never, unquestionably happen in this twenty-first century. 

“Dah- dah!”

Coming back to the present day, Albeit unwillingly, I smiled sadly seeing my baby brother surrounded by a small mob of kids playing happily. However, there was this piercing pain in my abdomen at the loss of our parents. If our parents had been here they would have enjoyed themselves as well. Just like the way we used to have in the past, cheerily. My vision blurred at the thought of them once again. It had been three months since that dreadful car incident but it simply seemed like yet a matter of yesterday. 

Accidents happen every day in every single minute of every single second but, the irony- I had never thought that it could be my parents someday, somehow. As a human, we always tend to question the wrong which happens to us all the time. 

Suppressing the urge to wail loudly, I swallowed an excessive amount of salivary gland. Not now. Biting my lower lip, I restrained myself from crying.

I could not. 

And, I won't.

Life had never been easy since then. 

A giggle brought me back from my self-breakdown to see my chubby little brother crawling towards me hurriedly while giggling with his toothless mouth soundly. I crouched down to take him securely in my arms. Placing him on my lap, I secured him in the confines of my arms, cuddling him.

"Are you not my fur of the cotton ball?" I drawled, pecking at his reddish nose, and smiling down at him.

He pouted at me cutely with his sweet rosebud of a lip. Despite the tears, I laughed gently at his tactics to make me swivel him. He was becoming more impish day by day. 

Nonetheless, I did love him with all my heart. How could I not love him? He was my immaculate, adorable impish brother, after all. The one who had given me a reason to live in this isolated cosmos.

I could have died a long time ago if he would have not been here with me. He was the only sanity left within me after our parents. . . . . .I closed my eyes tightly keeping my mental emotion at bay in front of all these small kids. I couldn't cry now. My eyelids seemed heavy, but I tried my best to hold back my tears. I must stay strong for him. He had his whole life in front of him and I am the only one he had as his family. He was my responsibility, now. 

He tugged at my Dupatta with his chubby little fingers, wanting me to play with him. Opening my eyes, I smiled, kissing his almost fluffy red cheeks.

"Don't you get tired? How much will you play? You have been playing for one and a half hours!" I chided him in my baby voice, frowning. “It's time we go.”

Peering me with his wide dark brown eyes for a few minutes, he laughed. He laughed. So, he found my scolding hilarious. But, there wasn't any hilarity in them. I blinked. Suppressing my giggle, I continued, this time with finality.

"Let's go, baby. We are already running late and uncle would be worried sick and I have to make you your baby food too," I tried again in my baby voice, rubbing his left cheek with the pad of my thumb, lovingly.

Shaurya: Yes, the name of my brother was given by me. The mixture of shaam and Arya- both our parent's names:

Dr Shaam Mishra and,

Mrs Shaam Arya Mishra.

They had always been here with us. I always knew it. And, they always will be. No doubt in that: within us. 

“I know you are here papa maa,” I whispered to myself, staring at the dark sky.

They were still alive— alive in our hearts. I nodded at myself, smiling ruefully. Kissing his crown of the head, I placed Shaurya in his stroller, standing straight I moved out of the park to leave. It took almost five to six minutes to reach our home. I pondered. We didn't live in that crowded place, merely a few houses with people and families belonging here. We had been living there since my birth. That house was not only a house- it was our little world where we behold our memories of happiness and emotions- a lot of them: together. We did not come from a high-class family but we always had our articles when we needed them. We were a merry family. I thought grimly.

"Hey! Wait, Radhika!" A very familiar male voice of Awdhesh made me come to an abrupt halt.

My smile faded away from my face after hearing my name called aloud like that.

Why was he yelling? Was everything alright?

“Are you okay, Awdesh?”

“I am fine,” he gushed. "What are you doing at this time and let alone at this hour?" He all but growled, out of breath. 

I sighed, dejectedly. “Did something happen?”

His breathing was hard.

“Why do you look anxious?”

“I said I am fine,” his tone seemed off.

"Awdhesh, you needn't worry about me. I am alright and about to return home."

"If you say so," he glowed at me. We stared. 

"Take a walk with me Radhika. It has been a pretty long time since hmm.. you know..."

I cut him off, reluctantly. I did not want to speak to him right now regarding that sensitive matter. 

"It's okay,” I told him softly, holding his hand. “But I can't. It's already late and I should go, otherwise, my uncle will be worried. You know how he is. Don't you, Awdhesh?”

He breathed out. His hold on my hand tightened when he intertwined our fingers.  “Goodbye Awdhesh," without waiting for his response I waved him good night, letting his hand go.

And when I turned to leave, a painful grasp at my arm stopped me. He yanked me back to him with a sudden force that I almost stumbled back, however, I tightened my hold on the handle of the stroller to restrain myself from falling with confusion and trepidation displayed on my face. 

"W-what are you doing?" I exclaimed at him while trying to disengage my hand from his painful grasp, stunned. 

"What am I doing?" he whisper-yelled, digging his nails into my into viciously making me gasp in pain.

"Don't, I mean- don't ever cut me when I'm speaking!" When I didn't answer, he continued:

"And where the fuck do you think you are going? Hmm? Why do you always have to run away from me? Can't you just spend some time with me? Is that so much of a big deal for you? I have always been there when nobody was. I too could've left you if I wanted to but I didn't. Did I? No! I did not. Why can't you fucking see what I want? How I feel, huh! You know what?" He seethed, breathing hard. "Call Home, and let your uncle know that you are going to stay at your friend's house for tonight," he ordered me through clenched teeth, breathing harder from his nozzle.

I stayed silent. 

"Do you understand?" He asked rather slowly and ruthlessly after a while when he got no reply from me.

I stared at him wide-eyed because I was too stunned to reply. I always knew he had a bad temper but hadn't witnessed it before, until now. He had always been so docile with me and Shaurya, but now I could not come to decipher his outrageous behaviour. I was shocked, stunned or scared I did not even seem to decipher which one of the emotions was more overpowering. Still staring, I did not see his hand moving dangerously at a fast pace. When he brought his other hand to the back of my head taking- a fistful of my hair in his fist, tugging it downwards brutally causing my eyes to snap back to his dark cold brown orbs then did I decipher, and my eyes welled up at his vice grip. 

He had never misbehaved with me until now.

What was happening? I was stuck somewhere in my mind. My thinking capacity was blocked, somehow. 

"Do you understand?" He repeated, glaring down at me with a coldness that I had never endured before. He had always been kind and caring for me and my little brother in every circumstance.

What had happened just now?

"You're pissing me off, Radhika," he said aggressively, tugging at my hair rather hurtfully. A tear rolled down my left cheek. It was a misery. 

"I-I-it hurts, please let go of it," I whispered tearfully. With one last painful tug at my hair, he let go of it completely.

"Let's go! You can inform him from my house!" he ordered, snatching the stroller from my hand and turning to proceed forward.

"No, wait! I can't." I whispered. Standing stiffened. He stopped. Slowly, he turned to face me. Stepping towards me, he lifted his right hand swiftly without warning and smacked me hard across my face, the sound echoed through the empty road and the impact from the smack was so forceful that I collapsed painfully with a loud thud onto the narrowed street. In reflex, my left hand automatically came to cup my stinging cheek and my sight blurred at the forceful and painful smack. 

My lower lip trembled.

What had happened to my friend? The question was circulating in my psyche like a crammed chapter without a pause.

He had slapped me. 

Never my parents had even scolded me, let alone slapped me.

I turned my face to look up at him only to see his two emotionless orbs, glaring down at me. For a second I thought I saw a gentle look overcome his face before it was gone. 

Did I keep looking up at him for a quite good deal of time, trying to comprehend what just happened? But my mind refused to do so.

"You can't, or you won't? Huh? Come again. I didn't hear you?" He took a step towards me, leaving the stroller completely beside him, hovering over me entirely. "Done- I am done by this fucking good guy shit now, being a dog to you for what? So you can reciprocate my feelings one day, huh? But guess what? My fucking patience seems to already be running out. Now, stop being a crybaby and get up this instant or you will regret it!" 

I could only stare at him in bewilderment. When I didn't move a muscle to get up, he took one last long step toward me. Bending down, he yanked me to him by my upper arm, forcefully.

"A-awdhesh!" I shrieked in pain, flinching. “What has happened to you?” I tried to wriggle in his hold but it was of no use. He was a lot taller and larger than my small petite form. I cried out in pain because of his brutal grip. The first time, I regretted being this small and defenceless.

"Please let go, you are hurting me," I exclaimed with my tear-stained face looking up at him.

"Why are you doing this?”

“It is because of you!”

My eyes widened. “Me?”

“Yes, you! Can't you see the reasons? My reaction is reflected by your actions.”

“I- I don't understand.”

He breathed hard, rubbing his hair roughly. 

“Can't you fucking see the hurt behind my anger?”

“Are you h-hurt?”

His eyes turned softer. “Oh, my naive little Radhika,” he chuckled suddenly. “You will never understand. Will you?”

“Understand w-what?” I was afraid of his reaction. 

“Goddammit, that I—” A flashy sound of tires screeching to a sudden halt sounded behind me, cutting him off.

The sole sound of car doors opening, all at the same time, could only be heard in the entire, silent street and then- footsteps, from all directions behind me. Awdhesh hawked behind me, terrified all of a sudden, then- he screamed- that horrified ear-piercing scream that could make your ears bleed. His blood-curdling scream made me jump. Then, he was on the floor when he fell with a loud thud. I looked down at him in a stuck and frozen state, to see what happened so abruptly, but saw him clutching his left thigh rather tightly and hollering in pain.

It all happened so in haste and blurred along with inhuman speed, I was stunned and, in shock, unable to decipher what just happened. 

My mind seemed too stuck to respond to any logical explanation. The crimson red-coloured liquid was oozing out from his grasping leg. I stared at the crimson-coloured liquid with wide eyes.

How could it be possible? I didn't even hear anything though.

Could it be? I wondered.

No, it can't be. I was horrified.

"I used the silencer to avoid the unwanted scream of a wild dog, roaming around like they own the fucking street,” someone answered my unspoken question.

Startled, I spun around to come in front of all the giant men standing before me. I stared at them with a horror stuck face. They must be twenty or so, and- they all were tall- extremely tall, well built and seemed young in their mid-twenties and thirties. Men in black tuxedos with Ray-Bans over their faces, hiding their eyes. With shining black cars behind them.

My breath hitched. Who were they?

A loud cry of my baby brother from the stroller brought me back to awareness. Immediately, I ran to him, scooping his slightly shaking tiny form to me. I cradled him to my chest, rubbing his back gently, and whispering soothing words in his ear. Effectively, after a minute or two, he stopped shaking and snuggled in my neck while sucking his thumb. I looked back at the men to see and found them all already gazing at me, intently.

My cheeks heated up. Out of dread or embarrassment, I did not know, exactly. I looked away immediately from them. Yet, I heard a faint groaning, I turned to look behind the giants of men, but— met with the darkest colour of piercing black eyes, which were shining in the moonlight that seemed to look back at me very intensely. Like they were just not looking at me but at my soul as well and beyond. His visage was brighter in the street light.

Abruptly, I looked down at my red sleepers. In that very movement, I felt a sudden stinging sensation, somewhere on the back of my neck making me feel slightly dizzy, abruptly. What was it?

Tightening my hold over Shaurya, I tried to stand straight, frantically peering at my surroundings with nervousness and doubts. What was happening? 

However, there was a small amount of fear in me too regarding the vicinity I was in. My hold got even tighter on Shaur, so I couldn't knock him down. But instantly after a while, everything started spinning around me and before I could understand what was happening, my eyes closed themselves in an oblivious slumber.

I was in the midst of confusion about what was exactly happening to me. Still, there were the answers in my psyche to the questions, indeed. The answers were quite simple and absolutely in front of me. I just did not want to admit it. I was in denial. 

Yet, I already know that: 

I was being drugged.

Merely, I felt someone getting hold of Shaurya from me. And then, I collapsed on someone and everything blacked out: black dots were pooling in front of my barely opened eyes as I felt as if I was being lifted. And, in reality, I was. I knew I wasn't dreaming. Still, hoping against the hope, I prayed even in my barely conscious state that- this all be a dream. A dream.

Everything started to numb my body. And, being unbeknownst to all of it I let myself into the relief that had been offered to me, gingerly.

“Ssh. Finally, you'll be home. Now, sleep, little one. I promise to take care of you and Shaur,” I found myself hearing. “You will be protected from anything and everything.”

“Take the other car. Go,” in my barely conscious state, I heard him say. “Take us home. The little birds are back in their home.” Not a second later I found myself lying somewhere soft. “It's been so long since I saw you. You haven't changed a bit,” there was a contact I felt in one of my cheeks. “I am terribly sorry for your loss. But I promise to keep you both safe and under my protection. It took long enough but now I am here by your side. I promise to not leave this time.”