Chapter Eight: Most Chaotic Wedding Day

Embarrassing moments creates the best memories. Because, we're all a little weird in our own ways. Life is a little weird. And, when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into a mutually satisfying weirdness they call love. 

"Every day? Damn, woman. You're going to make me bankrupt even though I'm a fucking trillionaire."

"Alright. That can be negotiated. Pay me that every month, then. Aside from my salary as your secretary."

"You do know that if we get married, you can literally own half of my fortune afterwards, right? Unless, I make you sign a prenuptial agreement." 

"Then, let's sign one."

"No." Zoey was quite befuddled at that fast answer of Dionysus. Dionysus even looked like he had already closed that topic and was no longer up for discussion as he continued typing on Zoey's laptop. 

"But, why?" 

"Just because I don't want to. It's alright. Don't worry about that." 

Zoey sighed even though it still bothers her. "For my third condition, you won't be seeing any woman while we are married." 

Dionysus stopped what he's doing and looked at Zoey with so much seriousness in his eyes. "You still think I'm that kind of man, Ms. Lavigne?"

"No. But, what if you finally meet the woman who is destined for you? You can't pursue her not until our marriage is off. A deal is a deal."

"Alright. As you wish." Dionysus typed Zoey's third condition and when Zoey was about to speak again, Dionysus halted her. "Nuh-uh. We can only have three conditions for each other. Now, it's my time to formulate my own." 

"Spill it, then. Faster."

"First: We have to sleep in the same room and on the same bed so that grandpa won't suspect us. Don't worry. I won't dare to do anything. Dream on." Zoey rolled her eyes. "Second: If a hug and a kiss is inevitable at the moment, you shall not protest if I initiate one."

"You haven't had a girlfriend before, right? How can you know how to kiss, Chevalier?"

"Third: Call me by my name or the nickname you made me pick at all times. Don't call me anything aside from that." Dionysus continued, ignoring Zoey's teasing remarks.

"How about I call you by your second name? Zephyr?"

"Please, don't. That second name of mine holds too many painful memories."

"Alright. Is it finished? Let's print it, then." Zoey said after a long stretch of silence had ensued between them. Dionysus nodded and clicked the 'print' button. Zoey stood up and ran towards her printer to pick up their marriage contract before she got a black pen from one of her drawers.

Zoey sat up again, flicked her eyeglasses and read the terms stated before their conditions. "We shall stay married until your grandfather is no longer sick. But, what if it takes years?"

"We'll stay married until then." Zoey gulped and blew a deep breath. Unbeknownst to her, her heart started pounding so fast against her chest it kind of hurts her.

"I hope we won't regret any of this in the near future. You know, I have dreamt of having a boy best friend ever since. Because girls can be too annoying and don't like me for how I look."

Dionysus looked at Zoey and Zoey looked back at Dionysus. They stayed looking at each other like that for the next few seconds. "Are you sure about that? You want to be my best friend?"

Zoey shrugged nonchalantly. "It's alright if you don't want to. I'm used to always being rejected in everything." 

"Best friends, then." Zoey was surprised when Dionysus took her hand and shook it. Right there and then, her heart swelled in happiness she thought she would never feel towards a man. "But, I still hate you." Zoey said as she signed her own signature on their printed contract under her full name. 

"Me too." Dionysus responded as he did the same thing as well. They resumed drinking the remaining bottles of soju. "Don't we have something to munch on?"

"Wait. I'll get something from the kitchen." When Zoey was gone, Dionysus stood up and called Sebastian on his phone.

"Are you all outside?" 

"Yes, boss. Why? Have you decided to sleepover? Like, most girls do? You know, they call it a pajama party." Sebastian's laugh echoed on the other line. 

"Not funny, Seb. But, yeah. I decided to sleep here. I can't go back to the mansion right now. You heard what happened to grandpa, right? I suppose you know that but you didn't tell me the truth."

"I just don't want to interfere with your own personal life, Dio. I don't want to be accused of overstepping the line." Dionysus sighed at that.

"Just call it a day already, go home and rest. I'm fine here. Just make some of our men stay and take turns guarding outside."

"Alright, boss. I love you. You take care. Goodnight. Sleep tight. Muah. Muah. Muah." Dionysus massaged his temples because he can't really get the kind of humor Sebastian has sometimes. Yet, before Dionysus could end his own call, Sebastian said something for one last time. "A friendly reminder, boss. Don't fall in love with that girl. Because God knows you will risk everything for the people you love so much. And, I don't want her to be the reason for your downfall." 

~~~~

A week later. .

Dionysus entered the guest room that Zoey used last night when she arrived at the Chevalier mansion again. It's been days since they last saw each other because Zoey had been busy. She had to take care of all of her resignation letters for all of her other side jobs that she will be leaving now that she is going to be married to Dionysus today and is going to be his secretary as well, after their wedding. 

Dionysus saw Zoey preparing and making a sandwich in front of the vanity mirror. There was a tray full of buns, cheese, sunny side up eggs, catsup, mayo and bacon. "What are you doing? You're still not full after our breakfast with grandpa?"

"Isn't it obvious? I'm making my favorite egg sandwich. And, no. This is different." 

"Where did you get all of those?"

"I asked these from the housemaid that made my makeup. I told her I have to eat this to freaking calm my nerves down."

"I thought Zamantha said ramen and ice cream were your favorite foods?"

"Yes, but when I'm upset. My favorite food depends on my mood, old man."

"Stop calling me that. What's my condition again?"

"Ohh, sorry, honey bun."

"There. Better."

"Weirdo."

"Just being careful."

"Whatever, weirdo."

Dionysus looked at Zoey's made-up face through the glam mirror with light bulbs adorning it. "You looked good. The housemaid understood the assignment."

"Turns out she loves make-up and such. She covered all of my patches so that the priest and your grandpa's lawyer won't freak out at my appearance later." Dionysus fell silent while Zoey continued making her own version of egg sandwich.

"You know that you will still look good even if she didn't conceal your patches." Zoey stopped moving.

"We both know that's not true. You're calling me a witch because of my patches, right?"

"No. I'm calling you like that because of the first time I saw you. Remember, you were wearing an all black outfit back then?" A deafening silence exploded in the air. "I'm sorry. I was one of those people who made fun of your skin. And, I'm apologizing to all those people who also did the same. May god rest their souls."

Zoey bit her lower lip and sighed. "Don't be like that."

"Don't be like what?"

"You're becoming kind to me, just because we're getting married and we have an agreement. Come to think of it, you won't even talk to me in the first place if you haven't decided to use me just to fulfill your grandfather's wishes, right?"

"Can't we just call it a lesson learned? People can't change now?"

Zoey and Dionysus were just interrupted by one of the Chevalier's housemaids when she trudged inside the guest room. "Ohh, my god! Sir Dio, what are you doing here? You can't see the bride until the wedding. That's bad luck. The wedding might get canceled because of that." 

"Really? Who invented that?" Zoey almost laughs at Dionysus' innocence about the matter.

"For a trillionaire who makes trillions every year, you sure sometimes seemed dumbed." 

"Shut up, witch. I don't have a friend to remind me of those things. I also don't socialize that much."

"That will change from now on. You have me now. We're best friends now, right?" Dionysus smirked because he was trying his best not to smile at that.

"We're best friends but you don't want me to be kind to you."

"I'm just saying that you don't have to pretend in front of me. Just be your usual self."

"News flash, witch. I'm not even pretending in the first place." Now, it was Zoey's turn to try her best not to show her smile as well. 

But, the housemaid really had to tease them and ruin the moment as she squeals in delight while looking at the stunning bride and groom in front of her. "God. You two looked so in love, miss Zoey, sir Dio. I can see it in your eyes."

Zoey grimaced and Dionysus acted like he was about to vomit. Yet, the housemaid thought that the two were just joking even though they weren't. 

"Grandpa texted me. We have to go now. Come on." 

"Wait. I don't have a wrapper for my egg sandwich."

"Just leave it."

"No."

"I'll get it for you, miss Zoey." The housemaid said and quickly went outside the guest room. Zoey's shout of thanks was only heard by Dionysus.

~~~~

Zoey ate half of her egg sandwich while on the road because Dionysus dared to eat the other half. Twenty minutes later, they all arrived at New York's city hall. Mr. Hermes Chevalier looked at Zoey and Dionysus who were both sitting at the backseat of their limousine. "We're here. Are you kiddos ready?" 

"You make it sound like we're just visiting a dentist's clinic, grandpa." The old Chevalier laughed.

"You're really funny, kid. That's why there is no doubt you are my grandson." 

The head nurse of Mr. Chevalier knocked on the sedan's window. They have to tag along because the old Chevalier needed to be in a wheelchair and be guarded at all times. He was still recovering from his attack a week ago.

All of them went inside the City Hall and the respectable Mayor of New York City welcomed them with a big smile. "At last, Mr. Chevalier. I have finally met you. This is a very big honor for us." 

"Remember our deal. No one will find out about this. No media and no published articles." Dionysus warned the city's mayor.

"Of course, of course. That's just a very small favor compared to all the magnificent things you have done to make our city grow for the last few years, Mr. Chevalier. Leave it to us." 

"Shall we start this wedding, then?" Mr. Hermes Chevalier asked eagerly.

"We shall. This way, please. The city priest is already waiting at my office." All of them except Zoey started following the city mayor. And, when Dionysus noticed that Zoey was no longer walking beside him, he instantaneously looked back at his bride. He saw Zoey being frozen in the middle of the city hall while clutching her stomach tightly. 

Dionysus immediately ran back towards Zoey. "Hey. Hey. What's wrong?" 

"My tummy, it hurts so bad. I think I have to go to the restroom right now?"

"What? As in right now?"

"Do I really have to repeat myself? It's coming out, Dionysus!" Zoey shouted, making all the people around them stop in their tracks. Zoey realized that and buried her face in Dionysus' neck. "Damn it. Find me the restroom. Now!"

In the blink of an eye, Dionysus scooped Zoey's body and ran back to where he left the others. "Where's the restroom here? Quickly."

The city mayor pointed the direction using his finger. "Turn right on the second hallway, Mr. Chevalier. The ladies restroom is located there."

"We'll be back. Give us ten minutes." 

"Make it fifteen. Twenty!" Zoey grunted while doing her best to keep everything inside her not to be flushed out right there and then. Because when that happens, she would literally dig her own grave and bury herself alive than to face the embarrassment of knowing that she was the first bride in history to shit on her wedding gown.

Dionysus laughed as he started running towards the direction of the ladies' restroom. "Argh! Why are you laughing? I hate you so much!" Zoey cried out.

"Sorry! I can't help it!"

"I really hate you! God! Move faster! It's going out! It's going out!" Dionysus laughed harder this time and it made Zoey's body shake. And, it only worses Zoey's internal dilemma while she starts crying because Dionysus won't still stop laughing. "I really hate you." 

"I said I'm sorry. I just can't help it. Fuck shit. What's wrong with me?" Dionysus exclaimed because he couldn't focus on finding the god-damned restroom while still laughing so hard like that. "Ohh! I can see the restroom now! Hold your horses! Don't poop in my arms! I'm begging you!"

Zoey's tears suddenly halted especially when Dionysus opened the restroom's door and shouted like a madman. "What are you doing, bastard! Put me down!"

"Ohh, right. Sorry." Dionysus put Zoey down abruptly. Zoey ran towards a cubicle, locked the door, lifted up her dress, pulled down her undergarments before sitting on the throne. Right after her bomb had exploded, she shouted back at Dionysus. "I swear, if you're still there, I'm going to kill you!"

"Nope, I'm not here!"

"Go out! And, lock the door from the inside! Now!" As soon as Zoey heard the door being slammed shut, she burst into tears again. That day had dethroned all the embarrassing moments of her life. Dionysus just didn't witness her most unsophisticated behavior, her future boss and husband also smelled the most hilarious odor she had ever released in her entire life. That exact moment felt like a nightmare to her and only if she could just undo it at some point, she absolutely would. 

~~~~

"Zoey! Come on! Are you still not finished yet?" It has been over twenty minutes since Dionysus tossed Zoey inside the restroom and she hasn't gone out ever since then. "If you still won't go out, I'm knocking this door down. Dare me. I can do it."

"It's clogged. It won't flush!" Zoey had finally responded back but because she was crying, Dionysus had a hard time understanding it so she had to repeat it for over four times. 

Dionysus laughed but when he heard Zoey's dramatic sobs afterwards, he stopped and forced himself to be serious. "What? Let me see. Let me come in."

"No! What's wrong with you! I still want my pride and dignity intact with me!"

"Then, how am I supposed to help you if you won't let me in?" 

"Just go! Just let me die and rot here in peace." Zoey shouted again and wiped her tears. She thought she had always been strong facing embarrassing moments like that all throughout her life. But maybe, the dilemma of thinking that she was getting married today and no one in her family knew about it had added to her misery. That's why she can't stop crying even though she doesn't want to cry like that and be pitiful in the first place.

"Alright, then. Let's just ditch grandpa and make him utterly sad and disappointed. Is that what you want?" Dionysus sat on the floor, while leaning on the bathroom's door. Some employees of the City Hall were eyeing him weirdly for some unknown reason but he just couldn't care at all. 

"No! Of course not! I just can't leave my mess here like this! It's just so disrespectful." Zoey saw herself in the mirror and she cried more when her mascara had already smudged under her eyes. "This is all the egg sandwich's fault! Maybe the cheese had already expired."

"The sandwich seemed fine to me. I ate it, too, right? But, my tummy is still fine."

"That's why I hate you!" Dionysus laughed after hearing that.

"Alright. Let's calm down first. We're getting through this together. I'll g****e some ways on how to unclog a toilet. Hang on." Dionysus carefully scanned everything that showed on the internet and told Zoey about a certain way that he was sure would actually work. "You just need a trash bag and tape. That's it."

"Very clever, Chevalier. But, in case you haven't noticed, I don't have a trash bag and a freaking tape here!" Dionysus stood up and knocked on the door.

"I'll get it for you. Wait for me and don't open the door for someone else!" Zoey sighed after hearing the fading footsteps of Dionysus. She was starting to regret agreeing and signing a marriage contract with him. She was always in trouble whenever Dionysus was around her. 

Five excruciating minutes more, Dionysus still hasn't gone back. And, Zoey was starting to get paranoid especially when someone knocked on the restroom's door and it definitely wasn't Dionysus. "Hey, miss! How long are you gonna stay there! That is a public restroom in case you forgot!" 

"Can't you wait! I'm still waiting for my friend!" Zoey was about to say more and ready to argue with the waiting woman outside when she heard Dionysus' voice again. And, Zoey felt like Dionysus had become his guardian angel who had arrived to save her day again. Dionysus' voice alone soothed her agitated nerves. 

"Zoey! Open the door. I got the trash bag and the tape! Hurry!"

~~~~

"Where the hell have you been, children? We've been waiting for almost an hour." Mr. Hermes Chevalier exclaimed after seeing Dionysus and Zoey finally entered the city mayor's office, where the city priest and the old Chevalier's most trusted lawyer were waiting for them. 

Zoey sighed and lowered her head. She unequivocally knows that this isn't the right time to talk back and voiced out her reasons. All she needed to do was to apologize sincerely. "I'm so sorry, sir. It's my fault. Forgive me." 

"Hey. Don't apologize for pooping. It's normal. Everyone does that." Zoey's eyes widened when Dionysus really had to say it out loud. Everyone fell silent while looking at Zoey and Zoey wished for the ground to just devour her wholly. The embarrassment she got was really nerve-wracking to say the least. She also felt like smacking Dionysus' head and that's what she did. "Ouch! What the fuck! What was that for?"

"Asshole." 

"Language." The priest hushed Zoey. Zoey moved forward after pulling Dionysus with him.

"Can we just move to the signing of the marriage certificate instead? I just can't wait to call this ass- I mean, this honey bun of mine to be my husband." Zoey pinched Dionysus' cheek hardly just to somehow show to everyone that they are really an item.

"Witch. I just helped you unclog your mess and this is what I'll get." Dionysus whispered to her. 

"Shut up. Don't mention that out loud, too. I'll really kill you." 

"Alright. Let's skip exchanging the vows, then. Wear the rings onto your partner and sign these papers alternatively."

Zoey faced Dionysus and picked up the golden wedding ring from the jewelry box Mr. Hermes Chevalier was holding. The old Chevalier looked so content as of that moment, contrary to the awkwardness Zoey and Dionysus were both feeling. Zoey inserted the ring onto Dionysus' finger without saying a word. Dionysus did the same seconds later. "Wow. This is real."

"I know, right?" Dionysus laughed the tension away but Mr. Hermes Chevalier viewed it like his grandson was very happy at that moment as well. 

"Wait. I don't have my eyeglasses. Where should I sign?" Dionysus heard that and immediately pointed to the space where Zoey should sign. 

When Zoey and Dionysus finished signing their marriage certificates, the priest, who was also the officiant and Mr. Hermes Chevalier, as the witness, signed as well. "I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride."

Right there and then, Zoey and Dionysus froze on the spot. They already knew that the kissing part was inevitable. But, no one told them that it would be that mind-boggling when they are suddenly put into the situation itself. Zoey was about to request to skip that part as well but the old Chevalier won't definitely let them off the hook that easily.