"Can't you do at least one thing properly?" Sandra spat, taking me out of my revival. I swiftly turned my head in Sandra's direction. "Xavier left without having breakfast," Enmity blazed in her blue iris as she glowered at me.
"Ma'am" Yes. I am supposed to refer to her as ma'am when no one is around. That's how this has been going on for the past seven months.
"I don't know what happened. The alarm didn't-," I trailed off trying to explain the reason behind my irresponsible behavior but I was rudely cut off by Sandra.
"Excuses...That's one thing you have mastered. Stop giving excuses, you are his wife. His wife!" I pinched my brows, feeling contemplated by her insolent behavior towards me.
Most of the time, I try to ignore their taunts but sometimes, despite my efforts, it just gets through me. Some things are easier said than done.
"My son works so hard for you. But you... you can't even feed your husband. A daughter-in-law has responsibilities and you fulfill them like a maid," She threw her hand in the air in frustration. Another wave of mortification panged in my being. I have no right to get upset. Sandra was right, I'm not a good wife.
"And let's not talk about kids" Kids! Sadness loomed, it's a very sensitive topic for me. I don't know why I'm able to convince a child.
In the beginning, when I was married, things weren't this bad. Things were pretty bad from the beginning. I'm not gonna lie and say they weren't. I always had the idea. My in-laws were never fond of me. I was ignored, they acted like I was invisible.
But things went from bad to worse when I couldn't even get pregnant, even after a year of our marriage. They started verbally abusing me, at that point they didn't even care I was listening to them. In fact, I'm pretty much sure they wanted me to hear everything.
It's not that I didn't think or tried to console the doctors, but every time I brought the topic up, Sandra would shut me up. I never understood why she was so against me going for a check-up but there was nothing I could do. I am completely at their mercy.
Moisture springs into the corner of my eyes. I was almost on the verge of a mental breakdown. My hand curled into a fist as I tried to absorb the lump wedged in my throat.
"So? The truth is bitter, right?" Sandra said, noticing the switch in my frame of emotion. "Truth is always bitter," She further added. I really didn't know how to react.
The atmosphere was intensely tense and the room was eerily silent.
"I regret the moment ever since you came into our family, everything has turned topsy-turvy and we've been having nothing but bad luck," Sandra spat her orbs flare-up in exasperation and fury, saying every word laced with venom. It's like the longer she stares at my face the more her anger fuels.
"Mom let's go, why are you wasting your time on these-" Soniya, my sister-in-law, gave a grimace of disgust as her orbs traveled from my head to toe in a swift motion "She is going to listen from one ear and throw it from the other," Contempt and hatred prominent in her despicable tone.
Sandra looked like she wasn't done pouring her anger on me but nodded her head anyway.
"Why are you still standing there like a fool? Go cook something or you're going to keep us hungry too." Soniya growls under her breath.
All she did was nod in agreement before turning around and walking away from them towards the kitchen.
I don't know when all this is going to change. It's been the same ever since I got here, which was two years ago. My husband and my in-laws hate me to their core. The only person who doesn't is my father-in-law. Who blames himself for my misery?
A part of me agrees with him too. If he had handled the situation maturely instead of forcing his son into an unwanted marriage, maybe two lives would have been saved. I don't doubt his intentions were good, but his methods were horrible.
************
I scrutinized the ring on my left index finger. A gloomy smile graced my lips. It's an 18K white gold diamond ring. It's without any doubt the most valuable and costly thing I own. But what is the use? It's meaningless.
Wedding rings represent the unbreakable bond of lifelong love and commitment between two bodies and souls. But it's not in my case though. Every time I see this ring, it constantly reminds me how miserable our marriage is... how miserable my life is.
Xavier has never been afraid to voice his discontent with me. Why wouldn't he? Just look at him and look at me?
Sometimes I wonder why I am still in this marriage, but every time I think about getting out of it. I just can't. I'm scared I'll be left alone. Xavier might despise me, but I have grown to love him.
Yes, I'm totally in love with my husband. I am ready to do whatever it takes to fix my relationship with my husband. I am even ready to swallow any insult and tolerate anything if that's what it takes for my marriage to work.
Am I selfish? Maybe yes, but I'm not going to give up so soon. I cannot let myself down now. I cannot lose hope. It is not an option.
After all, I vowed to hold him from the day we got married, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.
I know what you all must be thinking.. that I have low self-esteem. Yes, I won't deny it, but I wasn't always like this. It all started when Sandra and Soniya started to criticize me for everything I do and every chance they got. First self-doubt crept inside me, which swiftly turned to depression before I knew it.
An exaggerated sigh escapes me. No matter what I do, I only find myself struggling to find happiness. My life is a mess.
My eyes traveled to the clock which was hanging on the wall across from me. The time read one forty-seven am. How I was so lost in my thoughts. I didn't realize the time, but why is Xavier still not here? I frowned, a fidgety, edgy, and unsettled feeling rising up within me. What if he is in trouble?
Relax Hope... It's nothing like that. It's not the first time Xavier has been late. There's no point getting agitated. I tried to relax my tense muscles but to no avail.
It was only when I heard the tramping footsteps of Xavier's shoes that my heart was at ease. My frantic eyes gaze towards the main timber door and my stomach flutters in excitement. I stare at the door, an old mixture of nervousness and eagerness as the constant clomping gets closer and closer.
The doorknob jiggled before the creaking door opened and I walked to my husband. His steps immediately came to a halt as he noticed my form set on the expensive black couch.
We just stared at each other for what felt like a decade when in reality it must have only been a few minutes. There was a strained silence. His impenetrable eyes and inscrutable countenance give little away.
My tongue subconsciously ran on my lower lips, trying to moistorize my lips, which suddenly felt dry. My heart skipped a beat when I saw his gaze following the movement of my tongue and he moistened his own lips with the tip of his tongue.
My heart beats rapidly inside of my chest as his erotic and alluring action. He cleared his throat awkwardly in an attempt to get comfortable as the realization of his action dawned on him.
"You are still awake?" The resonance of his voice made my skin shiver.
"I-I was wai-waiting for you-ou," My tone was barely audible but I know he heard it as he gave me a curt nod.
"I'll heat the food," I uttered, rising from my seat.
"I already ate," Ate?
I thought we could eat together. Disappointment settled in the pit of my stomach but I tried not to let it show.
"Go to your room. I don't need you today," he further added as he realized I wasn't going to answer.
It made me sad that I'm nothing but a need for him. On the other hand, he looked a little discomposed and I detected a faint note of weariness as he spoke. Did something happen?
"Is everything alright?" It slipped out of my lips before I could stop myself.
"Just a little tired," he voiced nonchalantly. I have a hunch that Xavier is telling a lie. But I don't comment, but I've got a feeling that something is absolutely wrong.
Without another word, he began to ascend the stairs. I quickly scurried after him, careful to keep an arm's distance between us. Once we were done climbing the stairs, he headed right and I left. Yes, we stay in different rooms.
I don't know how strange it may sound, but I have never seen his room in these past two years and please don't ask me why.
Once I was inside my room, I grabbed a pair of red pajamas before changing into them. Walking to my bed, I slipped inside the comforter before staring at the ceiling until I fell into a dreamless insensibility.
"Dad, do you need anything?" I queried, seeing his almost empty plate.He turned to me before shaking his head vigorously before giving me a small smile. "No, I'm full," I gave him a small nod in response."So, Hope, what are you going to wear for tomorrow?" He asked out of the blue. My features instantly morphed into confusion.What is dad talking about?"Tomorrow?" I asked, voicing my curiosity."Yes, for tomorrow's party?-" There's a party? "-You are going with Xavier, right?" This time dad's tone was laced with uncertainty.Going with Xavier?I had no idea there would be a party tomorrow. He didn't even feel the need to mention the party, let alone invite me to accompany him. My heartache at the thought.When?When are you going to accept me, Xavier?"Actua-" I trailed off, trying to come off with an excuse, but dad swiftly cut me off."You didn't know?" Judging by dad's tone, I knew it wasn't a question. He just wanted to hear the truth from me....pain and simple."I knew I was j
I was awakened by a faint glimmer of the sunbeam that streamed from the window. My eyelids unrolled but instantly pinched shut as harsh streaks of the sunray descended straight to my iris, irritating and blinding it.Letting out an irritating sigh, I hunched myself into a sitting position, my back pressed against the bedpost. I feel feeble and lousy. Rubbing my still tired eyes, I tried to get rid of the little sleep still left on them.My eyes flickered at the digital clock hung on the wall opposite read two thirty-eight pm in large orange numbers. My eyes widened into a saucer and panic settled inside of me.Oh! God, I am late making snacks.I am two hundred percent sure Sandra and Soniya are going to murder me. The image of their angry faces made me involuntarily shudder. I mentally shook my head, to blot out the image.I shot out of bed and bolted towards the bathroom. I splashed cold water on my face before re-entering my bedroom. Not flattering my steps, I further dashed out of
I hastened my lagging steps and the breath escaped my lungs in a quick sigh of relief as the market came into my line of vision.Finally...I headed towards the entrance but before I could enter, I crashed into a body. I stumbled a bit but balanced myself before I could fall straight on my butt.I craned up to gaze at the person who almost made me fall. My eyelids stretched wide seeing an otherworldly creature with full lips, large luminous eyes.Even the way she wore her hair, with those braids wrapped around the top of her head like a crown and long shiny red curls falling around her shoulders and her back.Her slender form was enhanced by the tight black dress. She looked painfully beautiful."Are you blind," She said in her shrill, harsh voice. Bitterness slithered through her as she pinned me with her sharp glaze."I'm sorry," I was quick to apologize. "Are you okay," I took a few steps towards her just to make sure she wasn't hurt.Before I could reach her, she retreated a coupl
"Where are you coming from?" Startled, I turned to face the voice, recognizing it was my husband.My heart skipped a beat when I saw Xavier on the sofa. I couldn't make out his face as the room was dark, but I could only see the outline of his form.What is he doing here?Wasn't he supposed to be at the party? Maybe the party was at noon. Yes, that must be it.The light was flipped on. The sudden brightness blinded me and I shielded my sensitive eyes.Xavier was settled comfortably on the couch that was at the distance of ten feet, pinning me with a withering look. A sense of power swirled around him. The man radiated power and control, even in a simple T-shirt and sweatpants.My eyes flickered at the nearly half-empty pint of vodka on the table next to him.Did something happen?Why was he drinking?"Where were you?" His voice took me out of my funk."Groceries," was all I said. His eyes traveled down my hand before returning to my face."Who was he?" His voice was calm, too calm for
Hope...The words have great significance in my life.First, it's my name.Second, because it is the only thing I have been doing for two years. HopeThe hope of getting my husband's love. Hope to have normal relationships with my in-lawsI always used to think, why my mom kept my name hope when I am hopeless. Maybe she saw me as her hope for new life and a better future, but I wasn't her hope, I was destruction. My mom lost everything she had when she got pregnant with me.Her dreams, her family, her happiness. Everything. I wasn't planning. It was a mistake that my mom made. But she didn't let me ever fall. She never complained about anything. Not once. And I'm very grateful for that.But it's not the same with Xavier though. He is bold, upfront, and blunt. He has always been a person who doesn't hesitate to vocalize what's on his mind. A part of me admires him for that, but another part doesn't, because sometimes he can be too straightforward and honest.I know I'm being selfish; I
My sense of dread and agitation filled me, replacing all the excitement I had as I started at the door. Don't be afraid, he's your husband. He won't hurt you. I just hope he doesn't get angry at my appearance in his office.Taking a deep breath, my fingers curled up into a fist. My hand flew up before hesitantly pounding my fist softly against the door. Even waiting for a minute, I heard no response from inside. My brows furrowed in confusion.Why isn't he answering?Has he gone somewhere?Just when I concluded Xavier must have gone somewhere, I heard a small "come in" from the other end. Grabbing the knob, I twist it before pushing the door open.My eyes widened as I saw the scene unfold in front of me. Xavier stood there in the room along with a woman whose brown hair ruffled all over the place. Her blood-red lipstick was smudged.She was dressed in a revealing top. Her breast almost spilling out of her dress and extra tight and small skirt as if she'd just come from some club, her
My eyes traveled to the man before, who was supposedly my husband. I'm surprised to see him out here. This is the first time in these two years he has entered my room. I never thought this day would come.Similar to before, there was no remorse in his face, and my throat tightened. Looks like he's incapable of empathy or remorse.I watched as his wandering gaze traveled down to my chest and the light of lust flared in his gaze. Realization crossed upon me about my half nudity. I instantly crossed my arms, making an attempt to conceal my nakedness from his two sets of shape gaze staring at me.Upon my action, his gaze shifted momentarily back to my face and his gaze met mine with the same lust-filled eyes that made my heart flutter.On the other hand, seeing him here unleashed the dark memories of Xavier and of that woman rapidly and clearly, which lingered like smoke after a fire as I couldn't stem the image of them flooding my mind. I felt the wound of Xavier's betrayal reopened wide
A loud and impatient knock awoke me, and I blinked groggily. A flash of irritation crossed my whole being.Which idiot is disturbing me at this moment?Covering my eyes with my hand, I buried my face into the pillow with a groan. Despite my irritation, I had no option other than to respond to whoever was continuously banging on my door like a mad person.With another frustrated groan, I shrugged out of the sheet to stand but before I could. A familiar voice shrieked from the other side of the door. "Hope, open the goddamn door,"My eyes enlarged in what felt like panic as I realized it was none other than my mother-in-law Sandra.What is she doing here at this time?Jumping from the bed, she dressed quickly and went to open the door. The instant I opened the door, I was met by Sandra, who was standing on the other side of the door. The annoyed expression on her face changed in a way evidently into harshness and acidity."What the hell were you doing?""I'm so-sorry, I didn't realize I