CHAPTER 8

       Her eyes quivered opened, and shut immediately as a bright light burned her sensitive eyes, where was she? she squinted, heaven? very unlikely, couldn't be heaven, she lay still waiting for the first bout of hot larva on her skin, or was it, soul? when it didn't come, she waited for the wailing and gnashing of teeth she was always told sinners suffered after death.

     when the quietness and illumination persisted, she thought surprised, maybe she did make heaven after all. she almost laughed in disbelief.

     fully opening her eyes, it met the ceiling, she frowned, wasn't it supposed to be clouds? then singing angels? where the hell was the hallelujah?

      she felt the fluffy bed under her back. oh shucks, she was alive. what now? maybe weep.

     but this wasn't her room, she applied pressure on her wrists trying to sit up, but the stabbing pain hit her. she collapsed back wincing. she noticed the drip tube was connected to her arm by a syringe. she used her elbow, holding herself up, successfully sitting at the edge of the bed, and pulled the needle out.

        she rubbed her eyes, she was alive. Again

     Emma slept on the sofa opposite the bed, lips slightly parted, hair falling over her face, her ponytail messy, she sure wasn't comfortable with the way she twisted that neck.

    Jemi stood up and tapped her gently on her arm "Emma"

     her eyes fluttered open sleepily, then were replaced with a relieved but surprised countenance. she stood.

     Jemi took in the milk-coloured nightie she wore. nice.

    "you're awake," she said happily, then looked annoyed "what are you doing up? and wait, did you remove the syringe?"

     Jemi raised a brow, "was that question directed to me or somebody else?" she looked down seeing she was covered by only her white singlet and brown shorts, the scars visible, "what did you do to me?"

      "what did I do to you?" Emma asked in disbelief, she came close and thumped Jemi hard on her good arm.

      "ouch" Jemi yelped "what for?"

      "that is for ruining my favourite casual top" she hit her again. this time harder

      "The fuck! you molest people now?"

      " This is for messing up your room and having me clean it up" her voice was breaking. she continued the hard thumping on her shoulders crying "this is for what you put me through...."

     "Emma..."

     " How dare you scare me like that? how dare you?" she couldn't stop.

     Jemi grabbed her arms pulling her into a tight hug, to stop the assault, slowly her struggle receded "I'm sorry" she whispered against her hair.

     Emma held her "don't you ever do that to me again, don't talk to me fine, but don't you ever..."

     "I won't, I'm sorry"

     what had she been thinking, it was usually humiliating not being successful after attempting suicide, but now she felt angry at herself, so selfish, she didn't even care if she ruined somebody else life as long as she got what she wanted. in her defence, she never thought she would care this much.

    Jemi breathed in her hair, she smelled like her room, soft and pleasing.

     Emma pulled back, caressing her face "pains anywhere?"

      "I'm fine" she held her hands "just my left wrist, feels like I'm handicapped otherwise I'm okay"

      Emma hugged her again, Jemi combed her hands through her hair now realizing she'd always wanted to do that, it was just like she had expected, the full beautiful shimmering length of it filling her palms as they tressed it.

     "figured out you'd be awake by this time so I made soup" Emma helped her to the bed

      "my tongue feels like I ate ash"

      "it's goulash soup, kinda spicy, it'll do you good"

      she left and came back later with a bowl, sat down on the sofa, fetched the soup with the mini ladle and placed it close to her mouth.

    Jemi eyed the spoon "you mean what you wanna do right now?"

    Emma nodded

  "This is the most awkward moment of my life"

     "Just shush and sip"

     Jemi obeyed "most of the stuff I eat from you is always my first attempt at it, and it's always lit"

      "thank you sicko"

      Jemi laughed "that's my nickname now?"

      "I had worse in mind, like hades"

      "how many days was I out?" she asked before taking in another spoonful.

      "a day, transfused blood into you because you willfully lost yours to the floor"

        "It felt longer than a day though, No NDE, pity I still don't know where I'm gonna spend the afterlife,"

     "isn't that hard to figure out, you look like hell already"

     and she felt like hell, drained and wrung out of blood, but above all, she felt safe in the flowery room, Emma's room, feel dizzy all of a sudden, she shut her eyes

     "you feel pain?" Emma prodded worriedly 

      "no, it'll pass"

    after a while, she opened her eyes to see Emma peering intently into her face.

     "Why did you do it,"  she asked quietly

     " felt like a good idea at that time, now I can't remember one reason, funny, they were so much of them, how did you find me?"

     "doctor Priya, she called you, and luckily your phone was out, with you in, I picked up and rushed to give it to you expecting some outburst, but there you were, being crazy"

      "she's my therapist, I haven't been there in like a month" she chuckled "you pick people's calls now?"

      "yeah, especially those that slice themselves"

    Jemi smiled, there was a little sarcasm again.

    "Why didn't you tell anybody about this?"

      "like 'hey y'all, I got a personality disorder so yeah, watch out" she shook her head "Ray needs a reporting job"

    "Now that you're alive you can tell him that yourself, he said nothing"

    Jemi raised a brow

"I saw the meds" she lied profusely

    Jemi scoffed "sure"  then looked like she remembered something "ouch"

    "Huhn?"

"Now that I'm alive it just dawned on me I'm gonna get fired, Life's good"

     "I could call and say you had an accident," she quickly added "that's if you want me to"

    "Please, please do" she looked out the window voice falling "I've been an asshole to you, it hurts seeing you right here nursing me back to health, I feel evil"

    "I'm glad, next time be kind to redheads" she stirred the soup "you weren't that bad though, you just tried to hide the few good you did" giving her another spoonful she added "I saw what you picked out of the bin, even though it hurt your sense of smell"

  "oh, your snack? I couldn't stand it doesn't mean I'll stop you doing your stuff" she appeared taken aback "Ray again?"

    Emma bit her tongue.

   "Come on, I won't kill her, though the idea looks appealing"

     "Alright, it was him" she rolled her eyes "but it was for good, he wanted me to understand you, cus you were a real freak"

    Jemi thumbed down, and Emma smiled.

   "you know what, from now on, tell me when you want to do your thing, I'll go for a walk, prolly won't return till the next morning after you brush your teeth, but just say something"

       "agreed"

   she suddenly felt drowsy in seconds, fighting to keep her eyes open. Emma helped her head to the pillow tucking her in.

    she picked up the bowl and turned to go.

    " Emma?"

    "huh," she turned.

     "When you saw me that way, lying still, did you say 'do not die on me "

     "I said a lot of things I can't remember saying but that sounds like something I'll say"

    Jemi smiled and shut her eyes "had to know"

    Emma kissed the top of her head and left.

    In the kitchen washing up the utensils, she couldn't help grinning from ear to ear.

          ★★★★★

     she slept peacefully that night, she dreamed but it was no nightmare, she saw her floating, light as air, she breathed out illumination and danced with the wind, Jemi's fingers twitched, she wanted to paint them, to keep her permanent on canvas In a position both of them knew.

     slowly she drew down, white dress flowing, on her face a plastered smile, she had seen that expression. and when she held her hand and kissed her taking her high to the clouds, Jemi could only see the shimmering red hair with closed eyes.

       ★★★★★

Jemi woke up the following evening, if anything, feeling more refreshed than ever, the day before had felt so lengthy, she didn't know if it was Emma's voice of drugs that kept pushing her in and out of sleep. Emma reading to her was one thing, the heavy dose of painkillers was another, it was needed, it was better not to feel the arm.

    Emma's family doctor had been there that morning, checking her up and announcing cheerfully she was responding, she begged him to forego the drip and he did without hesitation.

      It was Monday, the First day she'd woken and Emma wasn't in sight, felt strange, she pulled the blanket from her body, sniffing down, damn she hadn't had a bath in ages.

  "Emma," she called, the house was quiet. she waddled down from the bed to the sitting room, the clock seemed to be the only thing active.

    there was a note on the bed, Jemi picked it up and read aloud "clean up, I'll be back soon, xoxo, what the hell is xoxo?"

    she was off to the bathroom, scrubbing more than needed.

     thirty minutes later, after she was done and waiting, she heard a car morning outside, Jemi gingerly walked to the terrace, only to see Emma in a blue BMW hitting the horn Like a mad woman with music blaring loud, it reminded Jemi of the circus.

    "hey sicko, wanna ride?" she horned twice for effect.

     Jemi locked the house door and walked to the car, the small smile not leaving her face "who did you rob?" she asked when she reached her

    "my dad. more like a deal of some sort, hop in"

    and they drove away, the car speakers on full volume, while Emma sang along.

    "That's not the lyrics" Jemi interjected amused

      "what do you know?"

      she laughed "Emma no one's gonna sing 'imma take you ice cream, and imma rot your teeth"

    "I like the way I sing it better" she replied unconcerned "or since you can why don't you"

     "naw lemme"

     Emma cajoled "come on, come on, come on...."

     "Alright, alright, I'll take the chorus" she rolled her eyes and sang in a disinterested tune "can I take you dancing, I wanna top the tips, can I be the only one that holds you, if you please" she stopped then said "now that I hear myself, I think I like yours better"

      " told ya"

      " where are we going to?"

      " Doctor Priya's, I promised you'll be seeing her today"

     "she knows?" Jemi asked hoping not

     " yeah she knows, I told her" Emma replied flatly.

     "Did I forget to tell you you're a horrible person"

     "I know"

      Jemi looked out the car window that had been winded down, the breeze against her fave, for a moment she appreciated its playfulness, its dance and freedom, living was cool and it took a car ride for her to see that.

     In her therapist's office, Emma had stayed behind with Laura and Jemi had crept into the office, her bandaged wrist in a hoodie.

      an hour later, they were out and back in the car. Emma asked, "how did it go?"

      "She restrained herself from killing me, sorry you had to wait"

     "I had a nice time with Laura, you don't know half of it. Do you like lavender?"

     "Who doesn't," she said matter of fact "you passed the turn to the house, where are we going to now?"

     "To rot your teeth" she smiled "ice cream hunt"

     They found a spot and parked, Emma, pulled Jemi's good wrist and stopped closed to an ice cream truck. With her red being pushed around by the soft wind, she was as giddy as a five-year-old.

      "I want blueberry, strawberry, chocolate, guava and banana, in one cup"

     "Emma that's the worst combination of flavours ever"

      "pfft what do you know"

      Jemi shrugged and got vanilla flavour.

   With Emma leading the way, they passed through plants, deeper and deeper into some kind of wild, they came to a stop on a rock, with grasses around it, encircled fully by trees.

     Emma helped Jemi sit on the rock and then sat beside her. licking the spoon of her ice cream she pouted "okay this is bad"

    "told ya" Jemi mimicked, then dropped hers between them "share mine, where's this place?"

   "It's behind a park, figured out since you like nature and quiet, you'd love this place"

     "yeah I do, it's beautiful," she looked up " the constellations are quite visible here, I feel like I could just grab em"

    " how many can you see?" Emma asked softly.

    "give me your palm" Jemi ordered.

   "why?" but still held out her palms to her 

    "Now look up at the stars"

    " ok, this is awkward" she faced up.

    "I'll draw the patterns I see on your palm, you look at the direction my fingers gonna go, okay?"

     "Okay, ready"

     Jemi lined through her hands, making patterns hoping she sees it "that's the Ursa major, big bear"

      Emma squinted then let out a loud squeal "I see it, I see it," 

    Jemi smiled in satisfaction " look up again" she moved her fingers on her palms, tracing  "that's Draco "

    "the dragon?"

    " Yup, I see just two, hoping to find more"

   Emma looked at her admiration "how do you know so much"

    " not much but I had always been interested in most things from, Greek mythology to the constellation"

     "yeah I saw your works" 

    Jemi looked at her, her brows raised "what? you were unconscious and occupying my room too so?

    Jemi sighed amusedly.

    " your paintings, why are they so..." she searched her terms. 

  Jemi helped her "dark?"

  "that's it"

  "Some are of what my idea of Sappho might be, sexual lure, some are of Aphrodite, descriptions in any book I see, the backgrounds though are my idea" changing topic swiftly she asked, " how did go find this place?"

    "my dad" Emma answered going with the flow "he lived here longer than I and mum"

     Jemi tried to understand.

     "he's my step-dad"

     "stop kidding" Jemi saw that she was serious "Jeez no one can ever guess that"

     "I know right, real dad passed on when I was three"

     "I'm so sorry"

     "naa it's fine, I didn't know him"

     " Lucas loves you like I'm not sure I believe you yet" the awe was evident in her voice

       she smiled shyly " He raised me, not sure my real dad could have done any better" she continued sky gazing

     Jemi watched her, dream perfect yet so real, how did she balance that, she was rare.

    she caught her staring and asked coyly "what?"

     "you're just amazing " she found herself leaning forward staring down at her lip.

      Was at a magnetic force because Emma pulled along, eyes dreamy " yeah"

      Thoughts ran through her head, she knew she had also waited to be able to do this...