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C5

LOOK FOR ME IN THE PAGES OF THE BOOK I GAVE YOU AS A GIFT

-We have to get there, Brandon, we have to make it," we kept running, almost over the bridge. We looked at Chico in the distance, he was now smiling and watching for anyone passing by. As we got closer he looked at us.

-They're back! Guess who saved a little bird from being hunted by a cat," he told us.

-Excellent, Chico, keep it up! We can't talk now, see you later! -Brandon says to him.

-All right, if you need any help I'll be here! -he replied behind our backs. We still had a long way to go and I was feeling more or less tired.

-Come on, what's wrong? We have a long way to go.

-I feel tired," I answered, pausing a bit.

-Tired? Dead people don't get tired, Sam," he says.

I looked at him blankly.

-Well, I feel tired, like I've run a marathon.

-Sam, wait... -He says, "Do you see that man over there? The one in black.

I did look at him, in the distance was that guy, he looked like he was waiting for someone or something.

-Yes, I see him.

-He's a damned man," he tells me, "he's not a good person," he takes me by the arm and makes me hide behind some bushes.

I was afraid.

-What are we going to do now? -I ask him, "I need to get to Jay as soon as possible," I pout. I don't want Jay to die.

-We'll get there, Sam, I promise, only that guy is bad. Really bad. I need to find a way around him so I can get to Palm Springs.

-What if we go through the woods?

He hesitated.

-We don't know what we'll find in the forest. I've never been in there so I don't know how to get to the other town. Sam, I'm sorry, but the only way is to go along the beach.

-There's a river on the beach, Brandon, are you sure we're going to make it across the river? It's deep and the current could take us out to sea.

-We're dead, we won't drown.

-But we'll be delayed further. Let's go through the forest, I know the way as Jay and I used to hike there -I got nostalgic remembering the times when Jay used to take me to the forest, to our secret place where we could be just me and him.

-All right, let's go.

We walked deeper into the basque, trying to make as little noise as possible with the leaves falling from the trees. Spring had passed but the dry leaves were still on the ground. I had come this way more than once, I knew well how to get to Palm Springs fast.

-If you run it will be much better," Brandon tells me.

I caught my breath and started running, anything to get to Jay. We crossed some huge rocks, a small river until we reached a wide road.

-Where to now?

-We have to go straight ahead, then we'll find a gate made of wires, we'll get in there.

-You know these places well.

-For Jay," I said.

-You really love him, don't you?

-Yes, I love him like I never thought I would love anyone. Jay came into my life at the right time. He saved me. We went through a lot but we are together which is the important thing? -I smiled, but my smile faded, "or we were together. Not anymore," I felt such sadness in my heart.

-I'm sorry," he tells me, "I'm also sorry for telling you that he would get over you in a few months and forget you. I said it without thinking. When I was a freshman in high school I met a girl, she lived in Saint South, she was the prettiest girl I had ever met. I had the courage to propose to her, to my surprise she accepted. We were boyfriend and girlfriend for months, we were together all the time, I felt great. I felt... happy. Her name is Adhara, I used to call her Addy. When I passed away... I went back to school to check on her and try to communicate with her like Jay is doing with you, but days later she was happy, like nothing, like she didn't miss me. She met another guy and they were boyfriend and girlfriend. Today they are about to graduate. She's still with him. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if he hadn't died, would he still be with her? Would we be together? Graduating. But I don't know.

Now I understood why she said she didn't believe in that love thing. It would be the same if Jay did the same thing, if he was like it didn't matter if she was there or not. Like he wasn't affected at all by my death. And I understood that. I felt sad for Brandon.

-Brandon, if that girl did that, it was because she wasn't really in love with you. I'm sorry, but it's the truth. True love doesn't replace you just like that and even less if you would be dead. If she really loved you she would have mourned you for months or years, but she replaced you in days and she was happy. You don't deserve to suffer for someone like her. It served you well to realize that she wasn't for you.

-And now you're going to tell me that I'll find the one," she sniggers.

I kept quiet.

Brandon was very mature for his age. By any reckoning, he was already 19.

-Maybe," I said, "There are loves that go beyond death. Life surprises you sometimes, or fate in this case.

-Maybe.

Further on, down a small hill, we found a man sitting on the ground Indian style, he was making some kind of stick house in the ground. He was a soul.

He was wearing a shirt and pants, but they were half torn and dirty. He was also dirty. And then I got scared because I knew who he was.

We were entering the dead man's hill. That's what we called this spot because here they had buried a man who twenty-five years ago had been found dead in the waters of the sea. No one knew where he was from or where he came from. He was not from Saint South, not from White Pain, not from Palm Springs and certainly not from Plant Green. He was a total stranger. The townspeople came to bury him here since no one claimed his body. And now he was there. He had always been there. The times I passed through here alone or with Jay he had been here. Maybe he watched us, maybe we walked over him. Maybe he said something to us. But we didn't notice.

-Wait... that man," I pointed with my chin.

-Who? -Ah, Harold, don't be afraid of him. He's a friend," he stepped forward, "Harold!

Harold?

I followed him.

Harold looked up and smiled, standing up. He was more or less tall, thin and black-haired. He didn't look so scary to me now.

-Brandon! What are you doing in these parts? You've never been here before.

-I'm helping a friend of mine," she introduces me. Samantha.

Harold looks at me.

-Samantha, I know you," he says, "sometimes you come by here, alone or with a boy.

-Yes, apparently all the dead people know me," I cross my arms.

-It's not personal," Brandon intervenes, "it's just that we're always here, you just didn't notice us.

-It's obvious," I almost laughed, "we're in a hurry, we have to look for Jay.

-It was good to see you, Harold, but we have to get to Palm Springs," Brandon tells him.

-I understand, did you manage to catch that fish?

-Not yet, Harold, but Sam will help me tomorrow.

-Yeah, that's me.

-Now that I remember, Sam, Jay? -Is that the boy you were hanging out with?

-Yeah, he's my boyfriend.

-He's in the same place as always, he's very sad, he was even crying and talking to himself. Now I understand why -his voice faded away.

-Jay is in the same place as always? -I asked a little euphoric.

-Yes.

-Wait, how do you know that's our place? -I looked at him with my eyes fixed on him. He scratched the back of his neck a little nervously.

-Sometimes I do my morning run," he replied.

-Come on, Sam, we have to find him," Brandon grabbed my hand so we started running. I would talk to Harold another time. The only thing that mattered was getting to Jay.

We went through the wire gate, ran down those lonely roads until we reached the same place where Jay always took me. I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw him sitting on the same log, reading a book and wiping away some tears. It was the book I had given him. It made my heart small to see him like that.

For a moment I didn't think she was dead, for a moment I thought she was alive. I approached him and sat down next to him.

-I'm here, Jay, I promised you one day that I wouldn't leave you and I won't. I'll always be with you. I will always be with you. Even if you don't see me," I put my hand on his shoulder, thinking that maybe he would trespass, but I was surprised that he didn't. My hand stayed there, on his shoulder, but what surprised me the most was when Jay immediately turned to me, looking straight into my eyes.

-Sam?

What?

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