A HEART BROKEN INTO A THOUSAND LITTLE PIECES
-Jay? -I cried out, feeling hopeful that maybe he could see me. His face was so close to mine that I could smell his perfume. I could feel him. How I missed the smell of him. I loved when he frowned, loved that confused look on his face. It made him look so good.
But this wasn't the case, I was getting distracted, Jay was looking at me...or through me.
-I'm not Sam," said a voice behind me. I tensed at that moment. I remained static in the same place.
What was she doing here?
-What are you doing here? -Jay sputtered, wiping away his tears.
-Your brother told me you were here," she replied.
Leah: Jay's ex-girlfriend.
I had had a lot of doubts about whether Jay was completely over Leah, they had broken up years ago but...us women are always thinking things. Jay had opened his heart to me and told me that he no longer had feelings for her.
However, I...
-Can I sit down? -Leah asks.
I stood up the moment I noticed Leah sitting down, so I stood next to Brandon, who until now had been watching the scene very cautiously and quietly.
-You already did.
-I'm so sorry about Sam.
-Don't be a hypocrite. -Or don't you remember the messages insulting her?
I do. Jay had told me that someone had sent her a message saying what kind of taste you have now. Yes, implying that she was ugly.
-Tell me at once what you are doing here, I want to be alone and you can't be in this place. This place is just Sam's and mine. I don't even know why you sit here. -Jay stood up and walked away.
It was about noon or so. Around this time Jay and I used to be here.
-Who is she? -Brandon asks me.
-Jay's ex-girlfriend," I say in a whisper.
The topic of ex-girlfriends made me very sad and very sad. But I trusted Jay.
-Jason," he says, standing up, "I just came to tell you that I'll be here for you since you don't answer my texts.
-If I don't answer them, it's for a reason.
And then I confirmed something, that she was sending him messages, was that always? Did they talk? Since when? All this time? I didn't know but my mind started to imagine not so nice scenarios about the two of them. That's what the mind does: it tortures.
-Jason, please, I'm here. Life goes on, you had fun with Sam for a while but now... we both know we're meant to be together," she takes his arm and rubs it.
Jay immediately pulls away.
-I wanted to be with Sam for the rest of my life," he adds. And my heart compressed for a moment, but I was also filled with sadness, knowing that I won't be anymore. And she is because she's trying to get back together with him and I... I couldn't stand it.
-Maybe we should go, Sam," Brandon says to me.
He wants to protect me from whatever happens, I know, but I won't, I'll be here until the end. Good or bad. Break my heart or not.
I trust Jay, please, I trust Jay.
She felt a lump in her throat, felt like she wanted to be alive to scream at them, at her most of all.
-But he's gone," she grabs his face, making him look at her.
I would say I stopped breathing for a moment but I wasn't even breathing, or? yes, I felt my heart break. If I do it... if he does it I'm never going to be able to see Jay ever again.
-I'll be here for you," Leah tells him.
Rage, that's what I feel.
-I miss Sam," Jay whispers softly.
And then it happens, Leah brings her face close and kisses him.
I can't see. I don't want to see. I run past Brandon giving him a little shove and I run, running away from whatever happened next. I run and run and run. I don't even notice where I'm going or where I'm passing. I just run without looking back, with the memory of Leah putting her lips on my boyfriend's lips. On the lips that I kissed. That she was the only one I kissed.
I'm devastated.
I feel like I've been killed twice.
I don't want this feeling.
Jay and I had many plans, I felt his love for me, I knew it was real. However he knew how to camouflage the feelings for Leah very well as he hid them very well with me. Maybe to protect me.
I tripped on a root, causing me to fall face first to the ground. It didn't hurt. Nothing could hurt me anymore. And I wondered if it was worth it then to want to be alive. Now Jay would be gone and that hurt like you have no idea. I loved him! He was my everything! And he does this to me.
I lay there, curled up in a ball in the roots of a huge tree, and I cried a lot.
-
-Sam! -Sam, wake up!
I opened my eyes as fast as I could, Brandon being the first thing I saw.
-Brandon," I sit on the floor as best I can.
-I've been looking all over for you," he says, "you need to know what....
-I don't want to know anything, Brandon, please. I don't want to," I made a pretense of wanting to cry but I held back. I wouldn't cry in front of a boy.
-But it's just...
-Please," I grabbed his face, making him look at me, making him notice the pain in my eyes.
I didn't want to know if Jay reciprocated Leah's kiss or if he followed it. I didn't want to torture myself anymore.
-It's okay, but we have to get out of here, it's not safe to be out at night, let alone in the woods," he says, helping me to my feet.
I had spent most of the afternoon whimpering in this place.
-I'm so sorry," he says.
-Don't say anything please, I just want to get home and lock myself up for a while. At least I can be sure that no one will come to bother me. I want to be alone for a while as I will be here for much longer.
I needed to get Jay out of my head. I needed to heal from this pain. I couldn't believe he had broken my heart like this when he said he wouldn't break it. All the promises...all the plans...it was all behind me, all ruined in a moment.
Brandon and I walked in silence, this time we met no one, no soul wandering around not knowing what to do. We didn't find Harold on the way back either.
-He must be at the beach," Brandon had said, "then I'll catch up with him there after I drop you off at your house. You don't have to go tomorrow, Sam.
I had forgotten that I had to help Brandon catch his fish. I couldn't let him down.
-I will go, I promise. You'll catch that fish or I'll stop calling myself Sam," I ruffled his hair.
When we pulled up in front of my house I said goodbye to Brandon and told him I'd meet him at the beach tomorrow morning at six o'clock. Without fail. I didn't find Gertrudis outside so I was partly grateful. I didn't want to talk to anyone, I just wanted to be alone. Mom didn't even come home.
My house seemed so empty to me. That's how I felt too. Empty and broken.
I walked to my room, lay down on my bed and kept crying for Jay. For them. I cried because I loved Jay more than anyone in life, I believed he would never hurt me, and he did.
There in my room I cried inconsolably.
Once upon a time there was a girl who fell in love with a boy so intensely. Once upon a time there was a girl who had her heart broken very cruelly.
CLING TO MY VOICE SO THAT YOU MAY FIND YOUR WAY BACK TO MEI felt the sea breeze on my skin, felt the wet sand on my feet. I closed my eyes and just enjoyed the atmosphere. Of being in the sea. Of still being able to smell it. The night before had been a complete nightmare but today I woke up a little calmer, I mean, I had cried a lot of tears last night.Today I would let the sea comfort me.I was on the beach, punctual to the time I had arranged to meet Brandon, waiting for him. I honestly didn't want to remember yesterday, I wanted to forget that I was dead, that I would never talk to my friends, to my family again. I wanted to forget that they would move on and I would be stuck here forever.At least I would be 21 forever. -Sam, you came! -I hear Brandon's voice in the distance. I turn to look and raise my hand in greeting.-I told you I'd come! -I walk over to him.-How are you? -he asks me.-Well, I'm... neutral," I answered, "how can I help you today?-Well, really all we hav
NOR TILL DEATH DO US PART-I think the rain is slowing down," Brandon stands up and stretches a bit. We were more or less wet, my hair was a mess but my mind was just thinking about things. Ugly things about Jay and Leah.-Shall we go then? -I ask him, trying to stop thinking about bad things.We'd been here a long time.-I think so.-Well, well, who do we have around here? -A voice behind us makes us immediately alert. I stand up and back up a little. It was a man in his late forties, he had a beard and looked like a castaway. Apparently he had been here for a long time.-Who are you? -Brandon asked him.-You don't know him? -I whispered. Brandon knew almost all the... dead people.-I had never really seen him before, since he had never come to this part of the beach before.-I'm Lalo, I've been lost here for fifteen years, I crashed my boat on those rocks over there," he pointed to some rocks in the distance. And indeed, there was a small boat in pieces.-I hadn't heard of you," com
TOGETHER FOREVERTo say that I didn't like seeing Jay in that situation, there in front of me.... dead was strange to me. Jay doesn't deserve to die. He doesn't belong here. Especially not because of me. He still has a lot to live for and I wouldn't condemn him to a life where he doesn't advance at all. He also has his goals, his dreams to fulfill.-Sam! -He hugged me so tightly that if it were any other case I'd say I was short of breath but I wasn't. So I hugged him too. I hugged him because I missed hugging him, I missed feeling him, feeling his arms around my waist, feeling his scent, feeling his skin with mine.-Jay," I tell him, "I missed you so much.-Sam, please don't leave me again. Don't leave me alone again. -His words were pleading. It broke my heart to see him like this.-Jay," I pulled away from him, "do you know where you are?He looked at me in confusion.-I don't know, the only thing that matters is that you're back," he hugs me again. As much as I wanted to hold him
DON'T GET CARRIED AWAY, YOU JUST HAVE TO FIGHTAs I leave my grandparents' house and intend to go to my own, I notice something. The same man is in front of my door. The same one from yesterday and today. The guy dressed in black. Brandon said he was a condemned man and he's probably looking for me to take me into the dark.I hid behind Gertrude's rose bushes so he wouldn't see me.What was he doing here, how did he know I lived here? Now I wouldn't be safe even in my own house.-I know you're in there, Sam, you can come out," the boy said. I frowned immediately and was filled with terror, what had he said? And how did he know my name? Apparently he had been doing a lot of digging. I stand up straight and let myself be seen, keeping my distance in case there would be a need to run, of course.The guy is tall, still wearing black and wore his black cap. Having him around is quite attractive to be honest. But that was not the case.-Who are you?-The question here is: who are you?-I as
MONSTERS LURKING IN THE DARK-Sam? Are you here? -I hear Brandon's voice downstairs. What's he doing here? Jay was still lying in bed, his eyes closed as he clung to my pillow. Maybe he's asleep. I stand up ready to go to Brandon but part of me didn't want to leave Jay, I just wanted to lie down next to him and that's it.-Sam, I need to talk to you!-I'm coming, Brandon! Wait a minute! -I hesitated to leave but finally turned around and walked out of my room. As I walk down the stairs I see Brandon standing there, when he looks at me he walks over to me. -What's wrong?-It's just that... Well, Lalo doesn't want to go back to his place of death. He says he won't be separated from his daughters now that he could see them again. It's dangerous for him to stay here, far from the place where he died.-Maybe being in his daughters' house nothing will happen to him, he will be safe there, don't you think? I mean, he won't get out of there.-You don't understand, it's as if you were going to
THE SCHOOL THAT WAS ONCE A CEMETERYFear.It is that fear you feel of what you don't know, of what may or may not be real. Fear often saves your life, but other times it prevents you from living. In this case we are talking about a somewhat real fear. Since I have been here in limbo, I have not seriously thought about it.I am dead.I am trapped between the living and the dead.I see dead people who passed away many years ago.But I have realized many things and regret things I did or didn't do in life. There are more important things than worrying about what I'm going to wear today or they are sure to talk bad about me. That's not worth anything, it's not worth wasting time like that. There are more important things like love, being brave, facing fears, saying what you feel, being yourself. These are difficult things but they are the main thing.-Sam! -I turn to my left, I see Brandon coming with flashlights and such. I was sitting in front of my house, looking at the neighborhood ki
REMEMBER ME EVEN WHEN YOU DON'T WANT TO REMEMBER-What are you doing here? -I spat. It couldn't be that wherever we went he was there. And now I think it's not a coincidence. I rather think he is following us.-This is... my job," he said. He was wearing a black cap that prevented me from seeing his face completely, more than it was half dark," the question here will be: what are you doing here? Sam, you're out of your place of death. As are you, Brandon.-We're not afraid of you," Brandon says, stepping in front of me like a shield.-Well, you should be, kid," the guy faces him. I'm feeling a little scared now.-Stop it! -I get between the two of them, "What's your name? -I turn to the guy, "Look, I don't know who you are or what you want from us, but we're here because I need answers about me, about what happened to me. That's all. We are not hurting anyone, can you let us work? -I told him as calmly as possible.-I know that very well," he folded his arms.-Then what do you want fr
ARE THERE SUCH THINGS AS SOUL MATES? IF THEY ARE NOT HAPPY IN ONE LIFE, THEY TRY TO BE HAPPY IN ANOTHER ONE.When I arrive in front of my house, I stand in front of it for a moment looking at it. I was hoping Jay was in my room, I was hoping to lie down next to him, to feel him close. I wanted to go back to him. But now I knew I had a purpose here. I can't do it though, I don't want to be a soul releaser because I don't feel capable. Besides, being a soul releaser means being here forever and not living again. Is that my answer? I won't live? I hope I am wrong because if so I will be devastated forever, for all eternity.I went to my house and walked through the door. I haven't seen mom for days, why isn't she coming? I walk up the stairs and stop in front of my bedroom door will Jay still be here? If not I will have to go to his house as I had said today. I would go with Jay, at least I would see him and feel him a little closer.When I walk through the door Jay is not there. He's no