chapter 3

"I apologize to you miss, but all dr, Yacine's patients had been forwarded to other dentists in the clinic since he had quit his work here a week ago"

What!?

There's no way he would just leave his job without a reason, I felt so enraged immediately, That ex-husband of mine sure was the culprit behind this deed.

"excuse me, Are you a miss Inaya?" The receptionist suddenly asked me.

I looked at her a bit surprised then I confirmed:

"yes, it's me"

" dr, Yacine had left a message for you," she said with a playful smile.

She opened the drawer next to her quickly and then she handed me an envelope while saying " we've been wondering the whole week about the identity of this girl who dr, Yacine- even in his hurry- hasn't forgotten to leave a message for her, he was never the kind to chase after girls, you must be very special to him."

Looking at the envelope in my shaky hand I already felt so guilty, indeed I was very special... I was the girl who ruined his life!

I opened the envelope hesitantly, the first thing I saw was his terrible handwriting, the piece of paper didn't contain many words... Only one line of them which I read with difficulty

"If you can't contact this number, ask the receptionist to give you my family's contact"

And he wrote a phone number underneath these words.

Once I saw that series of numbers the first idea that came to my head was logically to dial them and call immediately since I was so concerned about him.

Luckily, when I called that number while still standing beside the receptionist's desk, the call was soon picked up and Yacine's voice came from the other side:

“Hello"

"doctor yacine? .. This is Inaya," I said.

A long silence came after that, and then he finally said:

"Mrs. Filladi, How can I help you?"

My heart just broke the moment he called me "Mrs. Filladi."

Because I never told him I was married to someone whose family name was Filladi in the first place, so Hamza surely contacted him after our last meeting.

I didn't even know how to react.

"Are you ok dr, Yacine?" I asked with a shaky voice.

"I'm fine.."

We both remained silent after that, For a long time, then he finally said:

" It was your husband who made me leave a message for you with my number on it so as you would call me when you receive it, he said I started stepping out of my borders with a phone call... So I shall fix everything with a phone call as well. For these few last days, I have been wishing and hoping that you'll never receive that envelop because I have no face left to speak with you, but it happened eventually, I apologize for being inconvenient to you, and I apologize for calling you in the radio station, I will never contact you again in the future Mrs filladi."

With every word he said, my heart was getting more and more shattered, not because I liked dr, Yacine, and I was heartbroken... But, because I suddenly reached this realization: that I'll never have any freedom back, and no matter where I run to... I'll always be in Hamza's prison.

He drove away all people out of my life, my friends, my only family -Nana-, And everyone who ever had the slightest intention of approaching me, even my neighbors avoid me like plague, And my coworkers who tried to befriend me suddenly had a change of heart the following days.

I was sentenced to be alone by that heartless.

I hate him to my bones and deeper.

He was still very wicked indeed, not only he made Yacine lose his job, but he even forced him to end his contact with me the way he started it just to prove how powerful he was to me.

My heart was so suffocated that I didn't want to speak with Yacine any longer, I simply cut the call to spare his pride and mine from the further struggle.

I crumpled that envelope, threw it in the trash bin, and I walked out of the clinic without even getting my treatment.

Instead, I took the bus to my work, I Spent hours thinking of a cheerful theme for my show but in the end, I still chose to talk about;

"The biggest regret in your life"

I took a deep breath once I went on air, and then I honestly said to my listeners,

"for a very long time, my biggest regret has been getting married to a man who I didn't love, nor he loved me back, but today, I released that my biggest failure and regret isn't this the biggest mistake I did was having hope. I regret every moment in which I hoped that things will be fixed and will be better, I wasted 3 years of my life living in this delusion, and now I regret that, and I hate that man who had made me suffer the most. I lose to him... I lost."

When I said my last word, My tears were already beyond my ability to stop them.

Hamza Filladi destroyed my will to lead a respectful life in every way, Every time I tried to breathe he would cut the air from me, would sink me in a deep ocean, and prove to me that no one else will dare to save me but him, and if I want to survive, then I have to reach for him...

Such a sadist man, I hated him with all that was left in me.

I cried awfully on air... I didn't care about losing my job nor losing my face, my pain was much more than I could bear.

The station received so many calls but I wasn't able to answer any of them, I soon played the song's playlist, cut my mike, and kept crying for a long time.

While I was in that state, I remembered one of my last days in marriage with Hamza before I left him.

I remember I went to the hospital for my check-up all alone, but when I was leaving the hospital, I noticed that the car which was waiting to take me home had someone sitting in the originally empty backseat...

The silhouette of that refined man was painfully familiar.

It was Hamza.

When I opened the backseat door and I was sure it was indeed him sitting there, I only kept staring at him with hatred.

I decided to abandon the car, at that moment I thought the last thing I'd rather die and not do was to sit beside that man, I immediately started to walk away planning to hire a taxi and go back home separately.

That didn't happen though, because I was soon blocked by his guards.

" master lady, please get in the car" one of them ordered me.

That "please" he said was as useless as I was.

Since I had no other way, I stepped on my pride and just sat beside Hamza obediently, the car soon took us to the villa.

Hamza didn't ask how my check-up went nor how I was doing, he didn't say a single word all along the way,

He didn't care the tiniest bit about me after all.

When we finally walked inside our room and closed the door, I didn't even have the chance to take off my coat, since Hamza suddenly wrapped his arms around my waist and hugged my back so tight.

I felt his disgusting hot and strong breaths brushing against my neck, But I had no left will nor strength to push him away from me.

He soon stripped me off my coat And started kissing my neck with passion.

I just stood there like a corpse, like a piece of wood, not intending to stop his actions nor to follow them.

After some time he suddenly stopped kissing me, I felt him breathing hard behind me and staring at my back, But he didn't touch me anymore.

"Just kill me Hamza" I finally whispered, Without turning behind me to look at him.

I haven't spoken to him for a very long time. This was one of the rarest times I said a word to him.

"just kill me the way you killed our unborn child."

"you want to leave me," he said between his quick breaths after moments of silence, not as a question but as a matter of certainty.

At that time, I had already started planning to leave him and get a divorce, I was just waiting for my health to be fully restored before I execute my plans, but he always was one step ahead of me, always the smartest, He red through my thoughts so easily.

At that point, I didn't even know what kept his breaths quick and strong anyways, he had already lost any desire of touching me, But somehow I felt their intensity getting even stronger, They were hitting the skin on my neck like a burning volcano. of course, I didn't care about his freaking breathing frequency.

"I will definitely take you out of my life one day, I feel disgusted even looking at you," I said in a tone full of loath.

I hated him so much.

He didn't say a word for a long time, and then he finally chuckled in mockery and said:

"oh darling, do you think it's that easy to get rid of me?"

I didn't answer, at that time I thought he would simply throw the divorce papers to my face and marry some young heiress the very next day.

But I was wrong.

Because to my surprise and agony, he continued "I promise you'll never have a divorce Inaya Habib, if this is hell, you will be stuck in this hell with me for as long as I live"

He then walked out of the room and slammed the door shut so hard behind him.

It was one of the rarest moments that Hamza filladi had any sign of emotion, he was angry, And me, the stupid creature who angered this merciless man, I am still paying for it even after 3 years.

A coworker soon walked inside the studio where I was broadcasting, She handed me a note, then she occupied the opposite chair and fixed the spare headphones and mike probably to replace me.

I took the note and read it. It said, "The manager asked me to replace you, he wants to see you in his office immediately."

Once she started taking control of the situation, I just left the room without making a sound.

"Are you ok?" Faisel, who always assisted the broadcasters on live asked me.

Although I was still crying I just nodded and said "I'm fine"

I took my bag and coat, then I headed to the manager's office.

I was ready for whatever consequences... I knew my overdramatic manager would not let "my crying on air" go unpunished, but what happened was even beyond my worst expectations, when I walked inside the manager's office he was unusually very calm.

"sit down Inaya," the manager asked calmly.

He took out a cigarette and started smoking it in front of me not even minding asking if that would bother me.

After he finished smoking his cigarette, he turned to look at me with a weird expression, and then he finally said "initially I was just going to scold you for getting too emotional and crying on air, but I don't know what superior you had offended with your words, now I got a call from the committee saying that our broadcasting station will be suspended from work starting from 1 pm today and the suspension will continue to be valid until you call this superior that you offended and apologize to him, I assume you already know him personally."

It was Hamza's deed for sure. That devil!

If you wonder if I felt anything at all, then I'm glad to tell you that I didn't actually. My husband had always enjoyed torturing me and everyone around me just to keep his control over me and make me do whatever that he wanted.

Frankly speaking, the only reason for which I was allowed to leave him was the fact I had lost my child because of him, if it wasn't for the baby's innocent life which was carelessly forsaken amid our tremendous lack of love and communication, Hamza wouldn't have felt guilty enough to let me go where I will not have to see his face again.

He was already very generous with me and he let me keep my job for so long without intervening, apparently, his stupid generosity had finally expired.

"Inaya, do you understand in what situation the station is put?" The manager asked.

"I do"

"I know it's selfish of me to ask for this, But we're now in no position to support any individual, that is of course including you as well, again I assume you already know who this superior is since I wasn't given any information about him, so I want to ask you to apologize to him for the sake of your coworkers, then I want you to hand your resignation letter afterward"

Although I wanted to say: "how do you expect me to help the station knowing that I will be out of a job either way!!"

But I somehow appreciated his honesty, he could have simply asked me to help and then deceived me afterward after taking advantage of me, so he was gentlemanly and ungentlemanly.

"I need your promise first to have a new post in other stations, or else don't expect me to simply help you with no guarantee."

"I was informed that your new post is already arranged for you and you will be hired once you apologize, I was asked to fire you otherwise this was not my attention, I wanted to keep you despite all the happenings."

I looked at the troubled expression on the manager's face, and I reminded myself that the one who was playing tricks was not him after all, but the devil himself instead, namely my ex.

"I will see what I can do," I said decidedly.

I stood up and walked out of his office.

I leaned on some window in the long corridor and inhaled December's chilling air trying to calm my stirred emotions.

I knew that bastard very well... He knew me too, usually, a married couple would get familiar with each other and have a sort of tacit understanding as a result of love and interest, it's quite the opposite in our case, I hate Hamza so much that I unconsciously had observed and memorized his character until I turned into an expert in the science of knowing Hamza filladi.

It was exactly the same for him as well I guess, He knows my weak point, being righteous.

Not that I'm a very emotional person, but I have my ethics and a bottom line, I wouldn't hurt or use innocent people in my way to achieving my goals.

he used this weakness of mine countless times.

I waited until I was calmer by the window, I wiped the tears I still had on my cheeks, I stepped on my pride and then held my phone, scrolled through my contacts, and called that number I didn't call not even for once for three long years.

Although I never had the intention of calling him in the future, I never erased Hamza's contact from my phone, for a reason I would never know.

The call went on for a few moments, then it was soon answered...

My heart was beating so fast...

Out of fear, of anger... And much more emotions.

The man I wished I'd never encounter again in this lifetime was right on the other side, I could even hear the steadiness of his breaths.

Not long after he picked up... Hamza's deep familiar voice finally echoed in my ear.

He said one single word.

"Inaya"