Keep the Crest, I'm Going Home

After the ceremony, Vera ducked behind Carmela and made a face at me.

"Sorry, Elsa. You lost the crest to me again this year."

Carmela ruffled her hair affectionately. "You little brat, rubbing it in after you've already won."

"Come on, I had the butler order those pastries you love."

Their laughter faded as they walked away, and the rest of the family dispersed one by one.

Leah, who'd grown up with me, approached with red-rimmed eyes. "You found the weapons the Moretti family had hidden before anyone else. If Vera hadn't barged in with her people to steal the credit, she wouldn't have exposed you. You barely made it out alive."

I touched my neck. A bullet had grazed right past it during the firefight. Another fraction of an inch, and it would have killed me.

Leah continued, seething. "Besides, your mother promised to let you pass this year! Vera already has the crest. What does she need another one for? But if you don't pass next year, you'll be sent to the shooting range as a live target!"

I stared at the empty hall and forced a thin smile.

Ever since I was little, everyone knew how badly I wanted to pass the trials, earn the family's approval, and truly become one of them.

The first time I took the trial, Carmela had been about to pin the crest to my chest.

But Vera had to have one of her episodes right at that moment.

She screamed and cursed and raged, accusing me of stealing everything that was rightfully hers.

To calm her down, Carmela ended up pinning the family crest on Vera instead.

From that day on, Carmela always made exceptions for Vera.

Whatever Vera wanted, I had to give up. Whatever Vera didn't want, I couldn't have either.

She kept saying Vera had severe bipolar disorder, that I'd stolen Vera's happiness, and that I owed it to Vera to give way.

And I did.

But in return, the favoritism only grew worse.

She knew full well that if I failed the trials again, I'd be sent to the shooting range as a live target. She did it anyway.

If that was how things were, then this family that didn't love me was no longer worth staying in.

With that thought, I gave Leah a reassuring smile. "Don't worry. I won't let it come to that."

Then, without another word, I walked back to my room alone.

Carmela was standing at the attic door, waiting for me.

She came up and took my hand, smiling as if nothing had happened. "Look what I brought you. Tiramisu from Bebaked Dolce. Try it."

My chest warmed. It was my favorite dessert. She remembered.

"Thank you, Mother," I said softly.

Carmela gave me an amused look. "You two sisters have the exact same taste. They were running a buy-one-get-one deal, so after I ordered Vera's, I remembered you like it too."

The small warmth that had begun to bloom was doused in ice water, cold to the bone.

"So I only deserve a leftover freebie. Is that it?"

She always did this. She chose Vera without a second thought, then turned to me to toss whatever scraps of kindness she had left.

Vera's gift was a diamond necklace. Mine was a cheap seashell wind chime.

She received a handmade couture gown. I got a last-season dress from the clearance rack.

She got the latest top-of-the-line phone. I got a case that didn't even fit mine.

Even after four years of this, I still couldn't let go of the way Carmela used to treat me.

Her brow creased. "What are you being petty about now? I've told you, Vera has severe bipolar disorder. If she ever senses that I favor you over her, she'll have an episode. Do you want to watch her die?"

She must have realized she'd gone too far, because her tone softened. Holding out the tiramisu, she said, "Elsa, I know your team took extra casualties because you were protecting Vera. This tiramisu is my way of thanking you."

So the freebie was just a reward for keeping Vera safe. Nothing more.

I pulled my hand away and turned my back to her. "I understand, Mother. Please go. I'm tired and I want to rest."

Carmela's expression turned impatient. "Vera was stolen by our enemies the day she was born. She spent eighteen years suffering out there, which is how she developed such severe bipolar disorder. And you, an orphan I took in, have lived a comfortable life under my roof ever since. Everything you have, you owe to Vera."

The place inside my chest that had gone numb began to ache again, sharp and prickling.

I used to think I was lucky. After being separated from my real family, I'd found a mother who loved me without reservation.

But once Vera came back, I learned the truth. In Carmela's heart, I had only ever been Vera's stand-in.

Before, I had always held my tongue when she said things like that. But today, I suddenly didn't want to anymore.

I lifted my head and met Carmela's gaze, each word clipped and deliberate. "But Mother, I never begged you to adopt me."

Smack.

Before the words finished leaving my mouth, Carmela's palm struck my face. My cheek burned.

When she saw blood seeping from the corner of my lip, she instinctively glanced at her own hand.

Her lips moved as if she wanted to say something, but all that came out was a hollow attempt to placate me. "Elsa, stop throwing tantrums. Next year. Next year the crest will be yours. Once Vera's position is secure, I'll let you pass."

I'd heard that line for four years.

Every year Carmela said the same thing, and every year she gave the crest to Vera.

I said nothing. I didn't even turn to look at her.

"Take some time to cool off." With that, she turned and walked away.

Tears slid down my face. I slowly lifted my head and watched her retreating figure, my voice so raw it barely carried. "You don't have to bother. I'll be gone soon."