HALLUCINATION OR NOT?

ALICIA

The alcohol must have kicked in, and she had started seeing things. But the more she looked, the realer he seemed.

He sat very still in the corner of the room, fully dressed in a black three-piece suit. His hair was slicked back, but a few strands of coffee fell over his forehead.

His shoulders were broad, and she could judge from his legs that he was tall. Real or not.

She shifted closer and closer till she was right beside him. He didn’t move - didn’t even flinch - so there was a possibility he could be in her mind.

She squinted her eyes at him, leaning her face towards him. She thought something was familiar, but she couldn’t place it.

Then she raised her left index finger and brought it slowly towards his chest until she made contact. She poked him two more times, then her lips curved into a sly smile.

“My hallucination is hot,” she drawled.

The low pitch of her laughter echoed between them, but then she stopped abruptly and withdrew from him.

His jawline, his smooth face, and the waves of his coffee brown hair - all of it felt so familiar, like she’d seen him before.  

She reached her hands to his face again, and this time she held them, cradling his cheeks like a baby. But when she looked in his eyes, that was when she finally remembered.

“You look like... Teddy.” She whispered, more to herself than him.

A warm sensation ran through her like the feeling that comes with remembering a wholesome memory. She smiled - a tired, weak smile that conveyed more than words.

Then she rested on his chest and stretched her arms around him in an embrace.

Breathing in his scent, she exhaled, letting out a little girly giggle.

“You smell like him, too.” She said, snuggling her face in his chest.

A few seconds of blissful delusion passed before she felt movement. Gradually but surely, his arms closed around her, wrapping her fully. He even caressed her back - up and down -  in a steady, affectionate motion.

He let out a sigh, and she felt his breath above her head. When she looked up, he was looking down at her with an easy smile.

It was all too intentional to be unreal, but there was no explanation for it. Either she was having a very vivid delusion, or Theodore, her first love, was in her restaurant, in her private room, holding her right now.

The latter was ruled out as impossible.

Seeing Theodore, feeling him, breathing in his scent, summoned so many memories rushing back into her head. Her heart welled up with emotion, and something more.

A longing, an aching, a hunger that deepened with the pain of being starved for so long.

She didn’t feel the least bit guilty for getting drunk on her birthday. And since this was just her brain feeding her the vivid fantasies of her one true desire, she counted it as compensation for all her suffering.

She giggled, thinking to herself.. what the hell. It’s my birthday.

She pushed herself up, raising her hands to his face, and crashed her lips on his.

The initial contact was so surreal, she was certain this was all a dream. And if that were so, then she could do whatever she liked.

She pulled him to her, fingers caressing his neck and the back of his hair. His hands didn’t move. She didn’t expect them to.

But then he let out a deep moan, and she thought she was losing her mind.

I might be running mad, but this is the sweetest madness ever.

She took the kiss deeper, her tongue pushing her way into his mouth. He tasted sweet and warm, just like her Teddy, and she let out her own sound of satisfaction.

In the next second, his hands were around her. Waist, back, front - they couldn’t decide. They trailed her body like hunger finally allowed to touch its feast.

Ecstasy grew within her, threatening to burst. She had no idea being drunk could give this much reward, but hell would freeze over before she would even try to rationalize this.

She fell back and pulled him by the tie - the tie he was already loosening. The next thing off was the suit, then his belt.

She began to unbutton his shirt, but with one of his, he seized her hands gently, planting kisses on them. He raised them above her shoulder and came down on her.

Her brain couldn’t give an explanation for the sensation he gave her. His lips on her skin were like fire, dressing her in the heat of passion.

Her fingers dug into his hair, needing a form of expression, needing something to hold on to.

He held her waist firmly, like a possession, and by God, she was his. Steadily, they moved in a dance of desire and desperation. By the time the music ended, the rhythms of their heavy breaths were in sync.

He brought her up to rest on him, and she surrendered wilfully.

She knew by the time her head cleared, this would be over, so she had to salvage it for as long as she could.

Tobey was home safe, probably eating and watching one of his shows by now. Her dear husband deemed it more important to put a custom ribbon around a puppy’s neck than to even send her a text on her birthday.

And what did she have?

A few bottles and a guilty pleasure. Surely there would be no consequences for her own imagination.

Surely.