3-Letting go

I was sitting at my office desk reviewing Danlie Forbes’ resume when a weak ray of sunlight shone over his fake certificates. Today the sun decided to shine a little on our side of the world. Even though you could barely feel it, it felt good to feel a little of warmth from somewhere other than heaters, hot water bottles and electric blankets.

Looks like the man did excellent in all three of his interviews. His fake qualifications were all attached. BCom degree in Marketing, Bachelors degree in English and Diploma in business. The fake name he worked under was Harvey Scott. What a weird combination. The managers that had hired him was supposed to run his papers for validation. How could they have not?

I heard a soft knock on my door and then Penny stepped in with a few files in her hand. She came to take a seat opposite me. Penny was a skinny and tall 22 year old. She had black hair that was always up in a neat bun. Her fingernails were long and colored bright pink. She was unusually pretty: she had the look and walk of a model. I still wondered why she’d chosen to become a secretary instead. Any model agency would sign her up at first glance.  

“This is your workload that I had to do yesterday.” She told me putting the files on my desk. “I just need your signatures on them.”

“Uh… What are those?” I asked her, not taking my eyes off the APPLICATION APPROVED stamp on Danlie’s resume.

“They are files from the board asking for your authorization on increasing the number of employees working at the magazine section. The other one is about adding a new section to the magazine, everything is on there.”

“Why should we employ more people?” I asked puzzled. “There are like 112 people working on our magazine here and there is only 7 sections. That is enough.”

“Apparently demand has doubled up and we need more people to produce more content faster. We need more photographers, editor, et cetera. Unless you want to start paying out extra time.”

“Demand has doubled up now, but what’s gonna happen when it goes back to normal next month, or the month after?” I asked her. “We’ll sit here with 200 employees getting paid for nothing.”

“So you’ll reject the plan?”

“Have to. We don’t mind paying for overtime.”

“You do know that it’s easier just giving consent right?” She laughed. “Now I’ll have to arrange a meeting and all that so that you can talk to the boared about your decision.”

“Easy for you or easy for me?” I asked her, as I was talking talking I was going through the files. And what do I have to do with new sections of the magazine? They work with the magazine they should come up with whatever new content and sections to attract customers.”

“Actually it became your duty yesterday.” She told me playing with the fidgeter spinner on my desk. “Mr. Raphael gave you more work. He said you are doing well and therefore need to move forward.”

“He is in such a rush to get me to CEO level. He wants me to learn the whole company at once.” I said. “Anyway Penny, how’d it go with the Danlie guy?”

“I called the police like you said, so he’s gone.” She replied casually.

“Hm, okay.” I said. “It’s just, something’s not right. His application was approved. It wouldn’t have been if whoever handled it did a background check.”

“And I’m just your secretary…” She told me. “If you have an issue, I think you should talk to your cousin. He knows how the whole company works.”

“I should actually.” I said as someone knocked on the glass door.

It was Rob, he swung the door open. Rob was our youngest employee. He was the mail boy and our coffee boy. Although he was the youngest, he always acted mucho around us. He was wearing a tight white plain sweater with his black skinny jeans.

“Hey, miss Genesis.” He grinned at me as his dimple indented one of his cheeks.

“Hey Rob.” Penny and I responded simultaneously.

“Thanks for greeting me too.” Penny said sarcastically.

“Sure.” Rob replied winking at her.

“You’re such a jerk.” Penny told him.

He began laughing.

“Okay, Rob what’s it? I’m kind of busy here.” I told him. “You two can go play outside.”

Penny laughed. “I don’t know what I’d do if you were actually a strict boss.”

“Yeah, right? She’s like my coolest superior around here.” Rob laughed too.

I rolled my eyes at them.

“I feel like she tries to be strict…” Penny said with a thoughtful expression. “But it just doesn’t work.”

“I totally agree with you.” Rob responded.

“Seriously guys?” I looked up at them. 

“Anyway. You gots a mail.” Rob told me handing me a yellow envelope.

“It’s ‘got’, Rob.” Penny rolled her eyes at him and then muttered under her breath, “English is a basic language…”

“You see, this is the reason why I can’t propose to you with a diamond ring like miss Genesis was proposed to yesterday. You are so serious.”

“Oh please, you are like 18. You probably don’t even have a dime to your name.”

“Touché.” Rob grinned.

“How do you even know about Nathan proposing yesterday?” I asked him opening the envelope.

“Girl, please.” Penny replied. “Tell me you didn’t expect it to be on the 8pm news?”

“Or the videos of you two at that fancy restaurant going viral?”

“Really?” I asked, looking at the bad handwriting in the letter. It was not even typed. I checked the envelope to see the sender.

Nathan suddenly walked into my office, his strong expensive perfume filling the room in mere seconds. He was wearing a black tux. He always looked neat and well put together. His brown hair was always neatly combed to the back with his hair gel keeping it shiny and not a strand out of place. The shiny hair almost matching his shiny formal shoes. Nathan was tall and handsome. He looked like the man you’d see in front of a business magazine, well you actually would, but you get what I mean.

“Bye, miss Genesis.” Rob said quickly and greeted Nathan on his way out.

Nathan didn’t even respond to him. “Why are you always letting the workers get so comfortable around you. Your father owns this company, they should respect you. I can’t believe you’re letting them use your office as a slacking zone they can always come to.”

“Rob came to deliver a letter for me.” I told him.

Nathan came to sit on the chair next to Penny’s as she got up. Although Penny didn’t say it, it was obvious to me that she did not like Nathan.

“I’ll be outside by my desk, of cause, if you need me.” Penny told me.

“Sure, Penny.” I responded reading the name on the envelope, Danlie Forbes.

“How’s your day going, babe?” Nathan asked me fixing his suit jacket as he made himself comfortable.

“Hm, babe the same guy from yesterday sent me a mail.” I told him.

“Which guy?” He asked me.

“The fraud.”

“What, from jail?” Nathan scoffed. “That’s so weird.”

“Yeah.”

“He probably wants to beg for his job back. I mean there is no company with a net salary paid as high as ours in one year in this country.” Nathan told me.

“That’s cause we have have more employees.”

I began reading the letter:

Miss Genesis Leticia Roseburg (head of LD)

“Anyway, I’m guessing you’re dying to escape this office like me.”

I know what I did was a shame. And I shouldn’t have but…

“Are you even listening?” Nathan asked me.

I need you to understand that I had to do this and I’m sorry if I caused more damage then I intended…

I looked up at him. “Sorry. I just want to finish reading this letter quickly.”

It was strange that the fraud addressed me using my middle name. The employees do know the name, of cause, because it has come up a lot in newspapers and TV but they never actually called me by that name, out of courtesy.

“It’s probably not even important. Plus the police already took care of the matter.” Nathan told me getting up.

… intended to. But as you know, some things are more…

“I have a surprise for you.” Nathan was telling me.

“What?” I looked up giving him an unsure smile.

“Let’s go.” He told me, motioning with his head for me to come to him. “I’m dying of boredom in the office.”

“You mean right now?” I asked him.

“Yeah.”

“I can’t, I’ve got work.” I told him. “Remember I didn’t come in yesterday. Plus I have to make sure to do a background check on all the employees to make sure no one else is playing those cards on us.”

“All that today?” He asked me, looking surprised. “Baby it’ll take you forever. Do you know how many people work here?”

“But I have to. What if there’s more people like Danlie Forbes in the company?”

“This company is huge.” Nathan laughed. “Like the hugest in the city. Is that even a word, teacher?”

“No, it’s not.” I smiled at him.

“Okay. We’ve employed about 7800 people, that including all our companies in the country. You can’t do a background check on all of them in one day. That’s just impossible. Come on, let me show you the surprise.”

“And this work?” I asked him gesturing towards the files Penny had brought me.

“You can start tomorrow.” He told me holding out his hand toward me. “Let’s go.”

I sighed and then smiled. “This better be worth it.”

“This is Nathan Storms we are talking about. The most romantic guy on this planet.” He winked at me. “I know you’ll love this surprise.”

I took his hand and walked around my desk to meet him. We then walked out of my office hand in hand. The other workers’ were at their cubicles typing away or shuffling through sheets of pages. There were 20 cubicles, 2 offices and 2 open desks on this floor. The one desk was for Penny and the other for Camilla, Nathan’s Puerto Rican secretary who I was beginning to think felt that she could die if she wore a skirt that even as much as touched her knees. The weather meant nothing to her. In her mind she was in some country near the equator, sitting on the sandy white beach. I was obvious to the fact that I chose to turn a blind eye to her occasional physical gestures on Nathan and her sly, shy smiles at him.

The workers at their cubicles all looked busy but not thrilled. They didn’t look like they were happy. They looked bored. For some reason I had always thought that our employees loved their jobs, were passionate about it and jumped out of their beds with excitement each morning. I looked at Nathan but he was staring straight ahead, he had not noticed this. When we got to the elevator we stood waiting for it to come up.

“Oh, I forgot my coat, I’ll freeze.” I told him. “I’ll quickly go get it.”

“It’s okay Mrs. Storms.” He said and then gave me a peck. “Mr. Storms shall go get it for you. You can wait here.”

“Thanks.” I said beaming at his sweetness. When he left, the elevator finally arrived so I kept it open for him. He was taking long to return, I felt bad holding the elevator. There were like 40 floors in this building and the workers were constantly up and down.

Nathan finally arrived with my coat and purse in hand.

“You’d forgotten this too.” He told me handing me my purse and coat.

“Thanks.” I said as he got in the elevator.

When we got to his car, Joe, his driver opened the back door for us.

“Take us to the address I gave you.” Nathan told Joe.

“Where’s that?” I asked him.

“A little outside the city.” He was grinning. He looked so happy. Like he was content.

“And the excitement?” I was smiling too.

He sighed and looked out of the window as Joe started up the road. His smile didn’t leave his face.

There was less traffic; it was 1am on a Wednesday and most people were still at work.

“What?” I asked him.

He turned towards me. “It’s just, I didn’t see the day I’d be taking long drives with you ever again. This is truly a blessing.”

That’s the thing about Nathan, sometimes he could be rude and careless but most of the time he was just sweet and loving. Maybe he wasn’t rude and careless after all, maybe my mind was just refusing to let myself fall in love with him and that’s why it kept finding faults in him.

“You are so sweet.” I admitted.

He didn’t respond. Just smiled and leaned on my shoulder. He rested on my shoulder on the whole way. He even fell asleep and began snoring faintly. I caressed his cheek, smiled and rested my head on his for the rest of the ride.

It was a long ride. As we got closer to our destination I noticed that there was a lot of forestry and that the trees were mostly reddish gold. Almost like it was Autumn on this side of the world. There were no more tall buildings and traffic. Just forestry. It brought back many memories of Yoké and I strolling through the forests hand in hand. I smiled sadly to myself. How I’d pay any amount to relive those moments. I quickly shrugged away the memories of Yoké and I. I forced myself to think about how I felt being here in this moment with Nathan and how much fun we’d have, where ever we were headed; like one of Lauren’s many sessions of trying to help me get past my incidents, taught me. But you know, our mind is a stubborn place.

I started seeing houses built from wood, but they all looked lovely and modest, not like the huts in the village. Joe parked the car in front of a white and orange building.

“Babe.” I whispered at Nathan’s ear to wake him up. “We’re here.”

He woke up and looked around.

“Why did you park here, Joe?” Nathan asked him. “Park closer to the entrance.”

The entrance was only a few feet from us, that was unnecessary. Joe obeyed like he was supposed to.

Nathan and I stepped out of the car and began putting on our coats. A big sign written in rose gold read Redwood Lodge on the side. The place looked beautiful, surrounded by trees and leaves on the ground. I was awestruck.

“This place is beautiful.” I told him. “Reminds me of the village.”

“What?” He exclaimed. “You kidding me? This place is paradise, can’t compare it to some village.”

I didn’t respond. We walked silently up the few steps and then entered. We went to the reception.

“Hi.” Nathan said to the young man at the desk.

“Hey, welcome to Redwood Lodge.” He smiled back at us, a practiced smile. His voice was confident and loud.

“Thank you.” I replied, smiling back.

“Uh, I booked a room for three days…” Nathan told him.

Three days?

“Sure sir, can I have the reference number they gave you when you applied?” The young man asked. His name badge read, Tim.

“Yeah, I’ve got it in my phone.” Nathan said taking out his phone from the inside pocket of his suit jacket.

“Sure sir.” The young man said.

“Nathan.” I hooked my hand in his arm and asked softly, only for him to hear. “Three days?”

“Here.” Nathan showed the young man his phone.

The man took his phone and typed out the reference number from the phone.

“Huh?” I insisted.

“What’s wrong with three days?” He asked me.

“Will we be travelling to work every morning, from such a distance for three days?” I asked him.

“We won’t go to work.” He responded.

“What?”

“All set. It’s room 204, sir.” The young man handed Nathan the keys.

Nathan took the keys. “Which way?”

“Uh… you can take that elevator up to the second floor. From there you’ll see room 204.” He responded.

“Sure.” Nathan said and we began walking to the elevator.

“Nathan, what do you mean we won’t go to work for three days?” I asked him. “You kidding, right?”

“Stop nagging, babe.” He said, pressing the ‘up’ arrow.

“What do you mean? So you are actually serious?”

“Of cause.” He replied. “We need this. Just you and me time. Ever since you got back we’ve been so distant.”

“You could have told me, you know.” I told him, not being able to hide the exasperation in my tone.

“It wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you.” He smiled at me as we stepped into the lift. “Besides, you are supposed to be jumping with joy at my surprise, not interrogating me.”

“I can’t believe I’m really letting you do this.” I said “My dad will kill us.”

“No, he won’t.” Nathan smiled arrogantly. “You know how much he loves me. As soon as we tell him we are together he won’t mind. In fact he might even ask us to stay longer.”

“Nonsense.” I responded. I didn’t find his inability to make good plans amusing. “Who is going to do our work for three days?”

“What are our secretaries paid for?” He said as we stepped out of the elevator and began going down the passage to room 204.

He unlocked room 204 and allowed me to enter first. I was in awe when I stepped in. It was really beautiful. There were only 3 walls, opposite the door was glass and the curtains were pulled away. Outside you could see the red forest. I guess the idea is for the clients to feel like they are sleeping in a forest, but with more comfort. I loved it! Everything was in place. I walked to the TV and ran my hands on the TV stand, no dust. The linen on the bed was crease free and white. 

“Do you like it?” Nathan asked me coming to stand behind me.

“No.” I turned to him. “I love it!”

“So the surprise is worth it?” He asked me putting his arms around my waist.

I nodded.

“I’m glad I have impressed the lady.” He began leaning towards me. “At least I wont have to hear her nagging the whole time.”

I laughed and rolled my eyes. “Silly.”

He kissed me.

“By the way.” He said as we broke away. “Cellphones off for three days.”

“What if they really need me at the office?” I told him.

“They’ll have to wait after three days.”

“What if it’s urgent?” I asked him. “Can I at least put it on vibrate.”

“I don’t see the difference.” Nathan said taking out his own phone. “Anyway, you may.”

He asked for my phone so I handed it to him. He placed both our phones on the TV stand.

“By the way, we didn’t even pack any clothes.” I told him. “You could have just told me you know.”

“I’ll send Joe back to go get our stuff.” He told me. “You’ll give me your apartment keys.”

“How will he know what to pack? I should probably ask Alice.” I said.

He scoffed. “You think she’ll really do it?”

“No…”

“Your sister is another issue. She behaves like a teenager just starting puberty.”

I frowned. “Don’t be rude. Alice is just particular.”

“Nah, she’s a problem child.”

I shook my head. “She’s just a little messed up because dad won’t let her live her life and do what she loves in peace.”

“And by living her life, you mean becoming a performer?” Nathan laughed.

I didn’t like his tone and the way he was talking about Alice.

“She has a beautiful voice. I believe she can actually get somewhere with singing.”

“Her voice is not Alicia Keys level. If that’s who she thinks she is.” Nathan laughed.

I rolled my eyes at him. “Whatever.”

I went to sit with my legs on the couch and turned on the flat screen TV.

“Is my baby upset now?” He lifted my legs, sat down and then placed my legs over him.

“I don’t like how you talk about Alice. She’s my sister. My only sibling. Despite her tantrums, I fully understand and support her dreams.”

“Okay.” He said. “I’m sorry.”

I shrugged and switched to another channel. There was news. I changed the channel.

“Go back to that.” Nathan told me.

“You really want to watch news now?” I asked him.

“Yeah, leave it.” His eyes were already glued to the screen.

I watched him for a while but he didn’t notice. What was it with Nathan and news? I couldn’t sit there watching that. The reporter was talking about a few people that were arrested as a result of doing illegal protesting. I got up from the couch. 

“Where are you going baby?” He asked me looking up at me as I took my phone and walked past him. “No phones, remember?”

I went to lay on the bed facing the ceiling and checked my messages.

“You listening?” Nathan called from the couch.

I didn’t respond. There was a text from Penny:

-let me guess, u re not coming back to work again today

-could’ve at least given the gal a heads up

I texted her back as Nathan left the couch and came towards me.

“No cellphones.” He said taking the phone out of my hand.

“You were glued to the TV screen, I don’t see the difference.”

“Okay, I’m sorry.” He said putting my phone on the bedside table. “I’ll order some whiskey.”

“I won’t drink.” I told him.

“You will, it’s our special time together.” He smiled at me.

I let him have his way. He picked up the telephone on the bedside table, pressed a button and then made his demand.

“Why are you laying like you are sick?” Nathan said. “Get up. Come on.”

I sat up on the bed as Nathan sat on the edge facing me.

“Look. I don’t want you to be so cold with me.” He told me. “It’s almost like you haven’t completely remembered me.”

“Of cause I know you.” I told him.

“It doesn’t seem like it. It’s like you are not totally comfortable.” He said as we heard a knock on the door. “So fast? Excellent service.”

He went to the door to get our drinks. I didn’t want him feeling that about me. But I didn’t know how he wanted me to behave in order for me to make him feel that I’m comfortable around him.

He came back with the glasses and bottle on a silver platter. He placed it on the bedside table and then poured me a glass and handed it to me. I smelt the whiskey and felt it piece my nostrils. Ahg.

“To progress and love.” Nathan said raising his glass.

“Progress and love.” I raised my glass too.

We drank from our glasses. The whiskey was strong and burnt my throat. I cleared my throat countless times. Feeling even worse.

Nathan laughed. “What’s up?”

“It’s really strong.”

“Drink again, you’ll get used to it.” He told me taking a sip from his own.

“Nah.” I said. “I’m good.”

I leaned over and placed my glass on the bedside table.

He smiled at me and moved closer to me. “It’s not that bad. Have another sip just to loosen you out. I feel like you are too uptight.”

He placed his glass to my mouth as I shook my head.

“I really hate it.”

“Come on baby. Just to loosen you up.”

I shut my eyes and allowed him to make me drink from his glass. I drank a bit and then he gulped down the rest.

“Not so bad is it?” He laughed.

“It’s really horrible.” I said and then laughed.

“You have an amazing laugh.”

My eyes suddenly felt a little heavy so I blinked a couple of times. I felt happy all of a sudden, like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I guess he was right.

“Really?” I asked him laughing. I didn’t even know why I was laughing. I just felt goofy.

“Yeah.” He laughed too.

I stretched my arms and through myself back on the bed.

“And then?” He asked me.

“I feel so good.” I laughed. “So happy.”

He began laughing. “Don’t tell me you are drunk already.”

“I think so.” I said continuing to laugh.

“Oh wow.” He laughed and leaned over me. “Look at you. So happy.”

“You look happy too.”

“I wish you could look like this every single day.” He smiled down at me.

I didn’t know what to say so I just beamed up at him.

He looked at me for a while and then began kissing me.

Even when I couldn’t think straight, I remembered Yoké. His kisses and his warm touches but they all seemed so distant. I couldn’t even remember how they used to feel. Nathan’s perfume was even stronger now that he was close to me. This felt… wrong. It felt like I was making a huge mistake. Like I was deceiving Yoké.

“Wait, stop.” I told him putting my hands to his chest.

“What?” He asked, looking at me, clueless expression.

“Uh… it’s just…” I laughed briefly. I couldn’t even stop myself from laughing.

“What?” He smiled.

“I can’t. I’m really sorry.”

“Why not?” He asked me with a slight frown on his face.

“I… I don’t know.” I stuttered. “I feel like I’ll regret it if I allow myself.”

“But you are my fiancée. There’s nothing wrong.”

“I know. I just can’t.” I said looking around. “Yoké…”

“What?” He asked me puzzled.

“I can’t do this to Yoké…”

“Who? Ahg, come on.” He rolled his eyes at me and began kissing me again. Roughly this time.

“Nathan.” I tried to get him off me. I wasn’t laughing anymore. I just felt horrible. “Nathan stop.”

He ignored me and continued kissing me.

“Stop!” I said and slapped him before I could stop myself.

He touched his cheek and froze. I just looked at him. I couldn’t believe that I had just slapped Nathan.

He got off me and sat on the edge of the bed. I got up slowly and went to sit at the head of the bed.

“What’s this now?” He asked me. “You, just made me feel like I was forcing you or something.”

“Well… You were.” I said softly.

“Well it’s not suppose to be like that.” Nathan told me, he sounded upset. “You are my fiancée. The ring that I bought is around your finger. This is supposed to be normal.”

I kept quiet.

He looked at me. “What is it with you anyway? It’s been like more than a year already since you came back. For 5 years before that, I couldn’t touch you because you wanted to get married first, now you’ve already given it up to someone else but it’s still not okay for you to do it with me?”

I know I was the wrong one here. I had to truly put everything else behind me. It was affecting Nathan too. Yoké was a dream. Just like Lauren used to tell me. It was all just one big dream that I woke up from. I shouldn’t feel like I’m decieving anyone. Nathan had been supporting me throughout my pregnancy. He took care of me as if I was carrying his baby. He was always here to distract me and help me keep my mind off the past. He doesn’t deserve this.

Although I was still feeling unsure, I summed up the courage. “Okay, I’m sorry.”

He shook his head looking away.

“Nathan.”

He looked at me and didn’t say a word.

“You are right, you are my fiancée. You have every right.”

He just looked at me.

“Let’s do it.” Those words sounded wrong in my own ears. They just came out of my mouth, all too quickly. Like a loose tap handle. At least they made the corners of Nathan’s lips curl upward. He came towards me on the bed.

And as he began kissing me again I kept repeating only one thing in my head, Yoké was just a dream I woke up from. Yoké was just a dream I woke up from.