Willingly: His Version

Willingly: His Version

By:  Hiraya Cross  Ongoing
Language: English
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Kurt Moore knows he isn’t your typical ideal man. Aside from being quiet and aloof, he’s also not fond of talking and socializing. He understands his responsibilities, though. He’s reliable when it comes to work. When he found someone he likes, he’s at a loss how to approach her. He made a misstep with her and thought that would be the end of it. He’s got no chance to make it right. He messed up. He can only watch from afar. He can only grit his teeth as he watches someone else be with her. Only, that didn’t seem to be the end of the story.

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20 chapters
Chapter One
I’ve always been someone who watches from the sidelines. I don’t like the attention of too many people. I don’t like people watching me. As I grew older, getting attention has been a bit of a necessity. You will have to face people; in class, in a presentation, in a campaign, when you go out to buy something, that sort of thing.I’ve been disinterested in most things. As a college student, my purpose is to learn well and graduate. Despite what everyone else is preoccupied about, I do my own thing. I don’t mind going solo. I actually prefer it. The noise… I have my limits at tolerating those things.It was a Saturday afternoon when I first saw her. I was staying at school, studying someplace after borrowing new bo oks from the library. When I looked back on it, I was very embarrassed.She was alone then, too. I might have glanced at her as I was walking and didn’t realize the stairsteps were close. I slipped and hurt my
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Chapter Two
Should I say I’m interested? Or would the word intrigued be the proper description?A few weeks after that incident, I noticed she’s in the same department. She doesn’t seem to notice me, though. The few times we passed each other, she never once glanced at me. I was hoping to return her hankie, but I guess it wasn’t very important to her.I can’t begin to explain what I’m feeling. It was undoubtedly the most embarrassing moment in my whole college years. I should forget about it and yet…She’s a simple girl. Not conscious about make-up and brands. I liked watching her in the library. I could pretend to read a book and take surreptitious glances at her little group of friends. She has a boyfriend, though. I’ve seen them together a number of times. I’m not sure what I’ve felt during those times. I’m not interested in women and I’m not interested in relationships. So, what exactly is th
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Chapter Three
Sometimes, her gaze would make me feel uncomfortable. Does she remember what I did that night? Is she looking at me because she wants that apology? Shouldn’t she simply ignore me? What’s her deal? I can’t figure her out. I kept avoiding her when possible.I’ve heard from someone that she already broke up with her boyfriend. Wait, ex-boyfriend. What am I supposed to do, then? The downside of not being sociable. The downside of not having friends, is that I have no one to turn to, to talk about these things. Who is even an expert on relationships? No student in college, that I’m sure.If our first meeting was an embarrassment, the second incident was horrifyingly terrible. I should apologize. I should. But I was afraid she’ll think it’s too late. Or she’ll ask why it has taken me too long to do so. Or she could hate me for making her remember it again, if she’d tried forgetting about it.The first time I heard
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Chapter Four
I’m an amateur artist. I tried drawing her during the break. The results aren’t anything remarkable. I might have hidden them away. I look forward to seeing her again.Unlike last semester, though, our schedules don’t seem to be agreeable. I rarely see her around. Also, being a graduating student is very demanding. All these requirements, all these papers for submission, it takes so much time to prepare and finalize. Some professors wouldn’t accept less than satisfactory submissions. I’m not sure what to feel about graduating with honors. On the one hand, it could impress future employers. On the other, it could turn off future co-workers. It’s like smart-shaming. One of the reasons why I prefer not to socialize. I used to talk a lot, but when people started teasing me in a negative way, like it’s my fault I’m studying properly, and whenever I display my stock of knowledge, they treat me as someone you shouldn’t get close
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Chapter Five
Before graduation, I noticed her greeting me a few times. It couldn’t have been someone else because I was alone at the time. I was confused. I always frown after she greets me and I look at her from behind as she continues to walk.She was looking at me, wasn’t she? I find myself smiling slightly after those moments. It makes me feel closer to her somehow. I’ve deluded myself in thinking those greetings are in fact for me. Her eyes on me, her smile for me, her voice directed towards me…One time, I managed to snap a good picture of her. I hid my phone as soon as I did, afraid someone noticed and would call me out for it. Sometimes, when I’m alone again, I would look at it. She’s got a gentle expression on her face, but she wasn’t smiling on it. I would miss seeing her smile.There was a department tribute for us graduating students and her class sang a song. I was stupid enough not to record it. But her voice wouldn&rs
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Chapter Six
Working is hugely different from what we had at university. People are more open and crude with their words. People get scolded for shoddy output, beating the deadline, going beyond the due date, and arguing with the clients.I still keep to myself. Mostly. Some guys get talkative during breaks. Some are friendly. Some don’t mind if I don’t speak much. Some are fine with me just listening to their rants and unsolicited opinions and advices.The thing that gets me rattled are short period frames. Why are there clients who require quick output? Do they feel that marketing is easily done? We need time to research. We need more time to double check the research, before we get around to preparing your promotional materials. You want it to work? You gotta give us time to study it properly. Otherwise, you’re gonna get generic ones being used by all others. Nothing unique. Nothing to make you stand out from the rest. Nothing to use to your advantage. You&rsqu
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Chapter Seven
I didn’t expect to see her again. Although we’ve gone through the same program and are likely to pursue the same profession, I thought the world and the city are big enough that we probably won’t see each other again. I was wrong.In the last three years, I haven’t forgotten her. I haven’t met anyone like her. Okay, maybe I did but she’s still my choice. All the other girls or women don’t compare to her. I know that’s just my opinion. It’s an odd thing, perspective.Someone from the other department, the one she’s joining, introduced her as a newcomer. With a medium company like ours, this type of introduction is done during breaks at the pantry. She noticed me and she was looking. I frowned as I looked at my plate. Why is she here? I contemplated on that question.Over the next few days, though, I noticed that they’re trying to pair us up. They kept teasing me and her. Whenever I turn to look at
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Chapter Eight
She’s been in the company for a while. I see her often during lunch breaks. Sometimes, I would meet her in the hallways. She’s always smiling and I can’t help staring. I always say that, don’t I?That gave me something to think about. If we were in a group while being teased, I can assume she’s simply going with the flow. But if we briefly meet in the hallways, just the two of us, she shouldn’t have a reason to smile at me, right? So, why is she?One time, I didn’t see her at lunch and I heard she was sick. I hoped she’s fine. When she came back to work a couple of days later, she’s obviously unwell.“Are you okay?” I saw her in the pantry while I’m refilling my water bottle. I was standing across the table she was occupying. She looked out of it.“Yeah, I’m okay.” She said as she stared at me. By this point, I’m used to the way she looks at me.Unconsci
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Chapter Nine
The next Monday, I saw her getting rained on near the entrance of the building. I frowned at her as I walked closer. Most people don’t carry umbrellas these days. I’m one, and I think she is, too.“What are you doing?”She glanced at me before muttering, “I got rained on.” My lip twitched, that’s kind of obvious.She tried drying off her arms but she’s only using her hands. She searched her bag but I don’t think she found anything she can use. I reached into my pocket and offered her my handkerchief.“Thanks.” She accepted it and I was glad. It would be too awkward if she declined.“I’ll return it to you later.” She added and I grunted as I watched her dry her phone, too. She was booking a ride. Just then, my phone sounded with a notification. I booked a ride, too. Though I live close, I’m supposed to get groceries today.“You go first.” I c
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Chapter Ten
On a Friday night, someone invited everyone to a party. Normally, everyone goes as it’s not far from the office. I can’t exactly decline as any reason I give would simply be seen as lame excuses.I stuck with the people from my own department. Some of them really let themselves go wild. I sat silently on a booth, simply watching everything that unfolds. I could pick Audrey out of the corner of my eye. I was deluding myself again in thinking she must be looking at me. I dismissed the absurd idea.After a while, I found her sitting on the same booth. A few of the guys with me thought she was seriously chasing me, what with all the teasing her friend does and her not saying anything against it. They could’ve convinced me but didn’t.“Hi.” She greeted, but I can’t be sure if she’s greeting me. I only spared her a glance. I can’t keep looking at her. I should get my head straight.“Do you like parties
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