Somewhere over the Rainbow

Have you ever wondered if you knew back then what you know now, what you would have done differently? I'm about to find out. “Alex, wake up, I’m your future-self and I've got to tell you about your future,” I tickle my past-self who is still fast asleep. He had apparently fallen asleep in front of the television because he is alone on the couch. I see peace in him that I no longer know. Slowly he opens his eyes, but jumps up in shock when he sees me. Understandably, I'd be shocked too if I saw my future-self, oh wait, that is exactly the case …“Sorry, I don't have time to explain how time travel is possible, I already have so much to tell you.” He continues to stare at me without saying a word. Let him think it's a dream, as long as he hears my story. I've thought long and hard about my exact words, but now that I'm standing in front of my past-self, I'm not sure how. How do I tell him that everything he is sure of in his life, will one day be wrong? “Um.

Despite the long cold hike to the lake, I feel rested and clear. I feel confident that time travel will succeed again this time. I sit on the bench in the boat again."So what exactly do you do?" asks Tim doubtfully. His skin looks pale from the cold and fatigue. I smile at him, glad he made the effort to be here with me.“I enter a kind of trance by bringing thoughts to the fore. And then something takes over and the time travel begins.” It does sound kind of fuzzy when I put it that way.“And if you time travel, then you disappear, because then you would no longer be in the here and now …” Tim tries so hard to believe me but I see his struggle.“Yes, it has to, and that would prove I'm not imagining it.”“Supposing that time travel is really possible, then I understand that you want to prevent his death. But Alex, isn't it also your duty to do something good in the bigger picture?” Oh, how I suddenly feel like an egoist. All this time I could think of nothing but to

My flashlight illuminates the edge of the lake where I am to warm up. I had to get up to avoid freezing to the bench. My head has no patience, but my body still feels tired from the earlier time travel. I realize that going through the emotions and thoughts of the past again asks a lot of me. I feel confused. Old feelings for Tim have mixed with what happens between us on this trip. I almost forget that my mission is to be reunited with the love of my life. But first I have to prove to Tim that time travel is possible.Again I take a seat on the boat bench. I notice that I no longer have to consciously select and highlight images. The rainbow-coloured light that takes me along comes more easily. This time I cling to my present-self to remind myself that now I really need to try to change something in the past.The PastI'm nervously waiting for Tim in front of the music store where we agreed to meet. I'm scared to face him after our tex

My phone keeps vibrating in my pocket, it's driving me crazy. Susan tries to call me endlessly and has left at least 100 texts. I don't feel like talking anymore. I understand Susan is concerned. After my last trip to the lake, my life is just as messed up as before. But this is what I need to do, and I won't let concern hold me back. Admittedly, spending days in the local library browsing through an abundant amount of time travel books and forgetting to eat properly may not be very healthy. But everyone should be happy that I'm regularly going out again. Apart from my hikes to the lake, I hardly ever left home. Before time-travelling, when I was still constantly at home, Susan, especially, often stopped by. Not a day went by without her coming over with food, a book about mourning, or fresh flowers to brighten up my house. I think she still comes by often, because when I come home from the library, there is almost always something from her on my doorstep. I appreciate her c

When I ring the bell at Tim's house, I wonder why I didn't stop by sooner. Why did I go back to the lake first when the evidence I left for Tim in the past was never really discussed with him? I shift my focus from why to how now. I intend to get confirmation that Tim fully stands behind me and believes me. Who knows what we can achieve if we work together on time travel. When Tim opens the door his face is pale, he has bags under his eyes and he looks serious. I totally forget what my intentions are, all attention is focused on how bad Tim looks.“Tim! What’s wrong?”“Come in, I have something to tell you,” he replies, stepping aside to let me in. I feel nervous, I've never seen Tim like this. Tim's look gets even more serious as he starts talking, “Yesterday I went to the hospital for an examination. Various inflammatory values have been found in my blood, and my liver, kidney and intestinal functions are reduced.”“Wow, that's pretty intense. How is that