Chapter 5

Despite my wishes, the morning of etiquette training with the Queen arrived all too quickly. I departed in a carriage just shortly after sunrise, arriving at the palace without too much delay. As I followed a footman deeper into the building I had once known so well, I felt a cold wave of a memory swell over me.

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“Just lift your feet, miss!” The dancing instructor clapped his hands, looking frustrated. “You act as if your shoes are weighted down!”

I stumbled, tripping on my shoes, wincing as I felt the skin tear on my elbow as it hit the floor.

The instructor chuckled, the Queen looked concerned, but my mother… she simply stared at me with a look of weary contempt.

A look I knew all too well. 

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I gripped my elbow, almost feeling the sting of the scrape that had not happened yet in this lifetime. That fall had occurred six months before Ronan broke off the engagement, as I had been taught a newer dance, with a more intricate and delicate step, to celebrate his birthday. 

I had mastered it, after many brutal hours of training, and countless more falls. I was so determined to live up to the Queen’s expectations, to impress my future husband… to earn my mother’s love.  But I had never gotten to dance the steps. The Prince hadn’t even waited for the first dance to be start before he broke off the engagement.

But that had been the theme of my previous lifetime. Working so hard, striving with all my might, all for someone else’s sake… only to be thrown away in the end.

I couldn’t help but feel bitter and angry for a few moments, over the suffering I had been forced to bear.

It will not happen in this life… not this time. I promised myself, smiling grimly. Never again would I be used for another’s sake. 

No matter what. 

“Lenora?!” A voice called out, breaking me from my increasingly dark thoughts. I looked up, smiling as I caught sight of Queen Amerande, running towards me while waving her arms. 

“Your Majesty.” I started to curtsy, only to be picked up and squeezed tightly, barely able to breathe as she swung me around with a laugh.

“I’ve told you: No ‘Your Majesties’ until we’re in class!” She admonished me, setting me down and tucking my hair behind an ear with a bright grin. “I’ll be your mother one day, so why can’t you just call me that?!”

I tried to catch my breath. It had been so long since I had seen her last, I had forgotten what it was like to be caught up in her presence. Everything about her carried an energy, from her curly untamed hair to her bright green eyes that always seemed to be planning something, usually a surprise for someone else.  Even her steps were graceful and light, almost as if she danced instead of simply walked. Being by her side, the time was always filled with smiles and laughter. She was so bright, so caring, everything I had always imagined a real mother to be like.

But was that really the case?

In my last lifetime… once her son had broken our engagement, I had never heard of her protesting, not once, even though she had known better than anyone else that it would ruin me. Despite the years we had spent together, she had never reached out a hand to help me while I was struggling on the streets. Not even the day I had tried to break into the palace… right before…

A hand touched my face, startling me. “Dearest, you went to a very dark place just then.” Queen Amerande leaned forward, concerned. “Do you need to talk? We can skip lessons today.”

I forced a smile. “I’m fine. Just tired.” Which was the truth. I hadn’t had a full night’s rest since I was reborn, I was too scared to sleep deeply.

I was terrified I would wake up on the streets again, starving to death. And this second chance, this new life… all of it would be the dream.

The Queen did not look convinced at my answer. “Well… we’ll give it a shot, but don’t overdo it! These lessons are important to your future, but not nearly as important as you are. You know I love you as my own, I don’t want you working yourself to death!”

She hugged me again, and after a brief hesitation, I returned the gesture. She seemed so sincere, as if she really loved me. But how could that be true with what I knew from the previous life? I couldn’t trust in her.

I followed after her towards the etiquette room, making sure my steps were measured and graceful, and my smile perfect.

I may not have love, but I didn’t have that in my last lifetime either. This time I wouldn’t expect it. This time, I would have the resources I needed to protect myself, and my family. I wouldn’t have to depend on such a flimsy connection ever again. 

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 I was worried that the two years I had spent away from the palace would make all my skills rusty. The night before I had spent part of the night devising excuses for the sudden drop in my skill levels, dreading the work I knew it might take to bring them up to an acceptable level.

Turns out, I was worried about the wrong thing.

“Miss, you’re like a completely different person!” Mrs. Rendler, the Etiquette teacher, applauded, obviously very impressed. “How have you managed to improve so much since your last lesson?”

I was stunned. I had nearly forgotten, as it had ended up being useless, how hard I had worked. Even if I was slightly rusty, there were still 3 years of practice I had gained. 3 years of working late into the night, practicing each movement and gesture until it was committed to muscle memory. Every greeting, every dance, every slight change in custom depending on rank… it was all still in my head, learned through my blood, sweat and tears. 

 But to them… it was as if I had gained all this experience in the space of the week between lessons. An almost miraculous improvement.

“I- I…” Lost for words, I could only stutter. I had been prepared for the exact opposite scenario! How could I explain how I already knew everything they had planned to teach me? Fortunately before I could flounder too long, I was rescued by the Queen, who swooped in, grinning from ear to ear. 

“Lenora’s so amazing!” She crowed, throwing an arm around my shoulders and puffing out her chest with pride. “She’s been working so hard and it’s definitely showing.”

“Why are you so proud?” Mrs. Rendler looked amused. “It was HER hard work.”

Queen Amerande was undeterred. “Yes, but she’s MY daughter!”

“Future daughter-in-law, Your Majesty.” The teacher corrected.

“Small difference.”

“This is ETTIQUETTE class, Your Majesty.” Her smile was slightly forced. “These differences mean everything here.”

The Queen pouted. “Fine. Have it your way. But even you have to admit, that my future daughter-in-law was amazing today!”

“Yes. Given your progress, we’ll definitely be able to move much faster through the lesson plan.” Mrs. Rendler laughed, a slightly ominous sound. “I’ll make a perfect lady of you, yet, Miss.”

I looked back and forth between the two of them, only now realizing the fate I had brought upon myself. “You mean the lessons are going to be…harder?”

“Oh yes!” She rubbed her hands together. “Much, much harder.”

“Don’t scare her!” Queen Amerande scolded.

“She can take it. The girl is a prodigy!”

I wanted to cry. I wasn’t a prodigy… I just had three extra years to practice in the week since they last saw “me.” Why didn’t I pretend to not know anything?!

But before I could think of any more excuses, the lessons were over, and I was escorted to the Royal Treasury, to meet Hallers’ brother.

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“Ah, you must be the young girl with wild dreams of performing miracles!” 

When I entered the treasury, I was immediately greeted by a large, muscular man with a broad smile. His clothing was slightly askew, a small stain along one sleeve. His hair was starting to grey at the temples, but was disheveled, as if he ran his finger through it frequently. He was the opposite of Hallers, who was always very proper and put together, if a little thin and reedy.

“Pardon?” I was taken aback at his words. Performing miracles? “Are you Mr. Hallers?” 

“Jim is fine.” He shook my hand heartily, shaking it back and forth, fortunately with a light grip. “I’m Tommy’s brother.”

“T-tommy?” It was too much, to try to imagine poor Hallers, who seemed to be born in a perfectly ironed suit, as being called anything as casual as ‘Tommy.”

Jim laughed at my confusion. “He hated me calling him that even then. Insisting that we came from a ‘proper butler family’ and should behave as such.” He rolled his eyes. “Such a waste of time and energy.”

“I assume you have more important things to worry about?” I grinned, liking the casual atmosphere. “That’s why you work in the Royal Treasury?”

“Not really. But I’m a genius with numbers and it’s easy to tuck me away from sight here so I don’t embarrass anyone.” He shrugged good naturedly. “And I don’t have to worry about using the wrong title on the wrong lord and getting hung.”

“A win-win situation.”

“Exactly.” He paused, looking me over with a critical eye. “No offense, young miss, but you seem… easier to talk to than I imagined you would be.”

I thought briefly of the life I had led for the last two years. “I’m… adaptable.”

THAT caught his attention. “Adaptable? That’s… unusual for someone in the nobility.”  Frowning, he stepped slightly closer, towering above me. The atmosphere grew tense. “Don’t bluff, dear. I’d rather you just be honest.”

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“I’m Lenora, the daughter of the Duke of Armeny.” I curtseyed as I introduced myself.

The shopkeeper glared. “If you’re nobility than why are you here, begging for work? Acting like you’re still high and mighty when you’ve got nothing. What nerve you lot have! ”

My shoulders slumped, my perfect posture breaking under the strain. “Please, we’re out on the street, and we’re starving.”

“Plenty of people used those same with tax collectors. Didn’t save them.”

“Please!” My nails broke as I tried to hold onto the doorframe, only to be pushed out.

The door slammed in my face. “And it won’t save you.”

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I looked him in the eye, refusing to back down,  to give even an inch. I wasn’t a sheltered young girl. I had changed. I had learned the hard way how. 

“Sometimes, I wish I WAS bluffing. I’ve learned to be whatever I have to be, to get the job done.”

I don’t know what he saw in my gaze. Whatever it was caused a look of deep sadness to pass over his features, a moment of shared anguish between us to terrible for words. He sat down at a desk, waving me to sit across from him.

“Tommy told me you are attempting to get the Duchy of Armeny to a place of financial stability?”

I sat down. “That’s correct.”

“And that you’ve been looking over the numbers for the past few days.”

“I have.”

He grinned humorlessly. “Then you know what kind of impossible task you have set for yourself.”

The statement hung in the air between us for a few moments, before I laughed, a bitter sound.

“Impossible? No. Extremely difficult, and I might have to play dirty before it’s done?Yes.” 

I leaned forward keeping my eyes on his own, refusing to show any weakness.

 “I will do whatever it takes to get my family, and the people who depend on us, where we need to be. I WILL save us.” Sighing softly, I forced myself to relax and sit back in my chair.  “What I need to know is if YOU can help me learn what I need to know to get that done.”

There was silence.

Clap. Clap. Clap. He slowly applauded, seeming to truly lose the tension he had held since the moment I walked in. 

“Very good. At least I know I won’t be wasting my time.” He stood up, rummaging through a bookshelf on the corner. “You want to know how to save your Duchy? Well, you’re going to have to understand how its SUPPOSED to be run. 

BAM! BAM!

Piles of thick books landed on the desk, a small coating of dust flying in the air at the impact. I gingerly picked one up, it was heavier than it looked.

“What are these?”

He grinned. “What you need. History. Government. Economics. Tax law.” He paused. “You know mathematics already right?”

“Yes.” I nodded, glad that I had learned years ago that to be able to oversee household expenses.

“Well that’s something.” He wrote furiously on a piece of paper, handing it to me. “Read the chapters I’ve written here, and come back in a week, we’ll discuss concepts and real world applications.”

I looked at the sheer amount of reading I had been assigned, would it even be possible?!

Likely reading the doubt on my face, Jim shrugged, “You don’t have to. But if you want to do it right, and be able to do it in the future without my help. This is what you need.” He held out his hand. “You work hard, and I promise you I’ll give you the knowledge you need to save your family. Deal?”

I reached out, shaking his hand. “Deal.”

He chuckled. “I have a bad feeling I might regret this.”

I shook my head. “That makes two of us.”

We arranged for the books to be taken to my carriage and set up the next week’s appointment to follow my etiquette lesson. 

As I prepared to leave, Jim hesitated, holding me back.

“Just so you know, I’m also teaching someone else. A young man from Tilendra.”

The neighboring country to our North? “Why is he here.”

Jim shrugged. “No idea, didn’t ask. He’s learning about taxation reform, so there might be some crossover between your lessons. Just warning you.  But don’t worry, he doesn’t seem like a terrible fellow.” 

I rolled my eyes. “Ah yes, what a glowing recommendation from such a trustworthy source.”

He laughed at that. “It’s not like I’m saying you have to marry him. Just sit in the same room as him while I talk about taxes.”

“Fine then.” 

Waving goodbye, I left for home, already overwhelmed by the sheer amount of work I had to do.