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Chapter Twenty
Sam
March 28th
Theo passes me a ceramic plate piled with all sorts of cupcakes as he plops down next to me, “Here you go, Sam.”
I kiss his cheek as I start eyeing the cherry flavoured one. We’re in the front room of his parent's mansion taking a break from all the noise and bustle on the lawn. When I say mansion, I mean it. It’s got a long driveway with tall pines and a stable and carved wood on its walls. This is the house he grew up in, and it’s chilling to imagine him roaming these long hallways alone. From what he’s told me, his parents were mad busy all the time, so he used to be alone a lot during this childhood.
It’s his Pam, his sister’s 13th birthday, and he chose the occasion to finally bring me home. I don’t know why he thought introducing me at an event with a party of a hundred people was a good idea. Most of them are his relatives, and it’s obvious everyone is posh and wealthy like he is. They haven’t been terri
Marie A. Cinerfluff that you'll get to enjoy for a second until I turn evil
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a drink we call loneliness Chapter Twenty-one
TheoAfter guests have left, I lead us to the back of the lawn, all the way where the property fence blends with the trees. It used to be my hiding spot when I was a child. During long events or fancy dinners, I’d come out here to be alone. When I got older, and I got into the habit of smoking, I’d come here for a quiet cigarette, and finally, when Bryce and I met Elias, it used to be our drinking spot. We’d sit out here with stolen patio chairs and drink on hot summer nights while talking nonsense about our futures.Now, as adults, it’s the perfect spot to have a glass of wine and huddle underneath a cosy blanket. We stole a few chairs off the main lawn now that my parents have gone inside and some of Pam’s friends are up on their sleepover. They were adamant about having the whole cinema room to themselves, and they even got it decorated for the occasion. I think it sounds like a great time.It&rs
a drink we call loneliness Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter twenty-two Sam I sneak glances at Theo as his friends tell us the story of his childhood, and then, his teenage years. It’s obvious that his mum’s death had quite an impact on him. Perfectionist, success-driven Theo who has rushed through life to please anyone but himself. He never gave himself time to process his heartbreak or think about what he wanted next. I can tell how anxious he is, and this is something I’ve become familiar with in the past few months. I caress his hand to try to soothe him, and I don’t know if it works, but he squeezes my hand as a response every now and then. It’s heartbreaking to see him, looking down as everyone tells their funny travel stories. I watch his face going from thoughtful to straight-up sad as everyone laughs. He makes the occasional menacing comment, but I think he does it just to cover up his mood. It’s not that he couldn’t afford it. It’s just he cou
a drink we call loneliness Chapter Twenty-Three
SamIt takes me a second to react as the bedroom door slams closed, and then I’m running after Theo. I’m not above running after him, and I don’t really care about what set him off, but I don’t want to see him cry like this because of me.I am disoriented in the dark, running through hallway after hallway until I reach the main stairs. It doesn’t matter that we’re being noisy, stomping down the stairs and slamming doors.I notice as I’m running out that Muppet’s walking and sniffing around, probably confused about the racket and strange setting. I barely manage to close the door after me so he doesn’t escape. By the time I’m out the front door, Theo is already outside, near his car.“Theo,” I call out to him.His hair is dripping water down his neck. He doesn’t look up. I try again, this time when I’m nearer, “Theo.”“What? Ple
a drink we call loneliness Chapter Twenty- Four
Theo I didn’t know how bad my anxiety was until Sam came along. Logically, I knew my attacks of worrying and pacing around the house weren’t normal, but I didn’t know how much they affected me until now. Last week, we were lying in bed, and it was late. I couldn’t sleep and was staring at the ceiling, my heart racing wildly when he caressed my cheek. “You’re anxious. I can practically hear your brain going now. Like an old laptop,” He whispered in the dark. I threw both hands over my face and laughed at his description. This beautiful man. “Jesus Christ. I am, all the time. I think about every single thing that could go wrong about basically everything and anything in my life.” He removed my hands gently from my face and replaced them with his, forcing me to look at him. He was sitting up, scanning my face. I could barely see his eyes, but I
a drink we call loneliness Chapter Twenty-Five
SamIt’s almost terrifying to watch Theo on the edge of a breakdown. When his anxiety is through the roof and he’s focusing all his energy on something, he’s an unstoppable force. His hair is falling around his face, wild and uncombed, just the way I prefer it. His movements are frantic as he is flipping through his books. I don’t know how he has the concentration to switch between books so quickly.Tomorrow is the defence of his dissertation, and he’s been restless all week. It’s an enormous deal. He gets to stand in front of a jury and talk about his research topic until he convinces them he’s worthy of being awarded the degree. I’ve never attended one of these ceremonies, but I’m madly curious about it.Now I’m here to witness him the night before, during the event, and then stay after to celebrate with him. I’ve no doubt in my mind that he’ll pas
a drink we call loneliness Chapter Twenty-Six
Sam Andrea asked Theo if she could come to witness the whole thing. I casually mentioned it over breakfast one day and her eyes lit up. She said she loves these kinds of ceremonies. It didn’t take long for his doctorate to become a frequent topic of conversation between them. They’re mad about academia in general, so that’s something else they have in common, besides their music and literature taste. They spend hours talking about their favourite Shakespeare analogies and the hidden meaning behind Ana Karenina while I get dinner ready on the times she and Jack come over. He once fell asleep on the sofa. That’s how bored he was with their whole conversation. That makes things easy for me, though. because I can simply ask her for recommendations to surprise Theo. It’s all pretty fucking great, to be honest. I made the suggestion sheepishly. I didn’t know if he’d be down for it with all his anxiety, but he was over the moon to be asked that. She helped him p
a drink we call loneliness Chapter Twenty Seven
TheoI close the door behind us, Sam turns and looks at me with a guilty grin, like he’s hiding a giant secret. “Wait here. Just for a sec,”I shrug, a habit I’ve picked up from him. I was never one for giving noncommittal answers, but now I’m all for it. Saves you a lot of anxiety. He runs inside, and I use this moment to sort myself out.I take my shoes off, drop my keys on the foyer table and head to the kitchen and pour myself a tall glass of water. It’s delicious in my throat, just the right kind of cold, and for a moment it feels like I’m coming home alone, back in my previous single status. I’m still thinking about that when his footsteps approach, and then he’s here. He’s holding a giant daffodil bouquet.It’s so lovely. My eyes are starting to water as he approaches me. I hear my voice cracking as I say, “Sam,”
a drink we call loneliness Chapter Twenty-Eight
TheoI can’t help but let the wave of sadness that fills my chest drag me down. I feel guilty, like I did something wrong. Like He’ll finally see who I am and now that he’s gotten what he wanted, he’ll get up and leave.He’s going to leave me. Loud laugh Sam, with his pretty lashes and his fluffy dog is going to leave me now. I can feel it. He’ll withdraw his arms from me in a second and get dressed, even at this hour. My tears are rolling freely, and I tuck my cheek in, trying to hide my face from him. The room isn’t even that dark, since he insisted on keeping the lamp on my bedside table on, and right now, I curse the light that shines on my face. I don’t want him to think I care. If he leaves now, I can at least try to pretend for a bit and once he’s gone, I can finally crumble.At first, I don’t think he notices, but then I feel him lean over me. I stay dea
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