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Sarah Killian The Mullets of Madness 19
19“WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?”I ask, of no one in particular.Mary Sue, who did not just have a gun pointed at the back of her head, pulls herself together faster than I do. While I’m still processing what just happened, she’s already off the bed, across the room closing the door, and dialing Zeke on her cell phone.“Zeke, we have a problem,” she says once the door is closed. “The room service waiter just tried to kill us.”I can just imagine Zeke’s incredulous response to thatstatement.“Yeah ... Yeah ... Okay, you got it boss,” and then she hangs up. Zeke is nothing if not efficient. “He’s going to dispatch an extraction team, but it will have to wait until tomorrow. By the time the team would arrive if he sent them right away, it would be the middle of the night and they’d be way more conspicuous waltzing through the lobby at that time. In the meantime, I suggest we relocate to my room for the night and you can bunk up on the pull-out sofa in my
Sarah Killian The Mullets of Madness 20
20AGAIN THE DREAMShaunt my night, and again the only change is Duke has taken Jason’s place in the cycle. I wake up, every muscle in my body feeling knotted and tense, a little before eight. Mary Sue, I see, is already up, dressed, and about.“Mornin’ sleepy head,” she chirps cheerfully, making me want to take her grape and onion peels from the night before and shove them down her cheerful throat. “You must’ve been having some dream there, I couldn’t tell if you were having the time of your life or being chased by Freddy Krueger.”“I think I would’ve preferred the torments of Krueger,” I respond, rubbing the sleep from my eyes, and if Mary Sue thinks I am going to say anything more than thaton the subject of my dreams, she is going to be sorely mistaken.“Just got a text from Zeke,” Mary Sue says, mercifully changing course. “The extraction team will be arriving in a couple hours. We will need to be here when they arrive.”“Great, so we’re stuck here until then,” I gr
Sarah Killian The Mullets of Madness 21
21BACK WHEN MARY SUEfirst approached me and suggested she give me some martial arts lessons, I naturally assumed it would entail washing her car and other tedious chores that would later grow into my becoming an instantaneous award-winning karate champion, after a motivational montage or two, underscored by an instant-chart topping ‘80’s pop-rock tune.So, I was kind of disappointed to find training—with Mary Sue, at least—was nothing like the movies. She never made me wash her car even once. With Mary Sue, my training was more a series of alternating between attacking her, and defending myself from her. In the beginning, regardless of whether I was on the offense or defense, I always ended up flat on my back with my breath knocked out of me. Now, it’s more like five out of ten times I end up getting my ass whopped by the buxom Barbie, so yay for improvement.We find a park on the outskirts of Dickson which appears to be fairly remote and unpopulated. Even though our training
Sarah Killian The Mullets of Madness 22
22I GUESS I don’t need to tell you this is bad. I don’t mean that Fuck-tard the Wonder Weatherman go axed. Hell, that’s pretty fucking brilliant, if you ask me. There is nothing in the universe more beautiful than witnessing Karma in action.However, as far as the mission goes, this is an unfortunate complication—which is not made easier by the fact I was one of the last people seen to interact with the victim, and that was not exactly the most amiable of conversations.And then of course is the fact this is most likely the work of Nick and his cronies, meaning there’s at least one more T.H.E.M. turncoat working or staying at the hotel. I don’t like complications, and just like Duluth this mission is turning into a clusterfuck of complications.I won’t bore you with the details, but the rest of the night and most of the next morning is spent being interrogated by the cops. Needless to say, it has also surfaced I was the last person to see Craig the Waiter disappear, so now his sud
Sarah Killian The Mullets of Madness 23
23MUCH TO MY utter disappointment and annoyance, the dreams do not abate that night. There is, however, one more tiny change to the narrative of the cycle. Previously, at the part where Jason/Duke turned into Nick, it was kind of a seamless change; one second it was Jason or Duke making love to me, and then it was Nick. I thought thatwas disturbing enough. Now, as Duke and I are going at it, I take a knife, plunge it into his back. Then, without losing a beat to the thumping of our passions, Duke reaches behind himself and begins pulling his skin away from the hole I just made in his back. He pulls and pulls, and his skin stretches, until he’s peeled it all off, revealing Nick underneath.Look, as you’ve undoubtedly figured out by now, I ain’t exactly a squeamish girl. I’ve watched my share of grotesque horror movies, and more often than not they just make me laugh or want to work as a consultant for Hollywood horror writers. However, that is some seriouslyfucked-up shit
Sarah Killian The Mullets of Madness 24
24WE GET BACKto the hotel as twilight is settling in and return to my room to start breaking down Nick’s latest string of killings. Seeing as I’m the one who discovered the code in Duluth, Mary Sue lets me take point on this exercise. We start off with my recapping how I stumbled upon Nick’s code in the first place.“I didn’t just luck out and happen upon it right away,” I begin. “I’d been going through the case files for several hours. I was starting to lose it, so I decided to go to square one and just list out each victim, like this.”It takes me a minute to recall every name, but one thing I’ve always been proud of is my memory. I wouldn’t go as far as to say I have an eidetic memory, but pretty close to that. It’s one of the reasons I hold grudges for so long.Anyway, I eventually get it all written out, and then underline the first letter of each name on the list.Susan BakerAdam JacksonRaven ArronsonAmaranda CosackHenry PollsKyle AndrewsIan BondLavanna
Sarah Killian The Mullets of Madness 25
25AFTER ALMOST ANentire week of sleeping through never-ending sex nightmares, I’ve more or less gotten used to waking up with every muscle in my body knotted and barely even register the tension coursing through every limb. I pull myself out of bed and cross to the window to look outside, fully expecting to see another caravan of Red and Blue cars clogging up the hotel parking lot. But, aside from the normal cars of the guests and staff of the hotel, the lot is empty. Not even one cop car in sight.You’d think that would ease my concerns, but instead it heightens them. After consistently killing someone each night for the last three nights (four if you count Craig the Waiter—which I’m still not entirely convinced we should be), why would Nick—or whichever of his minions is currently stalking The Hotel Dickson—suddenly take a break? I try to tell myself maybe it’s just the body hasn’t been found yet, but I can’t believe it would be that easy.By this point, the spa receptionis
Sarah Killian The Mullets of Madness 26
26BY THIS POINT,you should be able to see where this is going. Once again, last night’s activities did nothing to free me of my cursed nocturnal visions. On the plus side, the dreams did not get more horrific this time, like they did after Saturday night. It’s a small blessing, but I’ll take it.On the bright side, when I look out the window I see the parking it is once again lit up by cop cars, so it seems Nick is back on schedule. Yay, for that ...I send Zeke a text, asking for more information about the newest kill and then head down to the spa for my daily spa appointment. Apparently Bill’s gotten more comfortable with me over the last week, ‘cause he goes a bit further south on my backrub than he has so far. I don’t raise any objections, though, because there’s plenty of tension in that area, too. I briefly consider suddenly flipping over and seeing just how willing Bill is to risk losing his job (seeing as Duke isn’t doing the trick to get rid of my fucking
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