This isn't goodbye

THIS ISN’T GOODBYE

FIVE  YEARS LATER

It was early July in the year 2014. It was the beginning of summer when the plants were in full bloom and flowering, the trees lush.

It was also that time of the year when the beaches and streets bustled with tourists, most of them dressed in scanty clothes hoping to beat the heat.

Camilla could never understand why anyone would feel the need to roast their skin in the name of sunbathing. The thought alone made her cringe.

As she walked through the crowded streets avoiding as much as possible bumping into the overzealous tourists, she made her way towards the two-story stone building that was as ancient as time and where she lived since she started work as a government interpreter three years ago. 

The building exterior looked worn out as they built it many years ago for government workers, however, the plumping system and other parts of the interior were relatively modern.

The sweet smell of freshly baked cookies filled up her nostrils as she made her way into the kitchen where the heavenly smell was coming from.

Camilla shared the two-bedroom apartment allotted to her with her ailing mother who had just beat cancer for the second time after months of chemotherapy and radiotherapy. It had been a great relief for both women to finally bid the disease goodbye, and they hoped it would not rear its ugly head again. Her father had died from a massive stroke a year after her near-disastrous wedding, Camilla sometimes felt it was heartbreak that killed her father, and each time she blamed herself for bringing Nick into their lives.

 "You are home early today, I was not expecting you yet." Camilla’s mum said without turning to look at her, she opened the cookie jar to fill it up with freshly made ones.

"We lost a colleague to domestic violence today, and they asked us to work half day." She took a cookie and started chewing "delicious as always." She complimented her mum, as the cookies melted into her mouth.

"Were you close to the person, you look sad and worried." Her mother asked, facing Camilla now.

"Not really, but I never knew she was experiencing such at home. It is a dark world out there." Camilla was thoughtful for a while. She was not keen on marriage anymore, both from her own experience and her colleague's death. It had given her more reasons to remain single, marriage, and love were certainly not in her destiny.

"Then why the weary look, I need to see that gorgeous smile of yours." Her mom teased.

"Oh, mum." Camilla tried to smile but failed. "I got an email from the embassy today.”

After her heartbreak, Camilla went into a working mood. She refused to burrow her head in pain and shame but went for a diploma in a foreign language, after her study she got a job with the federal government as an interpreter. Her father's death made her resolve to leave Brazil, it was not a tough decision to make because her extended family barely cared for her, even though Sarah had hurt her, they barely reprimanded her. Rather, they made Camilla feel she could not keep a man.

“You must learn to be submissive, men love it. Look at Sarah, she got the prize, and you ended up with nothing.” Aunty Margaret, her dad's elder sister, said to her when the whole family met for Sarah's gender reveal, it did not worry her that Camilla was made to relieve her nightmare after being forced to attend. 

To make matters worse, Nick had flirted with her, telling her how he missed her and regretted marrying Sarah. When Sarah saw them together, she lost her cool and accused her of wanting to steal her husband from her. Even as she tried to explain her innocence, Sarah grew more hysterical and fainted. Sarah's father asked her to leave, it's nothing personal- he said. However, Camilla understood, she was now considered a threat to her cousin's marriage.  

Shaking her head, she dismissed the overwhelming thoughts of years back, her decision to leave the country had not been spontaneous but a necessity for her mental health, she needed to be far away from her family and her woes. The United States of America was her first choice, and she hoped to go with her mother.

Camilla had since applied for a permanent visa to live and work in the USA before her mother's first cancer diagnosis. She believed it would take years for the visa to process and had forgotten about it as her mother was seriously ill. She had not expected to receive news so soon.

Her mother's demeanor changed at her statement "Any news."

"Unfortunately yes, I got my visa. But, I don't know what happened and why you did not get yours."

"I have something to say to you." She paced the kitchen, slowly removed her apron, and hung it on a nail above the shelf. "I called and canceled my application when I was diagnosed with cancer."

The silence that followed her mom's confession was deafening. When Camilla got over the shock "why didn't you tell me, mum." She sounded heartbroken "I would have canceled mine too."

Eyes brimmed with tears “I did not want you to cut your dreams because of me." With a serious stance, she stared at her only child "Promise me Camilla that you will not give up on this.."

Crying now "I can't leave you, please don't ask me to." She begged her mum. The thought of leaving her behind was unbearable. “There is nothing here for you ma, you don’t expect me to leave you all by yourself here.”

"It would be selfish of me to ask you to stay behind, I have already lived my life to the full and you are still in your prime. The world is yours to conquer, and who said that I can't take care of myself." Her mother countered her.

Camilla's eyes clouded with tears. "Are you saying that I should leave Brazil without you? Do you want us to stay apart from each other?" 

Her mum blinked back her tears, she needed to be strong for herself and her daughter. She had to be firm if she wanted Camilla to pursue her dreams; she was so young and had suffered so much in the past five years. 

"Yes, I want you to go to the USA, and believe me, Camilla, being apart from you is not my wish but I want you to live your dreams and be happy." As she spoke her eyes watered, she could see her daughter struggling to do as she was asking her to.

"Just know that pursuing your dreams will make you very happy and content, and through you, I will also live the American dream.” Her mother chuckled at her last words, it has always been a joke shared between them about living the American dream. However, Camilla was not amused this time around, because the dream was about to separate her from the only person who means so much to her in the world.

"I love you Mom, please don't ask me to leave." Camilla hugged her mum tightly, and they both shared a warm embrace while sobbing. Camila believed that there was a force trying to make her life more miserable than it already was, 

Separating the hug, Camilla's mum wiped away the tears from her daughter's eyes with her thumb. "I love you more and never doubt that. Now be a brave girl and tell me when you are supposed to leave for the USA." 

"In two weeks." She replied half-heartedly.

"Oh! So soon.” Her mother could not hide her disappointment. “I have an idea, instead of wasting more time crying and being miserable, why don't we do something fun." She kissed both sides of her daughter's cheeks. "We could start by baking your favorite cookies for your trip, and you have to pack too. Two weeks is just a few days from now."

Camilla watched her mother move around the kitchen to start another round of baking, even though her mother talked as she worked, she could see the weariness in her gait and the way she hunched her shoulders in surrender. She could not bear the torture anymore "All this can wait, mom, I need you in the sitting room with me." 

Unable to argue, she followed her daughter out of the kitchen and into the living room. They sat on their favorite two-seater couch and Camilla wrapped her hands around her mom's shoulder. They said nothing as words failed them, their company was just enough at that moment, both women silently grieving the inevitable separation.